How can I come to terms that I won't be able to find a partner since I am a black woman?

Question

Kelley1 · Accepted Answer

Whether she is Black, White, Hispanic, or Asian, if she has average or above looks, it is easy for a woman under the age of 30 to get married. That is because a large majority of men want to get married. What is difficult is to find a guy that meets your expectations that is willing to marry you.

I have been trying to get married or engaged to get married since I was eighteen and although lots of guys, mostly older and in their thirties and above, will marry me, guys that meet my expectations are not asking. Well they all ask for sex, but they are not asking to marry me. My standards are a top 10% guy, one year younger to three years older, with the potential to earn $100,000 annually by age 30. I say top ten percent because I know I am pretty. However, seven percent of women attending SMU are cheerleaders, pom pom girls, or scholarship athletes and I know they are above my league but in my opinion not by much.

If I am not engaged by Christmas, my solution will be to increase my dating age range and to lower my expectation from to the top ten percent to the top fifteen percent and to lower it again to the top 20% if I am not engaged before my senior year in college. In my case, I am not willing to hang around for much longer while my sexual market value is dropping and, at least on a college campus, it is already a little (not much) lower than when I was a 17 and 18-year-old freshman.

My advise is that you may need to do something similar. You know men that would want to marry you; however, you also know they are men that don't meet your expectations. At age 28, time is of essence, so you must quickly decide if getting married is important enough to lower your standards. If you cannot do that then, to come to terms that you will not get married, realize that it is better to remain single than to marry a guy that doesn't meet your standards.

For certain, do believe the nonsense people tell you that you shouldn't lower your standard because you will find a guy you deserve. That is because, since the men that meet your standard have not asked to marry you, if you want to get married, you must lower you standards.

Ms_Facesitter · Accepted Answer

It's not because of your ethnicity. It's because of the choices you make in life. If you're not unattractive, you have to think more outside the box, because men are very visual. If your looks are okay, it's something else that stops you from getting a man.

I'm tall, I know I'm attractive, but I was a shut in and never really went out of my way to find a man. The chances of me meeting someone are very low because of these choices I made. I was approached by a man who expressed his interest from the start, and I was very honest with him that I needed time. (Honesty, no confusion or misunderstandings). He respected that and we eventually got together. How did it happen? I made it official. He made the first move, but I made the final one. (Making a move, pursuing the man you like, not just having him chase you).

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

"I have a successful career and life. I just want a kid."

This is exactly why you are in the position you're in. You've focused all of your energies and efforts into your career and your lifestyle instead of on a relationship and family. These were YOUR choices (yes, admittedly heavily influenced by society and media, but ultimately YOUR choices), and your choices have consequences. At 28, it's not too late to change, but you don't have a moment to spare. in my opinion, being a single mom is not an alternative - you cannot successfully raise a child by yourself - you need a mom AND a dad for that, because each one teaches a child important things that the other cannot.

Many women don't find partners because those women are completely uninterested in what men want or in making any sacrifices to become what men want. That's also a choice. You could make different choices and have different outcomes, but that's up to you. If you think you can have it all, exactly as you want it, well, that is pure Disney delusion - life doesn't work that way.

Avicenna · Accepted Answer

I took a look at your pic. You're very attractive- in fact, every black woman I've known who is as attractive as you has never had the least bit of trouble attracting men.

Now, to be honest the pool of men who are suitable relationship partners is much smaller than men in general, but you don't want to be a single mom, so prioritize what's important, as @MrOracle told you. Be willing to date outside your race and to pair up with a guy who isn't the perfect, ideal guy although he would be a great partner and father. So be selective about the important things and flexible about the less important stuff.

ohsheeT · Answer

Just keep smiling because he will find you

HollyK21 · Answer

Troll of the day award, congratulations🙄

Anonymous · Answer

People consider it a troll because you're complaining that the fish isn't jumping into your boat. Moreover you paint all men with the same brush based on what? And anyone else who challenges you on it you tell them "are you a black woman"? "How would you know"? As though you have a monopoly on not getting what you want out of a relationship.

