I'm very much in love with a much younger man (40F, 25M), but I'm worried things can't work out long term with such a huge age gap What should we do?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a fantastic relationship with an amazing guy whose a lot younger than me (I'm 40, he's 26). The age gap really isn't an issue for us. Our maturity levels are compatible, we're in compatible places in life, we have very compatible libidos (more so than guys my age I've been with), and very compatible energy levels (actually more so than I have with guys my age, since I have a lot of energy). We get along great with our families. We've talked about it, and I'd actually love to have more kids if we get to that point in our relationship (the only reason why I didn't is because my ex didn't want more). Furthermore, we just love each other a ton. We're actually in a place where I'm highly confident we may get engaged soon, and there's a good chance we'll start trying for kids after the engagement.

And that's what's starting to worry me. We're super compatible/the age gap isn't an issue now. However, I'm starting to worry how long that will last. He finds me super attractive now, but will that continue for 10, 20, 30, etc years down the road? He's a super attractive guy and he could easily find a girl his age (or younger) if he loses interest. Will we continue to have compatible energy/capability levels? I do keep myself in super good shape, but age also catches up with us all eventually. Our libidos are super compatible now, but will that last when I go through menopause? Also, it's going to be harder for me to have kids at my age (although the doctor says there's still a high chance for pregnancy, so I'm not too worried there. But it' still something to think about)

I deeply love him, and I want to marry him and have kids. However, I'm just terrified things can't work out long term with such a huge age gap. I'm just getting worried about if this relationship can work out long term with such a big age gap. Is there are realistic chance it could work out, or is just not realistic? If so, what helps major age gap relationships work out long term?

[D_Bone_Steak]

14 years... so when he reaches 40... you'll be...

I see your point.

Women usually start to self-destruct around your age already, so you must've taken care of yourself. I'd say that kids is probably out of the question unless you have money and even then you'll run into all sorts of complications most likely. I'd say realistic if the genders were switched... men age like fine wine and women age like milk (if they take care of themselves).

You will probably need him to depend on you financially and accept he's going to want to bang younger chicks once he hits his prime and all the chicks really want him. What's his status with women... could he pull whatever he wants or are you like way better than what he can get on his own? I mean I'll bang chicks my own age but they already know... I'm just banging them and have no serious intentions at all. They just get some of my muscle right before they slip into the age where they have to shave that mustache on their upper lip and I wouldn't even let them suck my penis anymore. I'm talking orangutan tiddies and grey pubs that smell funny.

I'd say go ahead and try to make it work... your sexual market place value will eventually decline along with your other options... might as well try to get a LTR while you even have a chance. I have a feeling he's just happy (at this point and time) to get any vagina at all... I mean he's almost to his prime of 35, but he's considering a much older woman? I mean think about that... sounds like he has a lack of options and probably is awkward around women or something.

[KrakenAttackin]

@D_Bone_Steak. They see there men as a retirement plan.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@KrakenAttackin A lot of the time they really do. When I was his age I did keep a woman in her late 30's around, but I knew I wasn't going to be with her for life from the start. I just liked to smash that Japanese pussy.

... she became a problem eventually. Started getting clingy and tried to move in on me twice which drove me nutts. I had another girlfriend at the time (younger) and I needed time and space to bang her too.

That brings me to this chick... she has no idea what he's really doing. I don't think any guy really considers old blown-out pussy for the long term. She's obviously thinking about banking on it... but unless this guy is financially dependent on her... I'd say he's just having some fun and probably (like I did) has his feelers out for some younger girls on the side. I'm betting he has a stable job and doing just that, just having some fun. She's being a chicken hawk and thinking she's got a catch. Reminds me of women they called "parasite singles" in Japan. They were much like that a lot of the time... like, still living with their parents in their 30's and then trying to grab up some 20-year-old Navy dude just off base and get him hooked. The dudes that fell for it would get financially stripped and raked over the coals... he can try to make it work, but she's dry now and not interested in sex anymore...

I just don't think any reasonable dude wants to end up with a sexless Grand ma nagging him about shit and taking all his money when he hits around age 30, where I was jerking off about 8 times a day at that age and making my body count go through the roof as well.

She's considering a lost cause in my opinion. She can enjoy the sex stuff for now, but I doubt it will go anywhere... and that's what she is indeed thinking about... for it to lead to some sort of long-term commitment AKA $$$$$.

[KrakenAttackin]

@D_Bone_Steak. Many excellent points.

[Avicenna]

I think this is at least the third time I've heard this same (anonymous) story with the same details.

Anyway, there are a lot of things that can derail any relationship, regardless of any age differences, and you just can't reduce the risk of that to zero, so it will always be there. The fact that you already have kids makes this even more difficult.

You say this guy is attractive. Honestly, there is no way he will stay with some much older single mom forever. But I would suggest just enjoying it while it lasts.

