Getting compared to abusive ex?

[Anonymous]

Me and my girlfriend were having an argument over a miss communication about a text sent earlier in the day where she thought I was making fun of her but I was making fun of the situation. I had apologized about it and told her I didn't mean it in that way and wouldn't try to do that and not do that in the future.

The argument continued and I said how about we pause and I can leave for a bit so we can calm down. She took this as me asking her "do you want me to leave." Apparently this was a term her abusive ex would say all the time. She immediately said I was the same as him. I don't know what to say to this and was extremely hurt by this comment. Looking for support

[Guy13]

I'm sorry that this happened to you, however, the reality that you are dating a woman with unresolved psychological Relational issues is apparent. The GRL gotz Baggage and are you wanting to be Handler? Due to my wiring, my penis would have gone flaccid at that utterance and I would no longer have to tie it down to leg for those moments of randomized awakenings. Free Willy as Willy is Dead. It is nothing I would ever bring up or discuss as I would be waiting to see her reactions replicated.

Remember, there are always two Abusers when one has been identified. "It takes two to tango" I always heard and you might have your first glimpse of her part in her past Trauma.

Of course you can not reach out to the Ex even though it would be soooo helpful... because he would have too much fun blasting the recording on Social Media to prove how Bat Shit Crazy she was...

Watch... Unwind... communicate but do not instigate or overreact emotionally. What is not dead must first die to actually discover who you are with. You ready to leave living, move into a slow bleeding death at your expense, and then hope she or you have enough respect of each other to try to rebuild it OR go the other way as friends.

Either way, you are going to live the Experience. Protect your Thinking and Doing. Hope it works out as you wish for.

[Anonymous]

This is actually a bit concerning because it shows that she’s still harboring trauma from her last relationship and may not be ready for dating until she addresses this. From what you wrote, you sound like you try being reasonable and I’m not sure how what you said was interpreted the way she took it. But what you don’t want is to always be walking on eggshells to avoid triggering that sort of reaction. Because then you will become silent in an effort to accommodate her, passive just to keep the peace, and creating a cycle that becomes toxic, leaving you walking away from the relationship with scars you didn’t deserve.

[Asker]

Yeah it definitely already feels like walking on eggshells around her. I love her but this has been very hard.

[Anonymous]

Explain your sentence to her clearly and that you didn't mean to leave her but wanted to take a break to sort things out for getting back with her with more understanding. This would solve out your issue. Clear your misunderstanding with her soon so that you don't lose her