Boyfriend told me he'd objectively rate me a 5-6, but subjectively an 8. Am I in the wrong for being upset?

Question

Poodleluver · Accepted Answer

No, you're not in the wrong for feeling upset. Your boyfriend's comment can be perceived as insensitive and critical, even if he intended it as a compliment.

Objectively rating someone as a 5-6 implies a neutral or average assessment, which can be hurtful. Adding that he subjectively rates you an 8 might come across as backhanded or dismissive of your feelings.

You have the right to express your emotions and concerns. Consider having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend to:

1. Share how his comment made you feel.
2. Understand his intention behind the statement.
3. Discuss what you expect from each other in terms of communication and support.

Remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. Use this as an opportunity to grow and strengthen your connection.

There could be various reasons why your boyfriend might have rated you a 5-6 objectively, but it's essential to remember that:

1. Beauty is subjective: People have different tastes and preferences.
2. Rating someone is inherently critical: It implies evaluating and judging someone's worth.
3. Objectivity is impossible: Personal biases and experiences influence our perceptions.

Some possible reasons for his rating might include:

1. Unrealistic comparisons: He might be comparing you to societal beauty standards or others.
2. Focus on physical appearance: He might be prioritizing physical attributes over other qualities.
3. Lack of emotional intelligence: He might not fully understand the impact of his words.
4. Poor communication: He might not have expressed himself effectively.

Remember that your worth and value extend far beyond physical appearance. You are more than a number or rating!

Consider asking him to explain his reasoning and listen to his perspective. Use this as an opportunity to discuss what matters most in your relationship and how you can support each other's self-esteem and confidence.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

You asked him, he was (naively) honest. Now you're upset because he objectively thinks you aren't as beautiful as the most beautiful women in the world. Most women are 4-7 , it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Here's how I look at it: 10's are extremely uncommon and have flawless skin, flawless bodies, flawless teeth, perfect proportions and symmetry, and don't need makeup to make heads turn. Those are the Victoria's Secret and SI Swimsuit issue models (pre-body positivity). 8's and 9's are like celebrities who had makeovers or your typical beautiful woman. 6's and 7's are usually your pretty or cute types, 4 and 5 is solid average-looking, and below that is plain, ugly, deformed.

It's kind of like asking a guy if a dress makes you look fat: There is no response he can make that you won't a) ignore because you know he's lying b) get mad because he stated the obvious. It's a no-win.

He views you as an 8 to him (equivalent to a beauty). That's pretty sweet.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

If I were to get 1000 men ages 25-40 and asked them to rate you from 1-10 (secret ballot - they see a 60 second video of you but you never meet any of them in person), what do you imagine their rating would be?

If you were a 9 or 10, you would be constantly getting offers for things like modeling or acting or sponsorships, etc., and if you were an 8, you'd get those offers occasionally. That's just giving you something to calibrate against.

The truth is that MOST women value themselves much higher than they are, and they base their valuation on how they look on their best day, in their best outfit, with the best makeup, and with the best filters on their phone - all of which is a lie.

Men value women on what they look like right out of the shower, with wet hair and no makeup, and certainly no filters. And (most of) our brains can mentally erase the makeup, hairdo, and clothes and have a good idea of what your face and body looks like naturally, so you aren't fooling us like you fool each other.

So, knowing all that, was anything he said untrue?

And, by the way, did you ask him how he'd rate himself? You'll probably find that he was pretty realistic and grounded about his own rating too, and doesn't gas himself up thinking that he's some 9+.

If you can't handle the answer to a question, don't ask. But know that (most) men don't live in a world of delusion - the world has taught us harsh lessons our whole lives to be realistic about things - and so we tend to see through the lies and BS and get to the truth of things.

V_Injector · Accepted Answer

Well, you don't have a picture, so he's right... right?

Is it something you could work on? ... like stop being fat maybe? Maybe take more showers? Is it acne and you should consider not drinking soda and other bad things that cause that?

The fact that it upsets you should motivate you to change.

Boyfriend told me he'd objectively rate me a 5-6, but subjectively an 8. Am I in the wrong for being upset?

On the plus side you're female... getting penis will never be a problem for you... until you hit the wall.

Just hit the gym and look like you took a bath.

kylee2437 · Answer

Did you ask him to rate you or did this come out of thin air?

DishLady · Answer

😂

Ok, so TO BE FAIR he loves you and is telling you that in his eyes you’re an 8. Are you hearing him?

The 5-6 is either him negging you, or him telling you that your charm and personality are valued more than your mere looks.

Say “thanks babe” and be happy.

Account · Answer

He is telling you in other words that he settled. Either that or he is manipulating you by making you question your worth.  Do what you want with this information. 🤷🏻‍♀️

coachTanthony · Answer

Yes you should be very upset because he didn't lie to you... damn him lol

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If you aren't ready to hear "yes," never ask an honest guy if those pants make your ass look big!

