Why is finding a suitable mate so hard to get right?

Question

And that's before even factoring in her friends, in-laws, her family, her relatives. Lol. Finding a suitable mate lol 😆

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Because finding a life partner is an emotional endeavor with practical, social, physical, and financial implications.

1. We have to be attracted

2. They have to be attracted

3. Both must be available

4. During the dating process, we have to have both chemistry and the ability to resolve conflicts in a collaborative fashion

5. A number of practical areas must be considered. I might really hit it off with someone from the UK, for example. But it's not realistic to pursue a life with him. The cultural differences, family acceptance/rejection, distance, living situation, finances, etc. all factor into making a decision.

6. People look at the wrong things when dating. They want to feel butterflies and excitement. The problem with that is that it interferes with our rational mind and trips us up. Butterflies need to come eventually, but it doesn't have to be the first date, or even the first several dates. This is why people get into messes; narcissists and con artists are pros at making people feel like they found "the one".

7. We all have an ideal, but our ideal can distract us from what is actually perfect for us.

My thought is, make a list of what you can and can't live with. This is your bare minimum requirements for a partner. Then, make a list of whether or not you meet those requirements yourself. If you don't, you likely aren't ready for a successful relationship. Then, make a list of what would be nice, but not essential. Somewhere between those two is someone who will probably fit the bill.

Best of luck to you! :)

TsundereMatrix · Accepted Answer

I’m trying to figure that out myself, man 😆

Ladsin2 · Accepted Answer

For me it's largely due to my preferences for life which I think many women aren't interested in. The women that are interested I'm not interested in.

I want to start a farm and raise a big family. The women I like are younger and looking to explore life a bit before settling down. I've ended a few relationships because the young women didn't want to start a family. These girls were in their early 20's so I'm sure that'd change as they age, but I'm on a more truncated timeframe.

The women that like me tend to be older, have already had their fun, and already have kids from another relationship. They're just looking for a good father for their kids and aren't as interested in their city living. I'm just not attracted to these women. I have no substantial baggage I'm bringing to the relationship so I don't want a woman to bring that much baggage either.

Unit1 · Accepted Answer

Right? In my experience girls manage to fuck things up, that are fairly easily avoidable. How hard is it really to at least preserve your value/worth as a suitable dating mate and not be a total fuck-up being? I mean girls came with extra problems like

Being social media or phone addicted, ghosting me for not being on instagram
Having a kid or 2 and are single (this is understandable in some cases but still)
Often having a need for drama and problems
Entitlements, bad influences, destructive habits like smoking
unresolved mental issues IN COMBINATION OF not doing anything too serious to address them

This is not to say, that men are exempt from their issues like video game addictions or getting fat and bald but the point is preserving/increasing your value is really not that difficult. It's more of a commitment than anything else.

Why is finding a suitable mate so hard to get right?

DemocratsRDumb · Answer

Because modern women have over-inflated delusional narcissistic opinions of themselves. Just watch the thousands of videos of them being asked a question of how they rate their looks on a scale of 1-10. 90% of them say 10 and 9% of them say something stupid like 20.

And this is also reflected in the multiple studies and data that you can look for yourself.

80-90% of ALL women pick the top 5-10% of men. Clearly they all deserve that... RIGHT? Especially when you ask 99% of women what they offer instead of their box and they get furious even being asked that question.

Imagine a 500 pound broke man with no job saying such things as "I am the table" And "They get to have me"

Yet ALL women including those who have slept with everything and the man has to worry about catching a billion diseases just by looking at her think its okay.

And dont give me this "Well men get to do it, so women should too." NO, SORRY ladies it doesn't work that way. Double standards are not always universally bad.

For example: Which one would you accept. Your 1 year old child pooping on the floor right in front of you and giggling, OR you 25 year old doing the exact same thing.

Oh wait. Why get mad at the 25 year old. THATS A DOUBLE STANDARD. Ageist much?

Kelley1 · Answer

It is due to women's unrealistic standards for both men and women. Women that are no better than 7s believe they deserve a 9 guy; that is, 6 pack, 6 feet tall, and a 6-figure income. Therefore, the men they will settle for are out of their league.

