My boyfriend called me an 8/10. Am I unreasonable for being upset?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I went out drinking about a month ago, and we got into talking about beautiful women/celebrities. My boyfriend then said "While Elizabeth Taylor is a 10/10, you're an 8/10. You could probably be a model, but you're obviously not a famous actress or something." I wasn't expecting him to say that because we weren't even talking about my appearance, but it kind of shocked me, as I've never heard him rate my looks before. Especially to my face. And I just feel that if he loves me, he wouldn't be rating my appearance. I've never rated his appearance.

I don't expect to be a 10. Of course I know I'm not a Victoria's Secret Angel and nowhere near as pretty as Elizabeth Taylor. But the comment kind of hurt me. I could understand if I asked him to rate me and then he replied. Then I'd have no grounds to be upset. But I didn't ask and it came out of the blue.

Am I wrong to be upset at his comment?

[Anonymous]

Oh nooo 🫢 I’m sorry to hear that. I get what you’re trying to say.. Even though 8 out of 10 is a decent rating and you don’t actually think you look perfect, ALL OF US, if we’re being honest with ourselves, hope to be seen as a 10 out of 10 by our partners. Him not only NOT seeing you that way (sucks to be him) but also comparing you to another lady he DOES see as a 10 out of 10, is understandably hurtful. It’s odd he thought it a good idea to offer up that info unprovoked? Most men, know that a woman’s looks are a touchy subject due to societal pressures to measure up to unrealistic beauty standards. Is he possibly trying to make you feel less beautiful? Why would a man who is secure and strong want to do that to his woman? However, it’s possible he simply doesn’t see it as something to be upset about, because in spite of how you look, he knows that he loves you regardless.. Best to talk it out with him, letting him know how it made you feel. Hopefully you’ll get some resolution.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your mature advice! I agree, I mean imagine if I'd told my boyfriend he's an 8 and Brad Pitt is a 10? I doubt he would love that. I just feel like as a couple, you're not supposed to see each other as numbers. The fact that he said it unprovoked made me wonder: what does he think about me in private? Does he compare me and my attributes to other women? It just made me feel bad, that's all.

It is possible he was just being tactless. He's also said before that I'd be better looking if I had higher cheekbones (again I didn't ask), but he only said that once. So I don't know how to feel. I will talk to him about it without being accusatory, thanks. xx

[Logan-5]

A good man knows a loaded question when he hears it. You didn't ask a question. So he's now at two strikes.

To elaborate, if you'd asked, "How do I compare to the celebrities we're looking at?", a thoughtful man would pick among many possible responses:

Statistical: I don't need someone who can remember their lines and fend off the temptations of show biz, so that gives me a bigger pool to date from so I can select on what's important to me, like someone who considers me a big enough audience.

Risk-averse: Rosie O'Donnell said never to date someone who's appeared in People magazine.

Humorous: Groucho said of TV that it allows you to experience in the comfort of your home people you would not let in your front door.

Religious: God gave you a few slight flaws so that your perfection wouldn't be too annoying.

Word play/dedicated: You're not perfect, but you're perfect for me.

Refocusing: Have I told you I love looking at you when you wake up?

Disarming: I only look at other women because I'm considering their clothes or hairstyle on you.

Gratitude: She can't pull off this look like you could. And this one doesn't have your cute nose. I've read she's difficult to work with. And this one gets photographed with the person she's cheating with. You're way funnier than that comedienne. I've searched but I can't find any versions of this song the way you sing it.

Sexual: To make a proper comparison, I'd need to find out if her XXXXXX look and taste as good as yours, and if she enjoys XXXXXX as much as you do.

I'd be more upset that a guy under age 60 would put Liz Taylor at 10/10.

[OlderAndWiser]

. . . except when they don't want an honest man. Yes, what he did was tactless, but why don't you just tell him that, kiss and make up?

