Why are guys still asking out women?

[Anonymous]

I’m honestly curious. With the whole fiasco with men and women, I’m surprised men still ask women out on dates and stuff. I’ll be honest, if a guy were to ask me out right now, I would reject him immediately. If I were to say yes, things will go down south real quick.

Updates

1 y

To be honest, I think men should save their sanity and avoid asking women out. If you have that urge to go on a date with a woman, stop and think how much could go wrong. I don’t think any of want to set yourselves up for disappointment and heartbreak.

Updates

1 y

Funny how I repeat what men say about women and y’all immediately retract what you say. And you call me the miserable one. If that’s the case, then y’all truly don’t believe women are all that bad. Except for the ones who hurt you. Am I correct?

[CaptainOverthink]

We still have emotional responses, sexual urges, social expectations and whatever culture we're living in or are brought up in.
The game has been and is changing. Most men won't give up hope, no matter what the internet is telling you. Most men don't comment, most people's opinions aren't heard.
- The smart and brave ones adapt to find other ways, like aiming for friendship first and then deciding if to pursue. I like this option, but there's only a tiny window for me to do this before I lay emotions on top. Working on it.
- The smooth ones manage dating anyway because they're just hot enough to get away with bad behaviors.
- As for the newbies, nervous and traumatized out there; it might still seem like asking someone out is easier than just talking to them (because emotions are wild and crazy on the inside, which is inappropriate on the outside) and thereby going at things directly in the open is way less complex. Not to mention that getting someone qlone is way more of an honest interaction than including their friends.

[SvenTree]

But I've heard women hate this and it's considered abuse. "aiming for friendship first and then deciding if to pursue". They say "he was s fake friend", "he's a predator" or something like that.

[CaptainOverthink]

Maybe if you go in with the intent to date or evaluate, then it's just fake.
But the key (and also the hardpart) is to not even see them that way until you really know them. That means you are looking for friends, treats them that way and you don't differentiate between building friendships based on looks or other superficial stuff. It's a mindset.

The goal is just to be natural.
The goal is to have no agenda or intent. Like it is with normal friends and then if maybe you can't deny it for yourself anymore then you take your pick and try if you feel like you might have a shot. But always be ready to put her back in the friendzone.
So key there is to not take it too serious, no point convincing anyone.

Because it only hurts to be in the FZ if only one of you are there. If you're both able to be okay with it then it's just mature friendship and respect.

All in all finding a good partner is finding a friend that can be more and also wants to be. It don't matter which part comes first.

[SvenTree]

That makes no logical sense. What is "Natural"? How does a person live without an "agenda" or "intent"? I think everything decision and action a person makes has a subconscious components, is that not "intent"?
People can't read minds. How are other people supposed to know if you had "intent" or an "agenda"? There doesn't seem to be any objective way to tell; specially from another person's perspective.

I think the question here is:
"Is it morally wrong for a man who already has a platonic relationship with a woman to try to turn it into a romantic relationship?"
If it is:
"Why?"

[CaptainOverthink]

I should be more accurate with my words:
You're right, there is no way to not have agenda or intent (though agenda and intent as I see it is all about your concious goals, subconcious things are.. unknown to us).
But what I mean is that, that intent or agenda should not be to get a girl in bed or to get a date, it shouldn't be sexual or romantic from the get-go.

This goes hand-in-hand with "being natural", you see, in MY experience when going straight at an attractive woman it's easy to be a bit too nervous, maybe hold some parts of my personality secret or maybe even have preconcieved notions about who she'd like me to be or not to be. So I find myself bending myself to fit that idea or just feeling unable to "flow" and be my true self with my usual confidence.
This serves none and is to not behave "naturally", it's a predatory behavior where the end justifies the means and when the goal is reached we can't live up to the image of ourselves. Being natural is to not pretend, feel pressured into action or overthink too much.

Of course; there is no way to tell what someones intent is with 100% certanity.
But if let say I go for a girl, I have feelings that I express in the open, she then rejects me and tries to FZ me. If I then stop hanging out because of rejection, then obviously I had an agenda to be with her, I was too serious about my emotions and couldn't get past them.
If my intent or agenda was pure then I'd understand that truly caring is to want her to get what she wants, it's not about me.