[Lynnzee]

I'm in a similar situation, I'm 44 and he's 26. I worry about some of the same things and feel I have no one to talk to about it because my friend my age have kids closer to his age so they are always like I could never do that. We have been seeing each other casually for over a year and my biggest regret so far is not telling him how I really feel. I didn't know how to feel because I know he wants kids in the future and I don't know that I can give him that ( I already have 3). So I'm my head I want him to be happy with someone he can grow and go through things with because he has so much life to live. The reality is he's the one that approached me and gave him number. I told him my age upfront and he is fine with it and knows what he's dealing with. My point is the age gap may not be an issue he's already vested in you so enjoy it as long as you can. He knows you will get older and he will get older. I'm thinking more guys are starting to look for genuine love because it's so hard to find. Try not to worry he already loves you and is willing to take the journey with you. Worst case scenario is that some long term relationships/ marriages don't last anyway so enjoy every moment with your personal and hopefully it is everlasting love!

[Asker]

Even if you can't have kids biologically, would you be willing to adopt? That could fix up a lot of those issues

[Lynnzee]

I would be willing to adopt but if I'm going to raise another child I'd rather birth it myself. I guess I'm more concerned about finances and being judged

[Lynnzee]

I also just saw the Emmy speech from Harrison Ford. I forgot who is wife is and they are 22 years apart, I do still feel it's so much more acceptable if it's the man that older

[Valdemort]

Tell me, when was the last time you were able to look into the future?


1. None of us will know how your partner will feel about you in 20 years.
2. You could ask yourself the same. Maybe he is worried about you losing interest because he is young and you might want someone more mature and closer to your age. Which is to say: if that's what concerns you, discuss the issue and ask about his opinion/feelings/thoughts.
3. If your relationship does eventually come to an end. See it as the ending of a beautiful time you got to spend with someone you deeply cared for, rather than a loss that should have lasted a lifetime.


Regardless of how things will end up, I think being insecure about yourself is much more of a turn off, than being 'young' would be a turn on.

[Asker]

While I was hesitant at first, I actually think him being much younger is actually a plus for me. I've got a lot of energy and am pretty adventurous. Most guys my age can't keep up with me. However, he's very capable of keeping up with me. Also, his stamina in bed is pretty amazing

With that being said, I get everything's a risk. However, there's a big difference between a well taken risk and one that's a million to one chance. I'm just worried that such a big age gap doesn't have a realistic chance of working out in 10-30 years (even if it's working great right now)

[Valdemort]

Well, for what it's worth, one of my family members is dating someone with a 35 year age gap.

They're thriving and honestly, I don't think they're gonna part as long as their bodies don't give in.

You will be fine. Whatever struggle you'll have to deal with in the future, discuss these difficulties with your partner, because nobody else's opinion or outlook should matter. Only the two of you can make this relationship work.

If you truly feel like the two of you can work things out, there's not much to worry about.

[OlderAndWiser]

Every relationship has risks that could cause it to eventually fail, and if you dwell on this long enough, you can convince yourself that it is futile to try. For me, the bottom line is that you've gotta take a chance if you wanna find romance.

[Asker]

But how risky of a chance do you think I'm taking? Am I just shooting for some crazy amount of luck, or is there some realistic (not guaranteed, but realistic) chance things could work out long term?

[OlderAndWiser]

That is a question that you must answer for yourself because you know him and we don't. When you are sick, is he understanding and attentive, or does he find other things to do untiul you feel better? How nurturing is he? How much of your relationship is built upon your mutual sexual pleasure? Having babies at age 40 is challenging and you will need help; can you see him waking up at 3 am to check on a crying infant?

[BadApple69]

Ok. Here are my thoughts. When you start worrying what will happen 20 and 30 years down the road… you are done. Crawl into a hole and live your life alone.
Hell, we dont know what tomorrow will bring. Live every day as if its your last because one day it will be.
When i first started reading your story i was thinking about the kids angle. Not fair to the young guy not to have children but you are willing to have a child into your 40s then thats good.
Women live longer then men anyway so the age discrepency is in the right direction.

Follow your heart not societal norms… enjoy each other for as long as you can…. 1 day, 1 year, or 100 years… we just dont know what life will give us.


Good Luck!!

[RavVid]

About 10% of marriages are between an older guy younger girl with a 10+ age gap. Most are with 2-3 age gap. Female older age gaps are much rarer. It is by no means equally distributed.

I think when the age gap is that large than the older person should go into it prepared to let the younger go. They should have that level of mature love. If you can honestly do then I think just see how it goes.

[Asker]

So you don't think there's much we can do to make it work out long term?

[RavVid]

Not necessarily. I would say there are more challenges in this relationship then there are in most.

Frankly you are almost a generation older and potentially that can bring challenges later that you can't anticipate. But that is also a relationship advantage as you will be more grounded I expect than a younger woman would be.

Marriages are high risk regardless and I don't think this one is anymore high risk than any other. So go for it. I am having a second take having had more time for thought.

