Who has it harder when trying to date - women or men?

Question

IHateBeingaMan · Accepted Answer

man people will say men, due to how for all time, the unfairness of men always being expected to make the first move and do the approaching, asking out, taking the lead, having to do the courting or initiate courtship, because of that, women will never have to deal with even close to the amount of rejection men have to deal with.

Women normally don't risk having their social awkwardness or social ineptness be dismissed or be perceived as weird or creepy, uncomfortable, when interacting with the other sex but men do unfortunately obviously.

Its like Women can get away with not understanding social boundaries or social cues, but men can't.

Obviously because for all time men are the ones expected to make advances on a woman they like and if the advances they make are awkward or in violation of the womans boundaries they are labeled as creepy or weird or stalkerish.

Obviously women will never have to deal with that because their never expected to make advances on a man they like and let's say if the roles were reversed or flipped around, as in, if women did make advances on men they like.

Women will never risk getting thrown those negative labels because women won't be perceived as a danger or a threat in a man's eyes but obviously it's not that way the other way around because men are typically on average a little bit bigger and a little bit stronger than women. Because of that, men can easily unfortunately be perceived or viewed as a danger or a threat in a woman's eyes.

Even though people will say to men to don't walk on eggshells when interacting with women but I do believe obviously men need to be more careful on how they interact with women a lot more than the other way around due to what I said above.

So yeah basically men need to be socially smarter than women do or just men need to have much better social skills or have a much higher Social IQ than women do when navigating social situations or social interactions.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I am a man. I know what challenges I faced when I was dating. I HEAR what other guys say about their difficulties but I suspect that much of what I hear is excuses from butthurt guys who never really figured out how to date. And guys who claim they are dating successfully may be telling lies to compensate for their failures. Meanwhile, guys who actually do date successfully are more likely to not be arrogant braggarts and I may not be hearing anything from them. So. . . I don't REALLY know how difficult dating is for guys in general. All I know is what it was like for me, and I am dating in a different generation with different rules, different expectations, and women with potentially different attitudes as compared to younger women.

And I certainly have NO CLUE about how difficult dating is for women. I hear some of the things they say but have no reason to automatically believe that I am hearing a realistic picture from them.

More importantly. . . I'm a guy and the challenges that confront me are the challenges that confront me. It doesn't make it easier believing that dating is more difficult for women and what do I gain from believing that dating is easier for women? The answer to your question cannot be ascertained with any reliability and certainty, and if it could be ascertained, it would not help me in dating.

birds · Accepted Answer

The answer, like most things in the realm of human relationships, isn't straightforward and depends a lot on perspective, personal experiences, and the social context we're talking about.

From one angle, men might feel they have it harder in the dating world because they often feel the pressure to make the first move, come up with creative date ideas, and handle rejection upfront. There's a lot of societal expectations on men to be assertive, confident, and always ready to pursue, which can be pretty daunting, especially in a world where rejection is just a swipe away.

They often have to navigate a minefield of unsolicited attention, decipher intentions, and deal with societal expectations to be desirable yet not too forward. Women are also more likely to be on the receiving end of judgment based on their appearance or age and might feel the pressure to settle down by a certain age due to biological or societal reasons.

But here's the thing—dating is hard, period. Your gender doesn't matter.

The rise of online dating, while making it easier to meet people, has also introduced a whole new set of dynamics and pressures, from ghosting and catfishing to the paradox of choice—having so many options that it's actually harder to make a decision.

Ultimately, the "harder" part is subjective and varies widely based on experiences. It's about finding someone you vibe with, and that journey is rarely easy but definitely worth it.

PetLover24 · Accepted Answer

Women.

Because soo many western men nowadays chase cheap whores that dress cheaply, act cheaper and offer easy sex so young girls think this is what men want. Just look at today's "role models"... there's not one truly respectable woman who's achieved anything, instead you’ve moronic celebrities who often dress like street tramps or prostitution rings made fabulous in the Kardashians.

