At what point should a man stop paying for dates?

Question

I am new to dating so I’m curious as to how other people will answer this.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months and recently he’s been asking me to pay for our dates, either half or fully. At the beginning, he payed for everything so it’s been confusing me. I also do not have a solid job yet due to frequently traveling between home and school so paying for these dates is hard. I make money selling my art but not as much as he does and I feel like we never get to do anything unless I pay for half. A part of me feels like I’m being treated like a friend instead of a girlfriend, but another part of me feels it’s my responsibility as a partner to pay half anyway. Let me know what y’all think!

Personal_Dictionary · Accepted Answer

"Man": These creatures are known for their complex wallet-opening abilities and are often expected to pay for dates, at least until their bank accounts weep or their partners decide to contribute.
"Pay": To exchange money for goods or services, or in dating terms, to fund the fun stuff like dinners, movies, and those overpriced coffee drinks with fancy names. It's like a transaction of love, or at least that's what your wallet tells itself to feel better.
"Dates": Social outings where two people hang out, usually with romantic intentions. It often involves activities that require money, like eating edible things at restaurants or watching moving pictures in theaters. Sometimes it's just a fancy word for hanging out, but with more pressure and less sweatpants.
"Boyfriend": A male partner in a romantic relationship. He's the guy who used to pay for everything at the start, but now realizes his wallet is crying itself to sleep and thinks it's time for a financial talk.
"Confusing": A state of mind where your thoughts are like a tangled mess of wires, and you're not sure if you're supposed to be a generous boyfriend or a frugal one. It's like trying to understand the plot of a romantic comedy, but with more facepalming and less laughter.
"Responsibility": The adult version of homework. It's when you realize that being an adult partner means contributing financially, even if your inner child is screaming for free snacks and movie nights.
"Partner": Someone you decide to team up with in the game of life, sharing experiences, bills, and the occasional argument over who pays for the pizza. It's like having a built-in friend, but with added benefits and the occasional financial discussion.

RavVid · Accepted Answer

For me it would be an eclectic mix of factors.

First is she dating other guys? I'm not gong to be one of a throng and even if she isn't currently, I am not gong to pay for anything cause I am passing.

Second does she seem to have serious intent and does she have the character I'm looking for? In my case one of those virtues is having a traditional mindset and in that case I need to be traditional also.

I would expect the virtue of being co-operative kick in and being able to spend time together without great expense. She is meant to be interested in me more than fine dining. At this point where we have tacit agreement we both want to see each other than I think that is the point she should contribute if not before.

One person's dollars are not another's which applies to between couples as well as intra-couple. I just don't think it can be a categorical after third date it is dutch as an across the board rule.

It is important that there is respect between a couple and even if she was broke and I was earning a lot, I would still want respect from her. I would want to give her opportunity to contribute at a level she could afford.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

I’d say offer after Date 3… but expect some compliance by Date 5/6… and make sure to approach the guy in a way that doesn’t bruise his ego.

I dated a guy who loved to go out and pay for everything. One day he picked me up at my place and while I was sliding into my shoes and grabbing my purse I took his hand and asked him to pick something I could pay for.

He appreciated the approach bc if I had asked him in public he would have just laughed and waved the question away. But this way he knew from the start of the day that I wanted to do something nice for him.

That was perhaps our 6th or 7th date. It was good timing bc by then I knew more about what he liked, we could pick out nice spots or activities together, etc. (Go carts and ice cream… a great day, more so bc I was able to contribute.)

At the end of the day he dropped me off and said the cutest thing: That it was sweet to offer to treat him and he had so much fun, but the best treat I can offer him is to just be with him and let him spoil me.

Honestly, it caught me off guard. It was the first time Id experienced a guy just being so giving as a partner.

We finally settled on an “80/20 split” so I could treat him to a date every few times.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If your income is as meager as you make it sound then you can’t afford date nights, so why you do you expect him to? You shouldn't ask him to do what you can’t do as well.

Yes, in the beginning he was paying for everything but depending on how often you want to go out, it gets expensive even once a week and anyone can get tired of funding each outing every time.

I’m about 5 months shy of being together 3 years with my boyfriend. He paid for every single thing we did for the first year and a half of our relationship but that was because I wasn’t working and he not only worked but had a side hustle. Fortunately when he lost that side hustle I had just gotten a new job, so we both do our part’s contributing. That means if we want to go on a date but he doesn’t have money, then either I cover it or we don’t go. Same goes for when he’s got the extra cash, he buys everything.

But moral of this is there is a fair but healthy balance. It isn’t fair for you to expect that he pays for your outings just because you can’t afford it. You are a team, you’re supposed to pick up each others slack and help one another.

AviatorTom · Answer

You should agree to go on dates that you can afford, together. It's nice when both partners contribute to dates. Rather than paying half, why not take turns. He pays for one date, that he arranges, then you pay for the next date, that you arrange.

