Should men put in more effort into dating and relationships than women?

Question

Cruciatusdeatheater · Accepted Answer

Have you been in a relationship before? If so, those are some pretty not okay relationships. From my own experience and seeing friends in their relationships, males put in more effort than females because of the standards that traditional gender roles impose. The male is supposed to do the best he can to provide for his partner. It's usually a one way street, but I would prefer if it were two way. It is, in my current relationship, however, gender roles are drilled into my brain so I'm stubborn when it comes to things like her paying for food or whatever, ya know? That's about the only thing gender roles have seriously impacted me on. She, on the other hand, is all for the 50/50 thing. I'm alright with that. She's my strength when I'm weak and vice versa.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

There aren't "rules" requiring men to date at all and there certainly aren't rules requiring that they make any minimal efforts. The real question is how does the amount of effort that a person contributes relate to the results they obtain from dating.

As for comparing the genders, that is rarely useful. The things that men do to date effectively are certainly different from the things that women do to date effectively. IF you could compare the amount of effort involved in the two different sets of activities, how would you use the information you got from the comparison?

Cmasterson · Accepted Answer

I think it takes both people to make an effort in order to have a functioning relationship and it's important not to keep score and how much value each "effort" is for example, a girl may cook dinner, and a guy might get her something material, its important not to put a value on those things and just appreciate it. If someone did something wrong n the relationship yes its important for the one who did something wrong to try to gain the trust back again but the other has to be open minded and not hold resentment.

dragonfly6516 · Accepted Answer

They already do. The man is expected to approach and ask her out, expected to buy dinner, expected to make all the moves, pull out her chair, hold the door, walk her home, bring her flowers, but NOTHING is expected of us women!

Oh wait, we have gender equality now! That means it's OUR turn to do the asking AND the paying!

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

No, because there's nothing more magical/disadvantaged about women that makes them deserving of having to put less effort into ANYTHING.

You want it? Work.
You need it? Work.
Don't have it? Work.

It goes for everyone, in everything.

Anonymia · Answer

There was a study done where researchers asked couples who were struggling to connect if they felt they were unloved or disrespected by their partner. Majority of women felt unloved and the majority of men felt disrespected. It goes to show there are fundemental differences in the work one puts into a relationship... maybe it doesn't matter how much work ones does, instead the type of work one puts into a relationship. That men should work to be as loving as possible and women as respectful as possible

Mrwoo99 · Answer

No women have equality now so women are going to have to put out equal amount of effort in to dating and relationships. That means women like men have to start approaching men, initiating sex/relationship, asking men out to dinner and offering to pay for the mans meal or at least their own food.

If that doesn't sit well with you as fair then well that's your problem. I don't need you since I can just visit an escort that look like models... so plain Jane's like you will be casted out if you're not willing to invest.

Time to woman up sweetheart, there's no free pass for you in life because you have a vagina.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

The fuck kind of effort have you put into dating? Us guys are culturally forced to approach, ask for your number, ask you on a date, initiate sexual advances and sex... What more do you want from us?

Women should sincerely stop acting like entitled princesses thinking everything should be handed to them. Lazy cunts.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope... both should strive to make the other feel appreciated and values... desired and eventually loved. What both need to understand is that a lot of time the genders respond differently. What I find is that at least in our case we balance each other.. one may put out more effort at some points and then the other at other points. It all depends on the couple and how they work, what they want and what they are willing to do and to keep it, eventually you want to do whatever you can for them and them for you... in the beginning it all depends.

MrWolf · Answer

No because it turns bad. all the time.

I'd say it need's to be equal all the time.

You would ask why here is the thing!

First - He will seem like a beggar and it will feel annoying to him and to her.

Second - We do give more all the time.

Third - It's just sad to see a man who does this.

From actual and real experience it will mess up the guy's life to much.

It will be chaos and it will feel one sided.

thierryMUG · Answer

i think similar amounts of energy can be put but it would just be contributing in different ways. Like if he drives long distances to pick you up/ go places together, you could treat him to a meal. Or if he pays for meals you could offer to help him clean his place/ fold his laundry.

Anonymous · Answer

man do more then enough and that's why so many of giving up+ become fuck boy's. however my girlfriend is perfect.. we go 50-50 on every thing we buy each other stuff and the only day i put in more work them her or her with me is when one of us is sick. and honestly after dating her if we ever broke up every girl after hear better live up to the standard she now set. i don't want a lazy stay at home wife with no dreams tot herself but to sit on her ass or live off of me, i don't want a girl who doesn't take the time to plan dates.. let's plan dates together and brain storm what we wanna do. cross shit off our list. support me when am going through a hard time and just wants me to be happy. you known your dating someone good when you put their happiness before your own and they do the same for u that way you both will be happu

Anonymous · Answer

No they "shouldn't"...

Are they expected to by women, and in turn, society... YES!

But women expecting men to put more effort into dating and relationships is a narcissistic mindset where women believe they are "the prize" or their time is more valuable than a man's and therefore he should pay for it or work for it. This mentality is not only arrogant, it's completely wrong.