And, no. It's not wrong to try to turn a platonic friendship into a romantic one. But the intent to date should come from learning who she is and how she thinks. Up until then you'd want her in the FZ.
Superficial attraction and chemistry it's not enough to be serious about, it's just infatuation (this is what I find hard, but am making great progress into).

[SvenTree]

"It's not wrong to try to turn a platonic friendship into a romantic one". I would like to hear what women think of this. Because I've heard the opposite a lot. I understand that everyone has different preference, but that's not the same as something being morally wrong.
Personally, I don't feel attracted to anyone immediately, I only feel attracted to women until I've interacted with her for several months.
According to the parent prevalent opinion, trying to ask her out in this type of scenarios (after already having an established friendly relationship) would make me an abuser and a bad person. Therefore I don't.

[CaptainOverthink]

I don't see how it would be morally wrong unless it's also morally wrong for guys and girls to be friends in the first place. But I'm sure there are lots of loud-mouthes out here online speaking those words, none of which convinces me they are in majority unless they make a very good case.
Do you have online sources or is this from real-life conversations?

If you really, really like her, she don't have a boyfriend and you think she might like you.. consider if you'd handle going for someone else while being her friend, support her with her struggles of other men and not be jealous. Just in case you're fast back in the FZ.

Otherwise, it's probably the end of friendship too, if you have self-respect, that is.
I know it sounds a bit contradictory but..
Sometimes, when emotions are upon us and already dugg in deep, no amount to rationale will allow us to 'just' be friends. In this phase, we must do what is good for ourselves too, how else could we do good for others if we're torturing ourselves into bitterness by fooling ourselves into thinking we can rationalize away anything.
I think key is to be okay with any outcome thinking it's for the best but I also know that I am also learning and can be wrong. I'm just another fellow stranger at armslength.

[blueonblack22]

Good point. But even with all the #metoo bullshit that went down a few years ago here are the other options for men:

• Sit around and hope women will ask us out. Even if we are highly visible somewhere there are lots of single women around that’s still a recipe for failure. Although more women are approaching men nowadays it’s happening at a glacial pace. Most women are still petrified about the idea of being publicly rejected. If a man waits to be approached there is a 95-99% chance he will remain single.
• Use dating apps. Once upon a time when datings apps were new it actually wasn’t a bad idea. But now its a giant sess pool with catfishes, OF models pushing their bs, scams, etc. And even if a guy finds a legitimate match she has a TON more options then he has. He’s got no room for error and a high chance of her ghosting before a real date happens.

So despite all odds some brave men are sticking their necks out the old fashioned way and approaching women in public again. Is that a bad thing @Peridot25? Really is it? And you are welcome to turn down any guy who politely asks you out. But never be rude to a man who had the guts to approach you. Just tell him “thanks but I am not interested.”

[Asker]

I reject men all the time. Nicely, of course.

[blueonblack22]

Good. That’s how you should handle it.

But not all women think the same way you of. Some of them are horrible (rudely rejecting men) while others still WANT to be approached by men.

But can we all agree that #metoo was heinous bullshit?

[natured]

Uhm, you are clearly talking just about yourself ma'am are you? Because I do not claim this... I like being asked out, and I am being asked out obviously now by my man lol we still go on dates like teenagers but yet... Why is this such a big problem that you are dregging every woman into it?

[Asker]

It’s not me. It’s the men who are saying this. I’m just repeating what they’re saying about women.

[natured]

THen I have no clue what kind of Men you're around, but I never had that issue

[red-lipstick-girl]

Türkiye'deIn Turkey, men don't propose anymore, don't be ungrateful, this is a very nice thing

[Chazmatazz269]

No idea. If you think that’s bad, look at how many idiots are still proposing marriage to women these days!

[Asker]

How do we stop men from proposing to women?

[OlderAndWiser]

We could take your advice and stop dating, but. . . should those of us who are married divorce our spouses?

[Asker]

Might as well

[Anonymous]

25 responses... I didn't even know there was 25 people even on this site anymore.😆 Looks like you struck a nerve with some people.

