In dating and relationships, why do men choose to love themselves first more often than women do?

Question

Like you will hear a man say why he doesn’t trust relationships because of something a girl did to him in highschool. Mean while, a woman will still be putting up with the same bs from the guy she’s been dealing with since highschool lol. We go through so much unnecessary hurt due to wanting to be “Loyal” and “Down” all while the guy will leave us in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself.

MisterWack · Accepted Answer

“While the guy will leave us in a heartbeat”.

I’m not talking about you specifically dear reader whoever it shall be, sometimes people come off to not be the person they dated for. Whether a lack of connection, spark, interests, etc. or just shifts between them like priorities outside the relationship dynamic. Point is, relationships can end in heartache and breaking up though while relationships also have the possibility of success, happiness, sweetness, warmth, etc. My point I want to make to you is, regardless of gender if a partner feels a relationship isn’t working out they are entitled to leave especially in the boyfriend & girlfriend scene. And to those dating, I think you can understand me when I say this…. I’d rather have a girl who isn’t interested in breaking up right away instead of pretending to be interested and cheating.
Just a thought is all.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The real world is much more complicated then this.

I don’t know everything but I do know this. The only thing that really matters to most women is their emotions in the moment.

You could be the best boyfriend/husband for years but if you do something to really hurt and/or piss off a woman in the moment all she sees you is in the moment.

I can still remember one ex girlfriend I had telling me “I was a good man to the core” years ago. I won’t go into detail what she did and said to me later. But it was one of the nastiest insults I’ve ever taken from a woman in my life. Her “good to the core” compliment said only 6 months earlier meant absolutely nothing. It’s only her “feelings” in the exact moment.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Women have always been people pleasers. Needs to stoppp 😭 😂

And the fact that some try not to get 180° aggressive by default and then men think oh she has issues or something.

Either clingy or toxic. You just have to be UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself and the right guy will say you're RIGHT. Simple 🙌 😫

kylee2437 · Accepted Answer

Why would you not choose to love yourself first? This is ultimately why women end sabotaging relationships because they start off by loving themselves first ( single) and then start relying on someone else for their happiness.

V_Injector · Answer

Uggggghhhhh  Is it mainly men that choose to love themselves first more often than women? Is it really though?

DishLady · Answer

Guys tend to think they have options, esp those who think men are somehow dominant…. Also, surviving a bunch of “right of passage” moments in life they have to show themselves confidence and self-love even if they don’t genuinely feel it… it’s a defense mechanism to cope with life.

Women tend to be more open and vulnerable… “love” for women isn’t qualified by the love and grace they give themselves (which is a new concept for most women) but by the love and grace they receive from others.

It’s not so much that men want or do it MORE. It’s that they allow themselves the luxury of what seems to be self-love, self-appreciation, etc. because they perceive that grace and love from others will be few and far between.

Bottom line? We’re all the same… all crave the grace and love offered by others… all deserve to love ourselves, it just manifests differently based on what we allow ourselves to give and receive (from ourselves and from others).

Account · Answer

Different societal expectations. Girls are typically taught from a very very tender age to be people-pleasers and that is a burden they carry their entire lives without even realizing it.

hahahmm · Answer

Because

1. For all of human history men have been the ones expected to be actively building or obtaining something that takes risk. This is exactly why females expect/hope for guys to fund their lifestyles with free meals, gifts or expect that she deserves the guy who has more than the other guy she rejects. The concept of women believing they don't need a man is a very modern idea that requires you to ignore how when she calls the cops at 3AM, 99% chance that a man shows up to help her. It is what it is.

2. A man can only have the courage to take risks if he believes it's worth it. Naturally his own ideas about what is important matters more to him than yours for the SAME reason that when you are planning what to do you care more about your own thoughts than somebody else's typically. Unless you're a puppet.

3. Given #1, guys who know their value (and guys who have built up their value) have more leverage in relationships than women. Sure, there's an illusion that men are controlled by women's beauty but the fact is that almost no guy will take a woman seriously if all she has are looks. This is where he decides her value to him.

4. Women don't respect men who are simps/begging for her attention all the time, making his life revolve around her every whim/idea/emotion. Men want respect from their woman not mocking/laughter/her cheating on him because she doesn't respect him & so on.

5. It's in a man's nature to want to have hobbies/pursuits that don't revolve around pleasing a woman. Our ancestors didn't build civilizations by making life all about women. It's only in the modern western world full of arm chairs, electricity, automated machines and so on that people can kid themselves into thinking that it's a good idea to make life all about women. There's a reason why our ancestors didn't make everything about what women think is best and the type of guy most women value for long term is the exact same type of guy who taps into his male ancestor's energy more so than believing the modern idea that women know best. And I'm not even saying that women are never right or that men are always right. It's that there's fundamental differences between the genders. We're not going to always agree or have the same ideas/goals and so on.

Lightning8 · Answer

If you're talking about MGTOW, that's relatively new. But men are better at setting boundaries, and fighting over/enforcing those boundaries. It's good but not always, as it can cause unnecessary conflicts. Also men can be content with more minimalistic circumstances than women despite men being more interested in "things" while women are more interested in "people". Although, I would say men feel more of a need for a spouse than women do. Women are just better at forming and maintaining relationships in general. "Self love" is something different than simply enforcing boundaries and being content in minimalistic environments. It's actually nurturing yourself. If men are better at that, and by the way married men live longer lives than unmarried men, it's because generally speaking, whether society rewards men for it or not, men have to make sure they are fit and competent enough to serve others, whether job or family. Boundaries help you free up the space to prepare yourself.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I think woman tend to gamble in relationships more because they don't seem to believe it's possible to start off platonic with someone and let the feelings build. They're always looking for that romance novel type of rush. Or so it seems.

