When guys tell you they just didn't ask you out yet because you live kinda far, is it really only because of that?

[Anonymous]

Or is that just an excuse as they just want boyfriend privilege without the commitment?

[ManOnFire]

Nah that's a lame excuse. If a guy really, really likes you and wants to see you, he is going to make the time to travel the distance. Take it from me, a guy who used to drive an hour to see an old ex on the weekends because I really liked her and wanted time with her, as I also wanted her in my life. Needless to say that relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but the point is I cared enough to go her way.

I think that guy is trying to let you know he has no serious interest in asking you out.

[Asker]

What if it took 5 hrs and he doesn't have a driver's license yet tbh, I forgot to mention

[ManOnFire]

I mean... I suppose, but if that's what he's worried about then he shouldn't be trying to date at the moment honestly🤷🏾‍♂️

[Serkee]

How far is kinda far? Long distance relationships don't tend to work out well, so if you guys are over 50 or so miles away I can understand why a relationship like that wouldn't be worth pursuing.

[Asker]

Yeahh, way over 50 miles lol. We're like, around 290 miles away. It would take 5 hrs to get to each others town by car. I might move closer for uni next year tho.

[Serkee]

Yeah, that's completely normal. I wouldn't ask someone out who lived hundreds of miles away either, even if I really liked her.

[OlderAndWiser]

In 2020, I started dating a girl who lived 80 miles away. The drive took about 90 minutes. After six or seven dates, I started staying overnight with her, or she came to my hometown and stayed with me. After eight months, she moved to my hometown and we started living together. On April 27 this year, we got married.

If more than 50 miles is too much effort, then you really don't want the prize.

[Serkee]

@OlderAndWiser I agree completely, it can certainly be worth the effort, and I personally would be happy to make that drive. I drive nearly that far to work every day anyway. But I can also understand why someone else wouldn't want to. For most people that's quite the drive, especially for a stranger. It's much more convenient to date someone nearby, and I don't think it's wrong to value your own time like that.

[DishLady]

Decode it in guy-speak...

--> There's phone/virtual/other dating options for those who are "kinda far". If a guy isn't into any of those AND ALSO isn't able to travel to you... He's not interested or he's hiding something.

--> How far is kinda far? I know a kid who works fulltime, manages his household and still manages to drive out an hour each way to see his lady and treat her like gold. WHY? Because he's into her... This guy just isn't into you.

--> Is he finagling for easy sex or a stay-over bc you're "kinda far"? Umm, PERHAPS, but then that's also a signal that... guess what... ah! That's right... HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU.

I say it SO often... If a guy is into you he'll move mountains to be front and center in his life. If you're not a serious point of interest for him, he's not going to put in his full effort. Got it?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Nope, that sounds like baloney to me. I don't think he's into you. A guy who is into you will move heaven and earth to make it happen. I've known guys who went to other countries, who went across the country, who traveled after work every Friday just to spend Saturday with "the girl". Not saying it's easy or the best idea, but it happens pretty often.

I don't know what you mean by "boyfriend privilege". It might just be he's trying to dissuade you and is being indirect about it. I'd move on pretty quickly, personally. No harm, no foul.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. He hasn't asked you out "yet" because of the distance? That suggests that at some time in the future, he might ask you out, but the distance will be the same, so what's the difference? That is just a BS line to keep you hoping for something in the future.

2. "Boyfriend privilege?" I'm not sure what you mean by that but the most obvious would be sex? Did you meet up and have sex with him?

[kylee2437]

He’s telling you on the spot that he doesn’t want to make those kind of efforts, so why force something where someone isn’t going to put in their all? That’s not fair to you and at least he’s being honest about it

[hahahmm]

If you give a guy 'boyfriend privilege' without a commitment that is on you. Just like some people thinking driving their car into the ocean is a good idea... it is what it is.

If you don't give it then it doesn't matter.

You're like someone who is spending a bunch of energy debating whether the crumbs on the floor in the restaurant would taste good instead of putting energy into getting a good meal from the right place.

[PeachyPie93]

I always see it as an excuse because if they honestly liked you and didn't want to miss out on you they would. I will never fall for that fake shit ever again from a guy. My ex got his shit together at 22 and flew me to him and took full responsibility of me while I lived there. If he wanted you, you will know.

[HawkPerception]

Yup... there are many girls on dating apps that I've passed on because they're a too far. Location matters.

[Nirmroth]

Couldnt it be both? Most people ik dont like long distance rl. Those guys could think the same but enjoy the boyfriend privilege you mentioned.

[spartan55]

'just want boyfriend privilege without the commitment'
YOU control this 100%

[midnightmoon05]

What kind of boyfriend previllage is he getting from 5 hrs away?

[Anonymous]

Could be. I wouldn't date any woman further than a 50 mile radius.

[Pterodon]

Yes he could be telling the truth.