What questions do you ask before getting into a serious relationship with someone?

[DaveJord]

I am not talking about just going out or getting a cup of coffee together. I mean things you want to know after the third date, or before taking the next step.

[lightbulb27]

What I want to know and how to ask are different things:

I want to know their relationship to parents and siblings, offspring, and to their X.

Serious relationship history and prior dating history... especially what they learned about themselves, what they are looking for in relationship

Financial and work standing to some extent.

Spiritual and emotional health.

What they want to do in life... their values and goals, what they enjoy. how they envision life. Includes where they see themselves living.

Pets, where the pets are, how many, etc..

What they are like up and down. Both will have to be dealt with. probably only know by spending time...

How they handle conflict, communication, and resolve issues. Major issues can turn up if they are direct, indirect, passive... based upon the dynamics between the two.

Oh god... it's so complicated isn't it, but really doesn't have to be. Ultimatley, you have to know if you like them and if you can choose to love and honor them and remain healthy yourself.

[DaveJord]

I 100% agree, there are ways through casual conversation to get answers without asking directly, talking about their childhood is one of the most important things.

[DaveJord]

But asking about previous relationship is a no go for me.

[HawkPerception]

I think it's important to talk about all the stuff related to your core values. The earlier on the better. As long you don't ask in an interview-like tone, show genuine interest and show you want to understand them as a person, they should be respond with some enthusiasm.

I always try to bring up if their intentions in dating, if they want kids, if they smoke, what their hobbies & interests, views, and goals are in life (like where they see themselves in the future with their partner), etc.

If they don't want kids, smoke, have few hobbies and interests that are similar to mine (meaning there's not much that we would like doing together), have different core views (religion, politics, etc), and can't see themselves in an off-grid tiny house and living campervan life for a while, I cross them out as a potential future partner.

[DaveJord]

I mean dating is like a prolonged interview process... but there is no reason to actually make it feel like one. Casual conversation will yield more than direct questions and answers. I will share something about myself, on a subject then pause and see what she has to say. You can tell who is hesitant to engage and who is genuine.

[19magic]

Whether or not you want kids, get married, joint bank accounts, same homes, how do each of you deal with problems and what that will look like if you have a disagreement, how is that communicated between you, how involved is family in your life what normal does that look like, what are your financial/life goals do they aline with each other.

I think any of those are great questions once you've figured out similarities and a likeness for one another.

[DaveJord]

No kids but I am 47 not 26... so yeah at 26 that's a must know.

Joint Bank Accounts... hummm... that's a tough one. Because hell no am I doing that again. But again at my age, she needs to be established already by her own right.

[19magic]

See I'm yes and noping at joint banks, my ideal is a him, her and a joint account where we both transfer money to it for bills, shopping, rent etc and a joint savings.

[DaveJord]

Same here, but that's only after you have shared expenses.

[Nikki1989]

I don't ask intrusive questions that are none of my business. I am only interested in what our common interests are, if any.

[DaveJord]

So you ask about common interests then?

Now I agree I definitely do not dig into sensitive subjects like previous relationships.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I trust my instincts, which always helps me pick a good and a trustworthy man.

[DaveJord]

Lol... I. have seen too many posts from you that suggests different.

[Finchie40]

I ask her if she truly knows what it means to be in a relationship and ask her questions in regards to being in a relationship , to make sure it’s something she really wants and not just the thought of it

[DaveJord]

I used to be more direct with questions like this, but then discovered that women find it intimidating. So, I have found more subtle ways of doing it.

[BourbonAndBacon]

• Kids - yes or no
• Want to live in the city or country? I don't like big cities
• Do you have a good relationship with your parents? If she doesn't I want to know why?
• What are you looking for in a guy? I want to know if she will add to my life or just take
• What kind of vacations do you like? I want a travel buddy and I hate all inclusive resorts and shopping. I need adventure
• Do you exorcise? Don't need to be skinny and I would rather be with someone who is trying to stay fit so I can too
• What do you like to eat? I've dated too many women who eat whatever they want and are under 100lbs. I need meals to be healthy so I don't get fat
• What does the future look like? I want to make sure we are going in the same direction and want the same things in the future
• How did your last relationship end? If they've only dated toxic guys I'm out. If they've learned from past mistakes and are a better version of themselves I'm in

[DaveJord]

I never ask about previous relationships, that's a primary rule number 1.

