Is this right? I asked my boyfriend to rate me out of 10, and received a low score. Should I be angry/upset?

Question

So I suffer from bdd ( body dysmorphic syndrome) which basically means I obsess about my body, I never see my self in a postive way and I obsess about being fat, dieting and aim to be perfect :( as stupid as that sounds that is a mentally disorder and can become very serious. (Most people don't understand haha)

anywayyyyy So I asked my boyfriend to firstly to rate my boobs out of 10 , (I have E sized boobs) he said "8/10 , bigger is better , if I had it my way I would have you with back breaker boobs"

Then I said "what would you rate my body out of 10" he said "mmmm 8" when I asked why he responded with " your hips could be bigger and your bum bigger "

So I am a size 8-10 , busty , short, squat bum ... I exercise a hell of a lot... But there is always something I want to improve.

I am one to make my boyfriend happy , I want to have the perfect body , make him drool over me and not keep his hands off me .

He does say I have a nice body and I'm beautiful etc but ouch ... This comment kinda hurt. I ended up crying for a while, he said sorry I didn't realize you were this bad , then went on to tell me he thinks my body is perfect .

Sure enough, I don't believe a single word of that, and I have been googleing perfect "bum" "body" and "boobs" for the past 24 hours .

The thing is , I hate my tummy, its flat but not flat enough, my big boobs and bum and legs are the things I love most and I'm proud of ... So its really hurt me :/ I'm not sure what to think or do or how to take it :/

Help ? Advice ?

Also I would like to know who was morally right here ... He thought it was unfair that I backed him into a corner ... But that's what girls do ? If he didn't pick up on that , then that was his bad ... It's like a test ... I would have preferred "your perfect to me, I'm not eating you, that's silly" but then ... His response ... Was that right for him to say that to me ? Should bfs be allowed to say that ? He knows how insecure I am .

Please Help boys ! X

Updates

+1 y

Just to add ... Since some are being awful ...

This is not a cry for attention ! I just want a decent response and opinion.

Shouldn't a guy that loves you avoid the question and say something positive ?

Also please stop saying my "disorder" is dumb etc .

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't comment

sarahedmonds217 · Accepted Answer

Here's your question: "Should I be angry or upset?"

You're asking if should use another part of your mind to talk yourself out of a certain feeling. Here's my question for you: do you like being angry and/or upset? Is causing a fuss and fight more fun than just being content and happy? What would being angry/upset achieve? Some people talk constantly about wanting to be happy, but they always jump at every opportunity to hyper-analyze every aspect of their lives that could be different.

You also asked who was morally right here. Here's something to consider:"The Moral Law tells us the tune we have to play: our instincts are merely the keys"

Your instinct is to be self-destructive by being critical. Being self critical is important! In fact, it's essential, because without it, you wouldn't be motivated to be constantly improving yourself. BUT there is a time and place for it. When it becomes an obsession, and you criticize yourself harshly to get others to refrain from being harsh and instead try to pick you up: you're not saving yourself any trouble.

I know because I've been there. I was terribly insecure with my intelligence, because my parents were so smart, expected so much, and I always felt like I was BSing and didn't understand the things I was saying to the degree people thought I was saying them. Whenever people complimented me, I always thought that they were lying just trying to make me feel better about myself...but of course: no one cares about you as much as you do. They didn't think that much about me at all. Humility can be a sort of trap that is actually an excuse to nurture a huge ego.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself - it's forgetting about yourself altogether. You can admire something else - an elephant maybe as a beautiful majestic creation. If you were suddenly transported to the body of an elephant or other person, would you start thinking the body was less beautiful simply, because you were there? If so, that indicates that the main problem has nothing to do with your body - but your mind. You yourself said that you have a genuine mental illness surrounding this issue.

Your mind - not your body - is your most precious possession. Your soul is what will last and won't degrade over time. Your body will break down over time. You're putting ALL your energy and worry into something that you just won't be able to maintain or control for very long.

