Why do people think it’s ok to date men that are deadbeat fathers and men how are you ok dating but not proving financially for your child?

[KittygosMeoWW]

As a women my main issue with dating someone with kids is why didn’t things workout and I could never date someone who’s a deadbeat. It’s disgusting.

[ohsheeT]

I've answered a lot of questions on here for men about paying child support

And they just don't get it I don't care if you're giving it to your wife it's for your kids it's what feeds them what clothes them what buys them things what helps them become who they're going to become...

. Guys just don't get it

Because they think since they're giving it to their newly divorce ex-wife that she's going to spend it on whatever she wants to spend it on

well guess what that's what it's for they..
like it. Or not
They are the mom they are the bus there are the ones raising your child pay the money you're going to sooner or later.
Accepted you have 18 years to pay for. For your child and then probably about another 5 to 10 years after that because you're always going to be helping that child if you love them.

They're just butt hurt because they have to give their ex-wife money well then you take the child 50/50 of the time in that lowers the payment or go to court get the child and let the wife pay you... If I find out my friends are paying their child support I'm a dick and I tell them I explained to them what they're doing to their kids by not paying the child support

And for any girl that is going out with a guy like this why would you go out with a guy like that one he's going to do the same thing to you one day if just to get you pregnant

[BullShark]

• No self respecting woman (or man if you swing that way) would willingly want to date someone who's a deadbeat, unless they're a deadbeat themselves. Misery breeds misery, and if you yourself are a hardworking ambitious person with goals and a life of your own, you'd run as far away as possible from people like that. And this goes both ways, jbtw
• Not all men who are single and have kids are deadbeats, and some are actually working twice as hard to provide for their kids by being their mother and father at the same time. Just because a man is single and has kids, doesn't mean he was the one at fault. Maybe the mother was abusive to the kids and him, or maybe the mother died and the dad is still trying to recover from the loss of his wife
• Single men with kids who ARE deadbeats are just that. Deadbeats. As a real man if you become a father, your provider instincts kick in full gear and you're actually willing to work overtime and as hard as you can to provide your family with the best life you never got yourself. If you don't care about that, then it just goes to show that you were never onboard with having kids in the first place and it doesn't affect your overall life eitherway because you were and always will be a deadbeat

[Apple1996]

I've always wondered that. Some of those men never seeing their children and paying 50$ in a child support a month then be spending up their money on dating or even worse on partying/strippers/drugs. I guess they don't like spending money or time on their own childern

[KittygosMeoWW]

Literally my daughter’s dad he paid 100 in child support over 6 months. Lmao I’d be embarrassed to date a guy like that.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you but some divorced guys take care of their kids

[Avicenna]

What is your definition of a deadbeat dad so we’re all clear on what you mean by that?

[KittygosMeoWW]

Not taking part financially, emotionally, and physically in raising your child that you yourself asked for

[Avicenna]

Assuming that’s because it was his choice not to rather than the child’s mother playing keep away, I think most women wouldn’t date him.

[KittygosMeoWW]

He’s abusive it’s not a playing takeaway it’s a restraining order needed for our safety and he has visitation but has refused to see her now for two weeks

[Avicenna]

Few women would date such a guy

[lightbulb27]

agree. there may be rare cases the issue is it's too exhausting dealing with the X... not that it's her fault, but that they never figured out how to have a good relationship.

But I've seen these guys that are unstable and that means trouble for you. Big red flag that he needs to get his stuff together from early life damage, lack of maturity and parenting before touching anymore females.

As it is though, they are often hot looking and have skills and will leave a trail of destruction...

[razelove]

There can be a lot of reasons for that. Like say today I found out that my wife was cheating on me, ran a paternity test, and none of my kids are mine. In court I'd still be ordered to pay child support since my name is on the birth certificates.

I obviously would not pay that, and hop jobs like a bouncy ball every time a penny got pulled. Same with if there were games played to keep my kids away, the threat of jail for not paying child support would be there, and risk of paying more, rather than her being penalized for not being able to see my kids.