To answer your question, I don't ask women out. Or more accurately I don't ask women out unless they make it pretty clear they want to be asked out, which of course they never do. And if on the flipside she asked me I'm not sure what my response be. It might be, "you're about 30 years. too late". "what for now"?

As far as your update goes, what am I retracting? And I never said all women are bad. I have many times said women are losing propositions. That a guy will almost always put more energy in a woman than he'll ever get out. If you translate that as bad then that's on you. And as far as being hurt I don't think I've been hurt more or less than any other man or woman. And I certainly don't hold any malice towards your gender. I'm just not playing this game anymore. Life is too short to be around people who play games or do not know what they want.

But maybe you can answer a question of mine. Why does so many of your gender feel men owe it to them to pursue them? I mean for just being female. Not being a good person, not being a kind person, not even being am interesting person. But just simply because they're female.

[Asker]

I think that’s how they were raised. Or they may be hanging around the wrong crowd.

[BullShark]

You seem to have a very negative outlook on life and men specifically, and I'm sorry on behalf of any man that may have wronged you in the past to make you hate them so much or have no hope regarding them in the future.

And to answer your question, the reason why some guys are still asking out women, regardless of how our generation is going to shit and staying single and alone seems better than being with someone (which in of itself is a sad reality to accept), a lot of guys, and women as well, still want to feel loved and appreciated. Just like how a lot of men desire being wanted and loved by women, the same goes for women who also want the same. A lot of them just want to be with someone who loves them and someone who they want to share their lives with

[Asker]

I’m just repeating what men have been saying.

[mattthefatbat]

Men want to find a loving relationship with the woman that is the most compatable for him. there's always that one woman out there looking to be a loving partner to a willing man.

This seems like quite a stretch to say guys should stop asking women out, there are a lot of guys that really want a happy fulfilling relationship in their lifetime. I believe all men think about the negatives of what could go wrong and all but they just don't see the negatives out weighing the positives especially if trying to ask out a woman, is the only way for men to make their dream relationship happen. Besides most men can count on one hand how many times a woman has ever asked them out in their life.

Besides think of it this way, if all the men stopped asking out women, women would start saying "why aren't men asking out women?" "Do men not care about relationships anymore?"

[Asker]

To be fair, they’re already asking those questions.

[SvenTree]

I have this exact same question.

Why do men risk their careers, way of making a living and reputations like that?

I constantly hear nowadays, about all the many ways a man is abusive, predator and creepy for being interested in women. It seems to be impossible for a man and woman to date without him being a terrible person for it.

If he's older than her = creepy and abusive, if he has a higher status job or has mor money = he's abusing power dynamics, if he looks in her direction = predator and creepy, if he asked her out after just meeting her = objectifying her, if he asked her out after getting to know her = predator and fake friend.

[disappoint3d]

I know it's terrible. Even when there's still some of us out here that just wanna be in love with someone who loves us back and not play the blood sport of modern dating with crazy expectations.

[Caroline91]

@disappoint3d Keep going, it's a statistics game. Every "no" gets you closer to a "yes."

[SvenTree]

@Caroline91
Every "no" also gets you closer to becoming (in the eyes of society) a creep, a predator, etc.

[Caroline91]

@SvenTree Not in the eyes of the people that count, I think.

[SvenTree]

@Caroline91
Regardless of what the "people that count" think. Public opinion and reputation matter. They matter in your career, income and access to opportunities.

[Caroline91]

@SvenTree That is certainly true. Perhaps I am a bit naïve in thinking that, depending on the way someone frames their efforts, decent people will judge based on that.

[Catguy92]

Simple, they are tired of waiting and will go after what they want. If we did follow that advice nothing would ever get done in relationships. Plus I suspect that although there are viral videos about things going wrong. The internet isn't real life they highlight exceptional times.

[Asker]

And yet, those videos are what scaring men.

[Kingofkings1992]

Why was this deemed a ‘ great ‘ question? Seriously? So we’re all just supposed to be asexual now? If you don’t want to date/ have sexual interactions, that’s fine. No one is forcing you against your will. Don’t call into question something that is perfectly normal and natural. Here’s a little piece of life advice. Whether you’re miserable or happy, it’s your CHOICE. Either way, it’s the same amount of work.