[Asker]

I think honesty is good. But I didn't ask him to rate me, he offered it involuntarily. Which is my opinion was rude. It would be rude if I rated him an 8, too, unsolicited.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, as I said, it was tactless. But I doubt he was trying to be unkind. Most guys assume that telling a girl she is an 8/10 is a compliment.

[handsomelad70]

Yeah, it was rude of him, but how many TRUE 8/10s are there? ( I'm likely 8.5/10, but I AM old.)

[Asker]

@handsomelad70 I'm sure you are, Handsomelad !

[OlderAndWiser]

@handsomelad70 . . . and your vision is beginning to fail! :) :) :)

[HelpfulWoman]

i mean, its obvious you are a normal person so wouldn't rate as high as a model.
but yeah, random "lets kick you in the groin" comment for no reason is weird as fuck and worth mentioning

[Asker]

Yeah he said I "could be a regular model but not a supermodel." Apparently that's what an "8" is *rolls eyes.* He said "8s are models you don't know of and 10s are Elizabeth Taylors." Lol. I know I'm not a supermodel but it was odd to hear !! I guess it was meant as a compliment.

[Asker]

Thanks xx

[Asker]

But I agree, it's a silly thing to say to someone.

[IslaTheWitch]

If a man, I'm with, didn't like me fully, I would ask what he is still doing with me...

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. He does like her fully, an 8/10 is pretty darn good.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin not good enough... or he likes and accepts me as I am or not... the math is simple, he shouldn't go for a girl who is not 10/10 for him

[Asker]

Exactly! I could understand if I asked for a rating, but he rated me less than ideal, comparing me to a more beautiful woman. How is that loving?

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. I agree your partner should be an overall "10", although almost no one has that. If he was (stupidly) just remarking on her physical appearance, an 8 is pretty good.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin I don't buy it

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. I think he was a fool for throwing a number out there, but men are rationale, objective, and analysing, by nature. He can think she is an 8 but to keep peace he should have said 10.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin I'm logical, rational but not stupid. I wouldn't throw number from the head. I would confirm the truth. For me my man is 100/10. The reason I have chosen him.

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. Perhaps he is settling for her.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin whatever, he didn't pass

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. Pass? Perhaps he is tired of "tests"?

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin he can leave. No one keeps him here. But I wouldn't call it the test. It's kind of obvious, that the closest to each other people want to be the best to each other. I assume he also would like to be 10/10 in terms of strength or other things. It's kind of natural...

[Kayla45]

Personally I’d be offended and outright pissed off if my boyfriend of all people told me that. It’s a weird way to demoralize your partner in my opinion.

[Asker]

I agree. I would never rate my boyfriend and I've never even rated a man out of 10. Such a weird practice.

[Asker]

Thanks girl xx

[Dinklex3]

Nah. I’d be upset and confused as well.

The whole number rating thing is dumb enough, yet he puts a number on you.

[Asker]

I agree, usually I only hear incels rate girls. Or PUAs. It's not a normal thing to do for normal people.

[Taniisokay]

That's a dumb ass boyfriend. Hopefully he didn't make you feel awful about other things.

[Asker]

He once said I'd be prettier if I had higher cheekbones, but usually he doesn't make comments on my appearance.

[Asker]

Thanks girl. xx

[Taniisokay]

He must be comparing to someone, who knows who that person is?

[Anonymous]

He was drunk. It was blunt. But I get the feeling there was no insult intended, guys talk like that sometimes and 8 or of 10 is a good score. You should be proud.

And if you're intending a long term relationship at any point, you're going to hear much, much worse, and in anger.

[Starrrboy]

Yeah rating you without asking and comparing you to some hot celebrity seems very sus and rude.. he either was just talking without filter or maybe he was gaslighting..

[Asker]

Thank you, that's what I thought. It's a relief hearing this because there are quite a few people on this thread with the opinion that I'm overreacting! I don't think my boyfriend would like it if I rated him out of 10.