AviatorTom · Answer

You asked and he answered honestly. Did it ever occur to you that he didn't rate you higher so you wouldn't think you could do better than him?

meepmeeperton · Answer

I mean he made the mistake of answering your question as honestly or objectively as he could instead of giving the "correct" answer that you wanted to hear. That's a problem men tend to have in relationships.

The correct answer is that you're a 10 to him or beyond a 10 point rating scale, like an infinity.

The real answer is you're not a supermodel but your his girlfriend and he loves you and finds you attractive.

You can feel upset all you want but think about why you're actually upset and why you ask questions that have correct answers but make them seem open ended.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

My understanding is that the 1-10 thing is beauty only, with 1 being horribly disfigured and 10 being angelicly perfect.
That said, when a man tells you you're a 5, it's not to share his honest assessment, it's to put you in your place.
I have seen videos of street interviewers asking women what they rate themselves, and girls almost always think they are 10's. Even the sea-cows!
So, to keep their harem of girlfriends from thinking men owe them everything, men have started telling girls they aren't "all that".

PeachyPie93 · Answer

So he thinks others would see you as a 5/6 but he thinks you are an 8. That is a good rating! My ex rated me a 7 yet he used to tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world lol. You should be grateful since you could have been born a 2 😂
You must have missed the old days like around 2005/2006 they used to have a rating thing where you upload a photo no filters where randoms rate you. Now it wasn't the best pic, I was a teen and wearing a baggy sweater with my hair tied back and a hood on. But on there I was voted as a 4 by most people. Some people rated higher some lower. It's all about being able to handle the truth. Yes it sucks to be an ugly girl but at the end of the day if you still get checked out or chatted up by guys you find attractive you clearly still look good, cheer up. And to be honest there are not that many 10's in the world, that is rare to see someone that good looking.

avery58 · Answer

I don't think you should have asked him to rate you if you weren't ready for an answer like this.

You should ask these things when you're first getting to know someone/dating them, that way they won't let you down later on if you find out that they don't find you as attractive as you thought and won't waste your time.

But your feelings are your feelings and nobody can tell you if they're right or wrong or how to feel, the only thing is that you shouldn't make a scene or argue with him for answering your own question honestly.

normalice · Answer

Women seem to not understand that a 6 simply means "above the average of all women in the world." It is not a low score. You aren't going to be as attractive as women who make a living off of being attractive. That's just how linear time works. You spend all day doing real work, they spend all day making themselves prettier. It's no different than the person who spends all day studying ending up with better grades than someone else in the same class who doesn't study. It's not condescending on the teacher's part to give them a better grade - that's just how consequences work.

That said, he should know you were asking subjectively and provided only that answer. He should know you were not looking for honesty but were basically trying to flirt. That he didn't know that could be a symptom of a bitnof self absorption going on - but that could be you or him.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Not wrong for being upset. But also ask him what he thinks he is. If he's quoting you "low" he probably just sees himself being lower (4-5), so he feels like he's got a steal. If he thinks he's a 6-7 and you're a 5-6, then yeah you can be mad that he think he's settling).

As an FYI, some of these rating scales are BRUTAL, as in an 8 is the type of person that used to stand outside of Abercrombie and Fitch and/or could be a professional bottle girl. A "9" is an A-C list celebrity, and a 10 is basically unachievable (your personal hottest celebrity).

You're probably attractive, just not so much that you can professionally monetize your looks, which is very OK, and very normal. Most people are average. You're on the better side of average and honestly depending on how much make up/how revealing you dress, you can easily go higher on the attractiveness scale.

supercutebutt · Answer

Have this gentleman rate your love orifice on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 = a taut, snug entrance to immense erotic pleasure. 1 = a sloppy, stinky, Grand Canyonesque-void). Then average your looks rating with your slippery hole rating and hopefully it will improve your score. Good luck! 👍

FreyaRed · Answer

When my ex asked me once "how would rate me?" I told him 12/10 with a playful smirk. Being honest isn't always a good strategy, especially telling the truth without being asked. No surprise some people have 200+ body count with 25 but 0 real relationships.
Seduce your partner, don't annoy him/her!

sawno · Answer

No right to be upset, don't ever pressure a boyfriend in rating you they will answer honestly and it usually leads to disappointment. Being an 8 to him with his preferences is really good because he is probably the kind of honest realistic guy who considers a 10 absolutely unrealistic beauty standards, and he simultaneously he tries to take the taste of other men into account for the objective rating.

You got yourself a honest man, don't ruin that.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Why are you degrading yourself like this?  Have some self-respect. You can't put a number on anyone.

spartan55 · Answer

Again... where do you girls find these absolute pieces of shit boyfriends? Seriously? Your first reaction wasn't to dump him on the spot? Oh my... have some self respect dear.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

Can someone explain to me why female gymnasts wear makeup most of the time, but males don't.

