Why don’t more women ask men out?

[Anonymous]

[ShellyB]

First let me say that sometimes women do ask men out and sometimes it works out fine so keep that in mind, what I say below this isn't meant to be universal or always the case.

But on average, there are several reasons for this in my opinion.

First is being too nervous to do it, afraid of looking bad or afraid of being rejected.

Second is that it actually does sometimes make you look bad, I have known girls who got negative reputations due to asking guys out twice. Once is more at the level where she might get teased a little but twice is where people will start saying mean things in some social settings.

Third is the guy may not like it or may even be offended by it although this is hard to predict and not always the case.

Fourth and most importantly, there is just not much need to do it since guys will prob. ask you out anyway.

It just overall seems like a lot of risk for not much reason. If there is a particular guy you like and maybe he's too shy to ask you out, you can find ways to encourage him that does not have the risks.

Don't shoot the messenger you asked I answered, this is not a situation anybody created or that anybody can easily change I think most of it is human nature. JMO!

[blueonblack22]

Once upon a time these above excuses were reasonable. However things have generally changed for men nowadays when it comes to approaching women.

Sure it’s easy to say that the women gave him “signals” or expected him to be really funny and suave about it. But that’s usually how it goes. Usually the guy has no idea if she likes him or not. He might be more smooth about how he does it depending on his experience. But no matter what they’re usually a feeling of nervous, risk and awkwardness when a man does this. Most of us do not “enjoy” approaching women. We do it because we have to.

So then came along #metoo and all the other feminist insanity. You also got women taking videos of “creepy” strangers in gyms now. Some guys deserved that but many do them didn’t.

So anyway while most women probably won’t metoo a guy just for approaching them there is a whole new level of complication and paranoia for men out there now. That whole metoo shitshow a few years ago left negative long term ramifications for men. Approach the wrong women and your reputation could be destroyed. Especially if it’s in the workplace.

If women want something to happen they need to over the bs excuses you listed above and step up to the plate. Those might of held more water years ago. But really women most women do not worry about looking “desperate”. Also any guy who “doesn’t like” being approach either is simply just not interested (who cares), is already taken or possibly gay. They also might be suspicious she has ulterior motives (e. g. trying to make the guy she really likes jealous). But this only happens in HS/college.

Anyway you need to trust me most guys are very relieved to have the guesswork removed. It’s not hard to smile at a guy and say hello anyway. Most guys with a heartbeat will get the hint. There is nothing “desperate” about that.

But if the age of “gender equality” it’s time women take more responsibility.

[Anonymous]

The idea that is drilled into womens heads (I believe it is true too) is that if a man is actually interested into a woman he will ask her out first. Asking a man out as a woman feels like you're too ugly for him since he would have asked you out if he thought you were worth it. It feels desperate and shameful. It's like look at this woman, no man asks her out so she has to chase men herself, something is wrong with her/she's not attractive... How sad, how shameful. Then you have shy guys but even them will risk it if they are truly attracted to a woman and don't want to risk loosing her. If a guy is too shy to ask out it indicates low confidence and most women find it unattractive. It may be not consciously but they realize the behavior isn't good for a potential provider and protector of her future kids and herself. So they don't consider that there might be a shy guy who likes her. Those don't even matter. Personally I'm ugly and I have had to actively pursue and make the first moves on every guy I dated and I never felt truly cherished in a relationship. Not a good feeling at all and I think I will probably stay single if no guy actually wants me next time. Some women don't care about all this stuff but they are a minority that's why not many women ask men out

[dragoblack]

Guys want to be asked. Many of us are just tired of the mind games and jumping through mental hoops just to keep a women's interest enough to ask her out

[_SillyShoes_]

Literally this. Anonymous - very much agree.

[JSmuve]

For some women, dating economics means that they don't have to. There'll always be another sucker in the queue.

For other (most) women, they're too chicken shit to put themselves out there. They have to consider their reputation and what it says about them. If she's truly desirable then she shouldn't have an issue getting guys like other women. If she asks guys out, then she's pretty much conceding her undesirability, which other women will gossip and judge her for. It's like a guy paying for sex. No guy wants to do it because it communicates the wrong things; namely, lack of desirability and desperation. Their self-esteem would also be crushed and would reinforce their negative self-image.

