Should men put in more effort into dating and relationships than women?

Updates:
More opinions please.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There aren't "rules" requiring men to date at all and there certainly aren't rules requiring that they make any minimal efforts. The real question is how does the amount of effort that a person contributes relate to the results they obtain from dating.

    As for comparing the genders, that is rarely useful. The things that men do to date effectively are certainly different from the things that women do to date effectively. IF you could compare the amount of effort involved in the two different sets of activities, how would you use the information you got from the comparison?

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    • And so thou lives up to the name

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    • @HaveQuestions Exactly! These kind of questions seem to feed the mentality of the MGTOW crowd or the hostile feminists. Who needs that?

    • Indeed. As soon as over generalization happens, theories no longer stand. It's a higher level question that shouldn't set up a false dichotomy. This is not "who should do more," it's how do individuals do the best to build what works? Scorecards in relationships are about as effective as bandaids for bullet wounds. Any time a false division is the premise, there's already going to be inherent problems with the outcome. To truly get at this, you have to account for so much more variation. That's why I still stand by my statement, individuality matters most, and it has to be a lived experience. Even a person who has their definition of effort down to a science now, will alter and change over time. Time is, perhaps, the most powerful of all extraneous variables here. Just work on living your efforts the best you can, that's in and of itself is hard enough without someone else's ruler of "effort" slapping you on the wrist repeatedly.

Most Helpful Girl

  • No, because there's nothing more magical/disadvantaged about women that makes them deserving of having to put less effort into ANYTHING.

    You want it? Work.
    You need it? Work.
    Don't have it? Work.

    It goes for everyone, in everything.

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    • Opinion owner. What happens if you don't need to work and you're financially retired at a young age. ?

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    • @Imhotep99 Effort is at the decision of the individuals in the relationship. Everyone shows love, affection and devotion in their own way so it can't be measured the same person to person. As for rules? You can't really put strict rules in place to dictate love and relationships, but you yourself can have expectations and standards.

    • Right. Thanks.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 126

  • The fuck kind of effort have you put into dating? Us guys are culturally forced to approach, ask for your number, ask you on a date, initiate sexual advances and sex... What more do you want from us?

    Women should sincerely stop acting like entitled princesses thinking everything should be handed to them. Lazy cunts.

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    • Calm your tits bruh XD

      I understand the frustration, but it's just freaking nature seeing as they have more to lose in a relationship, with pregnancy and all.

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    • If behaviors are 'natural,' we'd still be clocking women in the head with big clubs and raping them like cave men.

    • I never put any girl on a pedestal lol. That is why there is something called doing your due diligence on a girl before approaching her. You test the waters to see what type of person she is whether via info from her friends or just basically talking to her as a friend.

      If she is one of those princesses who wants everything on a silver platter, you skip her. Once she is tired of being single while all her friends who are average looking compared to her get dates, she'd learn how to struggle for what she wants in life.

      Fortunately, society is changing with women wanting equality more and more. With this equity also comes responsibilities. Like actually getting off their butt's to start looking for the men they want. Sure it's a gradual change process, but it sure as hell is a lot better than my grandparents times when girls literally hud in the kitchen waiting for their lover to come find them there.

  • Ah yes the woman should just sit back and offer nothing to the relationship but her emotions, body, and bitchiness

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  • No because it turns bad. all the time.

    I'd say it need's to be equal all the time.

    You would ask why here is the thing!

    First - He will seem like a beggar and it will feel annoying to him and to her.

    Second - We do give more all the time.

    Third - It's just sad to see a man who does this.

    From actual and real experience it will mess up the guy's life to much.

    It will be chaos and it will feel one sided.

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  • Men already do put in more effort than women.

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  • No. That's how you end up single and whining about where the good men are left. Umm you probably have had at least 1 good man, you just ruined it being a lazy ***** xD

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  • It's too early in the day to be triggered... I'm just gonna sit back, drink my coffee and keep smiling

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  • WTF!
    We are expected to make the approach.
    We are expected to initiate all levels of intimacy.
    We are expected to pay for everything.
    Now you want us to 'put in more effort'.
    Go away.