The rest of that stuff I can learn about through casual conversation without even asking her directly.

[BourbonAndBacon]

If any topic is off limits, its a red flag to me. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that I couldn't discus EVERYTHING. If a woman had good things to say about an ex or has a history of dating good men then I'll go on a second date with them otherwise I would move on to the next.

[wolfcat87]

If you're not toxic, then aren't they trying to date better guys?

[DaveJord]

I don't worry about previous relationships, in time how she treats me and interacts with me, will speak for itself.

[BourbonAndBacon]

I was going out with 2-3 new women a week. I'm not waiting to see how she treats me. I'm weeding them out quick. I'm not wasting anyone's time

[DJB72]

What's your number? If she replies "you mean my body count?" then it doesn't go any further. If it's high enough to be referred to as a "body count" I'm not interested.

I know everyone has a past. I've been married 20 years now and I wish I could've told my wife I'd never slept with anyone before her. Even after 20 years she still sometimes asks if she's as attractive as my exes. Either of them.

If something happened to her and I was looking for another relationship I'd automatically walk away if she'd had more than 4 sexual partners assuming she's within 10-15 years of my age.

[lovalova12]

I am surprised that women feel so insecure with a man's exes because we find the majority of young women attractive and we do not compare that much. My most beautiful ex is not the ex I miss sometimes. I actually miss my "ugliest" ex (my friends thought that, although she was the fittest) sometimes, because of her sincerity and brains.

[DaveJord]

Rule number 1 never ask about previous relationships... body count cut too close to the bone for me.

I mean I have been with 17 different women, and I would never share that number with any woman and I would never ask hers. Because it doesn't matter to me.

But if anyone asked that question to me, RED Flag. Because I am not ashamed of who I am... so what are you really asking in asking that question.

[Anonymous]

Their life experiences, the relationship with their parents when they were children, their sexual availability and their body count. If you are more conservative, whether they had sex only in relationship or they also had one night stands. If you are more religious, if they are virgin or not. I would also pay attention too hear if they have some opposite sex friends who are attracted to them etc

[DaveJord]

Most stuff you can learn through conversation without ever asking.

Body count and previous relationships... those type of questions are very invasive.

My rule number 1 is never ask about previous relationships... and body count... nah dude. I been with 17 different women, but it would be much higher if I had my own way. But I would never answer that question.

I usually sat when asked, how important is that to you? Because I don't care how many you have been with and I would never ask that you tell me.

They either apologized or get squirmy... that's a RED flag.

[sawno]

I let things go organically, things will just come up since I like deep conversations.
If she can't hold a deep conversation thats no material for a second date, but if she can everything meaningful will just come up.

[DaveJord]

I agree there are lots of ways to learn things without interrogation.

[LazerBean]

Any question necessary to see if his values and goals in life are aligned with mine. Which happens to be a lot of questions, so I'm not going to specify them all lol

[DaveJord]

As long as you do not ask any question you would not answer yourself.

[LazerBean]

Of course

[IslaTheWitch]

Many, because we talk about a wide number of things and we both ask questions. So before we decide we want to proceed... we probably know enough to be sure we want it :D

[DaveJord]

You definitely get a sense where her interests are, so yeah through casual conversations you focus on those things... because over time you no were the trouble areas might be and eventually she's tell you without asking.

[LikesToSuckOlderMen]

Where do you think this relationship is going to go?

Because a lot of men nowadays just wants a one night stand up and that's it.

Or Be friends with benefits.

Because I was dating this guy for a year and then when we had sex it was good but after we had sex he just left and never called or texted me back, I was stupid because I gave him my virginity.

[DaveJord]

Well it's impossible to predict where you "think" any one relationship is going. But any man who seriously wants to date a women is thinking it will include SEX at some piont.

Sorry about your story, I have some serious relationship tragedies in my life as well.

