How can I date men who are comfortable with me taking the lead?

[tilly-32]

I have had 2 relationships and a few minor things so far. What I hated most was when my partners tried to give me orders or dominate me in the bedroom. One brought handcuffs, I hated it so much. So I read a bit and think I might want to try a more dominant role myself. The only question I have is: Where do I meet a guy who would like that too? Most guys on Tinder and stuff just assume I want them to take the lead and they get disinterested really quickly if I tell them I want to make decisions. Any better options out there?

[37helen_]

Girl, congratulations! I feel like so many of us are secretly unhappy with the "usual" relationship and for way more than those few that admit it, the real reason is that they are dominant.

Now, you'll only really know if you try and I'd recommend you do. I found out I liked being dominant when I was about your age (your profile says your 20), so I have done it for 10 years and found it really great. But not everyone does, and that's okay. Maybe you just didn't have the right guys so far, could well be the case too.

Anyway, if you want to try "femdom" (that's the sort of umbrella term for all dating and relationships where the woman is taking the lead), I'd start slowly. Of course, there's events (both more towards sex and so-called "munches", which are not about sex but community) and the infamous community Fetlife. You could start there, but it's not necessarily the best places for a slow start. Munches, while theoretically respectful and not about sex, often end in uncomfortable situations for women, even the dominant ones. Fetlife does as well, you'll have to be comfortable with dick pics if you join that. It's also not a dating thing, neither are munches.

For dating specifically (I understand that's what you're looking for), I have tried different general apps for the "community" (meaning BDSM people). I haven't found a good one so far, though. Most are badly maintained and/or have many fakes, and that's really not the atmosphere I want to be dating in. And not a good atmosphere for beginners either (my opinion).

So yeah, it's probably best if you stick to the stuff you know. Tinder, Hinge, Bumble. I totally get what you are saying, you will have to look for long. But it's also your best chance to find a "normal" person to try it with. It's not impossible. I've also recently heard talk of a new app specifically for femdom, called chyrpe. com. Apparently they're really focused on keeping it safe and respectful but it hasn't launched yet so we'll see. I think I'll try it, I can let you know how it goes.

Anyway, I hope it helps somehow. Good luck out there, girl! Feel free to DM me anytime if you have questions. It can be good to have someone to talk to. Depending on where you are based, I could also introduce you to some people, maybe.

[MarcusVelekram1]

This was very helpful. I tend to agree with the opinions you voice, though you are too kind to the general dating apps. They suck in regards to kinks.
I've also heard about Chyrpe as a platform for women that want to be in charge, and men that prefer to follow. You should definitely check it out.

[Billlewis]

Very well stated, ma'am.

[_Maya_]

Well start by eliminating the places where you have no luck. I work at a bar/club. While I don't think it is the greatest place to meet people it also isn't the worst. The reason I don't recommend it is because people are drinking. The reason it is good is there are a lot of people to meet. Are you in school? The campus I go to school at has a lot of functions for the student body. That might be an option if you're in school. Wherever you meet someone and the time comes for sex just be upfront with them about your dislikes. They don't control you.

[Finchie40]

Just be upfront about it and tell them that’s what you are seeking , the problem you might come across, is you will probably find Guys’ that will say yes to you , just to get laid. Most men in general have Egos , we were raised to be dominate and protective of a girl we give our heart to , are natural instincts , is to protect her and take care of her , so you are probably better off finding yourself a guy that likes to be both , dominate and submissive , Me personally likes being both , mainly to keep the relationship alive and the passion alive between us as well. But if you want to be completely dominate , you will probably have a hard time finding that , unless the guy is a complete Simp that likes being told what to do constantly. There are guys out there , that do like being submissive completely , but those relationships usually don’t last the long haul up , because the girl eventually gets bored and then starts craving a masculine man because she realizes her simp is a wimp. So you might find a guy like that , for the short haul , but probably not the long haul

[razelove]

Yeah, take the initiative to flirt with guys. Though it doesn't guarantee they'll be more passive, that does frame things with you taking the lead. Waiting to be picked up is taking a passive role, and putting the guy as dominant to begin with. How else would things proceed to any sort of relationship?

[Anonymous]

There are no particular places where you're more likely to find a guy like that. You just need to focus on a man's personality and behavior and gravitate to more effeminate and passive guys. You will not find a normal, masculine guy who is willing to be the sub in a romantic relationship. I mean they might be willing to "change it up" in the bedroom on occasion to be a good sport, but is is natural for the man to be dominant and the woman to be submissive sexually, and to a lesser degree in relationships in general. You are the exception, which is fine, but it does make it harder for you to find the right guy.

[SimplyPut]

Well if you're into a little bit of both a switch would be perfect. I'm speaking from experience and it is pleasurable to be the dominant one but it is also gratifying to do what needs to be done to get your partner her needs or their needs. There is some websites out there and apps out there that is dedicated to that kind of lifestyle and you can set your filters for your looking for. I don't know if I can actually name them without getting in trouble because of copyright and stuff.

[Joshydavid25]

Just be upfront and patience.. You definitely won't find normal guys who want to be told what to do.. Also, why does it have to be order giving? Not just a mutual love for each other while getting physical.. Seems very much like an ego thing..

[Guido]

It's gou g to be hard to fi d for a casual fling however in a true partner relationship, it's something that can be give and take where he is willing to let you be in control sometimes and you also let him be in control.

[aceleon]

go find a cuck, they arenot even actual mans they can't even dominate a fly so problem solved.

[Billlewis]

I'd like to apply for the position, ma'am, if that's alright.

[Yannae]

You can meet that guy anywhere, but you should probably mention the likes and dislikes Before you get to bed together.

[Ironic_Method]

I think leading with that information is a good start and weeds out the ones that aren't comfortable with that.

[HouseMoat]

Bed only, right? Cause a lot of the time, that will often translate to outside of the bed too. He might not like that

[Anonymous]

Look for a guy who drives a Saturn. It's been my experience that all guys that drive Saturn are recumbent urinators.

[Apple1996]

Look for submissive men

[Tim2nice]

You can take the lead with me anytime

[Anonymous]

Date guys who are Bisexual, maybe.

[shortster]

Find guys that are into it or don't mind.

[dolemite58]

date spineless guys

[Anonymous]

Girls who take lead on bed are 🔥🔥🔥

[Wood3nWhal3]

By sliding in my dms

[FenixG45]

AB-SO-LUTE-LY!

[FenixG45]

DM me

[riverrat3]

Keep looking

[riverrat3]

What would you have in mind