Would you break up with someone if they admitted to you that you were their second choice?

Question

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

nope... my first girlfriend ever told me that I was her fourth choice, lmfao...

so me, being me... instead of getting upset or butthurt, offended or what not, I did inquire and asked her how so? and then she went on to explain, lol

this happened at high-school days so that matters a lot, and what she meant is that right away, first days of class on year one the first guy that peaked her interest was this friend of ours who was particularly good looking, and it was kind of her type, if she ever had a type, and that made sense to me... second guy she noticed was this other good looking guy but the one who eventually became the sort of lead in our group, a great personality so he had a presence, so it made sense to me that he peaked her interest quick too, and then, she was like OMFG who is that... another interesting guy in our class who had a few peculiarities about him so they had a lot in common too... these three guys got her attention right away and that just makes sense, now... as for her to choose them, it did not exactly meant that she was set and sold to being with them right away, certainly not fixated, it meant that she approached them or they approached her first, and then she gave herself the chance to get to know them a bit better and to get a feel of their character, their personalities and all those things that are much more important than looks, appearance and first impressions... lol, and of course, if they were to reciprocate an interest, with her

and then, well... the more she got to hang out with and to know them and find out about more things, there were things she liked about them and things that she did not like much, which is again normal and makes sense.. she still liked them, but not enough to make it about more than just that, meanwhile, there was me... she had noticed me as well, and early, first day, and she did wonder about me and she kept an eye on me all those days, she would see me around by myself or with others and a few things about me got her curious, intrigued and interested... lol

I never approached her or anybody else first because well, that was me just being me.. still 16 years old and just had overcome a childhood of extreme shyness, so I was a very reserved person back then, lol... one good day she just came to me like "so... what's up with you" and the rest is history

so... at least for me, and very early in life I realized that these things make sense and they are somewhat normal, it is normal for people to feel initially more or less attracted to others and also, due to circumstances many, you might or might not approach others first or later, and also find out more or less about them... and I think we all do this in one way or another

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

Probably. Especially if I did like them a lot. Because the way I see it is if you are that person's second choice, you will forever be the consolation prize or the one they settled for, not what they really wanted. Then comes the question of how long it will take before she finds the guy she wants to be the main guy.

Once the second choice, you are ALWAYS the second choice for that person. No matter what they say and no matter what they do, that will not change how they originally felt.

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

Depends highly on the context, second choice in terms of what plus his own attitude around it like is he saying it as just a trivia or is he trying to neg me by making me feel like he's settling for me... Second choice can be he really wanted to go out with this other girl but she rejected him but he thought of me as a potential candidate as well so he pursued me, that's one thing. Second choice can also mean he had a certain type of women in mind but because he couldn't get a woman like that but he really wanted a girlfriend so he went out with me because I was available.

Many people don't get to be with their first choice, second choice, third choice etc. That's just life. My brother recently got married after about a few years of seeking prospective brides, some that my brother even liked a lot. But it doesn't mean that he's not happy with the woman he married, they are doing pretty well and honestly my sister-in-law is making me see marriage and love a bit differently now.

Bottom line is as long as he doesn't make me feel like he's settling by being with me and would totally be with another woman whenever he gets the opportunity, or trying to neg me then I'm good.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

How many people have their first choice in romance work out forever and be good? First choice in Junior high, is forever your first choice right? now that means anyone that comes later, is 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc...

It happens but its rare.

So I'd have to tell him, your my 43rd choice (or something like that.) Then explain that there was a dozen in Junior high, a dozen in High school, a dozen in college and then a few after.

Technically anyone who is an ex was a previous choice right? Then those you liked but never got together with were also choices too, that you wanted but for whatever reason never made it that far.

Basically my first choice was some guy from 7th grade when I started liking boys.

Guy13 · Answer

Like I haven't heard, "I don't think I can trust you... you're not high on my list." Give me an hour of face-face, with or with chat-it-up, Time. I mean S-, if you don't get that from a woman then that's like her walking straight too and sitting in the "back-up or slow night chair". Just saying...