Lots of women prefer to "ask out" a guy by dropping subtle, and quite frankly, useless hints. Most are so subtle or so inconsistent that they're indiscernible from being friendly or just viewed as a one-off statement or action. They think if a guy doesn't immediately jump like a lapdog at her vague hints then clearly he's not interested.

[blueonblack22]

They are terrified of looking desperate or worse getting rejected. From my experiences women handle romantic rejection a lot worse in general then men do. They just aren’t as used to it vs what most guys experience.

Also some guys unfortunately see a woman approaching them as the green light to a quick easy lay. That’s a guy problem that men need to really improve on. But it really doesn’t help that women often approach men who are getting attention from other women just out of competition/jealousy. I notice women are usually more to give it up in those scenarios to spite other competing women.

However women could do a much better job of just saying hello to a guy, making eye contact and small talk. Most guys will get the hint when it comes to that. It’s not difficult. A man on the other hand runs the risk of being friendzoned if he only does that but not as much for women.

If he likes her too then he will take it from there. If he doesn’t he won’t. But no harm no foul.

[Pinay_ako]

I have no problem asking a man out. The worst answer is no.

[MyOwnMan2]

The worst answer is you're fat. You're too old. You're not hot. You're weird.

[Pinay_ako]

@MyOwnMan2 and at least a woman tried. It reflects on him, not her. He could’ve just say no.

[Sasha0426]

@MyOwnMan2 If that’s how you speak to your own mother….. Go have mercy on the poor soul who ends up with you.

[jennifer_bloom]

I believe that virtuous women rarely chase men. The ones that chase are usually gold diggers or sexually motivated.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I make women sexually motivated.

[DermalPunch]

@jennifer_bloom see this prejudicial attitude doesn't help. Most women who will fo this are trying to find a solid partner.

[DermalPunch]

But since so many men have this attitude, I will never ever ever make the first move again.

[Gagname]

@jennifer_bloom
“Everyone’s different”: people have different motivations (and personalities) and do things differently than others do, and it’s not good to stereotype people based on who they are and what & why they do/don’t do things.

[snowboarder720]

Wait… you’re saying that women who pursue men only do that for gold diggers or sexually motivated reasons? That’s quite an assumption. How many men tell you about their experiences of women approaching them for you to base your opinion?

[AviatorTom]

Good question... I'm looking to see how women answer that. TBH, we guys have no idea... clueless.

[Avicenna]

Because most of the time they are able to flirt with or signal guys to talk to them and ask them out rather than doing it themselves.

[Alli39]

Lots of reasons. We aren't raised with the expectation men are. Some guys actually hate it (case in point below) and can get pretty rude. Sometimes it's just a matter of self-confidence, not all guys are great about asking women out either after all. And honestly? In my experience guys tend to make the jump friend friends/acquaintances to potential sexual/romantic partners before girls do. If he's interested, he'll usually beat you to the punch. Not necessarily the best attitude since guys fear rejection just as much as girls, but sociology is weird.

But plenty of women do and it's becoming more socially acceptable to do so in our culture. (Keep in mind that this is actually different in different cultures. Some places, like Japan for example, have different expectations for who asks out who and in what context.)

[EricSummer]

First of all, women have always signalled interest to encourage a guy they want. So they are not as passive as it seems and its mainly them making the choice.

As to the asking out itself, suggesting an activity and giving a time and place, it's clearly more the men doing that. The reason is ingrained in our biology. Pregnancy and childbirth are a huge investment for the woman and were dangerous in the ancestral environment. This makes women more reserved when seeking a partner.

Of course, there is contraception now, but our brains are still wired the same as ever.

I believe that women and men are equal in the worlplace and in fact in most areas, but not in dating, sex and procreation.

[Quigly]

Intelligent, strong and independent woman that understand the value in having a choice in the man they want to be with do ask men out.

It's too bad Many woman preach about being strong and independent when in reality they aren't.

There's nothing weaker than just letting whatever guy that comes along control your future. Just a life that gets blown around in the wind by the people around them instead of taking control themselves.

These are the same women that complain there is no good men out there.

[Anonymous]

It's always been that way and always will be. Women want a man who is confident enough to take the initiative and show he is interested enough in us to take the risk of being rejected.

And why would women take that risk if we don't have to? And that's the bottom line... we don't have to.

[Siri137]

That's really lazy.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Well similarly, why should I bother pursuing a woman if she isn’t showing signs of interest? Isn’t that also a waste of my time?