[Caroline91]

@Kingofkings1992 I think miserable is a lot more work than happy...

[Asker]

@Kingofkings1992 I don’t know why. GAG was the one that picked my question.
I’m just going by what men are saying.

[lightbulb27]

When your inner emotional energy is off, then don't want to be around people at all or date.

When it is right, you do... that's nature. There's still dogs and cats... they don't have our emotional stress, shame and discomfort.

[normalice]

Most people are normal. I find that strange, too, but it's true..

[Asker]

Men are just setting themselves up for hurt and heartbreak. Why are they doing that to themselves?

[normalice]

Many turn out just fine.

[Asker]

You truly believe that? Because I don’t. You may think they turn out fine but you know what’s going on behind closed doors.

[normalice]

Yes, lots if sex.

[Asker]

*don’t know
Because, for all you know, a man’s partner could be horrible to him in private.

[normalice]

Of course, but also they could be normal to him. Basing all outlook on he worst possible situation is just as dishonest as the inverse.

[Ariesman81]

Cause God is an asshole and put something so good on something so vile🤣

[Caroline91]

@Peridot25 I'm confused... You said you are just repeating what you hear men say, then you make a statement like this. Is this also repeating what men say?

[Asker]

@Caroline91 Yes

[Anonymous]

Because for all time and probably all eternity how often do women ask men out how often are women the ones to be the initiators or approach a guy? That's something that is unlikely to ever go away unfortunately and that's why there will always be lots of more male Wizards and female Wizards or more male FAs than female FAs

[jshm2]

Because they are still human beings? You seem to have devolved into some sort of fish or mermaid, and think the male exists only for specific needs.

[Yannae]

Because I'm interested in dating her. I think of the worst things that could happen to me, getting rejected and heartbreak doesn't even come close!

[morganherrel]

Honestly, I think guys should stop asking women out for a few years—particularly fat or unattractive women—and just be alone/single instead.

It would help solve many things...

[Asker]

I wonder how attractive and muscular you are. I bet you don’t look much yourself.

[morganherrel]

Actually, I have a good-looking face and fit physique. Do you take care of yourself?

[Asker]

By the looks of it, you’re just a damn troll.

[morganherrel]

lol I was being dead serious earlier, and I don't troll

[disappoint3d]

What is this post? This makes no sense...

I would love it if women could just do the asking out instead but unfortunately the world doesn't work like that.

[Asker]

That’s because men are the ones who claim they should be doing the asking out.

[paledreams]

I tried to ask for a woman's Facebook once yet she had Instagram which I didn't have and this was years ago lol 😂😆 ah well ❤️‍🩹

[Unit1]

Again?

[genericname85]

cause after all, evolution made it such that men still wanna procreate.

[Asker]

But, you know what the outcome is going to be if you do, right? You know your kids aren’t going to be yours.

[genericname85]

i mean who says i'm gonna have kids? but if i did, of course they are my kids. why the heck would they not?

[Asker]

There’s this thing called cheating.

[genericname85]

yeah that's a risk you have in relationships. there's ways you can reduce the risk and also cheating especially cheating that causes a pregnancy isn't a wide spread phenomenon. it's in the low single digit percentages. so i'm not that worried about it.

[Asker]

You should be

[Asker]

You need to keep on your guard no matter what

[genericname85]

life comes with risks. if you never risk anything you won't lead a life worth living. don't be stupid and fall for dumb traps but risk is the price you have to pay for everything good in life. so being on your guard is smart. not taking risks is stupid. especially if the risk is frairly low and the reward insanely high.

[Asker]

And yet, men are avoiding marrying women and having kids with them. What does that tell you?

[genericname85]

bs. people are still getting married. yeah there's a very slight downward trend but that can easily be explained with the shitty economy.

[Asker]

Uh…no. Men are avoiding marriage like the plague. Ask any man and I can guarantee you they’ll say they don’t want marriage because of women.

[genericname85]

i happen to be in sociology with a focus on family sociology... just no.

