It’s my 30th birthday next week and never had a boyfriend or been asked out. is life over for me?

[itsgonnabemee]

I’m a loser woman living with my parents. Can’t get a single man in real life to like me or date me. I’m invisible to men. I’m aging and have no family or friends. I’m gonna end up alone in a care home at this rate. Why am I so bad? Please I need genuine advice. Not a troll I am genuinely very unhappy and don’t have much hope for my future. My parents are ill and old. I have no one and I am not rich at all

I’m trying to look attractive I’m even smiling even though I don’t feel like it inside

https://ibb.co/6mHQXHj
https://ibb.co/hm3gmfP
https://ibb.co/CMbLL5w
https://ibb.co/7R9yBVf

Updates

1 y

This is not a genuine smile I am acting

Updates

1 y

I’ve even been trying to become underweight. I am 5”3 and 47kg but I keep thinking maybe if I was even thinner men would notice me.

[NamerOfStars]

Is your life over? Well, probably not- but ultimately, that's up to you. Let's break this down.

-You say you've never been asked out, and then that you can't get a man to date you. Of course, those aren't mutually exclusive, but if you're not getting overtures from men, then maybe it's time you made some of your own. "But that's not the way it's supposed to work!" Well, maybe not, but "the way it's supposed to work" isn't working for you, is it? So try something new. "But they'll think I'm easy!" Then don't approach them romantically, but conversationally; just walk up and ask about his shirt, or the book he's reading, or some such. "But the social norms are different over here; it's not like in America!" Quite possible; much of America isn't like America. But are you risking disapproval and people gossiping behind your back, or being burned at the stake? SOMEONE has to change things, or they'll always be the same. Why not you? "But they'll reject me!" Yes. They will. And it will hurt. But all rejection means is that you don't have him as romantic partner- and what will you have if you don't talk to him?

-You have no family or friends. Well, it sounds like it's time to change that, too. I mean, you have your parents, obviously; that's not the same as having friends, but do they really have NO siblings or cousins or whatnot you could reach out to and start up a family relationship with? Perhaps not, and that's a pity if true; there isn't really anything you could do about that. But if they do, you could try building something there. That's the key, the part that everyone seems to forget: a strong interpersonal connection- familial, romantic, platonic, whatever kind- isn't found, it's BUILT. And maintained, too.

But if family's not an option (or if it is; better to not put all your eggs in one basket), then go out and meet some people. Look up local social events- at your library, at Meetup or similar sites, wherever such things are mentioned where you live. Churches (or equivalent) are also a good place to start; even if you're not particularly religious, it'll put you in touch with other people and help you feel less alone.

-As you develop that social network, you'll meet more people, and eventually you may feel comfortable asking people if they know any suitable single guys. Meeting a romantic partner through friends is a time-tested way of finding someone who's pre-vetted (at least in the area of not being a psychopath) and probably even learn a little about him before you get involved.

-Getting out more will likely help, too, even if you're by yourself. What are your plans for your birthday? If you don't have any, then treat yourself to something nice; go out to a restaurant you like, or buy yourself a new book. Can't afford that? Then pick a local scenic area and go for a long walk. Maybe you'll meet someone and have a good conversation; maybe not- but at least you'll be doing something you enjoy, and adding a little more pleasure to your life. There's more to life than romance, and if you let your lack of success there suck all the joy from your life, you're going to be miserable, and that shows in your dealings with others, and no one's going to want to be with you.

Ultimately, life is what you make of it- lots of people, and women especially, tend to see difficulties and conclude that improving their situation is hopeless. It's not, though it might involve a lot more work than you're used to putting in. Your situation now has you pretty unhappy; if it's going to change, it's up to you.

[Berethor]

You virgin? looks like the pictures stopped working so I can't see how you look, anyway the good news is that most men don't care about woman's money and if she living with her parents, what men care about most is woman's looks, age and if she not a ho. Yea you getting old, but you still not too old to have children, I saw that you worried about your height, but there is no much need to worry about that, shortness is feminine. You are brave enough to not post anonymous, but you limited your messages, so maybe you want to be invisible?

