No way, I learned after seeing my ex go to a girl who was always around him while him and I were talking. There was a girl that was going to church with him, she 25 at the time and him 18 of the time we met. He told me dad that the moment he first saw me at my graduation back in '22, we had my ceremony at my church, and he visited my church (I'm in tx), all the way from California. He just happened to be visiting my church for the first time on my graduation haha. Then he went back home that same Sunday night. That was June 19th we had my graduation. Well, skip to August about 2 months later, he came back to my church to visit for an event. He would look at me with such bright glowy eyes, and a smile on his face. We didn't talk at all to eachother, just made eye contact. At one point he was playing chess, I was standing there watching, when he looked up at me with a smile and bright glowy eyes, I smiled back and we locked eyes for like a minute. Then I looked away. He went home that night again. Then skip to November, there was a missions trip my church friends held in Belize, I didn't go, but a bunch of guys from my church and that boy went. That trip was for like a week. The guys came back telling me dad that boy was talking about me during the trip, and that he asked a lot of those guys about me. That he said he is going to come here to Texas to ask my dad to talk to me, and that he had been working, and doing whatever to prepare to be ready so that he could date me and my dad would approve. Skip to the next year, that yr was '22, then in '23 of March, him and I still hadn't talked at this point, he hadn't even talked to my dad yet, but that's why he was coming back to Texas to ask my dad to talk to me. He did call right before his trip to tell my dad he was coming and that he wanted to get to know us. He came in March of '23 on a Sunday. We had church, when he first got to my church, and walked through the doors, the guys were trying to to talk to him, but he wasn't focused , I saw him looking all over the place till his eyes laid on me then he stared at me for a few seconds. he talked to my dad and told my dad that he knew the moment he saw me he wanted to do whatever to talk to me. That always sticks with me:( anyway, him and I didn't end up being allowed to actually meet and talk (bc my dad wanted to get to know him before allowing him to talk to me) till that next Tuesday. Him and I got to meet! We talked a lot, he looked at me with the same glowy eyes. I could tell he liked me. He worked 9 months b4 that to talk to my dad to be able to talk to me. He also told my dad that if my dad wanted he would get to know my dad for a yr before being allowed to meet me if that's what my dad wanted. He told me dad he was willing to do whatever. We hung out Tuesday night and talked for the first time till 11 at night! My parents chaperoned. Then we fted every Friday for 2 months till we went to Cali so I could see him. When we got to Cali, he saw me and smiled a big smile then waved. We talked. We went to the beach together. He didn't care for the beach, but asked his mom if we could go there the next day too. I had gotten hurt at the beach, he looked up how to take care of the wound. He really cared a lot about me, It was so obvious. His friends told me, they said they wouldn't tell me exactly what he said but "he really really likes you, he just really does". He would get me things, look at me with so much admiration, not lust, but like he cared. He wasn't perfect, but it felt so special what him and I had. We then talked about mistakes we had made. I told him I was a virgin, but there were some things I'd done, he had made mistakes worse than me, but I didn't mind at all. I told him I was willing to talk to him still. He told me the same. I was afraid he wasn't going to want to talk to me anymore, but he said "It's not going to be a no, I want you to pray about it, pray for God to give you peace, because I'm not going to stop talking to you and I don't want you to be worried ". The next day, we met up with him, his mom, my family and I. It was at one of his friends house that we were staying at that night bc our time at the air BNB was up and our car broke down. they wanted to talk, and it felt awkward bc we didn't know the people we were staying at house, they wanted to talk and it was just weird. So my mom and I were extra quiet and His mom freaked out. The guy I was talking to and my dad went to pick up our car. When they got back, my mom and I had already resolved the problem with his mom. She was mad bc we weren't really talking to her but we were nervous and scared, in a unfamiliar place. She still was upset about it, although she said it was ok. The guy I was talking to, his mom, my mom and dad and I all talked about moving ahead. About him and I actually getting to date more freely. About him and I being able to officially date. We technically already were the only thing that was changing is we could actually call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Anyway, so he told my dad he wanted to move ahead with me and that he was ready to date me to get to marry me. He was super excited and everyone could tell. His friends could tell he liked me. Him and I played games till like 10 pm then he went him, his mom had left right after we finished talking about moving ahead. The next day my family and I went home. Then 2 days later my dad gets a call, that that boy says "my mom said I need to focus on God and I can't keep talking to her (me) from now". He didn't tell me anything, nothing more was said. I had no clue, none of us knew why he stopped talking to me. He still followed me on Instagram and always looked at my stories seconds after I posted it. Every single time. He never missed a story I posted. Two months later, he's dating that girl who he knew always liked him that was at his church. He then came to my church, with his girlfriend, his mom and him for a 3 day conference. He was looking at me. I remember one special moment when he was playing baseball, he was standing there, his girlfriend on the bleachers, I was smiling while playing with my baby brother when I looked up and saw he was looking at me like he always used to, those glowy happy eyes. We locked eyes for probably a minute again, then he looked away, he looked at his girlfriend then at the field. I knew he was in pain. That's the moment I realized I was the girl he wanted and his girlfriend was just his second option. He was still not over me, but had to move on bc his mom later told me that she made him stop talking to me. There was nothing wrong with me, she just didn't like something my dad and I had said. Which wasn't even a big deal. She said that if it weren't for her, he would still be with me, she said that while he was with his girlfriend. 10 days later (they're back in cali) after he had been looking at me like he always did, he proposes to his girlfriend. They got married 8 months after him and I broke up. They had only dated for 6. Oh, he had also bought a Jeep gladiator, the exact one I told him I always wanted, literally weeks after him and I met. He's married now, expecting a baby, and has that jeep still. I wonder at times if he still thinks of me. Or how it would be if I saw him again. He didn't treat her the same way he did me. He didn't look at her the same. He still wanted me while dating her.