"People will never forget how you made them feel". Devote more of your energy to thinking about about other people and how you can help. Endeavor to become a more charming conversationalist, a more empathetic friend, a more patient daughter, and a more passionate employee.

You will do more good striving to those things than wasting time worrying about how others perceive you. "Don't waste time; that is the stuff life is made of".

Your boyfriend did nothing wrong. He is not responsible for how you let yourself feel. YOU are. "No one can make you feel inferior w/o your consent".

UberTroll · Accepted Answer

What exactly are you bitching about? An 8 out of 10 is pretty damn good. I'm a 7 at best and I'm fine with that.

Katy16 · Accepted Answer

How is 8 out of ten a "low score"? I'd be pretty happy with that

sammysamson84 · Accepted Answer

number one recommendation with mental disorders ... seek professional help

ok, here comes your reality shower, so if you are not up for the truth, you better stop reading:

8/10 ... or 80% ... yes, but by what scale? perception is subjective ... I'm pretty sure that there are super hot p*rn stars whit a rating below that by his scale ... so the question should be: what is 10/10? or at least, what's the difference between 8/10 and 10/10? ... you asked him and he told you what could be better from **his** point of view

ask someone else, and you'll get a different answer ... **their** point of view ...

but let's stay with his answer ... why did he rate 8/10 ?

he was asked a question to which every answer would have been wrong, and here is the reason:

let's assume to him you'd be perfect and he would have rated you 10/10 ... you wouldn't believe him and assume he did that just to make you happy ... you'd sit there crying because you'd feel like you don't have the perfect body you want, and he lied to you only to make you not feeling bad ...

let's assume he knows that and would have rated you 9/10 ... it doesn't matter now you know it's not perfect, and ask the same question like you did ... what's the difference to 10/10 ... what's not perfect ... you get an answer, and since you are not perfect, you sit there crying ...

so ... whatever he answers to your question, does not matter at all, since the result is the same

do you really want to argue about who's morally right when it's about a question that can't be answered right?

now you are asking for advice ...

well, you want to make him happy, make him want you ...

did you ever think about the possibility that this is already the case and you just didn't notice?

do you think he's with you just because he's got no one who's looking better than you?

are you afraid of loosing him if there would be a little fat on your hips?

girl, he cares for you ... he doesn't want you to feel bad ... ask him to f*** you senseless and you'll see how sexy you are to him ...

markml · Accepted Answer

8 is not a low score. Not even close to low.

But more important...

I'm sorry to hear about your bdd!

Remember that some guys can be very dense and dumb. He was very stupid to answer the question the way he did, and even more stupid if he did so knowing you have bdd. If that's the case, I give him a 4/10 on the IQ scale.

A smarter guy would have tried to dodge the question...

Even though you did set a trap for him.

A smart guy would get annoyed if you were constantly setting up traps like that, so I'm not going to say that what you did was right either.

But a smart and classy guy would also try to discourage you from objectifying yourself so much anyway. I'm really sorry that your boyfriend cannot give you the kind of support you need.

But I don't think he meant to hurt you. It sounds like he does care about you, but he's just kind of dumb. It's up to you if you want to hold his stupidity against him.

But for reference, 10 is like a unicorn...it doesn't exist outside of the imagination. So realistically, all guys' scales stop at 9. And 8 is pretty close to 9. And when you get beyond 7, looks don't even really make much of a difference for most guys. At that point, the deciding factor is whether a guy likes your personality.

MrGuy007 · Answer

Not sure if you're still reading replies more than a year later, but I think your situation then was so interesting. I agree that comments shouldn't be negative toward you.

Basically, beneath any pretense to the contrary, all girls or women with a man want their man to drool over them like he can't get enough of you. That's perfectly healthy to want that. And guys like that you want it. Happiness dictates that you should never settle for a man who doesn't feel that way about you. Obviously, staying with that boyfriend can't lead to the fulfillment you want.