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/age-and-fertility

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/One_Head_Taller

[itsgonnabemee]

I’m a virgin yeah. I am not single by choice. Men find me as invisible. No man speaks to me in real life. I’m just gonna lose more weight and get tanned a bit and have very very long hair and maybe I’ll be attractive. And I’ll wear designer clothes that I make myself. Why is it that other women have that I don’t :(

[Berethor]

Men like virgins, don't you know? I think your weight is fine, having very very long hair is good but not all women able to grow it. If you wear a designer clothes it's nice.

allthetropes.org/wiki/Nature_Adores_a_Virgin

allthetropes.org/wiki/Long_Hair_Is_Feminine

[itsgonnabemee]

I will probably die a virgin though. Men don’t actually like me. Men like tall blondes. I’m a short Arab. Poor genes. Don’t have the rich white genes. Not gonna reproduce. Leave it for the whites and the wealthy. I will die alone in a cabin in the woods

[Berethor]

If that's your choice, but you can look for a man online, and shortness is feminine.

[HawkPerception]

One... your images aren't working, so I have nothing to reference, but all I can say is to workout, be friendly and positive, wear cute outfits, grow your hair out, and don't be afraid to socialize. If you're sitting at home most of the time, you're not likely going to find a partner.

[itsgonnabemee]

I have no one to socialise with. I don’t fit in

[HawkPerception]

With that attitude, sure. But if you don't need friends to go out. You can go to bars or cafes and just literally talk to people you see. You'll notice that a lot of people in the world are more receptive than you realize, especially guys. We understand what it's like to have to have the pressure to muster up the courage to approach someone so we're usually very polite when a girl approaches us.

[OlderAndWiser]

Whatever problem you have with dating, it is not your appearance. You are a very cute young lady and if I was a single young man, I would be quite happy to have a date with you.

Where do you go that might lead to meeting single men? They won't just come up to your house and knock on the front door.

[Avicenna]

First of all, you aren’t in the right mindset for dating. There’s nothing wrong with your looks, but you will not have a good relationship if you don’t develop some self-confidence and realize that you don’t need to be validated by guys.

[BadApple69]

Ok… please read and listen.
There is nothing wrong with your looks or you weight. Personally I find you very attractive.
What I feel must be wrong is your attitude.
You are too down on yourself. Whether you get dates or not is all based on your attitude. Are you worth dating? If you don’t think so, neither will guys. You need to start thinking that you are the best girl ANY guy could have, they would be lucky to get you. A positive attitude and outlook on life will attract guys.
The truth is your looks will make them look, your personality and attitude will keep them looking.
Now please don’t over do it, when I talk about your attitude don’t be a snob, but know you have value and can be a positive addition to a man’s life. That’s what we are looking for.
If you have additional questions feel free to contact me.

[itsgonnabemee]

But im not the best girl. Not even close. I wish I was. Unfortunately I am not delusional and very honest with myself. I am worried about my future :(

[BadApple69]

You can be whatever you want to be…. You can work on being the best. What would be the best girl to a guy? If you can’t answer that then how do you know you’re not it? I’m here to help. If you have questions feel free to ask anything. I’ll do my best to answer them.

[itsgonnabemee]

Because I’m an Arab. I am not white. No one wants an Arab woman

[itsgonnabemee]

I’m not tall and blonde, I’m not outgoing I’m shy and introverted. I am not popular. I am not rich.

[BadApple69]

Last night at a town function I met up with an Arab friend of mine. (By the way I don’t think of her as an Arab friend just a friend) She got married 3 years ago she was 37 at the time and now has a beautiful 2 year old baby girl. She married a white guy…. And again her race and his race doesn’t matter to me or either of them.

[BadApple69]

As for you not being blonde most women aren’t. You are attractive just as you are.