Relationships are tough for everyone, of every color and if you want kids more than you a husband you should just have them by yourself. Because based on what I'm reading that's going to be the result anyways. You're not a victim and nobody here is going to feel sorry for you. We're willing to help. But help starts with you helping yourself. Now if you're venting, that's ok. Everyone needs to vent every now and then. But just venting doesn't fix your problem.

Skinhead-1979 · Answer

If you believe that you'll never find a partner.

There are plenty of men who love Black Women... Even single Black Mothers.

This is not meant in any way as an invitation (I am much better than that)... but I would not hesitate a second if a pretty, cute Black single mum would show interest in me.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Are you kidding me, you're gorgeous... what the hells wrong with guys in your area - do they need new prescriptions?

As long as your a decent person and want to be in a relationship, you should not have any problems getting dates and maybe husband someday.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Well I don't think you being black is the issue, are you embracing and showing men what you have to offer? Women that have more to offer than just their meow meow usually are who are chosen for marriage and even having children with, maybe you just aren't embracing the parts of you and people aren't seeing your quality and potential.

StudyingAuthor · Answer

Wait... what? The picture you provided has two things wrong with it. One it was uploaded in 2021. And 2 as beautiful as that gal is in the picture... white and black mean would love to have her. Even white and black women. Sorry if I'm wrong, but this sounds very sketchy.

DJB72 · Answer

My wife is black. I'm not. We've been married 21 years next month and together 23. Why wouldn't a guy want to marry you?

My advice - for what it's worth - would be not to look for the guy you want, but to work out what you offer to the right guy. I'm not talking about sexual skill or your income bracket. Guys actually don't give a crap about either if they're men of genuine Character. They look for a good woman who complements their own skills and tastes.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Well you just have to come to terms... on my way to/from work i see lots of black beauties, but they don't want a "white man", so i just glance, and that's about it.

oppai1 · Answer

Girl you are beautiful and I don't see why it matters that you're black I'm sure you could find a good husband and have kids one day.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

what a dumb choice of thought. so obvious troll is obvious

normalice · Answer

Can't see her butt but she's pretty. Unless she is overweight partners are likely to find her.

DextroShade · Answer

You can still find a man but you WILL have to lower your standards: he won't be over 6' and he may make less money than you but as long as he's a functioning adult who you can get along with you can't be picky.

ohmyguy · Answer

I'd say you might work on your self as well as self esteem Also recognise that your a sexual being you can't be close minded or nieve about having sex.

avery58 · Answer

You have really low self esteem, that's what you need to work on.

EmmaMary · Answer

For fuck's sake, not this old pathetic fucking sob story again! smh

electromagnetic · Answer

😕 You have a lot of interpersonal skills you need to work on.

bowenw · Answer

You are beautiful. I suspect it will just be a matter of time before you meet someone special to share your life with.

MicahRaine · Answer

You're doing it to yourself. Victim mentality.

Staximus · Answer

Well you're certainly not ugly, you just failed at learning how to find a good guy. Time to learn how to do that. You should have no problems finding a future husband.

exitseven · Answer

what difference does your race have to do with it? Just be the best version of yourself.

gorydetails · Answer

people think it's a troll question because you're pretty.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

Aren’t there a lot of black men with black women? Unless you just don’t want to be with a black man for some reason, I can’t understand why you’re having the trouble

Anonymous · Answer

Oh yeah because there are no black women who have partners.

dudegreat91 · Answer

Lol what? You can find a partner if you look good, have a great body and interesting personality regardless of race

andre-48 · Answer

I would date a black woman. Been wanting sex with one too 🙈

Luckycharms12 · Answer

That's silly. Normally people will date any race

scott04sa22 · Answer

I have no problems with black women

shortster · Answer

You look cute, I would date you.

noohair · Answer

Why do you say that?

Stef12 · Answer

Who says?

How can I come to terms that I won't be able to find a partner since I am a black woman?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Finding it very hard to date black men?

How can I come to terms that I won't be able to find a partner since I am a black woman?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Finding it very hard to date black men?

We're glad to see you liked this post.