[Amara_09]

I would probably first ask them if they are comfortable being in a serious relationship with a dominant woman

[DaveJord]

I like that, best to put it out there early. Just other day, I had told a woman that she is 90 miles away from me, how do feel about that?

She said fine. So, I said okay, that's a 4-hour drive round trip, so there is only so many times that you can do that until expectations develop. I am not spending weeks on dinner dates driving 4 hours round trip, without expectations.

[DaveJord]

Just be honest... I mean if she was 20 miles away, then I would put more time into it.

[Worrying]

How many other females do you chat/text with other than me?

[DaveJord]

That's a deadly one... like your shooting at the heart! I like it. 😉 🎯

I meet most online... and that bubble stays green after we've exchanged numbers and move it off site.

RED FLAG! 🚨🚩❌️🚩🚨

[NathanDavis]

"any chance, you know how to make... perhaps... homemade baked Cheetos?"

[DaveJord]

Is homemade Cheetos a deal breaker?

[NathanDavis]

not at all no... but very much my priority, yes

[NathanDavis]

it would let me know that it would go from very good to GREAT!!

[DaveJord]

I didn't even know you could make homemade Cheetos. 😂

Ingredients
For the cheese curls:

4 tablespoons (2 ounces) chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
1 cup (4 1/4 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons yellow cornmeal
4 ounces Monterey Jack cheese, finely shredded (about 1 cup)
For the cheese coating:

2 tablespoons Cheddar cheese powder
1/2 teaspoon buttermilk powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon cornstarch

[NathanDavis]

yes... you just need a smaller oven, lol

[RageBabe]

Are you married? No, seriously, that's what I ask.

[DaveJord]

That's a must know!

[RageBabe]

Yes. Lol

[DaveJord]

I usally address that by asking how long have you been single?

[RageBabe]

Similar, and then you have to wait for their long response, and then you start analysing. 😩

[DaveJord]

Their response will determine how much I analyze it. But honestly any less than 4 months off of a breakup, it's a concern to me. If she just says 3 months and that it... that's a good sign. If she goes into details, I did not ask for and yet she still feels the needs to do so anyway. RED Flag.

I had a woman answer that question with a lot of details about the marriage and divorce. When she was done, I said so 3 months then? She was yes what about you. I said 16 months since my divorce, but I have seen 12 women in that time and dated two.

She asked how they ended and why? I said its never a good idea to talk about past relationships... the reasons and factors that contributed to the failure of that relationship are specific to that person and has nothing to do with you. I will assume you are a better person then you were then, and therefore I hope you know that so am I.

So, after she just spent 30 minutes going on about her divorce and all the Red Flags that came along with it... she rushed me off the phone and we never spoke again.

[Crankor]

A recent one has developed, whether we want kids or not, do kids take priority. That says a lot about the type of person they are

[DaveJord]

Yeah, that definitely is something you want to know before getting serious... but that is something I usually want to know before even getting started.

[Crankor]

Just consider what the answer means for you

[DaveJord]

Ah... I think I get your point now. Just because she said she wants kids; doesn't mean I have to tell her I had a vasectomy already! 😂🤣😂

[Paris13]

Make Sure If you are The One to Want a Real Relationship. That They TOO Are Eventually Into It. xxoo

[HaveNoName]

The first most relevant question would be "what are your plans for marriage and what are your views on having kids and family llife?". Everythibg else is crucial but secondary.

[7Phoenix7]

I ask about their childhood and their family.

[DaveJord]

This is the smartest approach in my opinion. The answers to those types of questions will give you some tremendous insight.

[Unit1]

Questions, that reveal personality characteristics, values and compatibility.

This is so that no-gos are determined sooner than later.

[JacobJordan]

Kids, house/apartment lifestyle, job aspirations or sahm, things of that nature as those would determine if I stayed with a woman

[DaveJord]

Hey at my age any women who is not living on her own, or in her own place... renting or owning does matter. But if she is in her 40s with patents or roommates still... 🚨🚩🚩🚨

[DaveJord]

Parents

[sage2021]

Are you a drug addict or alcoholic?

[DaveJord]

I define want to know that before for the first date.