You finally get with your crush. They admit you were a second option. What do you do?

Question

Say you liked someone, and after some time, you get with them. But later, they condeded that they had their own crush on someone else, who wasn't interested. And you happen to be someone that liked them back so they got with you, making you a second option. 

If you choose to break up, keep in mind this is your crush. He/she is someone you really like.

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

I'll admit, "I" have done this do girls before.

And I tell you one thing, being a second option isn't settling, that's for sure. One girl some of my friend were trying to set me up with was an absolutely beautiful bookworm, with an extremely kind heart and positive attitude. Another girl who had a crush on me at the time was a super-cute, super-sexy girl who was a little unambitious, but needed someone to treat her with respect, kindness, and honesty.

I really liked both of these girls, but it really is apples to oranges. Both apples or oranges are great (except that I am allergic to both). What happens if you reach for an apple, but get an orange instead? Are you disappointed? Is it a "downgrade"? Are you "settling"?

To me, I felt I'd have had more chemistry with the first girl overall, which was why I was wanting to wait to meet her.

For those of you who think me an ass, don't worry, karma already swooped in. The first girl ended up moving and the second girl started dating someone during that time.

But for what it's worth, humans are built to be romantically/sexually interested in many people. The idea was that entire tribes would bond this way. And therefore there would have been no "first" or "second" choices, you would just be involved with both and love each of them differently.

Azukuban · Accepted Answer

There's always a second choice, and third and fourth. We don't always stay together, so if someone tells you that you are their first choice, unless they've never dated before, then it simply isn't true. The fact is, we are interested in lots of people and it's a good thing because if we only liked one person, it would be hell if they didn't want to be with us and we were stuck alone. It's fine if she told me I was a second choice, but what I would not be alright with is if she told me that once they became available, she would leave me for that person. Remember, she chose me regardless of what place I'm in, I'm number one now. And she is my number one, no matter who I wanted to date, if she's the one I'm dating now, she's now my number one.

feliciaaa · Accepted Answer

I think it depends on the way they say it, if he'd be like "you know, there was this girl right before you that I had a crush on but nothing ever happened and I'm so glad it didn't because now I'm with you".

But if he said it out of no reason except for telling it, I would think he did it to get a reaction out of me or showing me that he's the one who's giving up things and that I should be grateful. I wouldn't have that because it feels like the next stop would be constant psychological abuse.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If I found out I was a second option, that's where I'd always be. No matter how close we get, I'd always be second. In that position, my partner would always be open to being approached by another number one option.

For me, being second is a road to heartbreak.

2Hothothot · Accepted Answer

You are better then that and you are somebody's first choice and you will find someone you like that likes you as much as you like them

LaikaFreefall · Answer

I said other. As in, is she still hung up on this other guy? If she's with you, then she needs to BE WITH YOU and forget about him. If she can't forget about the other guy, you should probably forget about her.

Being someone's second choice isn't so bad. Not at first... But if you are doomed to always be number two to her, don't you deserve better than that? Don't you want to be with someone who wants to be with you? Not someone who is settling?

I say give it a little bit. A week, maybe two. Then test the waters and see where she stands on this other guy. Maybe even ask her "if he asked you out right now, would you leave me for him?" And if she said she would, then I'd recommend you leave her... you deserve better than that shit.

BadBoy72 · Answer

I know I'm probably going to get some downvotes for saying this, but I actually wouldn't be bothered by that. Let's be realistic here... I've ended up with women I never would have met if my first (or even my second) choice had been interested. I was still interested in the women I ended up with, and I ended up dating most of them for a long time. Now I don't think it's a good idea to talk to a woman about other women, but we rarely get everything we want in life. Why does it have to be a bad thing that we took the choices life gave us, made the most of them, and ended up being really happy with what we had?

JuicyBrain · Answer

Do you want to be proud or in love?
Pride won't make you happy. It will make you proud but miserable.
She couldn't know how it would be with you. You can always prove her she was wrong to not want to be with you. Rock her world, make her regret having been her second choice.

thewanderingme · Answer

it depends. if he tell's me he blew off the first girl, realizing he didn't actually like her after all, I might give him a chance. if he tell's me, she blew him off and he's basically settling on me, I'd drop him and cut off all contact.

