I seem to be unable to accept the fact that I can have a girlfriend too?

[Anonymous]

This one's going to be a long read, so thank you in advance if you read it.

So, I'm 28, and I've never had a girlfriend. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm definitely not handsome. Something in between. I have a lot of friends, I get on with people really well, I am friendly and a lot of fun (that's what people say). But women just aren't interested in me. But that's not exactly the point.

Tere's another problem (primary). I can't even imagine having a girlfriend. For some reason, it feels so unnatural when I imagine having one. But the worst thing is I can't imagine it because of my parents, sister, grandparents, etc. I always feel some kind of shame or something, when I talk about these things with my family. I feel like I don't deserve a girlfriend and I can't talk with my family about these things. I don't know how to explain it. When they start this topic I just feel uncomfortable and change the topic or leave. Even if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't want my family to know about her, because it's just awkward.
Everytime my parents say something related to having a girlfriend or a wife (e. g. "You'll see one day when you have a wife and kids, you will..."), my first thought is "Why do you think I'll have a wife and kids? And it's not because I don't want to, but because, for some reason, I have the feeling that I shouldn't or can't or don't deserve it.
I don't know how to explain it better and I don't know anyone who has this problem. I don't know what to do, and I clearly have to overcome this in order to be able to find a girlfriend. I want a girlfriend but currently I can't imagine having one and telling my family about her.

Have anyone experienced something like this? Did you manage to solve it?
It's crazy and it's already driving me mad.

[meepmeeperton]

I used to just not be able to imagine a girl being attracted to me whatsoever and yeah a girlfriend seemed out of the question. It was a similar thing where I just didn't feel deserving of it or didn't think I was good enough.

Then at 19 I found the right girl that I've now been dating for over a year!

How did I manage this? Well to be honest I was at a low point after the pandemic stuff and didn't have a lot going on for me. I had gained weight, didn't feel handsome at all, and didn't leave the house much. I had randomly ended up talking to this girl and decided I didn't even care if we dated I just wanted to be a decent person for once in my life and be kind to her in any way I could.

That ended up charming her and she asked me out.

There were a couple other factors. She was 17 at the time, and girls my age and older may have not been as forgiving of my flaws. She's also Asian and I'm white, and she may have found me more interesting than the average white girl would find me do to slight cultural difference and appearance difference.

But overall we just realized we really liked each other and went all in. That can happen at any point at life at the most random moments. So it's best to be open to it and not give up. You can find someone that makes you feel like you actually deserve happiness and care.

[Kelley1]

Don't ask a girl that you are interested in. Instead ask a big or homely that will think she is doing well. Date her a couple of time but not long enough for her to become attached. Then ask another girl you are not interested in. It doesn't matter what you do; you can't make a mistake because you don't care. No doubt, you are thinking "I don't need to do that" but actually you do.

Your success with them will give you the confidence and experience to ask a slightly more attractive girl. After the third girl ask a girl you are interested in. If she and the following girl doesn't accept, your expectations and standards are too. In that case, lower your standards or do without.

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice. This might be helpful, I just can't ask anyone. Doesn't matter if it's a girl I'm interested in or not. I've never approached any girl in my life.

[Anonymous]

Yep nature doesn't care about men but it does about women

[Anonymous]

You keep posting these but not doing anything about it.

[Asker]

Firstly... what? This is literally the first time I have posted this anywhere. I haven't even told anyone about this issue.

Secondly... maybe I'm not doing anything because I don't know what to do. I know I should see a therapist and probably will, but I wanted to know if there's anyone with a similar problem. What's wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

How do u look

[Asker]

Average? Maybe slightly below average. Short (173cm), blue eyes, head shaved, brownish-gingerish beard, not skinny, not fat.