Why can’t I relax around girls?

[JamieRobinson1994]

I turned 29 and still don’t know why I still can’t relax around girls? For over year now I’ve been starting conversations to conquer my social anxiety and few months ago I started conversations with girls but it’s so difficult because my voice shakes, my body shakes in excitement, I trip on my words and when the interaction is done I start to dwell on the errors I’ve made but don’t beat myself up too much because at least I’m conquering my fears but it’s not easy. A lot of guys talk to girls so easy as counting 123. How do they do it? I do rely on alcohol when I socialise especially when I talk to girls but I hate idea that I’m so reliant on alcohol. Is there anyway I could overcome it properly?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, don't be so hard on yourself. Talking to new girls, especially ones you find attractive, is intimidating as hell for most guys, myself included. We've all been there where your voice starts shaking and you feel like a flustered mess!

The good news is it does get easier with practice. A couple things that help me relax:

- Remember they're just normal humans too. Most girls are actually flattered by a guy politely introducing himself.

- Compliment something specific, then redirect the conversation to shared interests like music, sports, whatever. Ask her questions to take pressure off yourself.

- Practice deep breathing before you approach. Take a few slow, calming breaths to release tension in your body.

- Don't dwell on past interactions. Everyone trips over words sometimes - they'll forget way faster than you.

- Consider taking up a social hobby like sports league or Meetup. You'll get comfortable chatting in lower pressure settings first.

Keep at it man, and try not to rely on liquid courage either. Build that confidence from within through experience. You've got this bro, just be patient with yourself along the way. Let me know if any other tips would help!

[NormalBoringGuy]

• Embrace the power of chaos!
  Instead of trying to calm your nerves, intentionally amplify your shaking voice, trembling body, and stumbling words. Embrace the chaos within you and let it flow freely. Who knows, maybe girls will find it endearing or even entertaining.
• Embrace algebra!
  Turn your errors into math: Instead of dwelling on the mistakes you've made during interactions, transform them into mathematical expressions. Write equations to describe your social blunders
• Embrace alcohol-inspired confidence!
  Rather than trying to overcome your reliance on alcohol, fully lean into it. Make it a ritual to down a shot or two before every interaction with girls. Embrace the liquid courage and let it fuel your confidence. Just be sure to drink responsibly and within legal limits.
• Embrace Normalcy!
  Instead of following traditional dating norms, create your own unconventional approach. Serenade girls with kazoo music, initiate conversations by reciting Shakespearean soliloquies, or wear body odor. You got this!

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Something that always helped me is to be satisfied just to have a pleasant conversation. The more I think a guy gets ahead of himself with his desires like wanting to date, wanting to have sex, wanting a girl as a girlfriend, the more nerve-wracking the conversation. So it helps to try not to get ahead of yourself and stay in the moment.

You tend to do that anyway with more experience because it's no longer such a huge deal anymore to get laid or get a date. You become increasingly satisfied just having fun talking to people, girls and guys alike. Then you really start mellowing out.

[JamieRobinson1994]

That’s not my mindset anymore looking for pleasure, I just want to talk to girls about anything without feeling anxious or relaxed. I only slept with 2 people and both times happened 2021 by luck.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I think some more practice, and completely sober, would help a bit in that case. It helps to practice everywhere you can like even asking a cashier how her day is going. Also make sure your body is very comfortable. If you feel uncomfortable in a chair, change position.

[Sonorous]

Maybe you're putting them too much on a pedestal? I used to be the same when I was a kid, but as I got older, I just see everyone as human with their many strengths & weaknesses. It makes me not so afraid of what they might think of me due to me understanding that we can all learn from each other & nobody is inherently superior to another.