Could it be that I'm good looking but at the same time not attractive?

[T_treeoil]

I've spent years being single and alone. I've heard here and there of people complimenting me saying I'm good looking. Especially recently. But again I have never been asked out nor approached. I don't wanna hear anybody says "well maybe it's because of your personality" cuz I'm pretty sure a stranger approaches you for your looks not your personality. I think I'm quite beautiful but ig people don't think so that's why nobody is ever interested in me. For the longest time I've believed that maybe I'm too pretty and intimidating for people to approach me but that sounds like an excuse now. Maybe it's because I'm actually just undesirable. I always wonder how other girls get their crushes to like them back so very easy while I can't even get the guys I don't like to even like me, let alone my crushes. The most attention i get from the opposite sex is glances and that's it. I'm just sad, lonely, and depressed. Please be kind. Thank you!

[ChicoFromThe305]

Don't beat yourself up over it, people are wired differently and the reason some people are together is mostly out of circumstances, and looks do play a part but not fully, the mind works differently for people but let's not forget how humans can easily overthink, kinda like how u are doing now and i dont doubt that some just dont see you as their type cause thats for everyone but movies make it seem more common than what it is, I can give many examples on how circumstances play a huge role in it but overthinking is real, they might assume you are already taken, they don't feel comfortable to approach, aren't mentally in the proper state of mind to do so, they can be insecure, shy, the possibilities are endless, you don't look unattractive, and you are far from unapproachable ugly, many couples meet in unpredictable/natural ways, not the whole prince charming walking up to you and picking you off your feet crap lol

[T_treeoil]

I think most people use "attractive" and "pretty" interchangeably but in a sense, these two words are actually kinda different. I don't know how to explain it well since English isn't my first language but I'd try. What I meant here is whether or not I have good looking appearance but at the same time something about me doesn't pull people in even if I have attractive features and appearance. For example, like is it possible for people to think "oh she's pretty but I wouldn't date her" something like that. I hope I explained it well and thank you very much for your comment It's very helpful 😉❤️

[ChicoFromThe305]

It's possible but there's many possibilities that might have nothing to do with appearance that are the reason they don't approach you, i think you are attractive and approachable cause you look like a cute chick, that wouldn't mean that it's enough to eliminate any other reason they might have for not approaching tho.

[Berethor]

Spent years? you only 18, good looking and attractive looking is the same, unless you look underage? and I don't think that you look underage, if the picture here is yours.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Moe

[T_treeoil]

You do realise teens actually date, yes? I used "years" cuz it is exactly what it is. My friends talks to guys and date all the time or at least have guys being interested in them, while I sit on the side and watch cuz none of those happen for me. And yes it is me in the pic.

[Berethor]

Yea teens might date but it's odd that a girl less than 18 worry about it so much.

[T_treeoil]

I'm actually turning 19 but ok. If you can't be empathetic and understanding then it's fine but don't make me feel worse just because I'm worrying about this. I can't decide what to stress over or how my mind works. If I could, do you think I'd be sitting here complaining about it? I know it's a stupid and petty thing to stress myself over but what can I do?

[Berethor]

I think that it legit thing to stress over but not at that age, you are still very young. :)

[T_treeoil]

Same thing cuz since when did different problems come with an age-limit?

[Berethor]

It not a problem with age limit, but it really become a problem at much older age.

[T_treeoil]

It's different for everyone

[IslaTheWitch]

it is not about what you think... but what other people think... and it mostly is something you don't want to listen about...

but it also can be a lack of confidence...

you know the best... you just must be honest with yourself

[dragoblack]

Many have a hard time asking out pretty ladies (our brains go dumb and brainfog around women we find attractive), so we have a hard time knowing what to say, since normally talking to women romantically is like a minefield of "say the wrong thing once, or be even the slightest bit awkward and she loses complete interest.".
So it may not be your fault, but dating society and how it exists in its current state. If you are demi romantic, like me, it is even harder, because people don't want to put in the effort to get to know someone before dating or even getting sexual.
From my experience (and it may just be my area), people tend to hookup, then jump into a relationship if the sex is good. A great deal of the time, it ends up being a super toxic relationship, that may end up with a kid being born.

[HawkPerception]

You are 18 years old. RELAX. Also, you can't be a homebody and introverted, never going out and expecting to be asked out or having guys approach you. Swiping left 95% of the time on dating apps isn't gonna cut it. If you want a relationship, socialize.

[T_treeoil]

I'm not even on dating apps cuz I don't trust those and I do socialise. Hope this helps

[HawkPerception]

Then what are you doing to socialize and find people to date?

[ProbablyClueless]

Don't beat yourself up, but it is possible to be good-looking and also unattractive, yes. I know several women like that.

My most recent ex-situationship is that way. She's a very physically appealing woman who, once you get to know her and she doesn't feel like impressing you anymore, has absolute dogshit for a personality.

