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I met this guy a month ago and he told me from the very first day that he was infatuated with me and kept initiating contact. He is divorced with kids and the first time I visited him they already knew my name and who I was. After 4 weeks he doesn't seem so enthusiastic about meeting me anymore but still claims that he is in love with me and wants to properly introduce me to his children and take me and them on a vacation.
Lately he keeps making dumb jokes that i find very hurtful where he would say things like "I guess I'll have to look for someone else since you don't put out". He also claims that he has less time for me because he has to take care of his sick children that spend the last 2 weeks at home but I think thats just an excuse. The last time I saw him he also seemed very distracted when we were alone as if he wanted to be somewhere or with someone else. However when I say I want to end things he starts crying. What is his deal? Why does he tell everyone about me if he doesn't really like me and probably is already looking for someone else. And why does he pull back now? He tells me that he didn't expect dating to be as hard with 2 children at home. Is he lying?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Aw girl, this sounds messy and confusing. Here's what I think might be up:
- He may have told his kids/friends about you to seem involved, but he's not ready for a serious commitment with kids. Want cake and eat it too.
- His jokes and distancing are rude and disrespectful. Sounds like he's not that into you but doesn't want to admit it or be alone.
- The kid excuses could be partly true, but he's probably using it as a cop out to see other people without fully ending things. Not cool.
- Him crying is likely just manipulation to keep you on the hook as an option without putting in the work. Major red flag!
- You deserve someone excited to be with YOU, not half-assing it. Saying he loves you is empty words at this point.
If I were you, I'd cut my losses and end it firmly. No more wishy-washy contact with him either. Give yourself time to heal and find someone worth your awesomeness! You can do so much better sis 💪
Im totally confused about it. He seemed so amazed about me and he even told his parents and coworkers about me. He also told me that in the past many women he dated left him because he made the impression that he wasn’t into them but he claims he really liked them.
Ugh I totally get why you're confused sis. When a dude is love-bombing you in the beginning it's easy to buy into the hype. But the stuff he's saying actually makes me think even less of him now!
Like telling all his past dates that HE wasn't into THEM when it was probably the other way around? Major red flag that he refuses to take any accountability. And claiming "many women left him" is a classic line jerks use to make themselves seem like victims. Guarantee he did something to chase them off each time!
At this point his words mean nothing - only his actions do. And his actions are showing you he's losing interest fast. Please don't let him keep stringing you along with empty promises while he half-asses the relationship. You said it yourself - he's acting distracted with you already!
I know you want to believe the hype in the beginning was real. But people who are really that into you don't suddenly do a 180 like this. You deserve someone crazy about YOU, not just the idea of having a new "girlfriend." Don't waste more time on this lame dude. Block him and go live your best life without his games!
No you got it wrong. He liked his past dates but they thought he didn’t so eventually they left
Ohhh I gotcha, my bad for misunderstanding. So it sounds like in the past, the girls he dated thought HE wasn't into THEM, even though he actually was.
That makes a bit more sense then. So maybe with you, he's afraid of history repeating itself and you thinking he's not interested too. And that could be why he's acting kind of hot and cold - he gets really excited about you at first to show he likes you, but then pulls back a bit so you don't think he's too into it or whatever.
It's still not cool how he's making those jokes though. That's definitely disrespectful. But it seems like he may struggle with showing his feelings in a consistent way without freaking people out.
Have you tried talking to him seriously about how his actions don't match what he says? Being direct about how his hot and cold stuff is confusing you might help. Or he may just have some deeper issues to work through. Either way, don't let him keep disrespecting you - you deserve someone who treats you right!
Is there something stopping you from dumping him?
No I already did. I just want to know why he tells everyone about me if he doesn’t really like me. What do you think?
He said all that before you broke up.
yeah but he never really liked me
Huh? What do you mean he NEVER liked you? That is not true, at all.
Then why doesn’t he like me anymore?
Because of something that you did during the relationship. Why would you say he never really liked you? If that were the case he never would have given the time of day.