Would you be okay with being someone's second choice?

Question

In a dating context: no.  hbu? 💕

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

yes... yes I would, and I have... but I will explain why and how

back in the high-school days... when we were all new and on the very first days, there was younger me, and also this girl in my class that the very moment she walked into the classroom, with her Converse tennis shoes, the skirt complete out of guidelines and and a jacket that seemed from the 60's... and she was late too, and very obviously didn't want to be there, I knew instantly that we might get along quite well, lol

well, a few days forward, she approaches me, we met... we got to know each other better and yes we ended up getting along quite well, so... forward a few more weeks, we do have this talk and we're joking around, other friends of us say that "she was into another guys in our classroom" and she did say "oh yeah, Nathan was my third or fourth choice" and we're all cracking up

now, here's the thing... her first choice was this other guy, HE was the one that caught her attention first, and so he was not really "her choice" he just was the one that she noticed first because yeah, he was taller, had a lot of presence and he was also "cool AF" (this same guy happened to end up in our close circle of friends too) but once she met him closer, she realized that he really wasn't "her type" and so comes this second, other guy... one that was arguably the most, best looking guy in our class, almost every girl agreed on that, and she was intriguing too... not the typical popular guy that goes after all the girls (he also happened to end up being another of our circle, and a great friend of mine) so again, she got to meet him and they also "didn't click" so is not like she would get obsessed over these guys, they were just "choices" based in impressions and once she got to know each better... things changed

there was a third guy lmfao... now this guy had a LOT of things in common with her, which was the thing that made him very attractive to her and one of her "first choices" (surprise, surprise, yeah... he also ended up in our circle and is still one our close friends) but it all repeated the same... once she got to know him better, there was not that "strong click" that makes you REALLY interested on someone further, and not just the first impressions

And so, yes... she told me that she had also seen me and noticed me the very first days and every day since, but she just wasn't "sure, sure about me" but she was very intrigued... which, does make sense to me, because back then, I was not so sure sure about myself either, and... the day she finally approached me, and then we got to know each other a bit better that "click" happened right away, and we both felt it... she did "fought" it for a few days, because she wasn't sure but she just could not forget about it, she said... lol

we found out really quickly, how much we had in common, how much we were intrigued and interested by the other... and how our ways of being were something we really liked and we felt we needed from one another... and this is how I ended up with my first girlfriend for all the years in high-school

and she's still one of my best and close friends

so in reality, I was not her "fourth choice" I was actually the first one, she made a choice to really be with me because of how, and how I was... not just by first impressions

ChicoFromThe305 · Accepted Answer

I've been lonewolf for a while and know my worth, I've realize people always need me more than I need them and even tho I know I can live without them I allow them to crawl back but things are never the same as they were before, personally I can't fake a friendship, when it comes to relationships there's only one chance, I don't believe in second chances when it comes to relationships, someone with the purest intentions will think before flaking someone and second choice usually means you could've been the first but they made the choice to make you second.

Nxtawm · Accepted Answer

No never, everyone may view it differently but I’d view it as being disrespectful to myself if I let myself be a second choice. Especially in a scenario like that, it’s makes it seem like they think I’m easier and they’re settling for me. If they didn’t choose me first, I’d rather they don’t choose me at all.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I am technically my fiancé’s second choice, but more importantly I’m his last choice. That’s how I got to be his fiancé. 💖💝💗❤️💕

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I’d not be okay and I understand and respect how nobody would be okay with that.

Still-alive · Answer

It is a bit distasteful but when you think about it im not sure how you’d know that unless they tell you. I would view the act of telling me that a bit more suspect because it does feel like they’re attempting to put you down even if true. Another thing is I don’t think it’s something you should ask about either because you may end up being hurt.

so personally if i was really happy with her and somehow found out i was the 2nd choice I don’t think it would matter much to me. I look at it as i guess im more compatible with her than the other guy.

so tl:dr- it depends

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Our first choice is subject to change as our options change.

People in committed relationships can be highly desirable, that’s why they’re in them. But it wouldn’t be prudent to include them in one’s choices, as if there is a choice at all.

Our tastes may evolve over time. People who pair bond can experience this if they grow together. Because I enjoyed my time spent with my ex, that’s why it hurt so god damn bad when our relationship ended.

In your specific scenario, it would be unpleasant to hear.

Luopio27 · Answer

Oh hell yea! Better that than being no choice or dumped into the sexless friendzone!

Think about it. People swipe left and right on Tinder. They go out on first and second dates with multiple people before they choose the one to stick with. Todays online dating system makes it impossible to determine weather you are someones 1st, 5th or even 15th choice out of all who took a second look at you after first date.

In high school years of mine, the circles were small because many knew each other from other schools. Then if you went for one and right after for another. Someone would notice, unlike adults in the internet in big cities.

I know pretty girls who have played 14 guys at the same time. Fucked a few as friends with benifits, few more after dates and rest as one night stands.

