Why is it guys have to go through social proof to deem them safe, but women don't?

[Anonymous]

Why in dating do guys have to go through a vetting process to deem them safe but women don’t. Like I just came from a messed up relationship where before hand I was single for many years and I would hear people say that when women don’t see you with any one it’s stranger danger or something is wrong with you much of this I let go in one ear and out the other because I know the kind of good person I am and my poor social skills are the main reason I don’t have people around me. But anyways with this girl she turned out to be abusive physically and verbally she never actually cared about me even though I was fully invested In her. She would hit me in the head when she got upset, actually her whole family had a history of violence. Her sister threatened to kill me when I wanted to break up with her because of the craziness.

[LazerBean]

I don't know, why didn't you vet her? If boys don't vet women, it's because those specific boys chose to be easy instead of smart.

[Asker]

I did vet her she played the long game she pretended to be a girl that matched my values and then weeks into the relationship the physical abuse started. I had bought a consule for us to play because I thought it would be a good bonding experience and she started losing and got mad and hit me in the head. She immediately started crying saying she was so sorry and didn’t know what came over her. Little did I know that it was a deeper level of manipulation going on because it got way worse not only did she hit me again she would get me in my face call me names such as bitch and nuisance. She also beat on our dog she would hit kick and slam him, she picked him up once and slammed him on his crate leaving a massive dent.

[LazerBean]

"Weeks" into the relationship isn't the long game bro, ur just easy

[MisterWack]

@LazerBean If this happened to you I’d have empathy just like I give his guy empathy…. Abusive relationships no matter how long are still abusive.
Asker, I’m sorry about this relationship and hope everything goes back to normal for you soon enough.

[LazerBean]

I'm not going to have sympathy for people who complain about the situations they caused for themselves, then projected out as if it was someone else's fault.

[LazerBean]

But you do you

[Radiate143]

Because a man is far more likely to kill and maim a woman than the other way around.

A woman is for more likely to be blamed when a man does her wrong and then get accused of choosing wrong.

A woman is far more likely to get strapped with all the kids and the man will just bounce off and her life is stalled because he doesn't want the responsibility and she again will be blamed for choosing wrong.

So since women get all the blame for picking the wrong dude, we have to vet like there's no tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Women aren't a physical threat. Even if they weren't weak, It's very unlikely a woman is going to assault a man because he approached her at a bar. Men are weary of women for other reasons.

[Asker]

Do I need to post the case of Jodi arias

[Opinion Owner]

You could, but it's irrelevant. If I'm not mistaken she killed her BOYFRIEND. Not a random guy who decided to hit on her/ask her out. Your question is about "stranger danger". Aileen Wuornos would have been a better example, although still irrelevant to the conversation.

The only way most woman could physically harm you is by using a weapon and it's very unlikely she's going to pull out a gun because you approached her at Walmart.

I also think women are way too paranoid about being raped/assaulted by a man considering most men would never do such a thing. Still, it's more understandable because a man COULD easily hurt/kill her if he wanted.

[Asker]

I’m referring to dating I’m pretty sure she it wasn’t revealed up front that she was unstable and by the time it was figured out it was far too late. This is not the only case. I know I always was on edge with my ex because her family had a violent history

[Asker]

So after the physical abuse and her hitting me and her sister threatening to kill me in my sleep yeah it makes me look long and hard at women now

[Opinion Owner]

I've also been in an abusive relationship and she wasn't abusive in the beginning. That side of people comes out later on. The other person might turn out to be a monster, that's a risk we all have to take. If you ever find yourself in a relationship with an abusive woman again, leave her the first time she gets violent.

[Asker]

Me experiencing this just opened my eyes that the pass women get in society and how the spotlight is constantly on men and meanwhile women who have very serious mental disorders fall completely off the radar because of their charm and they seem so sweet and could never harm anyone

[Asker]

I also seen this double life she was beating on me and calling me a bitch and nuisance. Beating the shit out of our dog slamming him on his crate to the point where it left a dent. She even admitted to having anger issues. But nope outside the apartment in public around her friends or family she was this perfect friendly sweet person

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I'm sorry, but you're all over the place in your question. Seems like you were asking why don't men have the same irrational fear when first meeting/getting to know a woman? The why is most women aren't capable of doing any physical long lasting damage. Men fear false accusations and being labeled as a creep. Being seriously injured/killed isn't even a thought that crosses our minds because that isn't the norm.

Even after vetting a woman she could become physically abusive years down the road and it's up to you to leave if that ever happens. I'm not trying to victim blame, I've also stayed way in an abusive relationship longer than I care to admit, but I take accountability for choosing to stay with her. Lesson learned and I will never allow myself to be treated that way again.

