Does knowing the person you're dating had an abusive ex make you less attracted to them?

[Starrrboy]

It's not like their ex just woke up some day and started being abusive and treating them badly all of a sudden.. they let that person in , saw how bad they are , and then decided to stay , at least for a while.. knowing that the person you're going to be with was violated like that by someone out there , and the fact that they choose that person and decided to put up with all that.. it's just makes them so weak and violated which is a huge turn off , right? also , people who had an abusive partner usually get messed up for a long time which means deep down , they're gonna hate it when their new partner is good to them and intentionally or unintentionally try to go back to their old life..

[avery58]

I don't really like to judge abuse victims, everyone responds to trauma differently, but I don't think I would personally get into a relationship with someone that had an abusive ex again.

I tried that after getting to know someone for some time, I knew he had an abusive ex girlfriend and had a full mental breakdown over it years ago. He always talked about his former relationship with her, and when I asked him why he always mentioned her if he claimed to be over her and moved on he told me that it had been a big part of his life because it was his first real and longest relationship but he didn't love her anymore. It did raise some red flags to me but I really liked him and the chemistry we had, and decided to give it a try. He seemed serious about me, he even introduced me to his family and I thought he had real feelings for me.

But shortly after we made it official he became distant, when I confronted him about it he told me he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he just had been lying to himself that he was and about his feelings.

It made me feel used and taken for granted. She wasn't even better than me in any way because besides being abusive, she was obese. I couldn't understand how someone like that could mark his life so much yet overlook me and my care.

I just let him keep working on himself and I don't hate him or anything, we're on friendly terms... But if he ever has a change of heart, it's way too late for him now. I lost all my feelings for him. I hope everyone finds the love they deserve but I don't think I'd put myself in that situation again.

[Starrrboy]

Yeah, trauma bonding is real and people act like it's not 🤷‍♂️..

[DishLady]

I’ve seen this impact a relationship in two different ways. Either the woman “protects” her new guy by creating distance (between her and him) so her ex doesn’t catch wind of the new relationship and make a scene OR the new guy just prepares himself for the inevitable encounter with Ex1… and whatever happens happens.


To some guys the hassle of a violent ex isn’t worth it bc their feelings for the girl aren’t THAT strong, but I’ve seen a few scrappy dudes determined to defend their new relationship.


So it all depends on the new guy, the girl, and the intensity of what they’re feeling for eo.

[HelpfulWoman]

no no. a lot of abusers literally do that (1st sentence). its how they trap their prey for the majority.

[Starrrboy]

I really doubt that lol.

[Lliam]

No. .