Unless that girl has good parents or self respect she's gonna grow up acting cheaply, dressing cheaply, be used cheaply and ultimately end up with some douchebag loser because legitimately good guys don't want a prostitute.

.

But seriously there's a reason why an increasing number of more decent western women are NOT dating western/American men. Instead turning to Europeans or educated people of different ethnic groups such as Christian Egyptians.

Because western society men are again either chasing sluts or their behavior simply isn't desirable. I mean Americans nowadays are more prone to video recording an accident than helping.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I truly think it just depends on the situation. I’ve seen both have it easy and hard. It just depends on the circumstances, personality traits, the people we are dating. I think there are so many things that would be needed to take into consideration and even then I still don’t feel it’s accurate to one has it better or worse than the other.

Finchie40 · Answer

Men do , mainly because most men don’t get the attention that most girls’ receive , if a decent looking guy walked up to a girl at a club and said to her let’s get out of here and make out , his chances of that actually happening would be very slim to nothing , she will more than likely look at him like he was a perverted asshole and feel threatened by his actions. If a decent looking girl walked up to a random guy in a club and said let’s get out of here and make out , He would more than likely be all about it lol So that’s just an example, Men don’t get the attention that most girls’ receive on a daily basis , For a girl to be interested in a guy, he pretty much has to check off on all her preferences, As for guys’ we
Don’t really have that many preferences , if she is attractive , has a decent heart and treats us well we are all about her , A Girl has a list of shit that needs to be checked off for her to be really interested lol

ManOnFire · Answer

I think it isn't quite that cut and dried. I think dating is harder for certain types of men and women. Although I might lean  slightly  towards men, because women want men to feel hopeless and distressed about getting a date or even sex. Women want men to feel like we are at their mercy, so they want to try to control those dynamics.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Why didn’t you make it a poll? Anyway there are doem hard statistics about this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/11n8qrq/recent_stats_show_that_63_of_young_men_are_single/

Without a resounding doubt it’s much harder for men when all else is equal (looks, wealth, status, etc). However I also know that complaining about it will absolutely resolve nothing.

So I am not complaining because this will never change. However the only thing I am asking is that woman could acknowledge the very real privilege they have here. Acknowledging it won’t make the privilege go away. It make some women think twice about being unnecessarily rude to men who are trying to date them.

Rude when the guy didn’t do anything wrong other then being guilty of the great crime of being unattractive to the woman and having the gall to approach her. You can reject someone and be respectful about it.

Many women just assume that if they rudely reject a man then there is another girl around the corner for them. The same way they are used to always having another guy around the corner for them.

Ah No. Hell no. That isn’t how it works for guys ladies. Never ever assume a man’s dating life is the same way as yours (when all else is equal). For 99% of men it’s not even remotely the same. That’s not how it works for most guys. Just have understanding about that and you help you make better judgments when it comes to tactfully rejecting men.

QuickToAsk · Answer

Women have it harder.

Men usually date for sex. Women usually date for a relationship. It's easier to get sex than a real, stable relationship where the 2 people feel genuinely connected & are willing to work on things for the well-being of the relationship. I've often said: Which is easier to get, a faithful partner/soulmate, the house with the 2 door garage, the picket fence, the kids, puppies & kittens playing in the yard... or sex? I mean, come on... you tell me. Women predominantly want so much, men predominantly just want sex. It's really that simple. I know there are women that date for sex & men that date for relationships, but they fall into the minority. So, uh, yeah, women pretty much have it harder.

Bonus Things: Predominantly, women aren't as confident or well-versed as men are when it comes to approaching because usually men do the approaching. Also, men are waaay more used to rejection than women are. So, it's waaay harder for women to make that first move if their crush is either oblivious to the fact that they're liked by her in a romantic way or simply doesn't even know know she exists.

Agape93 · Answer

Women.  Guys worst concern is getting rejected or made fun of. At worst, a false allegation.  We have to worry about being stalked, kidnapped, beaten, mutilated, raped and killed.