R3d_Anonymous · Answer

I'd stay out of desperation because I'm so low on experience (completely low actually) that any relationship experience would be of great value to me. Plus, you never know - they might start to think of you as a first choice later on, but even if they don't...

Right now, because I'm completely inexperienced and have received absolutely no interest from girls, any romantic/sexual experience, even bad or inadequate ones, are of value to me.

NervousToTheMax · Answer

As a guy, this is what I would say. "Hey, I'm just here to have fun and see where it takes us". Allows for no pressure, and both sides are happy. In most cases, people are usually 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th pick due to dating multiple people at once.

TripleAce · Answer

I know talk is cheap

But I'm living proof that it's not, I loved a girl big time became her second option and I'd never take her back even though to me she was right in every way

Ah well, it is what it is

meatballs21 · Answer

"Wow, you aren't nearly as awesome as I imagined you were."

I mean, OUCH. I don't really like them so much now. It sounds like they are just settling, that they aren't really that into me, and the relationship is doomed.

soccerchick4eva · Answer

hearing you're someone's second choice, especially from someone you really like is always heartbreaking, pretty sure i wouldn't be having that huge crush much longer ahah

RationalLioness · Answer

Thats like that one girl whose boyfriend told her that he had to settle for what he could get---i dont stay with assholes.

annie_annie · Answer

"I'm a limited edition, what the hell are you thinking you are doing, bud? Get out of here before I call the Dementors."

Sarahnade · Answer

Logically speaking, most people are second or third options aren't they? Unless you're their first love which is rare

tyber1 · Answer

It'd be disappointing but it happens. We pretty much all find more than one person appealing at some point, would you consider yourself settling if you got with your second biggest crush?

bubble_tea · Answer

This is tough. I really don't know, but I know people who found out they were the second option and were or still are happy together.

Folklore · Answer

Literally the story of my life. I usually just go with the flow and see where it goes. So far none of them have gone anywhere lol.

justbanANNAz · Answer

im not sure to be honest. depends on how much i like him.

Avenuewriter · Answer

I'd be pleased, I'm usually not even a fifth option in most cases.

Anonymous · Answer

I would say I was ok with it and the next time we have sex I would finish on her face and say "who's the 2nd option now bitch! " and walk out and leave her there covered in my dna

Anonymous · Answer

In every relationship one person cares more, sometimes only a little and sometimes a lot. No one is special, we are all types, all relationships are compromises.  Basically get over yourself.

mskay · Answer

No idea how I'd react to do tbh.. I guess it'd depend on how much of a crush I have on him.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel that I'm number one I shouldn't come second to anybody, not that I'm better than anybody but I'm equal them and knowing that I was someone's second choice would make the relationship harder because I would always know that and that would be on my mind making my self esteem lower

K1ll3r98 · Answer

i wouldn't care, if they love me, then that is it, they love me and no one else. i don't care whether i am a first or last choice

Beautifiedgirl123 · Answer

Walk away obviously, not gonna be someone's second option

Ihav2fart · Answer

Go with the flow as I'm doing now with @MissNowhere

Transigence · Answer

Everyone is a "second" (read: secondary) option. Nobody gets their first choice.

RedThread · Answer

Well they would be looking for a third option after that..

John_Doesnt · Answer

Lucky me and too bad for the first guy. I don't care how I get something I want as long as I get it.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd feel shattered and in pain and I'd refuse to see them anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not fair! But feelings can grow so don't give up right away.

AngryHorny · Answer

We don't all get our first option. My first option was Scarlett Johansson.

XNicholeMariex3 · Answer

LOL seriously? I'd say adios mother fucker.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't have crushes anymore either you like me or you don't make up you're mind

Catie101 · Answer

get out! i won't be someones second choice

Anonymous · Answer

Dump them immediately. I am no woman's second option.

Anonymous · Answer

Now that youve rejected him you're as hot as she is.

kambo_trick3y · Answer

Leave. I'm no one's second option.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

My pride is too damaged at that point and I leave.

ladsin · Answer

probably would break up. I couldn't deal with that

ShayanMortazavi · Answer

Break up with them, I hate being a second option

PizzaGuy22 · Answer

that would suck so bad ahaha

Xelebrum · Answer

"Fuck you too. :)"

Krillanr · Answer

Wouldn't care.

You finally get with your crush. They admit you were a second option. What do you do?

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