Should men put in more effort into dating and relationships than women?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There aren't "rules" requiring men to date at all and there certainly aren't rules requiring that they make any minimal efforts. The real question is how does the amount of effort that a person contributes relate to the results they obtain from dating.

    As for comparing the genders, that is rarely useful. The things that men do to date effectively are certainly different from the things that women do to date effectively. IF you could compare the amount of effort involved in the two different sets of activities, how would you use the information you got from the comparison?

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • And so thou lives up to the name

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    • @HaveQuestions Exactly! These kind of questions seem to feed the mentality of the MGTOW crowd or the hostile feminists. Who needs that?

    • Indeed. As soon as over generalization happens, theories no longer stand. It's a higher level question that shouldn't set up a false dichotomy. This is not "who should do more," it's how do individuals do the best to build what works? Scorecards in relationships are about as effective as bandaids for bullet wounds. Any time a false division is the premise, there's already going to be inherent problems with the outcome. To truly get at this, you have to account for so much more variation. That's why I still stand by my statement, individuality matters most, and it has to be a lived experience. Even a person who has their definition of effort down to a science now, will alter and change over time. Time is, perhaps, the most powerful of all extraneous variables here. Just work on living your efforts the best you can, that's in and of itself is hard enough without someone else's ruler of "effort" slapping you on the wrist repeatedly.

Most Helpful Girl

  • No, because there's nothing more magical/disadvantaged about women that makes them deserving of having to put less effort into ANYTHING.

    You want it? Work.
    You need it? Work.
    Don't have it? Work.

    It goes for everyone, in everything.

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    • Opinion owner. What happens if you don't need to work and you're financially retired at a young age. ?

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    • @Imhotep99 Effort is at the decision of the individuals in the relationship. Everyone shows love, affection and devotion in their own way so it can't be measured the same person to person. As for rules? You can't really put strict rules in place to dictate love and relationships, but you yourself can have expectations and standards.

    • Right. Thanks.

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What Guys Said 126

  • The fuck kind of effort have you put into dating? Us guys are culturally forced to approach, ask for your number, ask you on a date, initiate sexual advances and sex... What more do you want from us?

    Women should sincerely stop acting like entitled princesses thinking everything should be handed to them. Lazy cunts.

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    • Calm your tits bruh XD

      I understand the frustration, but it's just freaking nature seeing as they have more to lose in a relationship, with pregnancy and all.

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    • If behaviors are 'natural,' we'd still be clocking women in the head with big clubs and raping them like cave men.

    • I never put any girl on a pedestal lol. That is why there is something called doing your due diligence on a girl before approaching her. You test the waters to see what type of person she is whether via info from her friends or just basically talking to her as a friend.

      If she is one of those princesses who wants everything on a silver platter, you skip her. Once she is tired of being single while all her friends who are average looking compared to her get dates, she'd learn how to struggle for what she wants in life.

      Fortunately, society is changing with women wanting equality more and more. With this equity also comes responsibilities. Like actually getting off their butt's to start looking for the men they want. Sure it's a gradual change process, but it sure as hell is a lot better than my grandparents times when girls literally hud in the kitchen waiting for their lover to come find them there.

  • No because it turns bad. all the time.

    I'd say it need's to be equal all the time.

    You would ask why here is the thing!

    First - He will seem like a beggar and it will feel annoying to him and to her.

    Second - We do give more all the time.

    Third - It's just sad to see a man who does this.

    From actual and real experience it will mess up the guy's life to much.

    It will be chaos and it will feel one sided.

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  • I think, in order for a relationship to work, both parties need to put in the effort, a relationship isn't healthy and balanced with only men putting in more effort.
    I do agree that guys could aspire to meet their SO's emotional needs etc. a bit better, but the overall effort has to come from both parties.

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  • WTF!
    We are expected to make the approach.
    We are expected to initiate all levels of intimacy.
    We are expected to pay for everything.
    Now you want us to 'put in more effort'.
    Go away.

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  • No. That's how you end up single and whining about where the good men are left. Umm you probably have had at least 1 good man, you just ruined it being a lazy ***** xD

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  • Ah yes the woman should just sit back and offer nothing to the relationship but her emotions, body, and bitchiness

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  • No, no one should put more effort into it. It's a give and take, but if you're taking more then you're giving, there is no more balance.

    By all definitions if one does all the work, it means they're being used.

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  • Both should, why should men do it more? If as a man i put more effort and she does nothing what should i do? buy her a catapult? if she doesn't show effort at all or very small effort then why should i do more?

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  • i don't really think there is a hard and fast rule. both men and women who want to be in relationships should probably put equal effort into finding and sustaining relationships as the reward for both is equal

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  • It's too early in the day to be triggered... I'm just gonna sit back, drink my coffee and keep smiling

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  • No, men and women should both put in equal effort to the relationship; 100 percent, if either one gives less, then that person should not be in a relationship that is based upon mutuality and compassion.

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  • in the land i wish i lived in it would be 50/50 all these girls are saying it should be equal but it definitely is not. it's 90% up to the guy to put the work in all the girl has to do Is dress up and look pretty sounds mean but it's true.

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    • That right there tells me your a Young man who has a lot to learn about women! And the ones your chasing our Girls, not women!!

