Am I wrong for getting upset?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend thinks it’s entirely my fault for being upset and it’s not his problem or fault. I come home after working 20 hours straight been working 20 hours every day for this entire week, so I’m physically and mentally exhausted. And with my line of work it takes a toll on you. Come home to a locked door, which I had to open up with a knife first of all since he didn’t leave me a key. Then walk into the bedroom and the bedsheets that I washed the night before completely covered in chips and him and my two step daughters taking it up. Which is no problem with them sleeping in the bed so of course I was so exhausted I opted to sleep on the couch. The couch is horrific to sleep on. Well he woke up in the middle of the night saw I was sleeping on the couch and instead of moving the girls over or to there own beds he just let me sleep on the couch. Didn’t even stay up for me to come home either to make sure I made it home safe. So of course I’m irritated since I didn’t get good sleep and says it’s my fault and I’m treating his daughters a certain way when all I said was at least you could’ve moved them over or to there own beds when you saw me sleeping on the couch. So I could at least had some sleep after such a long week. But instead he just said you could’ve moved them yourself which of course would wake them up and then take another hour to get them to go back to bed. So am I in the wrong for getting irritated just because I wanted to sleep on the mattress I paid for?

[SteveSmith1985]

You are in the wrong here. However, I do understand how you might be irritated. It's just not fair to be upset because he didn't wake you, and both of his daughters up in the middle of the night to move you.

Your irritation is warranted. It is directed on an inappropriate grievance.

It is unreasonable/inappropriate to expect that he would have move you in the middle of the night.

"But instead he just said you could’ve moved them yourself which of course would wake them up and then take another hour to get them to go back to bed."

He should not have been expected to move his daughters for this reason as well. Additionally, you seem to assume that he should know that you are to be woken up and moved to the bed, because the couch is so horrific to sleep on. I would have left you sleeping too. I'd assume that waking you up would be unwelcome.

Working 20 hour days is no joke. You don't want any bullshit when you get home. That's reasonable. I get why you're irritated. I just don't get why you're pissed about this not being moved thing.

[lightbulb27]

this particular reaction, some of your expectations are out of line due to lack of communication. I think this falls into the "he should be reading my mind and know what I'm feeling". There is a legit case for... he should be thinking more about you.

The underlying feelings of being tired, used and displaced and respected, that is an issue that needs dealt with. Anyone working those hours is going to be touchy and sensitive. His lack of consideration is an issue. And the lack of communication another.

Granted on his side, he's got two needy girls to deal with and that is consuming.

The solution to this is really good open communication to work through the issues so you have a good solid nuclear family.

I'm a step parent and you can ask me whatever you like if it helps.

[wynning]

Alright first take a deep breath. You're stressed out and you're letting quips like this get to you. I caretake with other helpers on a volunteer basis and this is pretty common.

Could you calmly talk to him about the bed thing? It shouldn't be too hard to have food off the bed and freed for you when you get home. Have the kids be put in their own beds before you come home. Establish that as a routine.

Is there any way you can work less hours or at least cut the amount you're doing on a daily basis? Doing 20 a day is not good for you and you're going to burn out. Is there a reason you're doing that many?

[AI Opinion]

Alright, love, let's dive into this. Your feelings are definitely valid. When you're running on empty from working those killer hours, all you need is a little understanding and comfort, right? 💤 It's not just about the bed — it's about feeling prioritized and cared for. Having to MacGyver your way into your own home and then crash on the couch just ain't cool, especially when you need some serious shut-eye. Communication is key here; perhaps a heart-to-heart about boundaries and shared responsibilities can smooth things over. Sending positive vibes your way! 💖

[Staximus]

First of all go to sleep at your own house. Second of all, if you live there then why the hell do you not have a key? That is your own fault for being stupid. And third of all you don't have to work 20 hour shifts. There's laws against that kind of thing in this country.

[jahaims]

Get more keys. Moronic not to. You chose to share space. You just sound whiney tbh.

[Anonymous]

i assume your boyfriend was the one who asked you out and hit on you

[Alex-Snow]

Dump his ass, you can do way better