Am I justified for being pissed at constantly being ghosted when dating?

Question

This is the third time in a row that someone I’ve been seeing has stopped reading or replying to any of my messages. We’ll date and chat online for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden they’ll just stop opening my Snapchat messages with zero explanation as to why. I honestly don’t understand, we’ll go on a few dates, they seem super enthusiastic, and then nothing! They give me zero indication that they’re not feeling it, if anything they’re the ones asking ME for another date.

I would at least appreciate a quick “this isn’t working for me” message instead of being consistently left in the dark as as to what I’ve done wrong. If I’m doing something wrong I’d rather know about it so I can fix it!

Damaged00 · Accepted Answer

Being ghosted or ignored makes us feel rejected which has actually been proven to cause a similar reaction to physical pain in our brains. It also makes us question our self worth. So yes your feelings and emotions are definitely justified.

You say you would feel better if they just responded with why they weren't interested but the problem with that is you'll never know if what they say is true or not. Some people want to be nice and give excuses to the extent of "it's not you it's me", "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I think I need to focus on myself right now". Letting you down easily. But then some people will project their own bs onto you making you out to be the reason they aren't interested. Would you really feel better hearing any of those reasons? Especially when people aren't even conscious of there own personal problems? Do you really want to validate your worth and what you have to offer by others lack of honesty to themselves?

People rarely know what they want and change their minds all the time. So take being ghosted as your closure. Know your own worth. Validate yourself. People ghost for many reasons and that's on them. Their problem and shittiness to live with not yours. Don't let what others do or say effect or change who you are. Don't assume you're the problem. Don't live for anyone else but yourself. Stop letting others dictate your emotions.. say eff it and move on.

ZamerZ · Accepted Answer

At first impression, I'd say it's unfortunately a very common practice nowadays. It's not polite and sucks if you are genuinely interested in that person. So generally, feeling pissed about being ghosted is very valid.

On the other hand - I don't have context for your relationship. There's much me and the others here can't take into account, so I'll also throw out another thing that should be considered:

"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."

If there's a repeating pattern, it might be a specific you-problem. Only you can tell with the introspection you have on both your relationship and you as a person. If you (unknowingly or purposely) did something that threw them off, don't complain and look into being better the next time. It only benefits you in the long run. If you did the mature thing and looked genuinely and objectively at the situations and still don't have any clue, then just let them leave. You might have dodged a bullet or at least someone who wasn't interested in you enough like you deserve.

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

This is a combination of things:  Women (and admittedly some men) are much more prone to ghosting when they match guys virtually. It usually happens after they get their virtual attention sugar fix and when the guy starts getting real about meeting in person. That’s when then bail is when the guy draws the line.  You could be doing something wrong in what you are messaging, how often you message, being too available, making sexual comments, etc. Not saying it’s all your fault. Not saying women can’t be insanely fickle. But still there is a way you need to approach them.  Relations as a whole between women and men are deteriorating in western society. Digitization has accelerated the problem but I’ve had women that I met organically (in person) do very rude and selfish things to me in recent years. Behavior that would have not of been common even 10 years ago.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because most people today are selfish people that only really care about themselves , I am not just going to point fingers at females’ cuz I know males do this shit as well , but a majority of females’ today are selfish people that enjoy having options , they use you and have fun with you and than disappear on you , so my advice is to not rush into a relationship with any girl these days , most of them are selfish whores that have back burner options , So it’s better for you just to focus on being FWB’s with a girl before jumping into a commitment with her. Eventually , you will meet one that wants the long haul over the short haul. As for the short haul ones? just look at them like a good time but not a long time , basically have great sex with her and just treat her as a friend , if she chooses to disappear , oh well , thanks for a good time , Next

Summeroflove · Answer

It’s cowardly to ghost someone but they’re doing you a solid by removing themselves from your life. They can make some other dude miserable.

I don’t ghost anyone, because I’m a adult. I’m not too cowardly to tell someone (not just in person but over a text message) that I don’t think it’s going to work out.

