So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, we’ve gone on a couple of dates and we’ve clicked really well chemistry wise I thought. I thought our values lined up as I told him I was saving myself for marriage, and he said “That’s absolutely fine” and that he was willing to wait.
Fast forward a few weeks later, and lately I feel that he’s been pressuring me into having sex, and guilt tripping me by saying things like “if you really loved me, you would.” I have tried to offer him massages or to take him to a nice dinner instead, but he doesn’t seem interested in that.
I just feel frustrated that he basically went back on his word about waiting and I’m just not really sure what to do at this point.
Updates
1 y
Sorry for the late update, but thanks everyone for your help ❤️
I did end up breaking things off with him over the weekend.
Am I right to stand my ground and to feel frustrated?
Ok, I'm assuming you are "saving yourself" for religious reasons. Let's remember when those rules were made and WHY they were made. I'm guessing you are Christian or possibly Muslim. The prohibition on pre marital sex was made by those religions in the 1st century CE. In that era, most people didn't live past their 30s. People generally had arranged marriages that were set up while they were still children and they were married fairly shortly after puberty. The pre marital prohibition was made because women were considered property, and their value was higher if they were not "used". Now you may believe that God doesn't want you to have sex until a man in a black suit tells you it's okay. That is certainly your right, but it's going to be hard to get a man to wait for that, considering he's had a load of testosterone, (the horny hormone), that you can not begin to fathom, coursing through his veins for 10 years already. Men have a tendency to tell you whatever you want to hear, if they think it will get you to have sex with them. If he had said, "No, if we don't have sex in the next couple of months, I'm going to bail for someone who will" he knows you would have been gone. You can remind him that he said he'd wait, and he will apologize and wait, for a week or two more, and then he's gone. The people giving you these rules, almost ALL of them didn't follow them. So you can stick to your rules, but it will be difficult to find a man that will.
He did not accept that you meant it and is now trying to work out how to get in your pants. Remind him firmly that he accepts this fact or become single. He should have told you there and then when you said nothing until married, a person accepts it or does not.
Well that’s pretty much what he did, he lied about accepting what you said. Respect, Honesty are critical to a relationship, he’s blew everything that would make a relationship.
Spend an evening reading what guys think of women with high body counts and single mamas and it will harden your resolve to wait for a guy who respects your boundaries. Watch out for the "sexual compatibility" card to be pulled on you at some point. Sexual incompatibility is rare, and usually it's just practice that's needed with a compassionate and patient partner.
Guys might want sex before marriage, but you have no leverage if you give in. I don't believe sex should be used as leverage, HOWEVER, a guy who is already having all his needs fulfilled really has no motivation to marry you. The minute you ask for any kind of investment in the relationship, boom, he's on to another girl. Remember that when this relationship fails, you'll have to tell the next guy you gave in to a user, and he'll have to process that. A truly quality man will wait, if he respects you and your values.
Don't accept this behavior, but also, don't let it make you cynical about guys. Learn the lesson, but continue to be the person you are. There are good men out there who will respect your boundaries because they see you as more than just a sex object. They want you, heart, soul and body.
As for me I agree & somewhat disagree & disagree & somewhat agree & I agree that you have the right to stand your ground & be frustrated as well. As for your boyfriend he’s frustrated & to be honest he is probably sexually frustrated & if you can’t meet his needs I’m sure someone else can & will. On the flip side if you are waiting for marriage & he agreed & now he’s going back on his word he’s not the guy for you.
Offering massages & offering to take him out for a nice dinner is a good gesture however if he’s horny you better buy him dessert too.
Please excuse me up front…I am going to be very blunt here. You are 18, you have been “seeing” him for a FEW WEEKS and gone on a COUPLE of dates. This is NOT a relationship, why are you acting like it is? Dating is intended to get to know the other person and to explore what the possibilities are. It can take a longer time or a shorter time. Sounds like this took a shorter time. Now you get to decide if you want to be a relationship with this guy or not. You already know the answer.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
that depends on how important those values are to you
in this day and age, so many guys are too eager for sex and willingly trying to catch a potential MeToo case on them
the more of a horndog a guy is, the more he hates the idea of women saving their virginity for marriage. to me that's a keeper right there and someone who can be loyal in the long run
a woman who caves to pre-martial sex (and multiple times) could very well cave into sex outside of marriage during the marriage
One, your young and I feel old saying this, but I'm old enough to be your mother, or older sister, aunt.
Plan on being frustrated a lot. You are right to stand for it, but you'll find the more you do the more you'll have to keep doing it. Uphill battle. What I do is say things once. They better hope they heard. I'm not going stress over scenarios where they didn't hear me the first time.
I guess your values with his are not lined up then. You both pretended they are lined up because you both like each other. I think you should stand your ground if you really believe it and tell him if he tries to get his way by guilt tripping someone, then what kind of relationship will it be? Remember, you know this guy for few weeks... NOW he is the kindest and already feel entitled, how entitled will he feel in a year?
i say dump this guy. He is so obsessed about sex how much you wanna bet he is gonna cheat on you
there's just too many wrongs... he's not honest, he's not caring for you so he's selfish, and the worst, he's trying to manipulate you
that's three strikes in one
now, this is a good lesson that sooner or later has to be learned, unfortunately... and the good thing is that you're in a very good position to get out of it with the less harm possible
remember about that advice on the other question? PRIORITIZE yourself... you don't really own anything to someone who lied to you in the first place, so just cut off your losses, and count your blessings instead
Welcome to relationships. Guys way or nothing. Don’t stand your ground, walk on it and be glad you dodged a bullet. Men will treat women terribly just to nut. They don’t care, they defensive and call women names and withdrawal from being the nice guy they used to be, they change from being polite to being manipulative. You want him to manipulate you and him treat you like it’s normal and treat you like it’s okay. Gurl wake up
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Who said you got to do ANYTHING but be you. He can f*** off if he don't want to wait. Another guy will! You offered him physical affection. That should be enough for any decent guy to know you care. And that's all that should matter. If you're the right woman all else will fall into place later.
Keep in mind a QUALITY guy just wants to know he's the only guy for you. Generally since sex is (or at least should be) such an intimate thing. Guys consider that to be one of the best ways for woman to show her affection for him. But as long as the woman shows genuine affection other ways he will wait. Keep in mind I said "QUALITY guy.
@WhitneySnow This is exactly why I teach guys to have as many options as possible. Wasting time w/ one girl only puts them at a disadvantage. In this case the guy didn't lose anything, so he's fortunate that he can just find a better girl.
@WhitneySnow I don't think there's anything wrong w/ a woman waiting, however I teach men to focus on what's important to them, and if a girl isn't having sex w/ you she has very little else to offer, simply move on to a better girl.
You leave. Simple as that. Tell him if he loves you he wouldn’t use your love for him against you like that. That’s not fair. That’s a stupid ass comment for him to say. I don’t think he’d be ok w you saying well if you loved me you’d let me have sex w another man.
If its only been a few weeks and he's putting pressure on you for sex now... Not a good start to the relationship. I'd let him go. He's really not for you. The fact you have to even question it, show's this relationship isn't the right one for you.
If he cannot respect your position on sex before marriage and he flip-flopped, he may not be trustworthy. But If you want to satisfy his sexual drive, there are alternatives to vaginal penetration... B. J. s are one, and then there's the Loophole...
All he wants is to get into your panties. He will promise you the world to get there. What else is there that he wants before he is done with you? He says one thing and does something else.
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