AviatorTom · Answer

Remember the old TV commercial for AVIS rent-a-car... "We're Number 2 ... we try harder." Put the past behind you, she's with you now and that's what matters.

shyonehere · Answer

Prove to them that they were wrong thinking that by being wonderful and loving! How vain and butthurt are people that can't face truth and reality? Would you break up with someone if they admitted to you that you were their second choice? THEY DIDN'T REALLY KNOW YOU AT THE TIME! If you're holding onto that spite, then you have issues and need to mature and get over yourself. If they admitted this to you, then congrats... they decided to open up and be honest and truthful. Are you the kind of person that would not be happy about that and instead, be bitter and make them regret ever being open with you, because your ego is fragile? If you are, I hope your bless the other person by breaking up with them... because you aren't ready for a mature conversation.

Datboi65 · Answer

That's something you keep to yourself. If I talked to a bunch of girls and then committed to one of them, would I tell her she was the 4th pick from a dozen? Hell no. If it worked, it worked.

If someone told you that you are, then they don't respect you enough to keep that information secret. Why would you wanna know? In that case yeah, I think any sensible person should leave in that situation.

I'm assuming the question is as it pertains to the *talking stage* (talking to more than one person at a time) which is COMPLETELY separate from someone's dating history/body count. I think the latter is more important and should be known.

Purpleronnie · Answer

While I can understand why this would actually be true and factually in my opinion it’s just one of thoughs truths that’s just accepted and does not have to be said ! I mean does it really have to be said? What I mean my first choice in a woman may have been Kelly Brook or Jennifer Lawrence but why would that information need to be shared but it’s just not helpful in the slightest for me to communicate that to anyone. If you feel the need to be this honest or factual then maybe say it like “ you are such a surprise “ or “ I never thought I would be this attracted to you “

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

You don't have to be someone's very first choice of boyfriend/ girlfriend, or even their crush, to feel you're their first. First love, their true love, their soul mate the found, etc. Unless a girl is in a convent all her life, and never sees another man, she's going to have crushes. They're going to go on dates with other people, and probably go out with others for some time. If you're lucky enough to have a girl who was saving SOMETHING for you and she chooses to give that to you out of a higher level of love, as well as the decision to marry you and make you her life partner then that's for all intents and purposes her FIRST/ Primary choice.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

It was one of the reason with a tone of other shit he did.

I basically overhead his friends say to him if he can't lose his v card by time he turns 21 he might as well get back with me. His friends didn't know we'd actually gotten back together in that time

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Yeah that's stupid. Anytime a girl doesn't even make it clear I'm the priority when first dating it's already over in my head. I'd never be with a girl who didn't forsake all others basically immediately upon meeting me. I should stand out as amazing to the right woman. If I don't, then were not on the same page and it's not my job to teach or convince her otherwise.

Lynnfriend · Answer

I don't know for sure. there is a lot of things to consider. But I might tell him that I am happy we ended up together because I really love you and you also we're not my 1st choice but the best choice

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

No, cuz they’re my third choice at best anyway. Ell oh ell! I can successfully manage this particular facet of my own hypocrisy.

Adaeva · Answer

No one is first choice. If people could have their first choice they would marry movie stars. In any event, at first, everyone tries for the best, then they may try for the next best and so on until they realize they must settle for someone they can get.

I rate pretty high but I know I cannot compete with Mia Talerico so it will not bother me to know that a boy would choose her if she was available to him.

TheorionMage · Answer

I'd reply with EQUAL pragmatic candor:
"... And YET we're BOTH still here by CHOICE, ... TOGETHER,
investing these precious un-recoverable moments of our lives~
What in YOUR egotism, makes YOU believe that YOU were MY 'first choice'?"

Would you break up with someone if they admitted to you that you were their second choice?

loveslongnails · Answer

Coach, this depends on when being their 2nd choice happened, but mostly if I'm their 1st choice now!

DoctorSex · Answer

The levels of low self esteem on this website never ceases to amaze me. Kind regards, DoctorSex

Dargil · Answer

I would say to her: "Tell me about your first choice."

DizzyDesii · Answer

Only if they specifically called me their second choice. But i told one dude i had options but chose him. He got mad that he wasn't my “only” choice and ended things. Like dude get tf out 😂

WTFdivorce · Answer

It would depend on several things. Why are they telling me this. Why now. Who was their first choice and what happened. I hate settling and sure as hell don't want to be settled for.

legalboxers · Answer

BOOM

clampfan101 · Answer

I would not be happy knowing that, but it’s still in the past. What’s important is that I was her final choice.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I think most of us intuitively know that we are quite likely not someone's first choice, but having it verbalized might be a deal breaker.