Should you have been angry at him? I think whether you were angry isn't a consideration of morals, but it's a useful response if it inspired you to let him go and get a suitable man who never stops thinking about how much he wants you.

All that being said, yes, your questions to your boyfriend about your body were sort of backing him into a corner. I have a mixed response about those questions. It's infinitely important for your long-term satisfaction that your guy love your overall package 10/10. But it's an unhealthy hope or expectation that your guy feel that every feature of your body is a perfect 10/10, because it's unrealistic and unnecessary if what you want is a guy who's crazy about you.

If a guy thinks you're hot, there are certain features about your body that drive him crazy and those are the things he's focused on. And that's it. If there were things about your body that actually turned him off, then he wouldn't be crazy about you. It's that simple. Realistically, any guy who is going to drool over a woman is going to be obsessed about certain features of her body while feeling neutral about her other features.

Asking a guy who's mad crazy about you to assign a rating for parts of your body that he feels neutral about is definitely going to give you the false impression that he looks at them and wishes they were more attractive. I guarantee you, that's not the way a guy's sexual desire works. If he's got the hots for you, there's nothing about your body that turns him off, even though he'll definitely like some features more than others. Learn to love it. Once you know which features of your body make him drool for you, you can tantalize him with those features and enjoy every minute of it.

Anonymous · Answer

wow this world keeps getting more awesome with messed up people! I know you have a disorder and I have one too its called TOBSD. Tired of Bullsh*t Drama. ever heard of it? yeah I thought not its when I get cranky when people start drama anywhere for no reason such as GAG. This is not a troll its just like WTF is wrong with you answer.

That being said; you seem really really immature based on your responses and quite frankly you sound like a b*tch. 8/10 is better than most women physically. You know what happens to us when we get old? We lose all those nice tight parts and we get wrinkles and get old you cannot avoid it. Beauty is only skin deep and it is not everything. I would much much much rather be with someone who is average looking with a great personality than a stuck up shallow beautiful women. Some women are just there for eye candy and others are the ones who makes great partners, great mothers, and great wives. You my dear should be seeking a counselor and talking to someone to get over yourself. Yeah a disorder is what you have but don't make it who you are. That disorder does not own you and you should not let it make excuses for yourself. Just like my disorder it is controllable. See how that works? And to let you know no women and I mean NO women has a PERFECT body it is IMPOSSIBLE. perfection is an impossibility to human kind. Nothing in the world is perfect especially your body. Your boobs are not identically shaped, your ears are not identical, fingers and fingers nails, same with the toes, males testicles; just to name a few. I think it is pretty sad someone is so obsessed with beauty that they don't realize most beauty is interal not external.

Anonymous · Answer

I actually was asked this question by my ex-gf who sounds a lot like you but I answered a lot better than your boyfriend who sounds like a bit of a jerk by the way for actually pointing out specific things he would change.

I was smart enough to say she's a 10 but then she started bugging me for the next 5 min or so saying that I was just saying that and she wanted a real answer so I told her she was a 8.5 and then she started bawling and saying that I would leave her if I found a 10 etc. but it just comes off so shallow. Guys are into looks first and foremost yes, but for a real relationship it takes a LOT more than just looks for most guys to stick around. I would be kind of annoyed that he made some comments about what you could change but the rating he gave you shouldn't be a worry.

On a side note, keep in mind that 8 / 10 for me anyway doesn't mean that you are in the top 20% of women or a 9/10 means you are in the top 10% of women etc.

There are very few girls that I would rate a 9/10 or better is what I am getting at so an 8/10 is a very good score and probably better than what you think it means

cavmanier · Answer

I think an 8 is high. I'd be very happy with a girl that is an 8. If I were him I would have avoided answering and said you're beautiful but I more importantly like who you are which would be the case if I was with someone. I can also understand him wanting to give an honest answer. Honestly though I think an 8 is pretty good.

normalice · Answer

you have to understand: 5 is average. 8 is really high. The way you describe yourself makes me want to see your picture, sort of. Not really because then it'll just be another hot girl on the internet that I'll never meet in real life, so nevermind. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some guys like big butts and big hips - I don't, personally.