[itsgonnabemee]

That woman is very lucky. Maybe I need to start wearing revealing clothing? I don’t know what to do? Why don’t men want me if I’m attractive as you say? I’m almost 30. I feel so depressed. I struggled a lot through my 20s all alone and now I just feel totally hopeless. What is it that these women have that I don’t? 😥

[itsgonnabemee]

In the uk they don’t like Arabs

[BadApple69]

I’m in the US. I don’t know what’s going on in the UK.
If what you say is true is it like that all over the UK?
I know in the U. S. there are places you would be welcomed with open arms and place where you wouldn’t be. Is it like that in the UK?

[itsgonnabemee]

They had protests and riots saying they want us out the country. It’s better in London but in London it’s impossible for me to socialise because it’s so lonely and everyone is to themselves or their cliques

[BadApple69]

I have seen those protests. I’m not sure how I feel about them to be quite honest with you. Whenever there is a protest there is 2 sides. Both sides think they are right. The big problem is, no matter who is right and who is wrong there are people stuck in the middle that are getting hurt. I’m sorry you are one of those people.

[itsgonnabemee]

I’m an Arab so I need to leave. Racists people

[BadApple69]

@itsgonnabemee I’m sorry this is happening to you. You are literally in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I wish I had the words that could make everything ok but they don’t exist. You’ve got caught up in politics. The leftist make everything about race because (just like what’s happening to you) they want to turn people against people…. A people divided are easier to control. I wish all people could see that.

[LoveHotGrillz]

Kinda hard to believe you're struggling to get a partner if those pictures are real. Those pictures look above average. Not sure i believe this post, your age on here says 25 not 29.

IF this isn't bullshit, then you don't need to lose weight. You're already thin enough, don't go overboard.

I don't like dating apps but they should get you some results as a decent looking woman. You can also try approaching men in real life. Maybe aggressively flirt with men at clubs/bars. I'm sure at least somebody will be happy to take you.

The most important thing to getting a partner is looking at least average. You've already done that so you're good. The hardest part is done! Now all you need to do is take action, don't just mope around feeling sorry for yourself!

[itsgonnabemee]

I am 29. This age is wrong. I made this profile years ago and on the fly. I can’t compete with the women on dating apps. Also I haven’t been able to get any message or reply and that made me feel worse so I deleted them. I can’t flit to save my life unless I know the person a bit. Maybe being average isn’t enough these days.. have you been on insta lately? Also I live in a popular city with tall beautiful white women. I am short and ethnic so I’m not desirable

[itsgonnabemee]

To make it this far in life without a man wanting me to be his girlfriend is extremely sad. I feel worthless

[LoveHotGrillz]

The good news is that you don't look THAT ethnic. Also some men have bad tastes in women and they aren't attracted to white women. I've met plenty of men who prefer ethnic women over white women.

Average is more than enough trust me. Look at the statistics. Most men and women are overweight. That gives you a huge advantage over most women!

Don't you see that you are actually in a good position? Take advantage of it before you end up 40 and alone! You still have time!

[itsgonnabemee]

I am Arab. I think that says enough. I live in the west. My only family are my parents. I’m so unlucky

[itsgonnabemee]

No one likes Arab women. I am ethnic. lol bad taste… wow when I thought I couldn’t hate myself more. I am so jealous of white women omg

[Dongie]

Huh, I like women from the middle east. Your pics don't work for me. But it sounds like you are pretty as most women are from there.

[HelpfulWoman_]

Life is effectively concluded. At thirty, your biological and social relevance has reached a definitive terminus. Any possibility of securing a partner evaporated years ago, and your current state is permanent. You should accept that you have missed the window for companionship entirely. Attempting to pursue dating now is a futile expenditure of energy that will yield no results. It is best to finalize your arrangements for a solitary existence, as your trajectory is fixed and unchangeable. There is no recovery from this position.

[TheGriffin93]

As mentioned in previous opinions, the links providing the photos you posted do not work. - this is not the case however.

You see, lass. What you believe is over for you, is only the beginning.

You want to be noticed? You want to meet someone? You want someone to care for you? So does everyone else.

This can only be achieved by one simple step (guaranteed).

Be yourself. Never change your personality for anyone. Go out, meet people.

That's all you need to do. Because, out there are the moment, there is someone who is looking for you. Someone who carried the traits you do. That person needs to find you.

Let me know when you do.