Women should be putting just as much or more, respect, time, effort, and money into a man as a man does a woman. Since a male is expected to put his life in danger for you at the first sign of any danger. A man is expected to work a harder job, and provide for you.

Scooby225 · Answer

Not to sound like an ass. But when you look up nice things girls have done for their boyfriend/husband you get, cook him a meal, play with nerf guns, watch a movie he likes, free sexy time cards.

If you look up nice things guys have done for their girlfriends you get taking her to disney land, planet thousands of flowers blind girl friend so she can smell them. Buying her pets, buying her vehicles, builder her a house, cooking for her. Having flowers sent to her everyday.
It seems thay girl do nice things for their boyfriend/husband. While men do breathe taking things for their girlfriends/wife. I guess you could make an argument for child birth but...

testament87 · Answer

NO!!! EQUAL EFFORT FROM BOTH PARTIES!!! I love the fact of my girlfriend putting in an equal effort in fact she goes beyond and even spends money on me she lives in Michigan and I live in NYC and we see each other once a month usually and I'm struggling with finding work and bills and despite that she buys me an airline ticket to come see her cause she wants to see me!!! She doesn't have to but she does because she loves me and she's 36 and I'm 21 and not saying money has to be involved but there should be an equal effort from both parties because otherwise one person will feel used and mistreated and if a guy sees that he will find another girl who is willing to put in an equal effort

Moray · Answer

I think, in order for a relationship to work, both parties need to put in the effort, a relationship isn't healthy and balanced with only men putting in more effort.
I do agree that guys could aspire to meet their SO's emotional needs etc. a bit better, but the overall effort has to come from both parties.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

A smart woman will only choose a man who puts a lot of effort into her. A guy who honestly and genuinely likes you has no problem putting effort into the relationship. If a guy makes excuses and is unwilling to do it, then he does not really like you and just wanted you around for convienience. When women smarten up and stop dealing with game players and excuse makers, they will see better men.

Goodnightcharlie · Answer

Are you talking about tge romatic pursuing? If it is the pursuing part... I let my boyfriend take the lead. I reciprocated equally though. Now I lead sometimes he leads sometimes it's pretty equal all the way around in my opinion.

if you are talking about the relationship as a whole no. You should give and take equally as possible.

Sweetsara27 · Answer

No it should be both of them putting in a the effort in the relationship from my experiences I was the one putting in more effort then the guys that I was dating and it just ends up making the you feel like that person doesn't want to be with you anymore or did something wrong to all of sudden change. I'm also actually just taking a break from dating for this reason but I wouldn't mind dating a guy in the future that puts in the effort when we date.

AleDeEurope · Answer

No. That's how you end up single and whining about where the good men are left. Umm you probably have had at least 1 good man, you just ruined it being a lazy ***** xD

SarahsSummer · Answer

Relationships should be 50-50 but not the same 50/50 every day. Some days it'll be 70/30 and other times it'll be 30/70 but it has to ebb and flow. If one is constantly putting in more, resentment will occur and the relationship will fall apart.

Anonymous · Answer

I believe so. I always show effort and go buying but I would love for my boyfriend to some effort and go further than I have gone. Especially when we were friends and he talked about the things he has done for girls he dated and we're in a relationship with.. me as his friend, it made me jealous... like they had this guy go all out for them and they never appreciated him.. and they didn't do anything to deserve it. I had to pick him up emotionally.

I think a guy should always show extra effort for the girl he is with. the girl showed also show efforts.

cth96190 · Answer

WTF! We are expected to make the approach. We are expected to initiate all levels of intimacy. We are expected to pay for everything. Now you want us to 'put in more effort'. Go away.

AnayaWilliams · Answer

The effort should be about the same. They both need to put in the same amount of effort no one can do all of the work.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that both side already put effort in two different ways, it's just the things that guys do we can usually notice, unlike girls! We do things secretly just the fact that she's making her self pretty for you, it takes time for us and also money... and we also put effort in giving a guy we like time and caring about him the same way he does or even more.
Efforts is not only about paying a drink or dinner for her, it's something deeper than that, and I think that both sides work for it.

lostgirl_searching · Answer

Honestly? No. It should be equal. " if he treats you like a queen, treat him like a king".

BobbyD1982 · Answer

No, no one should put more effort into it. It's a give and take, but if you're taking more then you're giving, there is no more balance.

By all definitions if one does all the work, it means they're being used.

Jrossetti · Answer

Ah yes the woman should just sit back and offer nothing to the relationship but her emotions, body, and bitchiness

Kolya · Answer

Both should, why should men do it more? If as a man i put more effort and she does nothing what should i do? buy her a catapult? if she doesn't show effort at all or very small effort then why should i do more?

NyomiMcClinton · Answer

Yes and no. The feelings should be mutual. A guy could be being Mr. Nice guy and putting his feelings into a female but she may not feel the same way back towards him.

madhatters4 · Answer

i don't really think there is a hard and fast rule. both men and women who want to be in relationships should probably put equal effort into finding and sustaining relationships as the reward for both is equal

TooskilledforU · Answer

No, men and women should both put in equal effort to the relationship; 100 percent, if either one gives less, then that person should not be in a relationship that is based upon mutuality and compassion.