As for the morality of it all, I don't think it enters into it. He is his response. If you can not appreciate who he is then you shouldn't be with him, and vice versa.

ladsin · Answer

8 out of 10 is pretty high I wouldn't give that score to many girls I know... but that being said if you ask your boyfriend for an honest answer I don't think you should have the right to get angry about it especially for something small like this. I mean he obviously likes the way you look or why would he date you? and if a girlfriend of mine asked id probly say bout the same thing... but I might say "ur sexy I don't know 8/10" obviously your not gonna be no Jessica alba cause that's just ridiculous but ya.. that's my two sense

Anonymous · Answer

If he knew you have BDD, I'd be more sympathetic to you than if he didn't know.

If he did know, maybe he didn't want you to feel you needed to lose weight, and that's why he said bigger would be better.

But in any case, you're a grown adult, not a child. When you ask questions, you should expect honest answers. Your boyfriend is right to complain.

Also being rated 8/10 is something you should be proud of. Yes, the 'rating system' is subjective, but most guys reserve 9s and 10s for basically supermodels. I've heard 8 being described as 'like the hottest girl in your high school year' and I'd agree with that. 8 isn't just pretty. It's hot. It sounds like your boyfriend gave you a favorable but honest answer. And bear in mind, if he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't be with you.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly, you should drop this guy like a hot rock. He has all the tale tale signs of being a dead beat. The 8/10 isn't bad because it's fairly high on the board and being a 9 or 10 would involve being fake which you shouldn't want. He's wanting to change your appearance at the same time make you feel he's in love with it now. If a guy is telling you that your not perfect the way you are he's no good and will end up breaking your heart in the end. He also shows signs of being an abusive partner. From the little you've told me I contacted one of the CID guys here on post and got a personality manifest made up. He rated high in domestic violence as well as adultery. You might really like him if not love him, but from his words an average man can put together he's only with you for your body so he can brag to his friends.

Anonymous · Answer

You look beautiful but I don't understand why you are concerned about an 8.

islands7 · Answer

He's working/managing you to get what he wants from you

He knows your weaknesses and if you have denied him anything in the past (esp. sexually), he is using this to manipulate you into giving him his dream wishes fantasies?

nicenthic · Answer

oh lord. I don't even know what to say to this. I lie to my girlfriend and tell her that she's a 10. And she knows I'm lying but that's the game we both have to play. If I tell her the truth, she would lose it on me.

maiez · Answer

just relax, 8 is a great number. He is picky with his numbers, but at least its somewhat truthful, so tip: Dont be upset when you ask for the truth and receive the truth.

Anonymous · Answer

8 is high! and well he was talking about a fantasy not about a real girl, he didn't say anything about  why your  face or personality.

Anonymous · Answer

An 8? is not a low number 1-10...are you kidding me...

Anonymous · Answer

lol, an 8 is too low? Quit bitching. If he said 10 you'd think he'd be lying and a 9 would probably make you ask "why not a 10"?

blondfrog · Answer

Your boyfriend is an asshole dump him he is not treating you right what the hell why don't you judge his body and face and see how he likes it.

mike52197 · Answer

8 is not a low rating, and at least he's being honest.

Jamesthehuman · Answer

Wow he totally should've lied to you. Then at least you'd feel better about yourself

Anonymous · Answer

What mental illness thinks 8 out of 10 is a low score?

Body dysmorphia I get - I can understand that.

But I don't understand how any mental problem makes 8 out of 10 low.

Unless it's just plain stupidity from someone who can't count.

the-man-who-knows · Answer

What is wrong with 8?

Is this right? I asked my boyfriend to rate me out of 10, and received a low score. Should I be angry/upset?

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