Also, i don't understand the rating system, ill never get it, why it exists, i dk. Did you ask him to rate you or did he just come out and say he thinks you're a 5?

patrick994 · Answer

You are right to get angry, he basically told you that you are no big deal, maybe you should consider finding a partner who really appreciates you.

just_a_potato · Answer

Oof. I mean, if I was dating a woman I wouldn't say something like that to her if  I'm  the one dating her and waking up to her every morning 🫠

QuietRunner · Answer

I can see how it might do that. You'll have to ask him about his standards for the objectivity rating.

If he is rating based on facts or rigid observations then, he could rate lower than you are thinking he should

Subjectively is the feeling behind his rating, so that should weigh more heavily with you

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Depends. What did he rate himself? If we’re being objective- the majority of the population is between 3-7/10. If he said you were a 10 he’d just be lying to make you feel better.

Lynx122 · Answer

Yes you are. You asked for him to tell you. Also he's telling you you're more attractive to him than to most other guys and that's a good thing.

BetaBucks · Answer

Imagine he said the exact opposite lol. But is "above average" an insult to you? Especially considering he views you as "far above average" based on your personality.

Apple1996 · Answer

That is just embarrassing. Don't ever be with a man unless he sees you as a 10 in every way

OfDeath · Answer

Way in the wrong. You should be wrapped that he sees you to be a lot better than what you actually are. It’s like you have actually found the one. So stop bitching and realise how lucky you are you ugly skank.

Alex-Snow · Answer

He is an ass. You do not say that to someone in a relationship. What would you rate him? What would you rate him as far as sexual fun goes?

Unit1 · Answer

A classic trick question, that men can't win. Hilarious!

MicahRaine · Answer

Yeah you're wrong girl you asked him lol Besides, few woman are objectively above a 7 so 8 subjectively is great

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

You're in the wrong if you asked him for clarification, and he is in the wrong if you didn't!

DextroShade · Answer

Yes, women vastly overestimate their value. I lost count of how many clips of @whatever or Fresh and Fit where I have seen fat, ugly women say they are 10's.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Why do you care about a what number he rates you? Did you ask for him to rate you or did he just volunteer this?

LiamJHayden · Answer

Hard to see how questions about ratings and body counts help a relationship.

genericname85 · Answer

what's wrong with 5-6? that's average or slightly above average. there's nothing to be upset here. average is perfectly fine.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

You got an honest reply  If this upsets you... why did you ask?

Vegasrunner · Answer

This is another excellent example of why men aren't honest with women. Most women prefer to live in delusion vs deal w/ objective truth.

DrPepper12 · Answer

he's a moron for sharing that and yes you should be upset and talk about it.

Pohjolan · Answer

Well post some pics so we can tell you. We don't see you through the screen.

noohair · Answer

You can be upset but he is giving you an homest view of what he is thinking. Would you rather have a liar? If he were smart, he would have lied.

Anonymous · Answer

Did you ask him to rate you or he just said that out of the blue?

justabuddy · Answer

Most guys won't rate ourselves a 10. So it will s really a mindset difference between guys and girls.  Most girls I see as a 10 I believe to be fake.

handsomelad70 · Answer

I guess, though because he's your boyfriend, should he be rating you?

Anonymous · Answer

Why he just told you he found you more attractive than society. A whole 3 points higher. That's significant.  Why would this upset you?

grega239 · Answer

Yea. you're salty over a childish rating system

Ladsin2 · Answer

Did you ask or did he offer that on his own?

onedarkcloud · Answer

Hope you rated him an " A " for asshole!

Twalli · Answer

It means your personality males you're attractive than your looks.

guyinterested · Answer

He's giving an opinion. I think you are a solid 8 regardless.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

You got a good guy. He is a keeper。

LazerBean · Answer

He should be mad that you asked him that

Levin · Answer

What a smoothe motherfucker that guy is.

Anonymous · Answer

Well…. Did you ask?

Anonymous · Answer

Set yourself up and now you're upset.

Nifrayu · Answer

What are you upset about?

Dongie · Answer

Nope!! Do a little ratin of your own.

foxsquirrell · Answer

Omg I think you are right to be upset!

Anonymous · Answer

What's your height and weight?

war_daddy · Answer

hahahaha your boyfriend thinks you're ugly

Anonymous · Answer

Just dump him. Easy problem solved.

jahaims · Answer

You are wrong

Boyfriend told me he'd objectively rate me a 5-6, but subjectively an 8. Am I in the wrong for being upset?

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Boyfriend told me he'd objectively rate me a 5-6, but subjectively an 8. Am I in the wrong for being upset?

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