OLD: Should I move on? It’s been 5 days?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been chatting with this guy that I met online for 4 weeks now. We’d planned to meet a couple times but us being on holiday got in the way. When we finally decided on a day, I suggested to reschedule and he also said it works better since he’s working intensely over the weekend - he’s in investment banking.

I suggested a couple days if he’s free and he mentioned would work much better as he’ll be in working the office that weekend. I then jokingly told him to get out of the office if he has not already last Friday and have not heard back since. The chats were also enthusiastic right before this

our chats have been great for past 4 weeks and he’s been quite consistent w messaging except right now. He did mention crazy past 2 weeks where he’s almost living in the office but I have not heard from him for 5 days now.

I’d just move on if it’s someone I have exchanged a few messages for 1 week with but we have been chatting for 4 weeks w multiple exchanges a day but knowing how scarce his time is, I doubt he’d just be texting to fill the void. What would you assume in my case?

I’m alternating being he’s genuinely busy and he’s moved on for some reason - bear in mind we have never met

Should i cut my losses or extend an olive branch? I don’t want to seem crazy and text if he’s moved on

Work sounds manic - give him a chance

5 days - you should cut your losses

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that is a weird situation for sure. I mean you guys had been talking for like a month already which is pretty long for an online dating thing, right? Usually that's when people meet up. But also I heard banking jobs are insane with the hours so who knows what his situation is really like.

If it was me, I'd probably wait like another few days and then send one more casual text being like "hey hope work is letting up a bit, been crazy busy over here too but hoping we can finally meet up soon if you've got any free time coming up!". But I wouldn't trip about it too much in the meantime. Five days of no reply is kinda sus after talking every day, but it also hasn't been that long so he may just be drowning in work stuff.

I'd give it until like next weekend max to hear something back before moving on. If he doesn't reply again by then, I'd take the hint that he's probably lost interest for whatever reason. As much as his job may be busy, if he was really feeling you I think he'd at least send a quick text to let you know what's up. It's possible something else came up too.

Either way, don't stress yourself out over it too much in the meantime. Easier said than done I know! But keep yourself busy with your own stuff and friends so you're not constantly checking your phone waiting for a reply. Hope it works out, but if not, no big deal - there will be other chances to meet cool people. Just play it cool for now!

[Asker]

Thanks for getting back! The hardest part is waiting / putting it on the back burner and not letting it affect my self worth.

But this is what I‘ve got to do

[Oliverlogan263]

Totally girl, the waiting is always the worst part! It's so hard not to constantly be checking your phone like a weirdo, hoping for a text that may never come.

But I really think you're doing the right thing by letting this situation marinate a bit more before making a move. You gotta protect your peace of mind and self-worth here. Easier said than done, I know!

My advice would be to fully lean into your friends and hobbies these next few days to keep your mind occupied. Binge-watch shows, hit the gym extra hard, plan a dinner party - do all the things that boost your confidence without this dude.

Remind yourself that you're a total catch and this one person's opinion doesn't define your worth at all. You've got so much awesome stuff going for you!

Fingers crossed he follows through, but if not - his loss. You've got way better things ahead, I know it. Stay strong girl, you've got this! And of course vent to me any time, I'm always here.

[Anonymous]

I don't care how much I like a woman or how well the conversation went if I feel put on a shelf I WILL NOT message her. She either messages me or that's the end of it.

[Asker]

What do you mean by put on a shelf?

[Asker]

I never made him feel like I wasn’t keen - in fact was the one who suggested place and date for when to meet up

[Asker]

But later had to reschedule as he thought it’s be better too

[Opinion Owner]

When a conversation dies I don't restart it.
Hey, you're just asking a question I'm just trying to respond based on my experiences. If there's break in the conversation. And she doesn't restart it. The conversation is OVER to me. It doesn't matter what you made him feel like or treated him. This is the REALITY of online dating. You pay the price for other women's actions. Men pay the price for other men's actions.
You have to understand that the guy has most likely talked to a 100 other women, and those conversations went seemingly well to. And ended abruptly leaving him hanging for no rhyme or reason. Women do this, men do this.

[Opinion Owner]

He doesn't know you from eve.

[Asker]

Point taken - thanks for the input

[Opinion Owner]

No problem. That's what we're here for. Keep in mind there is a chance in that gap he "got a better offer". That's also the reality of online dating. I would say he could be talking to that woman instead. But people on online dating sites will talk to multiple people at once. So I feel that possibility is less likely.

[privateperson]

You don't need to move on or give it a chance - just put it on the back burner - you have not met this person yet. Move on to other options and leave it until they actually schedule something properly and demonstrate they have the time to see you. Otherwise they do not value you anyway and it won't be worth it.

[Asker]

That is the hard part - placing it on the back burner and not thinking about it!

[Asker]

Appreciate the opinion and it makes sense though

[privateperson]

Yes it is hard when you first learn how to do that but it is discipline for yourself. Your most precious commodity is time. Do not give time to someone that doesn't show you they also value time with you at the moment anyway. And you also will become more attractive to this person if you stop making them a priority before you've even met them. You showed interest. They aren't available - that's on them. If they are interested, they'll be concerned they will lose their shot with you and reach out

[Asker]

Respect myself including time before others can - spot on!

[privateperson]

Bingo - it'll all work out the way it's supposed to. All the best. I know it's difficult when you meet someone you like but if you move past people not making time faster you'll get to the right person sooner as you won't be stuck on someone else if that makes sense. And hey maybe this dude will miss hearing from you and get it together. But you literally do not know him or anything he is really doing so just leave it. All the best.

[Asker]

THIS. Thank you - I really needed to hear this

[DishLady]

It doesn't matter if it's 1 or 4 weeks. It's not a massive investment of your time. Cut your losses before it is.

[Asker]

You honestly think it’s a lost cause?

[Asker]

So mentally move on and do nothing about it?

[DishLady]

Yeah... You're a young woman... don't linger and do this to yourself.

[Asker]

You’re right but man part of me
Still hopes this will amount to something.. not sure if it’s an ego thing or if I genuinely liked him

[Radiate143]

Yes, move on

[Anonymous]

Give it more time

[Asker]

Thanks for this - you think it’s still okay to not have heard from him in 5 days?

[Asker]

And things could change?

[Opinion Owner]

there’s always a chance I don’t know him at all, but you’ll have to find out