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  • Have you been in a relationship before? If so, those are some pretty not okay relationships. From my own experience and seeing friends in their relationships, males put in more effort than females because of the standards that traditional gender roles impose. The male is supposed to do the best he can to provide for his partner. It's usually a one way street, but I would prefer if it were two way. It is, in my current relationship, however, gender roles are drilled into my brain so I'm stubborn when it comes to things like her paying for food or whatever, ya know? That's about the only thing gender roles have seriously impacted me on. She, on the other hand, is all for the 50/50 thing. I'm alright with that. She's my strength when I'm weak and vice versa.

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  • No women have equality now so women are going to have to put out equal amount of effort in to dating and relationships. That means women like men have to start approaching men, initiating sex/relationship, asking men out to dinner and offering to pay for the mans meal or at least their own food.

    If that doesn't sit well with you as fair then well that's your problem. I don't need you since I can just visit an escort that look like models... so plain Jane's like you will be casted out if you're not willing to invest.

    Time to woman up sweetheart, there's no free pass for you in life because you have a vagina.

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  • I think, in order for a relationship to work, both parties need to put in the effort, a relationship isn't healthy and balanced with only men putting in more effort.
    I do agree that guys could aspire to meet their SO's emotional needs etc. a bit better, but the overall effort has to come from both parties.

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  • You wonder why guys only care about getting laid..

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  • Most women just sit there and wait for us... what else would u like us to do

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  • i don't really think there is a hard and fast rule. both men and women who want to be in relationships should probably put equal effort into finding and sustaining relationships as the reward for both is equal

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  • The most ideal situation is when both put in equal efforts. But that is a pipe-dream what with women wanting equality but only when it suits them.

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  • There was a study done where researchers asked couples who were struggling to connect if they felt they were unloved or disrespected by their partner. Majority of women felt unloved and the majority of men felt disrespected. It goes to show there are fundemental differences in the work one puts into a relationship... maybe it doesn't matter how much work ones does, instead the type of work one puts into a relationship. That men should work to be as loving as possible and women as respectful as possible

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  • No. it's 2017. equal rights and responsibilities.

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  • if both want it, then both should put in the amount of effort they think they should.

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  • This HAS to be a troll. That or literally the most narcissistic and solipsistic post I've ever seen. NO. Men should boycott women and marriage and go MGTOW.

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  • Men already put in all the effort. If they put in anymore women wouldn't even have to think, not that they do that anyway.

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  • Not to sound like an ass. But when you look up nice things girls have done for their boyfriend/husband you get, cook him a meal, play with nerf guns, watch a movie he likes, free sexy time cards.

    If you look up nice things guys have done for their girlfriends you get taking her to disney land, planet thousands of flowers blind girl friend so she can smell them. Buying her pets, buying her vehicles, builder her a house, cooking for her. Having flowers sent to her everyday.
    It seems thay girl do nice things for their boyfriend/husband. While men do breathe taking things for their girlfriends/wife. I guess you could make an argument for child birth but...

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  • What? Is approaching you, paying for your dinners and fancy jewellery not good enough for you?

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  • They already do

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  • All my male friends are putting much more effort into relationships than their gfs.
    They should not but they do.

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  • Both should, why should men do it more? If as a man i put more effort and she does nothing what should i do? buy her a catapult? if she doesn't show effort at all or very small effort then why should i do more?

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  • Both should put effort in, not more than the other.

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  • NO!!! EQUAL EFFORT FROM BOTH PARTIES!!! I love the fact of my girlfriend putting in an equal effort in fact she goes beyond and even spends money on me she lives in Michigan and I live in NYC and we see each other once a month usually and I'm struggling with finding work and bills and despite that she buys me an airline ticket to come see her cause she wants to see me!!! She doesn't have to but she does because she loves me and she's 36 and I'm 21 and not saying money has to be involved but there should be an equal effort from both parties because otherwise one person will feel used and mistreated and if a guy sees that he will find another girl who is willing to put in an equal effort

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  • definitely no

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  • No, no one should put more effort into it. It's a give and take, but if you're taking more then you're giving, there is no more balance.

    By all definitions if one does all the work, it means they're being used.