[Asker]

No so my question is ultimately rooted in how the vetting piece is just gear towards men and how easy it is for a guy to be deemed unsafe to date or be in a relationship with meanwhile women like this get a free pass then they ultimately go into a relationship and abuse happens. So this question came from a place of pain because there was a point in the relationship it wasn’t safe to leave I had enough early on and was ready to breakup she had a temper tantrum and her sister who lived with us threatened to kill me in my sleep. I couldn’t call the cops because it was two white women versus a biracial man they also knew this I was completely powerless. It caused suicidal ideation to creep in and at no point ever in my life had I experienced that.

[Opinion Owner]

Women don't get a free pass by men. A lot of men won't even approach women these days and have lost interest in relationships.

[Opinion Owner]

"It's easy for a guy to be deemed unsafe" yea and I already explained why that is.

[Asker]

I’ll be honest I have been afraid to approach after this experience imagine having social anxiety approaching and ultimately this is the relationship you land in

[Opinion Owner]

Not that their fear of men isn't irrational, but there's a reason for it.

[Opinion Owner]

That I can understand. I don't blame men for not wanting to approach women.

[Asker]

But you get called misogynistic if you hold women to those same standards because women can’t be dangerous

[DrPepper12]

Cuz men are traditionally more violent, stronger, angrier and willing to express it toward women.

[HawkPerception]

I've never had to when it comes to online dating. For me it's always right from the dating app to WhatsApp

[UnicornLobotomy]

Because the vast majority of guys can overpower the vast majority of women. Just that simple, To be honest its kind of creepy that you don’t even see that at your age, which is a red flag itself.

However, a better question would be why is it wrong to ask a about woman’s relationship history. When I guy chooses to sleep with a woman he could get her pregnant and he’s opening himself up to false allegations. Women can alienate him from his kid or lie about who the father is sticking him with child support. So knowing her and vetting her should be just as acceptable. There are tons of creeps out there so a background check is almost a must for women these days, using his friends or family if possible as clues is imperative for a her.

[Anonymous]

Both genders should try to figure out if their partners are safe for them. Too many people are just not right in the head for you to not go through with it. While men are very much capable of abuse and violence, women are just as capable of it too and often get underestimated by men who think they're too weak to do something like this (almost had my skull bashed in with my own PC monitor and an on-loan laptop by my own mother when a dumb disagreement happened).

[236color]

Men are generally bigger and stronger than women. Many women also find that most men have a very strong taboo about striking a woman. Because of this even women smaller than their partner use it to get away with abusing a man. Often times if a man calls the police because he's being abused, he ends up arrested.

Abuse is wrong, doesn't matter who does it. Do what I would tell any victim, do whatever you have to do to get out

[Anonymous]

I used to think that way but after dealing with some awful, dramatic, stubborn/arrogant/ignorant, bitchy females k don’t consider women or girls to be that sweet and innocent in the dating game or relationships or marriage. If a girl complains about how bad her dad is, chances are she has daddy issues and especially if she complains about guys she’s been with and it’s their fault but she assumes she’s perfect and wears her arrogance as a badge of honour. To guys reading this don’t give these wretched women your time, they may be physically appealing but mentally she’s a looney so don’t waste your time on her.

[desidoll]

If you look into the statistic, the rate of men harming women they know through social media is way more than the other way around. It makes sense to me. I know your case might be one of the exceptions but the number is not high enough to consider women as a threat.

[MisterWack]

That is awful, though I don’t see a real question being asked / don’t get the point.

Sorry she did that and treated you like sh*t, you deserve better.

[RingOfFire]

The answer is testosterone. Men have a whole lot more of it.

"Males accounted for 78.9 percent of persons arrested for violent crimes"

[thearchjoker]

yes but men are also the majority of victims of violent crime

[RingOfFire]

Right, but at the hands of other men. So that's not really relevant to the question.

[thearchjoker]

it is. Since if men do more violent crime but are also the recipients that cancels it out when it comes to the risk to women as the recipients are usually not women

[RingOfFire]

Ha! Cute but not statistically relevant since women are far more likely to be the victim of a violent crime committed by a man than a man is to be the victim of a violent crime committed by a women.

That's the only statistic that is relevant.

[thearchjoker]

"2022, there were slightly more female victims of violent crime than male victims, with about 1,749,030 male victims and 1,762,840 female victims."

Sorce: www.statista.com/.../

[thearchjoker]

I just noticed it said more female victims welp i guess i was wrong.

[thearchjoker]

GG .

[RingOfFire]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Nikki1989]

Because men have a history of rape and abuse.

[LiamJHayden]

If guys fail to vet the women they date they are being naive.

[Ladsin2]

Because men are inherently dangerous and women aren't.

[BarryLiverstone]

Both people have to earn trust. It’s not just guys

[Asker]

It doesn’t seem like it, it’s seems like in society only men can be perceived as threats when that’s not the case. Sure a women isn’t as physically strong as a man but there are other things that could make her dangerous

[BarryLiverstone]

It a guy doesn’t look for her red flags and determine if she as a stranger is dangerous then he’s failing. Both people in the beginning of a relationship are on their guard until trust is built.

[Asker]

Such as men women can mask I’ll even go so far as to say they are better

[Anonymous]

Biology