I’m confused, help?

[Anonymous]

Why is it that the more attention you give a man the more they pull away? I noticed that in my relationships, the guy will pursue me hard, always calling/texting me, always wanting to hang out etc. Then once I start showing them the same energy, they pull back and want space 🤦🏻‍♀️. This confusing behavior is hurtful and makes me very anxious that even if I don’t want him that much, I still become even more clingy.
This is happened in a current relationship I have been having on/off for months now. He will call me and text all day, and see me. But as soon as I start to act the same way, suddenly he wants space and I’m “doing too much”.

Edit: I want to add more detail. I noticed that it’s a pattern in my relationships and my current relationship. I have been on and off with my current one for months now. He was the one that was very persuasive since the beginning, wanted to rush everything. Talk, text 24/7. I of course got used to this much contact so when he started being more distant I start to get anxious. I ask to talk on the phone and he won’t answer me or if he does he randomly hangs up. He isn’t texting me back, and then when I asked to hang out he says he needs space and wants to be alone. All of this behavior is confusing to me because it’s totally the opposite from his behavior at the beginning. It makes me anxious and it brings out my abandonment issues.

[teamvic]

Ahh I think I know exactly the problem

at least for the second guy

The one who was rushing it. Two things that's occurring

The reason he was rushing is because he wanted your cheeks and you
So he was doing everything he could to get both things. Once he got you he no longer needed to put nearly as much effort, nor did he need to rush anything. He most likely jus told you what you wanted to hear so you could let him hit

And in result of him no longer showing all this attention to you, to you, it looked like he lost interest and also thought to reciprocate those feelings for and signs he did at the beginning. Only it was for nothing because he already got you.

So what I'm trying to say is. The version of him that doesn't do much or says you're cli gy. Is the true version of him. at least to you anyway
The version of him tryna be nice and sweet and rush things and talk all the time. Was the fake version. Aka the representative. It's why people always say they send they're interview self. And what do they do in interviews? They fake stuff and only highlight the best qualities

It's also why people, after being in a relationship with someone long enough think or say, " you're not the same"

And it's due to the same fact that they no longer felt they needed to put as much effort. It's also the reason why people over think in relationships

But that's off topic

[DextroShade]

You are chasing the wrong guys. Stop hooking up with Chad and look for a guy closer to your actual level. Also, demonstrate that you have more to offer than just pussy.

[Asker]

Will work on it 🫡

[Universaldance]

That suck. Did you say you are dating someone while this is happening?


And I dont really like the whole chasing one another crap. Thats too much anxiety. No wonder people have so many conditions and ailments

[Asker]

Yup 😭

[Anonymous]

You think that's only men? Women do that too hun.

My advice to you. Show genuine interest then after he knows you have it. Then ONLY show the equal amount of interest back that he shows you. If it fizzles, it fizzles. Clearly he wasn't that interested. Or he would have gave the same energy back.

This is how you have to be in today's dating world. Any other way and you're somebody's chump.

[BarryLiverstone]

Makes sense to me. The pattern is high energy in the beginning and then easing off. Where is your energy?

[Asker]

I’m very chill and like to take things slow. I’m not clingy or needy, I’m very independent. But sometimes I do need more attention/love than other times and it makes me super anxious when he suddenly wants space. It’s confusing to me.

[BarryLiverstone]

But you said there has been a pattern of this happening so why is it confusing? To me it sounds like you enjoy the attention in the beginning and expect that will last. What’s causing the anxiety?

[OhLongJohnsoning]

They want to see if you're just into his attention, or HIM

[Anonymous]

Do you act cold in the beginning? Playing hard to get? a lot of guys will loose interest.

[Asker]

Nope. Normal , independent 🤷🏻‍♀️

[slatyb]

Avoidant attachment style. Read "Attachment".

[Asker]

I was thinking that. Either avoidant or fearful avoidant.

[Danny_dan92]

Hard to get?

[OhLongJohnsoning]

He want to see if she's into HIM, or his attention. that's what he's doing. There's a diff.

[Asker]

What?