Girls, Im attracted to guys but the idea of sex scares me what do I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm a transwoman, though I pass well enough that it doesn't phase most guys. When I was under 18 I'd just tell my boyfriends that my dad would kill them, but now I'm in college and I know that now it's not as much as a want for them as an expectation... basically if I don't put out, some other girl will... but it scares me and makes me nervous as hell about going out on dates.

[Anonymous]

One of my favorite trans women is Eden the Doll, mainly because she passes as a woman and fully owns her trans identity. She’s made peace with the trans aspect of her womanhood, not run from it. When I see tiktok lives about trans women arguing that they shouldn’t have to disclose their sexuality to new guys, to me it is a huge gamble and insecurity that could land them in hot water with the wrong person. I’m saying all this to you because it sounds like your fear of sex is based off you hiding your penis or you were once a boy when in reality you should make peace with who you are. It isn’t fair to pretend with men and take away their ability to decide if they wanna date someone like you, and keeping it to yourself at any capacity could get you in trouble whether it’s physically or emotionally. It’s dangerous.

[Asker]

No no, they know... I don't tend to make it a state secret, I mean, I don't carry a sign and halfway flirt with patrons as part of my job, but my friends know and anyone I've dated from outside of that group get told on the first date.. its more the newness of the idea and the potential pain and loss of control I think

[Asker]

Context I deal cards for a living and I have full control of my table and I used to hustle poker games for cash so in a lot of my life I'm on my element and totally in control

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I can’t say I fully understand the fear, but I do to an extent and all I can really say is that If he knows you’re trans, then try giving them more grace when it comes to accepting you and not judging. Breaking that intimacy barrier is scary, but once it’s the right guy, I think you’ll feel ready when that time comes. I felt the least comfortable with the wrong men, with the right one there’s less of that.

[Opinion Owner]

When it comes to losing control, do you mean like if things don’t work out? Or like in the bedroom?

[Asker]

I mean in the bedroom specifically, of course the fear of general. loss of comtrol is always an issue