I dated a girl who had the guy paying the child support and refused to let him see their kid because he found a new girl. She called him a deadbeat dad along with many other colorful things. I didn't care to find out more or risk knocking her up.

[DJB72]

In 80% of divorced couples the woman, not the man, filed for divorce. Where kids were involved that increased.

I know enough couples where after a split the mother weaponised letting the dad see his kids to be reasonably confident that in many cases he doesn't see his kids because she makes it impossible. Two of the dads finally got to see their kids when they turned 16 and arrived on his doorstep asking to live with him (UK families - at 16 the child has freedom to walk out and tell the parent to fuck off)

[KittygosMeoWW]

You didn’t answer my question

[DJB72]

Ok, half my answer got deleted. Stupid phone 🙄

The missing bit:

How can you tell who a "deadbeat" father is and who's been kicked out as a meal ticket by the woman who is actually the deadbeat while the dad is almost killing himself working three jobs so he can pay the mortgage on the house he's no longer allowed to visit because his ex has a string of new fucktards passing through so fast she's installed a revolving door on the bedroom.

A few guys I've known chose to rather go to jail for not paying so they at least had heat in the winter and three meals a day.

I don't know any Man (note capital "M") who's ok not providing for his kids.

[normalice]

If the guy didn't want kids it's usually specifically because he didn't want to pay for them. But if a woman chooses to have a kid anyway, so long as it is a choice, men should be allowed to choose, too.

[KittygosMeoWW]

That’s still not ok but more understandable this is a child he asked for and no we were not trying but he kept saying he wanted to be one

[normalice]

If a man says he wanted one he should be held to his word, in my opinion. Though, wanting one in some distant future and trying for one "now" are different things.

[DrPepper12]

That's a great question! As a father I can't even fathom understand contemplate or know what it's like to not take care of my child. Even if I hated the child's mother more passionately than a billion suns I would still take care of that trial and have meaningful interactions with their mother to make sure that that trial is okay. TAKE CARE OF YOUR GODDAMN CHILDREN!!

[nawtee_me]

I married a girl with two kids and raised them with the two we had and when we divorced I raised them as a single parent. I don’t know what is wrong with people today…

It is not just the men but the women too that won’t take them to court and force them to support the kids

[RavVid]

It is ironic that women can destroy a man with divorce and then label him as deadbeat for having been destroyed.

I wouldn't date a woman who has initiated a no fault divorce to be equally fair though.

[KittygosMeoWW]

A no fault divorce?

[RavVid]

Depending on where you are.

In some jurisprudence's you have to prove fault like infidelity for example.

In others all you to say is you feel like it. It is unilateral as your spouse has no say in it even though the spouse has never done anything wrong.

I think it was recently claimed Trump was going repealed no fault divorce though how he could change state legislation I cannot understand. I might have misheard. I don't understand how a US President/Congress can legislate on abortion either when it seems to be a state power. Maybe yet more stuff I don't understand with the US system.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Dating is just another world for sex nowadays, it's just more acceptable to go out first from the looks of it.

[SvenTree]

1st question: I think it's a question that you should ask to the people who date deadbeats, because I definitely don't think that it's something that is actively encouraged in society. My hypothesis is that the people who date deadbeats are deadbeats themselves and/or have terrible judgment.

2nd question: I guess some guys simply have terrible sense of responsibility, priorities and delayed gratification mechanisms.

[OddBeMe]

People have weird priorities. I just watched a crime doc where an entire floor of an apartment building heard the victims screams and no one called the cops. Priorities.

[RyanR03]

they shouldn’t be comfortable dating at all!

[paledreams]

I often wonder what pretty women see in deadbeat men or dating men who are no-hoper's, trashy, backwards lol 😆😆😆 I guess humans are human

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why people think it's okay to eat women that are deadbeat mothers

[Aiko_E_Lara]

*Date women

[Anonymous]

dunno. probably for the same reason men are shamed for not dating single moms

[LiamJHayden]

Who thinks it's okay?

[msc545]

Try giving the father equal access to his child and you might do better with your extortion.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Extortion? When that same person asked for a child lol

[BadApple69]

I wouldn’t know.