[Truthatanycost]

The first thing you need to stop doing is cursing yourself with your own words. Death and life are in the power of the tongue and you just prophesied ending up alone in a care home. You also called yourself a loser.

We should only speak life over ourselves and others regardless of the situation. Note that if you don't change your words or how you speak about yourself, it has the power to create what you don't want in your life or future.

[itsgonnabemee]

I’m just mentally preparing myself because I have an intuition about my future and it’s not looking too bright

[Truthatanycost]

Every single word we speak builds our present and future. That's why we should only speak the future and present that we want. If your words are creating a wall, why keep building?

[BCA6010]

Looks aren't your problem, but mixing Imperial height and metric weight measurements is an interesting choice that I don't often see in any context.

You say you smile even though you don't feel like it inside - why is that? There's a good chance that something about how you carry yourself in public or your personality is making you seem unapproachable.

[itsgonnabemee]

I am forcing a smile for the camera. I am not happy. I’m okay but anxious. I am jealous of other women especially tall blonde/brunette women. I see them everywhere and want to hide in shame. I feel ashamed of myself. I am jealous of women with children that have managed to have children with a wealthy man who can raise the children in comfort. I live in an area where there are many of them. In contrast, I am an Arab woman short, dim, quite poor, with poor genetics. No family no friends except my parents. Mother is dying dad is almost 70 but I forced to work and so am I. I am a teacher and I am belittled and disrespected by my students on a daily basis. Some of the student are nice but that’s the only interaction

[BCA6010]

Poor genetics? That isn't visibly obvious... And you call yourself dim but you're a teacher. This sounds like you've got some major self esteem issues that from the outside looking in, don't seem warranted.

[LiamJHayden]

"I’m a loser woman living with my parents."

No, you are not. I have friends who are pulling $80K who are living with parents because housing is so insane around here. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, you look a lot like my best friend. You are by no means unattractive, so if you got out there you should not have a problem.

[itsgonnabemee]

Go out where?

[itsgonnabemee]

Have I failed at life? I’ve go no friends either. I have 3 phone contacts mum dad doctor. I’m scared I’m gonna be homeless when they die

[Staximus]

Your problem is your negative opinion of yourself and your poor outlook on life. Learn to love and accept yourself, stop tearing yourself apart. Learn not to be so negative and a downer. When you bring yourself down with your negative mindset, you bring others down with you. This drives people away from you. Nobody wants to be around a miserable person so stop making yourself miserable. Learn to love yourself and enjoy life. Make a happy life for yourself.

[FunkyMonkee]

I don't see anything wrong with you! The only detractor I see is that you KINDA, SORTA look just a TINY BIT like my guitarist's wife and we aren't quite 100% compatible. Other than that, I'd go out with you!

[itsgonnabemee]

Would you go out with me?

[FunkyMonkee]

Sure.

[itsgonnabemee]

You don’t seem keen

[FunkyMonkee]

For all I know, you live half way across the country. No point in getting excited over something that's not very likely to happen. If you were here, I'd say, If you've got the wheels, I'm ready to go! Where to first? Shoot pool? See a movie? A walk in the park? My fave pizza joint? Wanna come over and play cards? Listen to music? Watch DVD's? Help me feed the bunnies in the yard? Just sit and talk for a while? Take a tour of the city? A night at the casino? A ride on one of the Clipper ships? The local amusement park? Name your poison.

[Chaos_Advisor]

Tell her that turning thirty without a boyfriend means she qualifies for a free government-issued wizard staff. I once spent my own birthday convincing a restaurant staff that it was my centenary and demanding a letter from the king. Happy trolling!

[clampfan101]

I’m single and living with my parents at 36, but I refuse to ever give up looking. Also you look absolutely beautiful. I’m a Christian living in Michigan. You can message me if you’re interested or just need a friend.

[itsgonnabemee]

I’m an Arab is that a problem for you?

[clampfan101]

I’m fine with any ethnicity. I just want to raise Christian children.

[genericname85]

you still have some time left before your biological clock runs out. no time to panic but sure time to pick up the slack and get moving. what are you doing to be social and meet new people?