True, he was probably just being thoughtless. I think I'll give him the benefit of the doubt this time, but if he does something like that again, I'll pay more attention.

[Starrrboy]

👍👍..

[Lynx122]

It's alright to be upset since he said it without you asking but if you ask and he gives you an honest response then it's not ok to be upset in my opinion.

[Becky316]

You should be upset, it was a really fucked up thing to say. Not to mention rude af.

[Becky316]

He should really apologize for it and keep trying to build you up. Something like this can bother a person for a long while

[Asker]

Thank you girl. xx I felt I was crazy being upset over it because of some of the answers on here saying I'm being silly. I just don't think he would like it if I rated him, so why would he rate me?

[Becky316]

It was stupid, I hope it was bad judgement and nothing else. I would be warry for a long while. Be careful girl

[Anonymous]

Tell him he is a 5 on a good day.

Seriously, I wouldn't waste my time on a guy who is obviously childish.

[sawno]

No he's a honest guy, he's trying to be as objective as possible when he says something like that. This is the guy where you will know what he is truly thinking, and thats something you can build upon.

[Phoenix98]

Well at least he was honest though what he did was rather tactless.

[laly520]

no girl, u gotta break up

unless u r fine with being hurt over n over again

[Billlewis]

No, if you think you're a 10/10.

[Asker]

I definitely don't think I'm a 10/10. I'm not Naomi Campbell. But I'm considered attractive.

[Anonymous]

Lad NEVER ask a question you dont want the answer to. Yes you're unreasonable for being upset. If you want him to lie to you, tell him to lie to you. Sad..

[Asker]

Did you read my question? I said I didn't ask beforehand..

[addax]

you can be 10/10 for another man, don't worry about it

[MarkRealTalk]

8/10 isn't bad but at the end of the day it depends on how you view yourself.

[DryGermanGuy]

Analysis: He is an insensitive prick and you are an overly sensitive crybaby. His condition is worse.

[Asker]

Ok DryGermanGuy.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You're being unreasonable upset.

First of all a 10 on a beauty scale doesn't exist at least naturally.

A 8 rating means he finds you beautiful though..

[KrakenAttackin]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy. Agreed.

[Asker]

@KrakenAttackin Disagreed.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... so leave him. Full stop.

[Asker]

@KrakenAttackin Not every disagreement warrants a break-up. But I will talk to him about it.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... Didn't you have this conversation already? GTF over it.

[Danny_dan92]

Just end the relationship. Problem solved

[Pterodon]

Rather insensitive of him

[goebenbreslau]

nobody is perfect

[Asker]

I agree, but shouldn't my boyfriend be more considerate of my feelings? It's weird to rate your girlfriend or boyfriend, no?

[goebenbreslau]

yes. he was a little bit rude, but it's not something to be offended. take it easy.

[Asker]

Maybe I should just rate him back.

[jahaims]

You are being sensitive

[Asker]

Why do all the females under this question disagree with you then. Maybe you're Insensitive

[jahaims]

Because they are equally as stupid as you, obviously.

[Asker]

And you're an unkind person, obviously.

[Anonymous]

tell him to move on to a 10

[war_daddy]

you're stupid. 8 is decent

[Asker]

Not if I didn't ask him to rate me. I don't go around rating people to their faces, it's weird. No matter what the number is.

[war_daddy]

you're dumb. google how men communicate

[Asker]

Should I rate men back then? Should I rate you out of 10?

[Asker]

Because rating people out of 10 to their faces is generally only a thing *insensitive or rude* men do. Not all men.

[war_daddy]

you're way too sensitive about nothing

[Asker]

Sensitivity is relative. I think you're too insensitive.

[Asker]

And I'm sure a lot of women would disagree with you.

[war_daddy]

women are idiots and have lower IQ than men

[Asker]

Oh so now I see what kind of person I'm replying to. Have a nice day!