[Peter_Penetrator]

It can work. But he must realize that once you go through “The Change”, your libido will drop off due to the discomforts that sex will bring. If you do plan to marry, you need to respect that without hormone therapy, a lot of things about you will change. And not for the good.

[Asker]

Do you know of anything we/I could do in order to make those difficulties work out?

[Joshydavid25]

He's young, but not a spring chicken (well in comparison to you, he may be).. He seems to be very attracted to you, and you must look good because you take care of yourself.. I'm sure for years to come if you keep it up, you'll still look good, and you guys can grow older together. Plus you can have kids still, so it's fine.. When that menopause time comes you guys can figure it out.. It may not be til your 50s.. You never know..

[Arush9]

If u think things will not work n ur worried already. Then i will advice u, just enjoy each other company n keep it simple rather thn making it more complex.

[Asker]

We're actually in the place of our relationship where we're moving towards possibly getting engaged and trying to have kids. Consequently, I think the days of some casual simple relationship have passed

[Arush9]

I don’t knw how to add u. M new here. But can talk openly in private chat. Here I can’t say or asked some questions openly. Bcz i respect other’s privacy.

[abc3643]

You, 40, having kids... That's going to be problematic. You might want to talk to him about kids.
However keep going. If you've been together for at least a year, things will probably be OK.

[Asker]

I haven't gone through menopause and the doctor said I'm still capable of having kids biologically.
But even if I can't have kids biologically I'd still be fine with adopting (and he's said he'd be fine with that too)

[HawkPerception]

As long as it's mutual, it's completely fine. I would date a 45 year old woman if I found her physically attractive and she had a personality I resonate with.

[Asker]

But do you think that the age gap would become a bigger issue 10-30 years down the road?

[HawkPerception]

Honestly the way I think is, if the person makes you feel happy and they have a lot of chemistry with you, the more time you spend with them, the better and happier you'll be in life.

There are plenty of men that are with women 15 years younger and some 20+ years in difference. Men also generally die younger than women. So that means the women are usually alone longer than men.

Just do what feels right to you. He'll do what feels right to him too.

[Hannajenky]

I would say just take it day to day. There’s nothing immoral about a relationship like this but it may be a bit unrealistic to expect it to last long term.

[Asker]

My concern is that we're starting to enter into the part of the relationship where we're seriously thinking of getting engaged and trying to have kids. The 'taking it day by day' thing was how I took it at the beginning, but we're now moving past that point.

[Grond21]

We don't know if it will work out for sure. You never do. But if you keep loving each other, keep sacrificing for each other, placing each other first, it absolutely could work out. So lean into the hope instead of the fear.

[OddBeMe]

Toughy but that’s life. I would say guys are more easier to maintain so if he’s already committed, not sure what’s the worry.

But yes, relationships with closer age gaps work better. Doesn’t mean yours won’t.

[Asker]

My concern isn't whether or not we're compatible now. Right now the age gap isn't actually a problem (and in some ways is actually a plus). My concern is if the problems with an age gap will get far more difficult in 10, 20, 30, etc years

[slatyb]

Why do you have to do anything besides what you are already doing?

[Asker]

I'm sorry, I don't quite understand your question. Could you rephrase it?

[slatyb]

Just keep doing what you are doing?

[laly520]

as long as it works for u then ok but I dont think it would last long, younger guys usually move to date other younger girls after a period of time

[Asker]

So how good of a chance do you think there is that this could last long term?

[laly520]

it's a 50/50 thing
either works or not

[2_beHappy]

If he s meant for you, then you two will definitely end up married! Have a little faith!

[Asker]

But how can things work out long term with such a big age gap?

[2_beHappy]

I know that probably you heard this a lot, but age gap doesn't really matter If you two are compatible on all areas of life.20 years is indeed a big difference , but things can work out , with determination and ambition from both of you. You just have to want it.

[Fireguy17]

that is only 15 years difference.
As you get older the age difference will matter less and less.

[Asker]

I was actually worried it might matter more (for reasons I mentioned in my question above). Why do you think they'll matter less?

[Fireguy17]

because say he is 55 you will be 40, there isn't as much of a maturity difference by then, even when you are into your 30s.
And I am not calling you immature.
Just your tastes and what you like to do might be different to some degree now, vs when you get older.

[sheenagwapa]

I don't know i don't satw yoyng i date around my age preferably a bit older than me... you can try

[FunkyMonkee]

Did you ever see the movie, "Harold & Maude"?

[DextroShade]

He is going to leave you, especially if he wants kids. You should be looking for an older man.

[LiamJHayden]

No one is even guaranteed the rest of today. Enjoy each other.

[DreamLife7]

Why are you speaking for him? He doesn't even like you 🤣.

[Asker]

He definitely likes me. He's made that very clear. haha

My concern isn't if he likes me or if we're compatible now. It's how things will work out long term.

[DreamLife7]

No, he doesn't. If he did you'd have a ring. Stop speaking for him