Best thing to do is sit down together and work out a plan that works for you. I know you're not married yet, but that's what married couples do... to maintain a good relationship.

hahahmm · Answer

You are not entitled to his money. Before you tune me out let's think about what this means. You say he makes more money than you... implying that he can afford to take you on all the fun expensive dates you want. Actually he may have goals and plans for his money that have nothing to do with taking you out. For all you know he only has as much spare cash as you do, once he sets money aside towards his goals. You are not his wife. He is not obligated to make his goals secondary to you. In fact, even if you were married he would be a fool to do that.

The fact you think this paying for dates thing is a big deal also means you're not so focused on real relationship issues, in my opinion. When I met the woman who later became my wife, the last thing anybody was stressing over was who paid for what. Sure, I was willing to pay but she often offered & showed that she knew she wasn't entitled to my money.

FriendlyGiant34 · Answer

On first hand i'd say it's the person who initiate the date. (the once whos inviting)
On the other hand, ones financial situation can change, and in that case i'd say you need to have a honest talk with your boyfriend, and tell him how you feel about him expecting you to pay all or half. You could say the lines of: I'd love to pay, half or even sometimes all of the bill, but right now my income situation is not so great, so i can't really afford the travling cost's, back and forth from scool to home + paying even half or the full bill'' You could then propose with alternative suggestion: How about i shop some items, and cook us an homemade meal for us instead? An cheaper solution for your current situation. And between you and me, a homemade meal is a direct way to a mans heart, and soul! God bless, and i wish you both the best in life.

Anonymous · Answer

This all depends on you as far as what you want. But it also depends on what he wants. I used to always say the men should pay, but now w it being 2024, a lot of women wanting to be independent boss bitches, you have to look at each situation. If you’re looking for something traditional than you have to be more traditional yourself. Meaning you can’t expect him to pay for this and that, open your doors, court you, then you expect to go out partying w your girlfriends on the weekends of girls trips if he doesn’t agree w it. You need to talk to him. You’re almost a year into this relationship, a lot of things should have been established by now on what each person is looking at. What exactly are you looking for? When your finances improve are you ok w picking up the bill as well?

Unit1 · Answer

At what point should a man stop paying for dates?

That's something you and your partner decide.

Me wants to go 50/50 in early dating stages. It's the easiest and no added risks of feeling used or owing someone. Plus it repels gold diggers, who are only after a free meal or resources.

MisterWack · Answer

You can tell him you’ll pay for your meal he pays for his, tell him upfront you just want to start paying for your own meals.

Tell him, “You’ve done so much for me and I love you for it, I think it is time I start taking off the burden and paying for my own meals. I just feel like I’m taking advantage so, it needs to stop. I’m sorry if I offend you. I love you so, please understand”

Nikki1989 · Answer

Date gentlemen that are not cheap and have some class, and you won't have that problem.

Billlewis · Answer

Never, in my opinion. I've occasionally even continued to pay for her dates with other guys, after we've stopped seeing one another.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd say when it becomes exclusive then she can start contributing. Think of the guy like a car. You're not going to start paying on a car you haven't bought.😆 Even still, the guy should ALWAYS pay the majority. With the EXCEPTION being if you make more money than he does. This typically isn't a problem as women don't typically date men who make less.

Always remember if the guy is worth anything he'll take pride in paying for the majority.

SotiCoto · Answer

Under your circumstances, I'd imagine him continuing to pay would make sense.
Equal pay only makes sense when both participants are making an equivalent amount of money. It should be proportional to income.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

If you're having sex with him, why can't he even treat you.. a meal? I mean, it's just food. It's not like you're asking for a diamond necklace from him.

Apple1996 · Answer

Never he should always pay or try to arrange a cheaper or free date if he can't afford to pay

Truthatanycost · Answer

Stop? He shouldn't start paying. Didn't women fight for equality for decades to have equal rights...

paledreams · Answer

I wouldn't even pay for both her and me for the first date even. Not even. 50 50 all the way any day 😉👌🏻😁

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Literally the exact moment she refuses to fuck

DarkLegacy · Answer

There should no rule that states that a man should pay for the dates in the world of equality.

slatyb · Answer

It depends on how much he is earning. Mostly I never expected my girlfriends to pay for dates.

jahaims · Answer

Why would he have to pay for all or most of them? Men and women are equals. Pull your own weight and don't leech off of others.

DreamLife7 · Answer

He doesn't see you as worth the investment. He's about to kick u to the curb

IslaTheWitch · Answer

he should pay for himself...

mandyfire98 · Answer

I always go dutch no matter what.

exitseven · Answer

After she dumps me.

written_in-the-stars · Answer

After breakup i am guessing 🤣

shortster · Answer

When he stops asking you out.

justabuddy · Answer

I'm a big fan of 50-50. No expectations.

Anonymous · Answer

I assume he was the one that asked you out

At what point should a man stop paying for dates?

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