Would you break up with someone if they admitted to you that you were their second choice?

[coachTanthony]

Hell Yes

Nah it's in the past

see poll ( Coach you will always be my FIRST choice )

[NathanDavis]

nope... my first girlfriend ever told me that I was her fourth choice, lmfao...

so me, being me... instead of getting upset or butthurt, offended or what not, I did inquire and asked her how so? and then she went on to explain, lol

this happened at high-school days so that matters a lot, and what she meant is that right away, first days of class on year one the first guy that peaked her interest was this friend of ours who was particularly good looking, and it was kind of her type, if she ever had a type, and that made sense to me... second guy she noticed was this other good looking guy but the one who eventually became the sort of lead in our group, a great personality so he had a presence, so it made sense to me that he peaked her interest quick too, and then, she was like OMFG who is that... another interesting guy in our class who had a few peculiarities about him so they had a lot in common too... these three guys got her attention right away and that just makes sense, now... as for her to choose them, it did not exactly meant that she was set and sold to being with them right away, certainly not fixated, it meant that she approached them or they approached her first, and then she gave herself the chance to get to know them a bit better and to get a feel of their character, their personalities and all those things that are much more important than looks, appearance and first impressions... lol, and of course, if they were to reciprocate an interest, with her

and then, well... the more she got to hang out with and to know them and find out about more things, there were things she liked about them and things that she did not like much, which is again normal and makes sense.. she still liked them, but not enough to make it about more than just that, meanwhile, there was me... she had noticed me as well, and early, first day, and she did wonder about me and she kept an eye on me all those days, she would see me around by myself or with others and a few things about me got her curious, intrigued and interested... lol

I never approached her or anybody else first because well, that was me just being me.. still 16 years old and just had overcome a childhood of extreme shyness, so I was a very reserved person back then, lol... one good day she just came to me like "so... what's up with you" and the rest is history

so... at least for me, and very early in life I realized that these things make sense and they are somewhat normal, it is normal for people to feel initially more or less attracted to others and also, due to circumstances many, you might or might not approach others first or later, and also find out more or less about them... and I think we all do this in one way or another

[ShadezMcgee]

Probably. Especially if I did like them a lot. Because the way I see it is if you are that person's second choice, you will forever be the consolation prize or the one they settled for, not what they really wanted. Then comes the question of how long it will take before she finds the guy she wants to be the main guy.

Once the second choice, you are ALWAYS the second choice for that person. No matter what they say and no matter what they do, that will not change how they originally felt.

[CubsterShura]

Depends highly on the context, second choice in terms of what plus his own attitude around it like is he saying it as just a trivia or is he trying to neg me by making me feel like he's settling for me... Second choice can be he really wanted to go out with this other girl but she rejected him but he thought of me as a potential candidate as well so he pursued me, that's one thing. Second choice can also mean he had a certain type of women in mind but because he couldn't get a woman like that but he really wanted a girlfriend so he went out with me because I was available.

Many people don't get to be with their first choice, second choice, third choice etc. That's just life. My brother recently got married after about a few years of seeking prospective brides, some that my brother even liked a lot. But it doesn't mean that he's not happy with the woman he married, they are doing pretty well and honestly my sister-in-law is making me see marriage and love a bit differently now.

Bottom line is as long as he doesn't make me feel like he's settling by being with me and would totally be with another woman whenever he gets the opportunity, or trying to neg me then I'm good.

[Tracker1958]

Never be a woman back up plan. she has gave another man her best years. walk away with your head held high.

[Aerissa_Jade]

How many people have their first choice in romance work out forever and be good? First choice in Junior high, is forever your first choice right? now that means anyone that comes later, is 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc...

It happens but its rare.

So I'd have to tell him, your my 43rd choice (or something like that.) Then explain that there was a dozen in Junior high, a dozen in High school, a dozen in college and then a few after.

Technically anyone who is an ex was a previous choice right? Then those you liked but never got together with were also choices too, that you wanted but for whatever reason never made it that far.

Basically my first choice was some guy from 7th grade when I started liking boys.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I probably wouldn't break up with someone then, if they told me I was their second choice, If I did... it would be because they need more dating experience if I'm their second person they've ever had experience with.

[coachTanthony]

LOL fair enough

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

@aerissa: I don't think that's what he means. I think he means you show interest in someone but they have interest in someone else but it didn't work, now they go back to you.

[Aerissa_Jade]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy It could be read either way, but usually you can tell when your someone's 'backup' they don't have to tell you, because they are non-committal, make up excuses or lies why they can't meet then suddenly one day, suddenly they have a bunch of free time.

It's obvious you were a backup and they just broke up. I have moved on by then, too late... won't even get together.

[Fuentes]

I don't see it that way lol cause I always got first choices like I be telling myself if I can clap this chick then she deff first choice but if she does som Dumb BS or plays around then imma go for her next and then this girl after. So no such thing is abuncha choices to me either I'm first or im. out the door but I ain't ever gonna tell a chick if she was my first option or not hahaha I missed out on some pussy when I was younger telling another chick what I thought hahaha not doing that again.

[Guy13]

Like I haven't heard, "I don't think I can trust you... you're not high on my list." Give me an hour of face-face, with or with chat-it-up, Time. I mean S-, if you don't get that from a woman then that's like her walking straight too and sitting in the "back-up or slow night chair". Just saying...