Just let those childish people to. They aren’t worth your time.

coachTanthony · Answer

They aren't interested in you and for you think think they should be is arrogant on your part. Ghosting is the new NO I am not interested. Stop being hurt and move on.

DishLady · Answer

You know, a lot of times you’re dodging a bullet, so just keep moving forward till you meet the right match for yourself.

Avicenna · Answer

This is par for the course with online dating. I'd try other ways to meet women besides dating apps.

hahahmm · Answer

Sure. But be careful what you wish for. Looking back on my life and all the times I passed up on some hot woman or she passed on me I have ZERO regrets. In fact if I had a time machine I would go back and spend even less time thinking about women. Sure 1 or 2 out of legions were really worth it but it's rare. Lot of BS. And being the kind of man I want to be requires a lot of investment in yourself. Not sitting around daydreaming about romcoms or whatever bs propaganda is out there telling you that you need a woman in your life.

RavVid · Answer

I don't think you should think that you are doing anything wrong.

I'd be pretty sure people ghost now because they can. No awkward convo just leave them unread and they'll get the hint. In the past there would have to be a convo because you would have met through your social circle. Horribly rude but an easier path.

Despite everything guys are very selective in girls they like and vice versa. it is better that some one deals themselves out of your life early rather than later. Disappointing sure, but better they aren't wasting your time.

Good hunting!

MysticDevice · Answer

It is quite irritating, especially when they message you first. But I've learned two things.

1: Dating apps are scams

2: Most women on them aren't actually real people. Of those that are real most are just bored and aren't actually looking to date. Of those that are looking to date, they're already swiming in "likes" and inbox messages.

One of my friends showed me her tinder and she got over a thousand hits in less than a month. So, my friend, we are basically invisable.

Bestdia · Answer

I don't effing get it... I try and date people older, or further along in life and still it fails. I have past baggage I guess, but it's from protecting my family, interests in city or country... Literally common sense stuff... I didn't realize I was finding (or attracting) so many warped freaks who had no interest in any of the above, or experience, in a way that would allow them to understand my fight and attitude from protecting them. Not so many people were supposed to be absent or socially inept or lacking. Protecting my child should never make anyone call me a bitch. Stunted or unloved, I don't know.

Anonymous · Answer

Let me tell you something.

This happened to me. And I got tired of it. I got tired of the blatant disrespect.

So I gave him a reason to hate me. I started posting weird constroversial shit he didn’t like. And turned him off on purpose.

If you’re gonna hate me, ILL GIVE YOU A REASON TO HATE ME 🫵

You didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t do anything to them. And they want to hate you for no reason. GIVE THEM A REASON 🫵

HATE ME! 🖕

HATE ME SON OF B-CH! 🖕

HATE ME! 🖕

I BEG YOU TO FUCKING HATE ME 🫵

Anonymous · Answer

Yes you bring pissed is justified and I'm sorry you aren't having any luck. As another has said the problem is with you which isn't helpful on its own but it's important for you to hear it. As for what you can do about it, there's 3 things I can think of.

Groom yourself is the first step. Shower daily, shave stubble and pay attention to your clothes and shoes. Take care of your breath etc.

Next I'd say is your humor, don't suppress it and make sure it's your own. Don't try to copy someone else's humor but flesh out what you genuinely find funny. If you make them laugh it will help you build a relationship.

Lastly I'd say focus on how you view yourself. If you think that you aren't fun to be around so will everyone else. Change how you view yourself and you will reflect that outwardly. Be someone you can be proud of and it will be easy to carry yourself that way.

Hopefully you don't give up on trying and hear some advice that helps you. Good luck.

thatshydork · Answer

Honestly ghosting/getting ghosted is just a part of dating nowadays. Does it suck? Absolutely. Are you valid in feeling annoyed/angry about getting ghosted? Sure. But here’s one thing I learned; don’t take it personally. Remind yourself that that just means they’re not the one and move on with your day.