Matadorius · Answer

It depends. If she was dating another guy before she met me and then wanted to break up with him and be with me, it would be okay, but if she wanted to hang out with someone else at the same time as me and choose him first and then be with me, it would definitely not happen. just like branching decision-based story games with a butterfly effect. If she chooses him, she will never see the good ending she'll have with me and will suffer the consequences.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Wish I could say I would have the willpower to say no. But then again I would be not expecting it to work out, and would be better than been single and if it leads to me not been a virgin anymore I ain't gonna complain.
Then in the off the chance it does work out then great.
Seems worth it if there ain't another option than just been single.

Sonorous · Answer

Well my ego wants me to say no but tbh if I'm attracted enough to the person, I feel like I wouldn't even care so long as they could view me as the new number 1 yk.

But if it's a scenario where instead of it being a crush & they actually just got out of a relationship with someone, that's different. I'd be turned off. Still willing to smash ofc because I am a man. But nothing more.

TheorionMage · Answer

THIS, is the pragmatic result of someone experiencing the maxim: "Trying to screw above their station" Sometimes being "good enough for now" STILL is being HERE for a 'good time, even if NOT for a lifetime. But... THAT 'gate' swings BOTH ways~

Be 'loyal' to Those loyal to YOU! ---

Fabiloso · Answer

Yeah, I mean most times the second choice part just goes unsaid. If they're attractive they'll have at least 3 at a time. doesn't diminish how important i am to them for me. Its a movie thing where they need to be the only one in someones head space I think. This is speaking generally though.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Well everybody thought of somebody else before you unless you've been the sole human they interacted with since birth. Every male kid has some supermodel he has a crush on and every female kid has some movie star or whatever that they have a crush on.

AmeerX · Answer

I might as long as they don't rub it to my face 😤. It's really disrespectful if someone thinks like that they settled for less. That's a very toxic situation

IslaTheWitch · Answer

When a man is dumped by his first choice and then comes to me, I would be very cautious. Because it could mean he just needs some comfort and will dump me quite soon.

molonski2 · Answer

How would you actually ever know? Many times my 2nd or 3rd choice has been my best , would not bother me , at all.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

I would tell her to Go Fuck herself right away... i'm not a shelve toy that can come back to me when she got bored of the new one! 🤷‍♂️

Jennz6 · Answer

I was asked to be married to a man who had a wife already, so I would be his second wife. I wouldn’t mind because I would have my own house.

Billlewis · Answer

I've been the second, and decidedly subservient, choice of every woman whom I've dated/served for many years, and that's the way I like it.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

I mean. How attractive are they and how attracted am I to them? It’s possible I would entertain the idea. If only probably just to fuck her.. I probably wouldn’t end up in a long term serious relationship.

Z1pTD · Answer

Romantically no. In some other situations though, yes 😜

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Nah. I’m not putting in effort to try and compete with some other guy who rejected her. That’s a no-win situation.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Ultimately I do not think I've ever been a girl's first choice, nor do I think I ever will be, so I am either okay with it or I would have to give up dating.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not a good feeling honestly dating definitely not but honestly I'm at least a second choice in every other thing.

DJB72 · Answer

Not in that context. If they ever dated anyone else you're not their first choice though...

lgh1998 · Answer

Been on the other side of that and no 😐 it is NOT nice when you should mean a lot to someone

bowenw · Answer

It would depend on the circumstances. If their first choice died, then yes.

AydenHazor · Answer

Yeah, no. I may not have the highest regard and esteem for myself, but I know better than to settle for being second fiddle.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Nope thanks, i ain't anyone's spare tire... You don't come to me when you have no one, you come to me when you leave EVERYONE for me!

jcampbell115 · Answer

No, because I have enough value in myself to believe that I'm deserving of being the first choice, nothing less

Staximus · Answer

If she wants some other guy more than me, then I'm not the right guy

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Unfortunately, almost man is his woman's second or third choice.

clampfan101 · Answer

Certainly not ideal, but it depends on the situation.

nawtee_me · Answer

No it doesn’t make me a second choice, it makes me the one that counts.

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

I have been second several times. With age I am less tolerant of peoples games

Luckycharms12 · Answer

I'm no one second choice if there stuff enough to think that bye bye your loss not mine

scooogy · Answer

I'd let her have a rehearsal with all my exes first who'd decide if she's even worth it.

EmmaMary · Answer

No, absolutely not.

exitseven · Answer

No, I am nobody;s consolation prize.

PrinceWalnut · Answer

I'm just happy to be here bro

collie22 · Answer

I have a lot of filtering so its no worries

Forceinhand · Answer

No given that I actually respect myself.

Nifrayu · Answer

It wouldn't bother me.

Alex8736 · Answer

TBH I am not into sloppy seconds 😇

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Absolutely not.

Gobluebigtenchamps · Answer

Yes because at least I'm a choice

Slim57 · Answer

Nope it's not a cool thing to be

zennia_54 · Answer

fuck no

LavLavLuv · Answer

Nnnnoooo

Tigerress · Answer

Hell not

Amiapowerlessman · Answer

No way

Joker_ · Answer

yeah lol

BLP11520 · Answer

Actually no

Bigjake1995 · Answer

Nope

eagle1951 · Answer

nope

Anonymous · Answer

Hell no

Would you be okay with being someone's second choice?

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