[genericname85]

what people say when asked doesn't matter. we have the respecitve stats to know the facts.

[Asker]

Then why do men keep saying they don’t want marriage because women? Why do they encourage each other to stay single?

[Asker]

They’re not saying it’s because of shitty economy. They’re saying it because it’s not worth getting hurt.

[genericname85]

they don't. most men don't say that. like please don't understand this as me looking down on you trying to make you look like a fool or something. this shit happens to all of us. me as well. i just happen to be blessed by the education in this particular field to know better. media is distorting reality. they're trying to gain your attention. and the best way to gain attention is by causing outrage and anger. so stories of cheating people or people hating each other are way more effective. that's why you got that notion. not cause that's the reality. you know what i'm saying? like stop looking at the phone or tv. go out in the world. meet people. or heck even read family sociology publications if you're that sort of geek. but yeah. people are still marrying. men still do want to marry and cheating resulting in pregnancies isn't really that wide spread of a thing at all.

[Asker]

I’m still not going to believe men want marriage.

[genericname85]

like the actual current trend is that marital rates are stabilizing and there's even a very weak but observable upwards trend currently. that's probably the recovery from the corona years but still. it's a positive trend. not a negative.

[genericname85]

well if what you choose to believe things that are factually evidently and verifiably untrue, i got nothing else to say to you.

[Asker]

Let’s be honest. It’s easier for men to say how they truly feel about marriage online is because they can delete and block anyone who comes after them. But, in real life, they can be harmed. They won’t be able to run away so easily.

[Asker]

Also, if a man were to say how he felt about marriage to a woman, she can easily make a scene in public.

[Asker]

That’s why men hide their true feelings in real life and say it online.

[Makeushiver]

@Peridot25If you don't mind hearing my opinion I've always thought you were so desirable with a combination of looks and brains. I don't mean think as past tense, still, currently. Your smart and sexy which is a pretty irresistible combination Sorry if that embarrassed you or should have embarrassed me. Have a great evening and we will return your station to its regularly scheduled programming to 0ilocaal programming

[Matt_M]

Because I enjoy intimacy and emotional connection and couldn't really care less what some Debbie Downer on the internet with obvious unresolved trauma thinks.

[Anonymous]

If you're that miserable with your life, don't take it out on others and seek help

[Asker]

I’m just repeating what men say about women. If anything, tell them that. They’re the ones who see women as evil beings.

[Opinion Owner]

This doesn't justify wishing death on others. If you hate humans, so badly why are you even on this site?

[Asker]

Better question is, why do I even go out of my home?

[MikeTheBartender]

It works out great for me, why would men not ask women out?

[Iron_Man]

So you don’t want us to breed anymore and ever have kids The human race

[Asker]

I say let the human race die out

[Iron_Man]

No way

[Asker]

Humans suck. They need to go.

[Iron_Man]

No …

[Asker]

Why not? They’re the reason why this planet is unbearable to live on.

[Iron_Man]

That is negative as you can get right there

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

The fiasco between between men and women only exist online.

It's not consistent with reality.

[Asker]

Are you sure it’s only online?

[RedInnocent69]

Realily @Peridot25 ? Our cocks don’t suck themselves. And a nice dinner and a show with someone is fun and still cheaper than a rental for the night.

[Dongie]

You insist on playing the devils advocate when it comes to men and perhaps other women. Save your fingertips, I doubt anybody listens to you anymore.

[Reijen]

Because I want to marry and have kids. Can't get there by being quiet.

[Asker]

But, aren’t you worried your wife is only with you for money and she’ll cheat on you and become pregnant with another man’s baby? And you’re forced to raise a kid that’s not yours?

[Asker]

You know that’s going to happen, right?

[Reijen]

That's what dating is for. To reduce the chance of cheating. And there are things called paternity tests.

[Reijen]

And not a guarantee that's going to happen.

[Asker]

I mean…why do you think men demand a DNA test before or when their kids are born?

[Reijen]

Do all men do that?

[Asker]

Even if you have dated and got to know each other better, there’s a 100% chance your wife with turn on you. If anything, avoid getting married and having kids.

[Reijen]

You would cheat on your man?