Alli112 · Answer

I mean it's definitely rude, but it's also super common. (I suspect some women do it just because of how badly men occasionally take it when they do bother to say something, but I tihnk other people are just lazy or don't like confrontation.) It sucks, but I'd try not to take it to heart, especially if you were just talking or had only met once or twice.

Jbear27 · Answer

You need to vet these women better.
Don’t have expectations because no one is reliable until you really get to know them. But know your own intentions and know theirs too. Some people are just there for a good time and they don’t invest in people and move on easily. Some are there for something more and they are more grounded. I think if you lay the groundwork early and make sure you’re on the same page it makes things easier.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It's normal to be mad, but I learn't don't get too attached until you are actually official. So if someone ghosts me I just delete them and move on. They either weren't feeling you or met someone else, most people don't like to talk about it lol.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

That kind of thing gets really old, so I definitely sympathize with your struggle.

I will say though; it helps to realize that the kind of people who ghost aren't totally right in the head. Getting pissed about a wacko for acting like a wacko isn't super productive.

Unit1 · Answer

You know what I do, that prevents me from getting pissed? Having low expectations and let them girls prove me wrong and surprise me, that they're in it for real. Then it doesn't sting when it happens 3, 10, 100 times.

I expect being ghosted, bullshitted, twisted, lied to.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

you are the common denominator... if with different people the situation is always the same, you know it's about you, not them

strangeatcircleK · Answer

I've been here a number of times. I can't say I haven't ghosted but I only ghost when three is no reply back. I am a gentleman and wait for them to respond rather than give them ten texts. I'll send them 2 or 3 periodically but even then

When girl is done, she is done. I just wish she would say so and block after that 😞 just for closure

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

My friend it's brutal out there right now. I entirely understand your feelings.

Only advice I can give is try to focus on relationships or building up relationships through as minimal phone messaging as you can and maximize being together. I know that's not always practical though

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Generally the reason for ghosting is they got bored. Not necessarily your fault. Sometimes the vibe just doesn't stick and the spark fizzles out. Try not to take it personally.

Juxtapose · Answer

I've done it a few times to people I have chatted up but have not met and yeah it is shitty. It can be hard to tell someone that you're not interested and you think at the time that leaving them be will send the message especially if you barely knew them.

Truthatanycost · Answer

One day you will realise this is a waste of time! At your age, that energy should be specifically placed towards your life purpose, becoming financially free, your self, wealth, health and life. I hope you realise this sooner, than later...

KelsoAlexander · Answer

stop taking them out, and don't message back right away, if she has patience then maybe you can take her out after y'all have been chatting for at least a week to a month. also text multiple people so your not sitting around waiting for one response. if one doesn't act right move on to the next and don't take it personally bitches are just weird sometimes.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, it's just pointless to let is get to you. No amount of getting mad is going to completely eliminate it. And if it makes you feel better it happens to women as well. The last woman I went out with before we met asked me, "if you change your mind do me a favor and let me know so I'm not just sitting there waiting for you". To which I replied, "who would do such a thing". I told her if I say I'm going to do something I do it".

WindSwept · Answer

It’s completely inappropriate and cowardly unless something occurred making it clear no further dates or communication would be forthcoming.

libsaretards · Answer

I've found ways to get back at people who ghost. I won't share them because I'd rather these cowards not learn and adapt.

ManInChains · Answer

The fact that you’re still attempting to date is sad at this point

Nikki1989 · Answer

You need a reality check and to gain some maturity.

alice55 · Answer

I think it's justified, it's seem a lot of people like to do it nowadays

SotiCoto · Answer

Drinking yourself into a stupor probably isn't the best way to handle it.

msc545 · Answer

Some days you get the bear and other days the bear gets you. When you do online dating every day the bear gets you.

DextroShade · Answer

Welcome to dating as a guy who isn't Chad Thundercock.

Anonymous · Answer

Just date someone else and if they see you with them just act like it's over between you and them.

Chthou95 · Answer

People are pussies man

Am I justified for being pissed at constantly being ghosted when dating?

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Am I justified for being pissed at constantly being ghosted when dating?

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