[AviatorTom]

Remember the old TV commercial for AVIS rent-a-car... "We're Number 2 ... we try harder." Put the past behind you, she's with you now and that's what matters.

[shyonehere]

Prove to them that they were wrong thinking that by being wonderful and loving! How vain and butthurt are people that can't face truth and reality? Would you break up with someone if they admitted to you that you were their second choice? THEY DIDN'T REALLY KNOW YOU AT THE TIME! If you're holding onto that spite, then you have issues and need to mature and get over yourself. If they admitted this to you, then congrats... they decided to open up and be honest and truthful. Are you the kind of person that would not be happy about that and instead, be bitter and make them regret ever being open with you, because your ego is fragile? If you are, I hope your bless the other person by breaking up with them... because you aren't ready for a mature conversation.

[Datboi65]

That's something you keep to yourself. If I talked to a bunch of girls and then committed to one of them, would I tell her she was the 4th pick from a dozen? Hell no. If it worked, it worked.

If someone told you that you are, then they don't respect you enough to keep that information secret. Why would you wanna know? In that case yeah, I think any sensible person should leave in that situation.

I'm assuming the question is as it pertains to the *talking stage* (talking to more than one person at a time) which is COMPLETELY separate from someone's dating history/body count. I think the latter is more important and should be known.

[Purpleronnie]

While I can understand why this would actually be true and factually in my opinion it’s just one of thoughs truths that’s just accepted and does not have to be said ! I mean does it really have to be said? What I mean my first choice in a woman may have been Kelly Brook or Jennifer Lawrence but why would that information need to be shared but it’s just not helpful in the slightest for me to communicate that to anyone. If you feel the need to be this honest or factual then maybe say it like “ you are such a surprise “ or “ I never thought I would be this attracted to you “

[JamesDiaz11]

You don't have to be someone's very first choice of boyfriend/ girlfriend, or even their crush, to feel you're their first. First love, their true love, their soul mate the found, etc. Unless a girl is in a convent all her life, and never sees another man, she's going to have crushes. They're going to go on dates with other people, and probably go out with others for some time. If you're lucky enough to have a girl who was saving SOMETHING for you and she chooses to give that to you out of a higher level of love, as well as the decision to marry you and make you her life partner then that's for all intents and purposes her FIRST/ Primary choice.

[Puppystarfish23]

It was one of the reason with a tone of other shit he did.

I basically overhead his friends say to him if he can't lose his v card by time he turns 21 he might as well get back with me. His friends didn't know we'd actually gotten back together in that time

[bamesjond0069]

Yeah that's stupid. Anytime a girl doesn't even make it clear I'm the priority when first dating it's already over in my head. I'd never be with a girl who didn't forsake all others basically immediately upon meeting me. I should stand out as amazing to the right woman. If I don't, then were not on the same page and it's not my job to teach or convince her otherwise.

[Lynnfriend]

I don't know for sure. there is a lot of things to consider. But I might tell him that I am happy we ended up together because I really love you and you also we're not my 1st choice but the best choice

[Dargil]

I would say to her: "Tell me about your first choice."

[coachTanthony]

Oh boy that would be something lol

[Adaeva]

No one is first choice. If people could have their first choice they would marry movie stars. In any event, at first, everyone tries for the best, then they may try for the next best and so on until they realize they must settle for someone they can get.

I rate pretty high but I know I cannot compete with Mia Talerico so it will not bother me to know that a boy would choose her if she was available to him.

[TheorionMage]

I'd reply with EQUAL pragmatic candor:
"... And YET we're BOTH still here by CHOICE, ... TOGETHER,
investing these precious un-recoverable moments of our lives~
What in YOUR egotism, makes YOU believe that YOU were MY 'first choice'?"

[DoctorSex]

The levels of low self esteem on this website never ceases to amaze me.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Chazmatazz269]

No, cuz they’re my third choice at best anyway. Ell oh ell! I can successfully manage this particular facet of my own hypocrisy.

[DizzyDesii]

Only if they specifically called me their second choice. But i told one dude i had options but chose him. He got mad that he wasn't my “only” choice and ended things. Like dude get tf out 😂

[loveslongnails]

Coach, this depends on when being their 2nd choice happened, but mostly if I'm their 1st choice now!

[coachTanthony]

A few have stated it that way so I never thought of it that way to be honest.

[loveslongnails]

If we were dating for a short time and she suddenly told me that, then I'd dump her.

[coachTanthony]

Yeah I agree why would she even say it to begin with if not for her feeling bad and letting you know she is settling with you because Chad said NO lol

[loveslongnails]

Exactly, and that's a good indication she's not only classless but stupid too, so I'm outa there in a flash.

[legalboxers]

BOOM

[coachTanthony]

MHO right there lol

[LiamJHayden]

I think most of us intuitively know that we are quite likely not someone's first choice, but having it verbalized might be a deal breaker.

[Mansearching]

Depends on how long we're together and circumstances there of. If you're together for a yr then maybe. But together for 15 or more then no. Built something there and both have to much to loose.

[WTFdivorce]

It would depend on several things. Why are they telling me this. Why now. Who was their first choice and what happened. I hate settling and sure as hell don't want to be settled for.