ComteDeSaintGermain · Answer

Women have it the hardest. Men are privileged in society. Society treats women like they are sex objects. Society tells men to only pursue women for sex and that any other form of relationship with a woman that is not for romantic reasons is a waste of time. So, men see friendships with other men and women as a waste of time, and sex and romance are the only relationships that are important in life. Which teaches men not to value women as human beings but only see them for sex and reproduction.

This leaves women with a lack of quality men to choose from.

tremendousfern · Answer

Women are the gatekeepers of relationships. All they have to do is agree to go on a date with any one of a number of men who proposition them. So if a woman is having a hard time trying to date - it's entirely self-imposed and likely due to her having ridiculously high standards.

For men it's the opposite. You're casting a wide net, asking as many potential women out as possible - facing rejection and shit tests very frequently until you stumble across someone who likes you. Men absolutely have it harder.

razelove · Answer

Men, we have to work harder to have multiple options at any given time, and the burden of keeping things lively, as well as initiating any sex falls on us. Add on to that the frequency that you have options, get them back to your place or theirs, and then in the morning they get buyer's remorse.

I'm not sure how that changes with age. I haven't tried to seriously date in close to a decade though, and just kind of take what falls into my lap now. Unicorn hunting is way too much effort when you have a family.

Kelley1 · Answer

Women have easier because 90% of women can get dates but only 70% of men can get dates. Furthermore, most women can date up, but, ignoring the 2% exceptions, no man can date up. That rule applies up to about ages 45; the crossover point. After age 45, dating is more difficult for women.

Therefore, it is harder for men to date. However, ignoring the 5% exceptions, men will date down but they will not marry down. Therefore, for marriage and considering all ages, it is equally difficult. The crossover point is age 30. Prior to age 30, it is easier for women to get married. After age 30, it is easier for men to get married.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

We have it harder. I have been groped before, I have been stalked before. Men are physically stronger and if they want to do harm, they can easily overpower us and harm us.

Some guys may not be aware, and even some girls may not be aware because guys throw themselves at us. But because they do that, it can give you the false security that you have access to all guys all the time. But you get older and you may have to compete against the younger women.

On top of that there is that biological clock that just keeps ticking. Or you drown yourself in the attention you get from the guys. Or you start looking for your soulmate from the get go and you have to filter out all the guys that aren't right for you.

loveslongnails · Answer

In my opinion, of course:

... these days I believe it's more difficult on men. When your group is primarily the "asker", you're going to be primarily "the rejected". Egos are fragile these days and if men get a few rejections early on, they will retreat and work against their own odds.

If you're a woman, rejection comes more in the way of not being asked out by the one you WANT to ask you, no matter how many other men ask you out! I'm not saying that's a bad thing - you should never accept a date with someone you don't want to spend time with. There should never be such a thing as a "pity" date.

Anonymous · Answer

It just goes both ways. I think a relationship once you’re together should work both ways. Both people should be giving equal effort, and if anyone thinks that is bad… I think they have a problem. Because they expect their partner to love them. But they don’t need to love their partner. Makes no sense to me.

In a traditional relationship the men do the work and the women do the housework and childcare. Now both parents should bond with the child. But I mean childcare.

But a lot of stay at home moms now. They want to bitch and play the victim. Act like their husband is the worst. Because he goes to work and she had the privilege to stay home. A lot of men who stayed home with kids habe said irs the easiest thing they ever done.

Not all stay at home moms. Some are great people.

GrantArmstrong · Answer

Women have it harder by a mile. The only hard thing for me was working up the confidence to ask, and that would have been harder if I were female seeking male because women make so much more effort to be approachable and kind, and because our culture expects them not to make the first move.
Women have to worry about the small but still terrifying percentage of men who are rapists and killers, the large percentage of men who are just jerks, the massively greater cost in time and money and health to be accepted as attractive, body shaming, slut shaming and other double standards, and their narrower window to reproduce.
I probably still missed some.
So, women trying to date men, I feel for you and I'm sorry our world is so fucked up. There are still many success stories though so try to focus on those.