Sadly, long distance is the wrong distance. Especially if you're young and don't have money and free time. I know a lot of "good girls" who just wouldn't be a great fit for me, even if they have a lot of qualities I enjoy. The older you get, the more specific you are about what you like and dislike in a partner. Nagging, controlling women can kick rocks, I'm a sucker for the sweethearts. <3
@SixFootSexy yaa
Depends on the circumstance. I think the only time it wouldn't bother me is if the first choice passed away. I could deal with that and understand, or be sympathetic. But if they were alive and well and things just didn't work out... I have a friend who says this one girl was his soulmate and gets cut up over them breaking up, nobody will ever compare and all that... That's not a situation I'd want to be in. But maybe that's also because I know she treated him like shit and think it's ridiculous that he thinks they belonged together. 🤷🏻♀️
Okay it genuinely depends on the situation. If there is a genuine love and bond that’s one thing. But what you have to understand is if someone settles for you. As soon as a better option for then comes along they’re gone. The worst case scenario is this happens decades after you get married and have kids.
It also can create resentment and insecurity. If someone genuinely has fallen in love though and even if they had the chance to go to the other person they wouldn’t then that is another story.
You're going to find out in life that everybody in this world is a second choice or third choice or for choice or 5th choice.. . And even you will pick somebody as a second choice or third choice or third choice because of all the people that you will come in contact with that you like and things just don't work out...
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16Opinion
Why not? She is probably not my first choice either. First choice is often already taken.
It’s sort of a silly question in the sense that a person’s first love (who you meet any time 5yo to 18yo) is very rarely the person you end up with… so anyone else is the “second choice” because you learn how to choose… whom to choose….
This is the sort of thing that people get super caught up on when they're VERY new to the dating game. Because if you think about it, EVERYONE is a "second" choice. Pretty much every bangable girl in America would totally want to be with Brad Pitt or Justin Bieber, or Tom Brady, or whoever, rather than who they're with. And every guy in America would trade their woman in for their favorite insta model or super model or whatever if given the chance. So yeah--you need to make peace with the fact that you'd NEVER by ANYONE'S first choice for pretty much anything.
I always advise guys not to marry a woman unless she is begging you to marry her. But hey, some guys don't listen.
Even then, it's a huuuuge risk and investment. Take care, there are far more wolves than sheep out there in the dating market.
@SixFootSexy I don't disagree with you. There's a lot of factors that should go into picking a wife. It is NOT all about what she wants at all. Ha ha ha ha.
I didn’t ask what floats your boat cause I stopped caring when you mentioned a woman should beg. 👍 and I’m further going to disregard anything you say for agreeing with another male here and feeling the need to explain something to me when I didn’t ask you to.
And you’re too busy seeing your side and perceptions that you think a woman should serve a man and his “preferences” for the fucking excuse of trust but that’s just the most pathetic be I ever did see on this planet.
I say whatever floats your BOAT….
meaning congratulations on your path to gaydom and I don’t give a fuck about you going that route.
Ta ta
No one wants or needs to listen to you spew trash like that and think you’re entitled to because you’re emotionally butt hurt.
I guess you figure to make your other butt hurt to match it huh.
Congratulations to the lucky guy who scores your trunk. :] 👍
@SixFootSexy For some reason she is under the impression that her opinion is the only opinion that matters in MY subthread. Amazing, isn't it?
People overthink this.
If your first choice didn't want you, then they aren't your first choice anymore.
People only continue to love someone who loves them back.
No ty, first choice as default as one and only for forever.
I wouldn't want to know I was their second choice and also it would kind of hurt my morale knowing that I was second best in her lice it would kind of stick with you especially during arguements.
I would do anything for Salma Hayek. In all realism this means it will not last.
I don't think it would work. They're be thinking about the one that got away and potentially blaming you for it.
How many actually end up with their first choices?
I'll never be a woman's first choice, not after she truly knows me. It is what it is.
Yes, most people don't marry the first person they date.
Heck no. I’m not that desperate.
Absolutely not.
NO that's not right.
NEVER 👎 💯
probably not but maybe ,
I have more self respect.
I reject them who treat me as an option.
Yes, no problem
god no
It usually ends for a reason.
Noooo way, never
No way.
Of course.
Absolutely not.
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