That1tallguy · Answer

in the land i wish i lived in it would be 50/50 all these girls are saying it should be equal but it definitely is not. it's 90% up to the guy to put the work in all the girl has to do Is dress up and look pretty sounds mean but it's true.

ohi0joe · Answer

You shouldn't even be thinking about who's putting in more effort. Both parties should just put in everything they can. When you focus purely on what you're giving rather than what you're getting, you're guaranteed to be happier.

Orph__ · Answer

It's too early in the day to be triggered... I'm just gonna sit back, drink my coffee and keep smiling

TripleAce · Answer

Most women just sit there and wait for us... what else would u like us to do

Anna96 · Answer

Nope. A relationship should be an equal taking/giving. Nobody should habe to put more effort into it than their partner!

HitGirl_4680 · Answer

No it should be equal. Your both choosing each other so why not? I actually put more effort in than a guy.

Moo18 · Answer

Why should it be just men that put in more effort? It should be mutual. Good relationships are when two people are working hard together to make it work.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, especially in the beginning, usually ME as a woman i would expect a man to put more effort than me, and I will do the second step ;) and confirm that paying effort has paid out and NOW you have more chances to be my boo boo :)

<3

adon_adonis · Answer

No. I feel as if it should be an even 50/50 split where both parties are putting in the same amount of effort. Once someone starts putting in more effort than the other person, they'll start to feel like as if the other person cares less than they do.

briannalowe · Answer

Naturally, girls are much easier to develop feelings and to become attached to a guy. It is easier for guys (or they make it seem this way) to move on from one girl to another and to expect girls to go out of their way for them.

So in that regard, I would say that it's important for a guy to show that he is interested by doing things such as, texting her first, asking to go out, willing to go out of his way etc.

IdkSomethingRandom · Answer

I've put loads of effort only to be dropped off for the next leather jacket wearing HS dropout.

So, no. Effort is relatively meaningless in the grand scheme of it, it either works or it doesn't, and everyone's different. So are their relationships.

TheTruthHurtsImSorry · Answer

Men already put in all the effort. If they put in anymore women wouldn't even have to think, not that they do that anyway.

RealLifeSnorlax · Answer

Nope. Put in the same effort. From experience, the people that want men to make the most effort are the shitty ones.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

The most ideal situation is when both put in equal efforts. But that is a pipe-dream what with women wanting equality but only when it suits them.

Cloudy25 · Answer

They already do darling, i think we should cut them some slack.

Chanel1981 · Answer

I like a man that takes the lead but I think in a good relationship that effort/affection is reciprocated and everything should be 50/50

SneakySnickerdoodle · Answer

This HAS to be a troll. That or literally the most narcissistic and solipsistic post I've ever seen. NO. Men should boycott women and marriage and go MGTOW.

AKomprood · Answer

No. Both parties should put in a good amount of effort

Anonymous · Answer

No they shouldn't. Men are expected to be/do everything.

Good looking, funny, well paid career, educated, romantic, strong oh yh, a big penis helps.
All these reasons are why men are the ones mainly committing suicide in my opinion.

Also remember, women have been house wives for the last 50 years +, also women have just been divorcing and stealing wealth off men!
When I saw this Q, I was like fuck off... you get me?

Anonymous · Answer

Gotta love all the guy answers. It would seem guys are unhappy with the amount of effort women put in.

Even women now publicly recognize that they had a bit of a free ride. Now if they would just do more than just publicly admitting it.

Glue-Sniffer · Answer

I don't understand this question. Everyone knows if they need to put more effort into something or not. It's not a general thing.

Anonymous · Answer

The relationship will fail if anyone in the relationship isn't putting in the necessary effort. As long as both know each other is trying their best , the level of effort is irrelevant, because peoples capabilities differ

Dragonspawn · Answer

up to the couple. I wan't to personally so I do. If my girlfriend wan't to she can. Doesn't mean we love each other less

Scrambledagain · Answer

Jesus, one man does more than 10 women combined to get love and affection and you want more?  Lol... another reason why prostitution is such a nice rest for guys.

ACrazyHaggis · Answer

as my mum taut me me :)

son if a woman has to go out of her way to make it like a job interview and make you jump through bullshit pretend hoops, she is not really that worth it

which i think is great advice :D

alice55 · Answer

No, dating is between 2 person not one. Why should they make all the effort?

Fox_McTag · Answer

no an healthy relationship that lasts have to be fair and equal/equitable

CMC93 · Answer

It should be an equal amount of effort for both people.

this503girl · Answer

Hell no! Both parties of a relationship should give 100% - anything less is unfair to what you're building together.

ProfessorScrewEyes · Answer

No. Both should be putting an equal effort in. It takes two to actually date and have a relationship. Why should he put in more than her?

ScottSummers · Answer

All my male friends are putting much more effort into relationships than their gfs. They should not but they do.

Jamesol1 · Answer

Erm? Men have to pay... ask the female out... unless your ridiculously good looking girl aren't going to initiate going out on a date or anything really.

samasky64 · Answer

I believe that they shouldn't do any effort they have to be normal

Should men put in more effort into dating and relationships than women?

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