Are we having an emotional affair?

[Ofoceansbeaches]

A close guy friend has been codependent for about five months now with me. He keeps on wanting to know how i am and finds other ways to contact me if I deactivate my fb. Sometimes if I reactivate, he welcomes me back on the same day. For the past three to four months, he has been used to often taking care of me asking how i am and acting as my doctor since he knew i got sick. It seems he is happy with always taking care of me and being the rescuer. He also likes to compliment me and wants to be complimented back in turn.

Lately, he got in an accident which needed surgery. Although he got in an accident and is in the hospital, he still asked how my health was and told me to check on him before and after his surgery even remotely.

He also talks really sweetly with me and said sorry he caused me stress. The problem with him is a year ago, he is not that transparent with me and did not tell me he has a girlfriend, he told me it was his room mate but with our common friend, he told him it was his partner. I got upset and ghosted him. He fought to be back in my life and the codependency ensued. Sometimes when we talk, he leaves his house and tells me he'd rather talk in a cafe or gym because someone else might hear.

He also complains about the "room mate" to me and tells me his room mate is abusive and he can't wait to leave the place. He did leave and began to stay in my city which is also his hometown but it looks like he still has communication with the girlfriend.

His emotional dependence and codependency with me is a bit alarming so im wondering if im already in an emotional affair without knowing it.

[bobalife]

Looks like this is the same post on different account… yes, just walk away if you have morals and respect for his girlfriend that he’s hiding. It just smells of BS all over on his end about hiding her. This is very messy and full of drama. This ain’t co-dependency but just catching feelings. Like I shared before this isn’t platonic…. Seems like many people do this with their “friends” while they’re taken 🙄 If you really wanna be with him; then, tell him to break up with this girl he’s hiding than continuing this……..

[D_Bone_Steak]

Um yeah... you're already accepting undue attention.

I mean think about it... If I stalk you around on the internet and flick my toungue at you... am I just being a really nice guy? Point is he might not be flicking his toungue between a peace sign at you, but he might as well be. Him and I are not different in any real way except for how we're going about it.

Bottom line... he's creeping on you, and I think you're problem is you like the attention, and thus let him continue to orbit you. Learn to self-validate girl... because if you wanted his intentions, you would've already sucked him off, toungued his anus, and fucked him so much his dick is raw. He wants to fuck, and you just like the validation.

[mobiusforniner]

He wouldn’t be doing these things if he’s happy in his current relationship. I can say this, because I was that guy. He likes you. And if he keeps doing things for you, you either enjoy it or you haven’t made the boundary clear. He probably convinces himself you’re his friend and he doesn’t immediately attribute his actions as being nefarious. That’s what makes emotional affairs a grey area because there’s no physical contact, at least not yet. Separation becomes far more painful when emotions get involved, so make it clear where you stand.

[PeachyPie93]

Yes you are both in the wrong. I don't know why you would still talk to him after you found out he had a girlfriend. Unless you happy in that arrangement and know if you ever date him he will do the same to you.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, it sounds like you've unwittingly landed in the middle of an emotional affair tango, and it's a dance that’s intricate and loaded with intricate steps! Emotional affairs are sneaky; they usually start off innocently enough - with just a little extra attention, care, and those sweet-nothings whispered (or texted) into your ear. It's that special flutter you feel, but then it slowly escalates into something that leaves you questioning, "What are we?"

The codependency you're describing, particularly with him reaching out constantly and finding ways to stay connected even when you step back, is a classic hallmark. The line “I need you to check on me” while he's in the hospital? Definitely pulls on those heartstrings in more than just a platonic way. Plus, his not being transparent about his relationship status from the get-go? Yikes, that's a red flag waving in the breeze of potential emotional infidelity.

The secrecy about conversations and his complaints about the “roommate” (aka girlfriend) to you further thickens the plot. It's as if you're becoming his emotional sanctuary from the storms of his other relationship, which isn't fair to you or his partner.

So, what do you do? Firstly, heart to heart, it's time for some soul searching on what you want out of this connection. Setting boundaries is key. If this relationship strains your emotional well-being or crosses lines you're not comfortable with, expressing these feelings and establishing clear limits is essential. It might also be worth exploring what this connection provides for you. Sometimes we find ourselves entangled in these situations because there's something we’re seeking, be it validation, affection, or an escape from our own realities.

Remember, though, you deserve a relationship (be it friendship or something more) that's built on trust, clarity, and mutual respect, not one shrouded in secrecy and half-truths. Flirtatious or not, ensuring any relationship enhances your life rather than complicates it is paramount. Love should feel like a two-way street, not a crowded roundabout with no clear exits. Keep dancing, but maybe choose a dance floor with a bit more light. 😉

[Finchie40]

He is having the emotional affair with you, if he has a girlfriend already , but if you are single and not dating anyone , than you aren’t in the wrong whatsoever , he is by investing his time into you over investing his time into his girlfriend

[DishLady]

I think he's just sharing with you... I'd presume friendship unless he says something specifically "affair" oriented.

[Account]

I get the vibe that he is a pathological liar and perhaps he also has BPD, but I might be wrong.

[boggboss]

U are in one and know you are by the volume of questions u ask about him

[SotiCoto]

I can't possibly stress how much I don't give a sh! t about any of that.

If you have to ask, just stop doing whatever you're doing.

[Drumlin2001]

Affair? No. But I don't think its very healthy. Does your boyfriend know abou it all?

[jahaims]

If you wouldn't say and do the same things in front of your partner then yeah

[DreamLife7]

He's just using you for attention and help. And you're dumb enough to allow it

[KrakenAttackin]

He is your Simp and emotional tampon.

[thisAppIsGarbage]

Who cares? You don't.

[RedInnocent69]

Not sure what constitutes codependence here.

[Earthly]

How much younger is he?

[laly520]

he is wasting time

[eagle1951]

maybe