Mansearching · Answer

Depends on how long we're together and circumstances there of. If you're together for a yr then maybe. But together for 15 or more then no. Built something there and both have to much to loose.

Mangospacho · Answer

It depends. If it’s early on in the relationship, that’s a red flag and they are setting themselves up for disappointment later on. It’s probably a good idea to get ready to move on from that relationship. If you’re already married, however, and you’re in a loving marriage that’s fulfilling, mentioning this is not the death blow of the relationship - it probably just means that they were the second choice but they completely underestimated how great the second choice was.

BeyondBirthday · Answer

I didn't in the past but you absolutely should dump them. I wasted a few years with this girl who told me this, I didn't take it seriously at the time but a few years later I found out she was fucking her ex boyfriend the whole time we were together and all her friends knew about it.

Anonymous · Answer

Am I still their second choice? How do they make me feel? Do I feel like a second choice? What do I think would happen if the first choice came on the scene?
It's really about how trustworthy I think they are, what I think the future holds, and how they make me feel now.

whorable · Answer

personally wouldn’t care, if they could still treat me with respect and take care of me like i would them.. then idc

Rania05 · Answer

Definitely yes, I don't make people choices so I wouldn't except something like this from my signifiant other either so jokes on him for saying if not in a sorry form because breakup is a week away...

Adam1978 · Answer

No because I am sure she isn't my first choice either. Just the best there and then.

Anonymous · Answer

"Coach you will always be my FIRST choice"? Lol king of cringe

es20490446e · Answer

There are plenty of women that will be super happy to be with me. I have an incredible hot body, I'm specially nice, and smart.

It doesn't make sense staying with one that isn't enthusiastic about me. I will rather think she's stupid.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Definitely. I won't be someone's after thought.

cheetocandle · Answer

Probably. Why are they even telling me this?

Looksnicholas · Answer

I probably would for the question purposes, only because I wouldn't want them to then choose the first lover 👀👀👀👀😜

Anonymous · Answer

I would leave an not look back. It's a horrible thing to say your partner, and a reflection of how little respect they have for you.

Kha0tiic_xo · Answer

Absolutely because there's no way I'll stand for being anybody's second choice!

SassyAussieAddy · Answer

Id break up with them for telling me that. What kind of fucked up mind game is that?

ImHere22 · Answer

I’ll tell her she’s my 8th choice & by the way. S

Luopio27 · Answer

First choice out of available options is not the sane as having the luxury to choose anyone in the world.  Second choice comfession wouldn't hurt me.

sheenagwapa · Answer

for me it's more like i will break up with someone who doesn't truly love me

brezzybaby · Answer

I would definitely probably second guess him hell yea that's the kind of shit that cuts deep you know?

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I might because it's not information that I need to know or want to know.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

I'd laugh and tell them they're no prize themselves and to make me a fuckin sandwich lol

BJP21 · Answer

Thats just another way of saying you've been friend zoned.

Guardian45 · Answer

Not if I was now, and still will be their first choice. The past is the past. LOTS of contenders beat the odds and come frome behind!😈

AmeerX · Answer

Probably not as long as they are virgin and sweet hearts

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

If they still felt like that, then yes.

Fuentes · Answer

Yup lol you tell me that and I'm out the door lol

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, If she's OK that I've been sleeping with her sister this whole time

worldscolide · Answer

Definitely. I'd kick her to the curb

Jltakk · Answer

I wouldn't have been my first choice either, so it wouldn't affect me either way

boggboss · Answer

What stage are we at

Anonymous · Answer

Depends.  A second choice might reveal itself better than expected as you get to know them. Meaning they because the first choice.

1cuteblackk · Answer

Off course, I don’t like being a second choice when she’s my first choice.

Clyde_123 · Answer

Yes.. Im not a second choice

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely! If you don’t value yourself no one will

Minahh · Answer

Yes I ain't nobody's second choice

kramchancel · Answer

Nahh why do I care about that

msc545 · Answer

hell yes.

1User12345 · Answer

who want's to be a scrub

Tracker1958 · Answer

It would be over the second she said that.

Would you break up with someone if they admitted to you that you were their second choice?

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Would you ever accept to be someone's second choice if you really love them?

Would you break up with someone if they admitted to you that you were their second choice?

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Would you ever accept to be someone's second choice if you really love them?

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