[nawtee_me]

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday Itsgonnabemee,
Happy Birthday to yoooouuuuuu…..

You are absolutely gorgeous, would you like to go out?

[Nik1hil]

Ok, Let's get committed.

There you are, Problem solved.

[noohair]

There is nothing wrong with you except that you don't like yourself. I think you are attractive. Learn to like yourself first and then others will like you too.

[Anonymous]

You're a woman who's still never had a boyfriend or any kind of relationship at 30? If a man asked this, id say its normal & not surprising but a woman asking this... Something is off since most women have already had those experiences

[beefcakebradybatson]

You'll be THIRTY, lassie. You've got DECADES to get a lad !!!

[Anonymous]

You are cute. Just get on a dating app. You will get lots of attention.

[itsgonnabemee]

I get likes but no one messages me. So I think these men just swipe right on anyway to increase their chances. I end up deleting them because I get no message and no replies

[itsgonnabemee]

I need a life partner but I have failed in life to do this

[lightbulb27]

nope... just starting.

[gorydetails]

all the pics are gone. Let me see some.

[Anonymous]

R. I. P. dating life.😆

[itsgonnabemee]

Are you laughing at my pain? Why?

[Opinion Owner]

No, more the overdramaticness of it. If you really wanted to change this, you would. Nothing worth having is ever easy and to achieve what you want you're actually going to have to risk getting rejected. Welcome to reality.

[itsgonnabemee]

I have already been rejected in my youth. At 16 and 18 and 21. All my advances were rejected.

[itsgonnabemee]

Men don’t want me and I am struggling to deal with it as a woman. Women are wired differently to men remember that. I don’t have much time at all

[Opinion Owner]

3 times... wow, how awful for you. Have that happen 500 times, and you're STARTING to understand the level of rejection a man deals with.

As I said, if you really wanted to change this, you would.

[itsgonnabemee]

Or maybe my self esteem in on the floor and I don’t want to risk damaging it further. No male attention, rejection, no dates. Maybe I’m meant to live alone. Maybe this is natural selection!! I think it’s natural selection and I should just accept that this is for the greater good of the species

[Opinion Owner]

Women do not give 💩 if a guys self esteem is on the floor. In fact the woman is most likely to say they find that unattractive.

Try looking at it a different way. Tell yourself, "hey I have no pride left. What have I got to lose". I mean your dignity is gone at this point right? Maybe you are meant to live alone. But there's only one way to find that out conclusively and that's to keep trying.

[itsgonnabemee]

I do have dignity actually. It’s the only thing I have. It’s a personal matter. I can’t be the one chasing men. From a scientific stand point this is not normal. My eggs are drying up. From a scientific stand point my genes are being excluded from the gene pool.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, like I said. You don't really want a relationship. Come back and talk to us when you really do. 👍

[itsgonnabemee]

You can’t face that a women wants to be chased and not do the chasing?

[Opinion Owner]

No I don't want hear this nonsense that you want a relationship yet you're going to stipulate only how far you're willing to go. If guys aren't coming to you, you have to go to to them. That's just reality. I didn't you had to completely surrender your self respect. Asking a guy out or taking a more aggressive role does not make you less of a person. And if you think it does than dating isn't your problem. You shouldn't be dating if you need someone else to make you feel worthy.

[Opinion Owner]

My wife asked me out. She even proposed to me. This is how I know this. She's VERY worthwhile!

[itsgonnabemee]

If no man wants me then I am in fact unworthy and have poor biological fitness by definition.

[itsgonnabemee]

Why didn’t you ask her out? Why didn’t you propose?

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't see her that way. We worked together. I found her attractive but we were both young. She just saw what a great match we were better than I did. The proposing I would have done. She just beat me to the punch.

[Opinion Owner]

Just because no man's asked you out doesn't mean no man wants you. No man has seen you yet, that's all.

[CubaPirate]

Girl and do the asking

[ILIVEGODSLIFE]

No actually you maybe a prize 🏆🏆🏆

[Anonymous]

Unexpected case for a woman

[Ladsin2]

Pretty close.