EnglishArtsteacher · Answer

Women.

Women are more likely to be killed by a date, stalked by a date, and overall face violent crimes from a date (as well as boyfriends/husbands for that matter).

Sure, men may get rejected more often than women, but being rejected with a bad case of blue balls is better than being murdered.

Drew-1990 · Answer

I think it's equal just different problems. Guys have to work so much harder to attract a girl and get ignored by most of them and girls seem to get a lot more attention to the point that they have to filter out the good from the bad. Problem is because they have more options they become more picky and the good ones often get pushed away so they keep finding bad ones that look like good ones.

Glideess · Answer

It's hard to objectively answer this because I obviously have never dated as a women. However, my general impression is that guys have it a lot harder nowadays. Even a below average woman can download Hinge and get a date tomorrow if she wants to. For even average guys it's a lot harder, there's way more competition for dates. I think this is also reflected in how each gender vents about dating. Usually women will vent that their dates aren't good enough while guys will vent that they aren't getting any dates at all.

Bricealan · Answer

Depends on where you are on the totem pole of attractiveness. Obviously a good looking man or woman gets more attention by the opposite sex, and you go from there. Good looking members of each sex, have a easier time attracting potential partners.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Depends on your attractiveness. Attractive women have a harder time than attractive men, but unattractive men have it much harder by default than unattractive women. Basically as a below average man you’ll die alone unless you find a clever way out of your unattractiveness. Which usually involves making as much money as possible.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

Women no contest

because women have less time than we do

women are born with their beauty and fertility which only decreases as they age

It’s much harder for women to lose weight also

this is why it’s ok to make fun of fat men but not women

And because women have entirely too much competition as far as attractiveness goes

This is why Attractive men have such an easier time because there isn’t Many of them

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Women have it far more difficult than men. You have to take into consideration the safety aspect. Sure, guys might get nervous when meeting up with a woman he doesn't know all that well, but the woman has the fear of being raped!

Anonymous · Answer

Both have it hard either way because Guys typically pay to take a girl out and go to her town on the first few dates and if it doesn't work out or if the guy doesn't like the woman then he may feel like they wasted his money and time. However, girls have it harder because they have to worry about being killed or being stalked by a guy who won't take no for answer and they have to worry about where they meet because they don't want to get raped or killed.

Starrrboy · Answer

I can't really decide.. women have more options , they have value just by existing , but more likely to get played and used... and guys usually need to work for it and they're usually the provider they need money and stuff , but they don't have to worry about being safe or getting objectified... it's kinda even in some way..

deus_ex_sisyphus · Answer

An ugly man will have more challenges attracting a lady than an ugly lady attracting a man, but an attractive man will have a significantly easier time than an attractive lady. In general though, if you as a man are born short and of low socioeconomic status with bad genes (i. e. balding by 18) I believe you will experience more dating hardships than a woman with the same circumstances. - ugly/average men have it harder, but hot women have it harder than hot men.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Not difficult at all as long you still within reasonable standards.

Trying to date a physically beautiful woman while the dude himself is average or below average and financially broke then he's going to have a hard time getting with such girl.

Same goes for average or below average looking women trying to date men that are far better looking then them and rich as these men tend to date only pretty women only.

coolbreeze · Answer

Women have more options then men. I know girls that get 100-300 men messaging them everyday on dating apps. Men don't even get that type of message volume. I think women can be more pickier when choosing their partners.

molonski2 · Answer

I don't know , I would have thought its about the same , I've never really had any problems , I think people tend to exaggerate these things but thats possibly country dependent , it should be about the same.

rebeliouse · Answer

as the song says She's as soft as a bubble bath I'm as hard as a Chinese math so guess its the guys thats harder :p  by the way quality song :D

PeachyPie93 · Answer

They both have there challenges.  But more so if you are an unattractive woman and for men it tends to be harder for them if they are socially inept.

Anonymous · Answer

Most of the difficulties men face in dating are imposed by women.

Most of the difficulties women face in dating are also imposed by women.

