Am I wrong for feeling mad and frustrated over this situation?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend's boy he is 7 and is autistic. He is non verbal and went to get hot cheetos from one of the cabinets above using a chair. He served himself two bowls and spilled a good amount in the kitchen floor. I was waiting to see what my boyfriend would do, he was getting ready to drop me off at my home. He didn't discipline him right there and then. I got frustrated because this is why his boy gets away with being messy and doing things like that, because kids know right from wrong. I thought he would have him pick them up from the floor which he didn't and it bothered me so much but I did not bring it up to him because I feel like I am not in the right yet to tell him how he should discipline him. Just because he is non verbal he understands very well and knows when he has done something wrong so that is why I got a bit upset because I blame the parents not the boy

[Finchie40]

You aren’t wrong , but you did the right thing by not saying a word , because your boyfriend’s son is his responsibility not yours , so if he wants to raise his kid without being disciplined, then he is going to have his hands tied even more especially when his kid gets older , So this is something you should think about, on whether you want to stay in this relationship or not , because if you stay , your boyfriend is going to expect you to step in , and be a step parent to his kid if you both get serious and move in together. Being a step parent isn’t easy to do , especially if the kid is out of control and barely disciplined , they will make your life a living hell. When I became a single parent , I never expected any girl I was dating to take responsibility for my kids
I would t even introduce her to my kids’ unless she wanted to get serious with me ,
I think single parents ‘ that introduce their kids’ right away to someone they are dating , are complete morons , because kids’ get adapted to someone new , and if that someone new doesn’t last , the kids’ get effected as well. Why I never introduced
My kids’ to a girl that I am just dating ,
Now if her and I get serious, i will remind her that I am a package deal , to give her a choice on whether she wants to stay with me or not. Now that my kids’ are older , i don’t have that problem anymore , but that’s how i handled things

[AviatorTom]

Blaming an autistic child may not accomplish what you want, and may actually be harmful. The boy probably accepts only his father as a disciplinary source, so you probably can't do anything. If the father won't do anything, there's not much you can do other than grin and bear it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it wasn’t food spilled on your floor since you state you were waiting for him to drop you back home. So I don't know why the lack of discipline was so frustrating in this instance.

[Asker]

You are right that it wasn't on my floor, it's only because we have talked about the maybe moving in together in the future and I am just seeing how it will work out because I am not willing to risk my peace that I have right now to move in to a messy home

[Opinion Owner]

If you’re wondering how things would be if you moved in together look no further than what you’re witnessing now. He doesn’t want to discipline his kid and it would for sure cause issues in the future if you were to try. This right here is what you have to look forward to and what you’d have to deal with personally. Put the love aside and ask yourself if this is really what you want.

[AI Opinion]

On Girls Ask Guys, my aim is to help you navigate these murky relationship waters. Let's dive in! Your frustration is understandable; seeing chaos without correction can be challenging. But remember, autism adds layers of complexity to behavior and its management. It might be worth discussing your feelings with your boyfriend at a calm, non-cheeto-filled moment. Open communication is the secret sauce to curbing misunderstandings. Balancing empathy with the desire for structure is key in such dynamic situations. Go easy, and apply love generously—no spicy fingers needed! 😊

[Twalli]

You don't know that he didn't make his kid clean them up. He might have been focusing on something else and figured he'd make his kid do it later.

[Asker]

True, he has put him to clean up in the past the thing is I haven't seen that side. I have only seen the times he does not have him clean it up and to me you have to address things right there and then

[Anonymous]

The dad knows how to commit with him and when to. Look he's a nonverbal autistic 7 year old his dad would know better than you

[Opinion Owner]

Those type of things have to be handled delicately

[Anonymous]

You're not wrong at all.