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    • and who said a date women my own age all the girls i pursue or have dated are older then me. I agree I good happy relationship is 50/50 but I was talking about dating before the relationship phase it's diffrent. If your not like that your 1 of the few and that's great but most people aren't like that "age does not define maturity" I know this shit by experience

    • Holy christ I meant men in general, not saying your one of them. And for the women your dating I'm just guessing they're younger because you are and if you are dating an older woman then she's very immature. Wasn't trying to be rude. Just giving my opinion, and what I've experienced with relationships. Anyway I'm other going to argue with you.

  • You shouldn't even be thinking about who's putting in more effort. Both parties should just put in everything they can. When you focus purely on what you're giving rather than what you're getting, you're guaranteed to be happier.

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  • This HAS to be a troll. That or literally the most narcissistic and solipsistic post I've ever seen. NO. Men should boycott women and marriage and go MGTOW.

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  • No. I feel as if it should be an even 50/50 split where both parties are putting in the same amount of effort. Once someone starts putting in more effort than the other person, they'll start to feel like as if the other person cares less than they do.

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  • Men already put in all the effort. If they put in anymore women wouldn't even have to think, not that they do that anyway.

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  • Most women just sit there and wait for us... what else would u like us to do

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  • as my mum taut me me :)

    son if a woman has to go out of her way to make it like a job interview and make you jump through bullshit pretend hoops, she is not really that worth it

    which i think is great advice :D

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  • I've put loads of effort only to be dropped off for the next leather jacket wearing HS dropout.

    So, no. Effort is relatively meaningless in the grand scheme of it, it either works or it doesn't, and everyone's different. So are their relationships.

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  • No. It needs to be a two way street. Putting in little to no effort is putting off on her part and is really telling about how she actually feels about you and her character. Like she expects to have everything handed to her... not my kinda woman

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What Girls Said 53

  • They already do. The man is expected to approach and ask her out, expected to buy dinner, expected to make all the moves, pull out her chair, hold the door, walk her home, bring her flowers, but NOTHING is expected of us women!

    Oh wait, we have gender equality now! That means it's OUR turn to do the asking AND the paying!

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  • i think similar amounts of energy can be put but it would just be contributing in different ways. Like if he drives long distances to pick you up/ go places together, you could treat him to a meal. Or if he pays for meals you could offer to help him clean his place/ fold his laundry.

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  • Yes and no. The feelings should be mutual. A guy could be being Mr. Nice guy and putting his feelings into a female but she may not feel the same way back towards him.

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  • Relationships should be 50-50 but not the same 50/50 every day. Some days it'll be 70/30 and other times it'll be 30/70 but it has to ebb and flow. If one is constantly putting in more, resentment will occur and the relationship will fall apart.

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  • A smart woman will only choose a man who puts a lot of effort into her. A guy who honestly and genuinely likes you has no problem putting effort into the relationship. If a guy makes excuses and is unwilling to do it, then he does not really like you and just wanted you around for convienience. When women smarten up and stop dealing with game players and excuse makers, they will see better men.

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    • So what exactly does the "smart" women bring into the relationship?

      The man is expected to approach, ask you out, pay for your dates, make all the moves, be chivalrous. The list goes on...

      Where is the gender equality that women fight for? For women to have the same rights and also to share the same roles as men (including the ones where it does not benefit the men)

      Or is your definition of equality different to mine?

  • Honestly? No. It should be equal.
    " if he treats you like a queen, treat him like a king".

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  • Are you talking about tge romatic pursuing? If it is the pursuing part... I let my boyfriend take the lead. I reciprocated equally though. Now I lead sometimes he leads sometimes it's pretty equal all the way around in my opinion.

    if you are talking about the relationship as a whole no. You should give and take equally as possible.

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  • The effort should be about the same. They both need to put in the same amount of effort no one can do all of the work.

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  • No. Both parties should put in a good amount of effort

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  • Nope. A relationship should be an equal taking/giving. Nobody should habe to put more effort into it than their partner!

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  • Naturally, girls are much easier to develop feelings and to become attached to a guy. It is easier for guys (or they make it seem this way) to move on from one girl to another and to expect girls to go out of their way for them.

    So in that regard, I would say that it's important for a guy to show that he is interested by doing things such as, texting her first, asking to go out, willing to go out of his way etc.

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  • No it should be both of them putting in a the effort in the relationship from my experiences I was the one putting in more effort then the guys that I was dating and it just ends up making the you feel like that person doesn't want to be with you anymore or did something wrong to all of sudden change. I'm also actually just taking a break from dating for this reason but I wouldn't mind dating a guy in the future that puts in the effort when we date.

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  • No it should be equal. Your both choosing each other so why not?

    I actually put more effort in than a guy.

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  • no. it should be equal, in my opinion a relationship is supposed to be enjoyable on both parts. if one half is putting in more effort in then the other then it really won't be all that enjoyable for either half.

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  • I think it takes both people to make an effort in order to have a functioning relationship and it's important not to keep score and how much value each "effort" is for example, a girl may cook dinner, and a guy might get her something material, its important not to put a value on those things and just appreciate it. If someone did something wrong n the relationship yes its important for the one who did something wrong to try to gain the trust back again but the other has to be open minded and not hold resentment.

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  • Why should it be just men that put in more effort? It should be mutual. Good relationships are when two people are working hard together to make it work.

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  • I like a man that takes the lead but I think in a good relationship that effort/affection is reciprocated and everything should be 50/50

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  • I don't understand this question. Everyone knows if they need to put more effort into something or not. It's not a general thing.

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  • No, it must be from both sides. If both want the relationship to work then both must put in equal effort

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  • I believe that they shouldn't do any effort they have to be normal

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