The answer to your question can be found in the two preceding sentences.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Depends on the point of the date... you trying to get laid or find a relationship aka find a sucker that will help pay rent? Men and women have different goals at the beginning.

JacobJordan · Answer

Hmm very much depends on the perspective of the question. If we assume from the perspective of attention men have it far harder. If from threat level women face more physical threat. Men face more emotional, and legal threat

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Not going to be biased. It’s as simple as who is mature and who isn’t. For maturity comes with being a reasonable adult that knows how to communicate and problem solve things like an adult

sheikalana · Answer

I feel it's harder for men. Men have to deal with way more rejection than women.

AmazonChick171 · Answer

Women have it the hardest. We have to watch our because we’re more likely to get rapped, stalked, killed, seen as sex toys and cat calling. I wish I wasn’t a woman sometimes. It sucks.

Labokachulaa · Answer

For me it was men. It was a breeze dating women and it was always exciting for me, even when it didn't work out.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

If the woman (especially an unattractive one) is the type who just waits around, she might be at a disadvantage.

RebelinSteel · Answer

Both, the world is a crap place at times for everyone. Everyone has different pressures and problems.

Likes2drive · Answer

Obviously men since they do the asking and we don’t know who is single but women know themselves are single so if they asked out a guy he is most likely single since it’s usually more single men than women

slatyb · Answer

It depends on supply. If there are more single men than women, dating will be easier for women, and vice versa.

Sonorous · Answer

Come on the answer to this will always be Men. Easy.

DextroShade · Answer

Men and its not even close. Half of dudes can't even get a date whole all women have to do is chose from the many offers they get. Anyone who thinks women have it harder is fucking retarded.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

It's by a billion times men. I would say though I think women probably have just as hard a time finding a lifelong companion due to many of the complications of Western society nowadays

Unit1 · Answer

I've been consistently having sex with my hand since I was a teenager. There was an exception period when I was 23 but it was short lived. Also I hired courtesans a few times.

Paul09 · Answer

Under normal circumstances. Men have it harder. They have the make all the first moves. They have to wow her to even get a chance to date. I myself do not even know how to start up a conversation with strangers.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Men have it harder, but women have far more to lose if she chooses badly.

strateguy632 · Answer

lady say we harder, man say we harder. i man so as expected i say men harder

electromagnetic · Answer

People with shitty personally and unrealistic expectations and standards.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Men have it harder. If we didn't than please explain why men are preferring to stay single and stay home to play video games instead of chasing women?

IslaTheWitch · Answer

harder? whoever sets expectations for themselves or their partner...

JHAYES317 · Answer

Definitely men…partially due to their own doing…establishing the whole courting process was a mistake because that then forced men to ask out women, pay for dates, etc…plus the emphasis on height

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the way you want to look at it.  Men have the hardest time getting dates. Women have the hardest time getting quality dates.

Ironco · Answer

I'll have to say the men. We battle all the rejection and keep coming back for more. And in today's world, the ladies are very picky. Didn't mean that to pick a fight, but it is true.

CaptainSmartass · Answer

I'm gonna say both, but for different reasons. Men have to put all the work in to attract the women, but the women have to deal with less than ideal candidates, shall we say. Simples...

Anonymous · Answer

On average men but the top 10% of men have dating in easy mode. Women tend to date the same men over and over again.

Fireguy17 · Answer

dating is a pain in the ass for both men and women. It is a lot of work.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Hmm in the US probably guys if I had to go based off what I hear and see.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I think a little of both genders?

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

Women, because who knows what baggage or lies that man has lol ♂️👞 🛄🛅 thinking the worst lol 🤣😆

Crankor · Answer

The initial process is easier for girls but to actually find someone that isn't crazy is the same for both

Slapmynuts · Answer

Always men! Women control everything about dating! I'm not saying that is bad but they have us by the balls when it comes to this topic!😁

Who has it harder when trying to date - women or men?

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I think a little of both genders?

Who has it harder when trying to date - women or men?

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I think a little of both genders?

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