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  • You shouldn't even be thinking about who's putting in more effort. Both parties should just put in everything they can. When you focus purely on what you're giving rather than what you're getting, you're guaranteed to be happier.

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  • I put in too much effort

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What Girls Said 53

  • They already do. The man is expected to approach and ask her out, expected to buy dinner, expected to make all the moves, pull out her chair, hold the door, walk her home, bring her flowers, but NOTHING is expected of us women!

    Oh wait, we have gender equality now! That means it's OUR turn to do the asking AND the paying!

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  • I think it takes both people to make an effort in order to have a functioning relationship and it's important not to keep score and how much value each "effort" is for example, a girl may cook dinner, and a guy might get her something material, its important not to put a value on those things and just appreciate it. If someone did something wrong n the relationship yes its important for the one who did something wrong to try to gain the trust back again but the other has to be open minded and not hold resentment.

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  • Honestly? No. It should be equal.
    " if he treats you like a queen, treat him like a king".

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  • The effort should be about the same. They both need to put in the same amount of effort no one can do all of the work.

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  • Yes and no. The feelings should be mutual. A guy could be being Mr. Nice guy and putting his feelings into a female but she may not feel the same way back towards him.

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  • i think similar amounts of energy can be put but it would just be contributing in different ways. Like if he drives long distances to pick you up/ go places together, you could treat him to a meal. Or if he pays for meals you could offer to help him clean his place/ fold his laundry.

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  • No? It should be equal.

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  • Relationships should be 50-50 but not the same 50/50 every day. Some days it'll be 70/30 and other times it'll be 30/70 but it has to ebb and flow. If one is constantly putting in more, resentment will occur and the relationship will fall apart.

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  • Nope. A relationship should be an equal taking/giving. Nobody should habe to put more effort into it than their partner!

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  • No it should be equal. Your both choosing each other so why not?

    I actually put more effort in than a guy.

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  • no that's ridiculous and horribly sexist.

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  • No. Both parties should put in a good amount of effort

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  • I don't understand this question. Everyone knows if they need to put more effort into something or not. It's not a general thing.

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  • No, it must be from both sides. If both want the relationship to work then both must put in equal effort

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  • I like a man that takes the lead but I think in a good relationship that effort/affection is reciprocated and everything should be 50/50

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  • No, a relationship is a two way street.

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  • I think both should.

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  • They already do darling, i think we should cut them some slack.

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  • Are you talking about tge romatic pursuing? If it is the pursuing part... I let my boyfriend take the lead. I reciprocated equally though. Now I lead sometimes he leads sometimes it's pretty equal all the way around in my opinion.

    if you are talking about the relationship as a whole no. You should give and take equally as possible.

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  • both should put effort

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  • they put enough effort as is

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  • A smart woman will only choose a man who puts a lot of effort into her. A guy who honestly and genuinely likes you has no problem putting effort into the relationship. If a guy makes excuses and is unwilling to do it, then he does not really like you and just wanted you around for convienience. When women smarten up and stop dealing with game players and excuse makers, they will see better men.

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    • So what exactly does the "smart" women bring into the relationship?

      The man is expected to approach, ask you out, pay for your dates, make all the moves, be chivalrous. The list goes on...

      Where is the gender equality that women fight for? For women to have the same rights and also to share the same roles as men (including the ones where it does not benefit the men)

      Or is your definition of equality different to mine?

  • No it should be both of them putting in a the effort in the relationship from my experiences I was the one putting in more effort then the guys that I was dating and it just ends up making the you feel like that person doesn't want to be with you anymore or did something wrong to all of sudden change. I'm also actually just taking a break from dating for this reason but I wouldn't mind dating a guy in the future that puts in the effort when we date.

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  • No, dating is between 2 person not one. Why should they make all the effort?

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  • yes but women do too

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  • Uh no it should be equal

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  • Why should it be just men that put in more effort? It should be mutual. Good relationships are when two people are working hard together to make it work.

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  • I think both sides should make effort. Afterall it takes two to make it work

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  • I believe that they shouldn't do any effort they have to be normal

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  • It should be an equal amount of effort for both people.

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