Am I valid for being upset?

[Dawn183]

I was interested in this guy in my program until we had this conversation. He said that he had a preference for women with pale skin and light hair. He said that he doesn't find black women desirable and that he's unattractive to them. For reference, he's white and I'm a black woman. When I told him that what he said hurt me, he got defensive and said he wasn't being racist and that it was just his preference (even though I never told him he was racist). He called me emotional and said I was guilt-tripping him.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on preference? I personally don't have a preference when it comes to race or skin colour. I'm curious, if you date someone who's not your preference, does that mean you're not attracted to them?

Yes

No

[ohsheeT]

My preference is somebody with a beautiful heart that is smart intelligent happy can laugh at themselves is give her up to other people when they see somebody in need the outside is all just an extra bonus no matter what it looks like it's not who you are the inside of you is who you truly are... I believe ignorance is one of the greatest biggest evils on this planet. No matter.. .. what is Preferences. He's a racist. The next time you're around him find a girl with a beautiful tan and ask him if he likes her you know make sure it's a white girl that she has tan. Or ask him if he's been to the beach lately for taking off his shirt if he likes getting a tan..

Because see our loving God.
When he created us and this planet he knew the harsh elements and conditions this planet was going to have so no matter where you decided to live on this planet he made it so our bodies could adapt because he loved this that much he loves us that much he wanted to protect us so no matter where you live if you live out in the sun 24 hours a day your body is going to adapt if you live indoors 24 hours a day your body is going to adapt and within thousands of years our bodies have adapted to protect us..

[BetaBucks]

If you date someone that's not your preference, it means that you find them attractive despite not being your preference. But I'd always question the level of attraction and it would mess me up.

For the first question, if he just randomly brought up his preferences and mentioned that they don't match your qualities, that's a pretty stupid move. I wouldn't randomly be talking to a tall girl and be like "I'm only into short girls." It's weird and kinda rude. But if you started that convo, you can't get upset about him just being honest.

[HelpfulWoman]

i mean, you can be upset because you were into him and that as an option is now gone.
but no reason to be upset at him for his preference.

[Nikki1989]

You can't be upset over someone's preference, even though it might be shallow or even worse based on race.

[Billlewis]

Both sides are out of bounds in this case. He's insensitive for saying that, but I believe you may have overreacted a bit as well. As much we try and as hard as we work to try and make everything about physical appearance, or ethnicity, or in my case, age -- I've got four or five people every day beating me over the head with that one -- it isn't always relevant. He's still more to blame than you are, however, in my opinion.

[noohair]

I like darker women. That is my perference. He is trapped in his head and I would feel sorry for him.

[fonduegirl]

Sis, you dodged a bullet

[dudegreat91]

Clearly he's a racist