He looked at his phone towards the end and on our date… then he ghosted… was I ugly to him?

[Anonymous]

We had some u and downs in our text… we finally meet up and he ghost me…

[Effably]

It is much more normal that the chemistry just wasn't there. As much as us guys seem like we don't care, we very much do.

My simple advice is to message him and ask. It is very normal to share what you both thought and ask a question or two for the future. If a girl lost interest in me after a date I absolutely would message. Let her know its cool but just so I don't mess up future dates, was it something I did? Let the feedback commence!

As long as you make it clear that its for the future, not for you two and that you would prefer unfiltered truth, you very often get actually useful feedback.

[Asker]

I reached out 3 Times… he did respond one time saying he made it home and thanks for coming out … no plan of another date.

I asked him how he felt it went later on in the day…. No response.

I text him asking if everything was okay… I said maybe it didn’t go well… no response

Third message I poured out my feelings whether he cared or. Not…. I told him that I felt I deserved to know that you weren’t interested in talking to me again… I asked him if he thought I was ugly …

I told him that I wasn’t ready to meet him bc I wanted to get work done to my face.

I explained to him that he was actually the first guy I went on a date with..

I won’t lie… he feels that I’m unstable and he wanted to meet me to see who I am.

[Effably]

I am sorry to hear that. You have acted well you know. That was quite brave.

What he feels about your looks isn't important outside of you and him. So if you and he are not a thing, and it seems to be the case, it doesn't matter what he thought. It is useful to know going forward if maybe wearing that hat that said 'I shoot my boyfriends on the second date' was a bad idea. But you will survive without that feedback too.

If it is just looks that worry you I am more than rude enough to provide an honest view.

[Asker]

I just wanted to know if you thought that was the reason

[Effably]

No. My go-to guess is that the chemistry just wasn't there. Its beyond anyone's control.

[Asker]

But I really like him…

[Asker]

I just thought deep down he cared enough to tell me he wasn’t feeling it

[bededazzle]

that’sa pretty big logical leap. it doesn’t mean your ugly at all. it means maybe he wasn’t interested, but that’s not a big deal. another person’s attraction or lack of is not a reflection of your worth

[Asker]

Haha it’s me again… just trying to dissect what happened.. until I get over it. Sorry

[bededazzle]

it’s ok. i’m pretty active on here so i don’t remember. but no, it doesn’t mean you’re ugly. if you say that to yourself too much you’ll believe it, and i bet it’s not true