[Asker]

Yes they do! All men do it.

[Asker]

I don’t plan to be in a relationship ever.

[Reijen]

Not my question. Would you cheat on your man?

[Reijen]

And really, 100% of all men get a paternity test?

[Asker]

You won’t believe me if I say no.

[Asker]

And yes! Every single guy is doing this.

[Reijen]

I'd give you the benefit of the doubt, and believe you wouldn't cheat on your man.
And interesting, every single guy. Missed that statistic in the newspapers I guess.

[Asker]

Ok, go ask your fellow men if they would ever ask for a paternity test.

[Reijen]

Why?

[Asker]

I can guarantee they will say yes

[Reijen]

I have 2 friends that wouldn't. So what now?

[Asker]

Either they’re too trusting or just stupid.

[Reijen]

Why's that? Can the women not be as trust worthy as you? You did say you wouldn't cheat on your man, afterall.

[Asker]

And you truly believe that? I mean, I’m just a stranger to you and you don’t know me.

[Reijen]

That's why I initially said I'd give you the benefit of the doubt. If you proved untrustworthy, sure, I'd be less likely to believe you, naturally.

[Asker]

All I have to say you and your friends are really naive.

[Reijen]

And you are far too paranoid/mistrusting.

[Asker]

I’m just repeating what men have been saying 🤷‍♀️

[Reijen]

Yeah, if you go into certain echo chambers, I can see why you would believe such.

[Ariesman81]

No... because smart men know how to select good women. Now anyway🤣

[Caroline91]

@Peridot25. As another woman, I'm tired of hearing you say that. It takes a lot for me to run out of patience, but honestly, It's not just on this thread, this is a recurring theme with you. And, your point is being largely disproved by all of the men on here who just really want to reassure you and make you feel better. Do you enjoy seeing them waste their breath? Please educate yourself.

[Ariesman81]

Correct

[Ariesman81]

@Caroline91 easy killer... I can feel the fire burning. I think she's just pointing out what she views as hypocrisy. I think you're right though, rather than discount... she could try to understand

[LiamJHayden]

I adore women and enjoy their company, even that of the quirky ones.

[rebeliouse]

dont understand what you are getting at here why would u reject the guy?

[Asker]

Just in case he has horrible thoughts about me without giving me a chance. It’s better safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

i will buy you a ballistic missile for your birthday, you can throw it to men

[Anonymous]

Because you are the guardians if the vajayjays

[Anonymous]

I never do that, I prefer dominant girls who like to take initiative.

[ɹǝʇʇɐɥpɐW]

Mostly because of reproductive instinct.

[ryanbas]

What do you want then? No dating?

[Asker]

I’m good with no dating. But, I’m honestly just repeating what men have been saying.

[MrGSpotHer]

Your such a happy person

[Asker]

It’s funny that y’all say I’m the miserable one when men are the ones who are saying this about women. Why all of a sudden, when I repeat what men say, they immediately retract?

[MrGSpotHer]

I know what you mean I'm just saying you're very happy all the time

[MrGSpotHer]

I said your happy all the time

[EnjoytheDay777]

There's this thing called attraction

[Asker]

Even though you know what the outcome is going to be when you’re with a woman?

[EnjoytheDay777]

What else is there?

[Asker]

It cause you major trouble

[Asker]

*it could

[EnjoytheDay777]

So just be alone and masturbate for the rest of our lives?

[Asker]

At least your right hand won’t hurt you 😂😂

[EnjoytheDay777]

Very true 😳

[noohair]

What do you suggest as an alternative?

[Asker]

Stay away from women. That’s including no sex, no dating, etc. Don’t touch them or talk to them.

[noohair]

Wow, good luck with that attitude.

[Asker]

You asked me and I answered honestly. That’s the only way to save yourselves. I don’t know what you wanted me to say.

[noohair]

good luck with that

[Asker]

To be fair, that’s what men are doing anyway because they know they’ll end up getting hurt.

[grega239]

I barely talk to them.

[Jmmmfi4]

I DON'T... EVER

[Ladsin2]

Sex.

[beefcakebradybatson]

TRADITION !!!