[T_treeoil]

What kind of personality would you regard as unattractive?

[ProbablyClueless]

Rude, aggressive, combative, condescending.

[T_treeoil]

Oh… I think I align with most these except the condescending part but i only do it as a joke tho. Do guys realize some women do it as a way to show interest?

[ProbablyClueless]

Eh… we do know that, but we also know that more women do it because it’s who they are as people. We recognize that being combative and unpleasant is her communication style. And I personally don’t have the patience for it.

Whether or not it’s just a woman’s flirting style kind of falls into the category of questions that are too much effort to ask. All I know is that she’s getting unpleasant with me. I don’t know her particularly well (maybe even at all), so I don’t know what worms I’ll find by asking anything further.

It’s easiest for me to just talk with someone else. And that’s what I do.

[Knightwatch27]

In my experience people who are alone/single for a long time have that status because they fixate and obsess way too much over single vs in a relationship. A relationship happens organically and unforced because you find someone you connect with. You can't do that if your every thought is bent on the whyfores and whynots you aren't with someone. That doesn't make for a healthy partner or person overall.

[T_treeoil]

You're right. I know it's supposed to be unforced. Maybe it's my sense of curiosity, always being rejected, and the fact that people around me getting approached all while I don't that make me think this way

[Billlewis]

I think you're very beautiful, as well as attractive.

[Dongie]

Heh, you are cute. Maybe it falls between the cracks for now. 18 is a baby. When that first one comes along you'll line'em up.

[mayurr]

Don't know but you r not alone.

Many people around me say that it's impossible that u don't have any girlfriend. at least there is one.

But in reality there is none till now😂

[Twalli]

You don't have to always be approached. Talk to thr guys you want to. It'll be pretty clear I'd they're even remotely interested once you start talking.

[T_treeoil]

Well given the fact that every guy I have liked and talk too never liked me back... I don't know

[Twalli]

Make a list and decide what are preferences and nonnegotiable aspects. Don't pay attention to preferences, and only look for guys that fill your nonnegotiable parts.

[Awesomesauce2005]

Its not your fault. Guys get rejected so much that they have all but ceased to ask out girls.

[Awesomesauce2005]

I feel exactly the same way you have described and have had extremely similar results. I am a very social and charismatic guy and yet here i am no dates to be found. I've been trying constant for three years with no luck.

[shortster]

You look super cute. People don't really approach others anymore.

[nawtee_me]

You do look to be a beautiful girl and I can’t speak for others. However, for me I would ask you out without question. Where would you like to go?

[noohair]

Years? You ar just 18. Give it time. Work on your vibe.

[T_treeoil]

Why do y'all keep saying the same thing? I'm old enough to drink alcohol but not enough to feel a certain emotion? And another thing, teens around me date all the time just like any other teens around the world. So, what's so out of the ordinary for me to feel this way?

[noohair]

If you are in the USA and your profile says 18, you are not old enough to drink alcohol legally. You can feel a certain way and it feeld real to you. But if everyone arounds you is wrong and you are right, it could be a lack of perception in you that everyone sees except you.

[T_treeoil]

I'm not from The US but since my own country is not an option I just put whatever. There's no wrong and right cuz it's harming nobody. It's just the way I feel.

[noohair]

Ok, I think I understand.

[Anonymous]

Years! 😆😆😆 you're 18! Could it be you're a little overdramatic.🤔

[T_treeoil]

All y'all do is invalidating my feelings atp. Jokes on me for thinking maybe strangers could offer some advice. "YoU aRe tOo YoUnG" as if teens don't date all the damn time, while I watch on the side. Overtime, I just feel jealous and curious about dating since that never happened to me. What's so wrong about it?

[T_treeoil]

And I get rejected on multiple occasions too. If you can't say anything nice nor helpful better not say. Given the fact that your 40+ you should've better than to ridicule me for feeling.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not invalidating you. I just think you're worrying to much about this, blowing it up into something bigger than it is. You're responsible for your happiness not other people. When people say it's your personality they mean these other women that are getting approached are actually being more active. Men approach women who give the feelings of wanting to be approached. Maybe you got RBF. Guys don't like rejection any more than women.

[T_treeoil]

You could've said this from the very start but thank you!

[Opinion Owner]

Worry less about what people think of you and more about whether they do right by you. I don't care if a 1000 women reject me. It doesn't dimi is who I am.
Know your worth! And your loved ones would better determinant of that than a guy you've never really met. Just be you, let your real self shine and the guy that's your match will eventually find you.

[Opinion Owner]

Diminish* not "dimi is"😆

[OddBeMe]

No. Attraction is mostly dictated by the perciever’s childhood.

[jahaims]

You are still a dramatic child

[T_treeoil]

Kys😜