Guys have more of a tendency to rush to sex, but take the time to let the emotional part build slowly because they usually learn the first time or two how powerfully blinding lust can be.

And once you're caught in that trap you're stuck till it's over.

I think guys are very aware of that but woman seem to rush into that state maybe not fully understanding what they're doing.

imtiaz45 · Answer

Men might seem to prioritize self-love more in relationships due to social conditioning that emphasizes independence, self-reliance, and success. These traits are often linked to masculine identity, leading some men to focus on their own needs and ambitions first. Women, on the other hand, are often socialized to prioritize caregiving, empathy, and nurturing relationships, which can sometimes lead to putting others' needs before their own. However, this is a generalization, and the balance between self-love and love for others varies individually. In healthy relationships, both men and women should strive to love and respect themselves and each other equally.

dragoblack · Answer

This differs from person to person. A guy that has never done self-reflection will keep repeating the same HS bullshite. A guy who has done self-reflection and worked on himself you will see more emotional intelligence, and see way less insecurity.

But, let's be honest, with all of toxic romancr drama out there, EVERYONE regardless of sex & gender needs to sit their ass down, do some self-reflection, think about what they consider ick, and think in a 3rd person perspective; like if someone did that to you, would you get mad? If you get mad or upset over it, it's a toxic mentality/response/choice/reaction. Learn some emotional control, understand what actions you do are double-standards, understand what you do that is petty & pointless that only sabotages yourself, and learn some healthy habits that you would agree with.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

It’s a long answer but the short version is everyone should love themselves first. Men are simply raised to be less forgiving and empathetic when choosing a partner hence the statistics of men staying with a wife/partner when they are sick or staying after infidelity as opposed to women who will stay in dangerous relationships for the sake of love.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are practical. Women are drama queens. Men want to solve problems. Women love to talk about problems. If a man sees that he doesn't love himself first and it's a problem, he can fix it. If a woman sees she doesn't love herself enough, she is thrilled, she has one more problem to talk about with her girlfriends and therapists.

Anonymous · Answer

It all

cokes down to personal choice. If you choose to keep dealing w some idiot than that’s on you. I know I didn’t. I tend to think men can just be happy doing nothing. Women’s emotions seem to play a lot on how they feel, how they act. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten happier. Women get older they seem more more unhappy.

Anonymous · Answer

I have seen that pattern too myself where the woman just tolerates a man's BS. women typically have less self respect than men which is why they tend to stay with a lot of losers or guys who mistreat them

women tolerate a cheating husband more than men tolerate cheating wives.

women are also more likely to be bullied than men at work

Ladsin2 · Answer

I don’t think that’s an accurate assessment. Women instigate the majority of divorces (~60-80% allegedly) and break up with men significantly more than vice-Versa. According to a study from yougov in previous relationship 7/100 men have only dumped their exes, whereas 2/10 women have been the sole dumper.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Not sure it’s as clear cut as that. Girls cheat too. Guys learn how to treat girls, for the most part from other girls. A lot of girls are even more interested in satisfying guys to stroke their own egos about being a sexbomb that give guys boners when they walk by, than satisfying themselves.

Billlewis · Answer

Because we usually get hurt a lot more when she says 'No', which happens probably a lot more than you think. I don't mean in terms of sex, but when we fall in love and and are rebuffed. I almost died as a result of that 25 years ago.

Johnnyjay · Answer

"all while the guy will leave us in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself." You seem to have some biases when it comes to dating.

HawkPerception · Answer

In my experience it's the exact opposite. Girls always date some player guys early in life, then when they get their hearts broken, they become jaded and say all guys suck, then start sleeping around.

Massageman · Answer

One should have their own self-respect and base of living intact before involving someone else, in my opinion.

RingOfFire · Answer

...

Phoenix98 · Answer

How can you expect someone else to love you when you don’t love yourself first?

getpucksin · Answer

Looking out for yourself is the only way you make yourself worth the effort to love.

bannacookies · Answer

I think you're just getting a hold of the wrong guys. Not all guys are the same.

Imsmurter1 · Answer

Oh yes, facts and evidence. I love it. Keep up the crusade.

Shy_Steve · Answer

Do you mean Men choose "Love" ? Or Men choose to love themselves?

Anonymous · Answer

They don't. Some men do, just like some women do.

jahaims · Answer

Sounds like anecdotal evidence/ projecting bias

paledreams · Answer

I do love myself, yes ❣️😍

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

women think they need to settle quicker

DrPepper12 · Answer

This is NOT gender specific at all.

Anonymous · Answer

You need to date better men.

Vegasrunner · Answer

The numbers say that this is not true

Anonymous · Answer

Stop projecting!

LiamJHayden · Answer

Do they?

In dating and relationships, why do men choose to love themselves first more often than women do?

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In dating and relationships, why do men choose to love themselves first more often than women do?

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Is it true that men prefer to make the first move in dating and relationships?

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