It is difficult for men because although men are willing to accept women within their league, the women within their league are rejecting them because they are chasing after Chad who is out of their league.

imtiaz45 · Answer

Finding a suitable mate can be challenging because it involves aligning multiple complex factors—emotional, intellectual, and sometimes practical. People are unique, with different values, goals, and life experiences, making it hard to find someone whose needs and desires match yours. Emotional compatibility, timing, communication, and life circumstances all play critical roles. Additionally, societal pressures, past experiences, and personal insecurities can complicate the process. Relationships require vulnerability, patience, and growth, and sometimes individuals evolve in ways that no longer complement their partner. The journey to find a compatible mate often involves trial and error, self-discovery, and learning what truly matters.

razelove · Answer

It's a question of persistence. Between ending my first massively fucked up marriage and finding my wife now, I went on hundreds of dates and approached thousands of women. I had to cycle through cities because I was burning out dating pools near colleges, grocery stores, art classes, etc.

If you get to the level where you're basically a pick up artist then you're being persistent, and now just have to select suitable locations for day game. At some point on my journey I was forgetting the goal and focusing more on getting a better closure rate and crafting dates and approaches like an assembly line.

Don't worry about her family, that's her problem not yours. You're going after someone to date, marry, and make a family with, not her sister, brother, mom or dad.

Caroline91 · Answer

That's such a difficult question to answer. I think, to a large degree, it's just sheer luck. I've been lucky twice. For me, when I knew, I just knew. The first, life interfered. The second is my husband of 11 years and the father of my sweet little ones.

I think putting oneself in situations where there are like minded people can up the odds. I met my husband as a volunteer at a non profit that he was a consultant to. The more active you are in your community, the more likely to meet someone who shares mutual interests. And that's a good beginning. So that's my two cents worth. Wishing you luck!!

Nik1hil · Answer

For Boys it's a Desert , for girls it's an Ocean.. both dying of Thirst.

Boys cannot find a Girl, Like finding Water in desert.

Girls are Overwhelmed by Boys but like water in Ocean the water is not drinkable.

KEY IS BECOME ELIGIBLE!..

- Get a Business/Job

- Have a Good House and Car.

- Have a little money.

As soon as you rise Above the average men, Girls will Swarm to pluck you, Don't be an asshole and try to get 2-3 , take one and live properly, if you go to Get 2-3 they all will again consider you "Not eligible" and you will have a draught.

Miristheiss · Answer

Too many make the decision on a "feeling", butterflies, the emotional high.

Choosing someone with the same goals and values about sex, kids, money, religion... etc., that are the relationships that will last more than the one based on how intoxicating the courting process goes. That is a fools way to pick a mate.

Anonymous · Answer

In short; males suck. They are just generally far lower in quality than women are. Women risk so much getting with a man. Thats why we have to be so incredible diligent with it. Men do not stress nearly as much as women do, finding a good partner.

You’ll often hear men say “I’ll be lucky to get a girl thats still alive”. Or “Anything will do if she has a pulse”. When do you hear women say anything like that about finding a man? In fact, more women now-days are choosing to be single. Thats how bad it’s gotten.

Kaamraj · Answer

Social media and dating apps have given women the delusion that there are many more men in terms of suitable partners as there actually are.

lightbulb27 · Answer

our society is trashed, we aren't getting educated about ourselves, others and relationships.

It's fixable, but takes a lot of work. I think it's intentional to screw up reproduction. So you have to rise above the mess...

rienna888 · Answer

that’s because everybody has flaws and nobody’s perfect.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Probably because none of us is perfect yet most of us expect the partner to be almost that. I am preaching to myself here. I am difficult, eccentric, get caught up in projects for hours and hours during which time I will not answer anyone, yet expect her to be sweet, understanding, available when I want her, but able to keep herself entertained while I'm busy.

LadyKitty · Answer

People aren't perfect and thats okay. What we have to ask ourselves beyond what we want in a partner. What can we tolerate? Since it won't always be sunshine and rainbows.

HighValue · Answer

@therealpepperpotts @kelley1 @DemocratsRdumb Explained it pretty well.  I'd add that the moral/political divide makes many people totally incompatible with each other.

morganherrel · Answer

Many reasons. One is that mutual attraction is hard to find in the U. S. when the dating pool is so undisciplined about self care.

Anonymous · Answer

Because nobody is honest about who they are or what they want anymore. Life has become one giant put on of what you dupe the other gender into believing about you.

noohair · Answer

This because no one is perfect and both perope want perfect. We refuse to accept people as a whole individuals , as they are.

zagor · Answer

Probably due to high expectations on both sides.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

I STOPPED TRYING AGES AGO

Walksbehindtherows · Answer

Easy for a handsome guy

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Unit1 typed it better than I could have.

Why is finding a suitable mate so hard to get right?

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