It’s to new! But if I don’t?

[Whitewulf]

Ok ladies and actually I’d like to hear the guy’s opinion on this as well.
whenever meeting a girl , and both are interested, talk every night and just basically getting to know each other.. more personal stuff is shared as you go, and I know that it’s normal for females to have men in their lives that are not necessarily dating material. It seems as though women have men assigned for different purposes. One is cry on shoulder guy, then can always count on for help like lifting and moving guy, and then there is the friends with benefits take care of her needs guy. ⬅️this guy is the one not talked about much, or find out about later guy. My question is, you have been talking to a girl for say a month and half, no sex yet but talk about it. Then you find out there is a guy in her life that she might sleep with if she so chooses or has in the past. I’ve had this scenario happen many times and while she was holding out on me because we were new I find out later was having sex with non romance guy. At this point I’m out. And possibly missed out on an otherwise great girl because of her choices.

if I speak up, and ask about this guy before she sleeps with him I’m coming off as insecure. In reality what I’m trying to do is hopefully let her know that if you sleep with another man after the point we started talking I will not remain in this relationship. Anyways I’d love to hear other’s opinions and guys, do you speak up? Or hope that she holds out for you?

[NathanDavis]

I've never had this happening before to me...

there was a time in college, in which the girl I was interested on would hang out with other guys and they would go out sometimes but just that, sort of a date but not sleeping around and I was just getting to know her

but the moment we started to hang out more, us... then she sort of made it more "exclusive" although we were not actually dating yet... and I never asked either because we were "not a thing" but she just did it herself, I guess this is as close as it gets to the situation you described

with the other girlfriends I've had, they were not dating anyone else at the moment

[Whitewulf]

I guess I don’t necessarily mean dating anyone but women always have men around. If you would have delve deeper you would have found there was probably a guy or two she was messing with. However I’ve always wished I could approach it in the way you did which is hey we’re not dating yet. But I start thinking about the future and if we become a couple and then I find out she was doing some guy after we met even if it was four days, it’s not something I can get past. So I gamble at say something early which has destroyed any possibility of relationships as well. I don't know know the solution

[NathanDavis]

so you just assume... all women HAVE to be messing around and keeping it a secret from you... is that how it is?

[IslaTheWitch]

I have male best friends. We have known each other long enough to build a really deep connection and care for each other.

I can understand that for the newly met man, it could be seen as a threat, but to be honest, I care more about my best friends, who have covered my ass for long years, than about a man who can't work with his own emotions.

The other thing is, even if we are close enough to sleep with each other, it doesn't mean we would. And I for sure wouldn't. I prefer to have a lifetime friend than a few months-long relationship...

For me, communication is the most important thing. I, for sure, would ask about everything that concerns me, and I don't care if this man sees me as insecure. Because if he does, it means it was a bad call.

And I'm insecure as hell. So it's better to know his preferences sooner than later :D

[Whitewulf]

So why is it ok for you to admit you’re insecure but if a guy has the same issues you are admitting to are going to ask then he’s just a loser who can’t deal with his emotions
That’s a huge contradiction and one that many women will accuse the guy of and will break it off but the guy will overlook. Either way you can think what you’d like about me. I mean I ask the question so openly admit that it is an issue that I have and is way more complicated than just “dealing with your emotions” I was just curious on the thoughts of others but I do know that this is the reason I’m single and always will be there isn’t a women alive that has the patience or would want to stick around long enough to find out why I am this way. And who could blame them I don’t.

[IslaTheWitch]

I just wrote, that if he doesn't like insecure women it's better to know it sooner than later.

The same for a man. If he is insecure, better to test the waters as soon as possible. Why should he invest his time and resources in the relationship which won't work anyway?

[TheSpaceGnome]

I've never experienced any of that.

You're going after the retarded women. I only date women who are creative and above average intellectually. They do not do any of that, they have 1 guy for everything, marry him, and are single virgins until that happens, and they can handle their own problems.

[Whitewulf]

Lol well I’m not sure if you’re on a different planet or just refuse to see the truth.. I don’t care how high class you think she is but they All have dirty little secrets that they will never tell you. Especially if you hold them to those standards

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope, there is definitely a difference.

[Staximus]

Yeah I don't play second fiddle

[Whitewulf]

But until you are exclusive you are second fiddle and so is he and him and that guy. See what I mean. And unless you ask you guys will never know about each other. 95% of the time when she says I’m meeting a friend it’s a dude. Otherwise she says I’m meeting Teresa for lunch.