[EmyyWolf]

Because then these sorry, cowardice men think we are the following:

SL—T

WH—RE

CU—NT

B—TCH

SK—ANK

304

H-0E

EASY

LOW VALUE

NO BOUNDARIES

just because they themselves can’t get any. Can’t get any action. They can’t get past the number 3. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

[Dysney1023]

Only certain men deserve to be asked out I think. They must fit not one but all of these categories.


Respectful of the woman.
Show that he likes her.
Values her and her heart.


I bet you thought I’d be much more complicated. And sadly not a lot of men fit this category. Which is actually really sad. So if you fit this you are one of a kind.

[alodgelady]

I feel like for safety it's better if he asks first, because with some guys when I expressed interest they took advantage of me but didn't actually like me back. So I asked a guy on a date, I paid because I invited him and then he tried to get sex out of me because he'd decided in his head that that's what I was actually after because obviously I didn't just like him as a person. It's a sad example but it's happened all of the few times I've acted first... you never know if the guy you're asking out is planning to fuck you over really, same way I'm sure guys feel except I don't think I've ever intended to hurt or met a woman who intended to hurt a man with DRDs or violence if the date didn't end a certain way... in a backwards way I recognize it takes courage to ask a woman out and if he's prepared to look foolish then he is more likely genuine in his intentions

[Rei13]

I’ve dated six men and I asked two of them out. One neither of us did, it just happened. The other three asked me. Honestly I think it’s better if the man asks the woman out. I feel more secure in those relationships and the overall feel is different.

[BasedBaeBecca]

We are typically raised to believe the man is the one who does the 'courting' and 'pursuit' while we sit back and wait for them to 'woo' us, as it were.
So many of us still haven't broken out of that traditional mindset or expectation.
Personally, I am not afraid to take action if I feel strongly enough about someone.
I would much rather try my shot and at least know for sure, then be left wondering 'what if' later on, you know?

[petitedollbabee]

I’m sure there’s hundreds of reasons, but someone on here will argue with any reason that I could give. Personally, almost all of my relationships have started with me asking them out, because I get tired of waiting for them to do it. I think I’ve only ever been asked out twice.

[Spongebobssocks]

Because as women most of us believe if a man doesn't ask us out he is not intressted. I will show clear signs if I like a man but i won't ask him out.

Sure there are a few women out there who would but most won't. Also most women like confident men.

[Inbox]

@spongebobssocks By showing interest do you say “help! Help! Help! Oh are you here to rescue little old me?”

[Pohjolan]

"I will show clear signs if I like a man but i won't ask him out."

Clear signs such as?

[Spongebobssocks]

@Pohjolan @Inbox no I don't say that😂 I just give clear signs like laugh at his jokes, blushing, showing interest in his topics and so on. I think most women show signs rather than ask him out.

[Pohjolan]

@spongebobssocks
Look up the definition of clear.
The only difference between what you mentioned and normal behaviour is blushing which is not a conscious choice.
Look its fine to be mysterious or ambiguous but don't talk about clear signs when you don't mean them.
This is why men consider women confusing.

[Spongebobssocks]

@Pohjolan "clear signs" not just "clear":)

[Pohjolan]

@spongebobssocks
You gals enjoy trolling guys don't you.

[Spongebobssocks]

@Pohjolan no never have never will. But gotta go.. can't deal with this, this is childish. Bye:)

[Apple1996]

Not sure but more women should. I think I seen something saying that when women approach and ask out the man first that the relationship is 80% more successful in the long run.

[matchrestore]

Did you initiate the relationship with your husband?

[Apple1996]

@matchrestore yes I did. I asked him to hang out and for his number before even knowing his name😂

[_SillyShoes_]

When a man asks a woman out he's being direct and brave, when a woman asks a man out she is being desperate and pathetic (and who would want a woman like that anyways).

*Speaking with the South-Eastern European point of view. No idea what it's actually like in the US for example, where, I would wager, this difference is much less noticeable.

[DermalPunch]

Because when a Ekman asks a man out most men automatically assume she is so horny for them or desperate and give her second, third and even just disrespectful treatment. They don't express even a quarter of the interest or exert even half of the effort they would in a girl they went after themselves.

[Meropatrick]

Because men might not value a woman who does that. They might see her as easy. Men like the Chase, they r hunters after all. Women do Chase men but in a covert way. Kate middleton in her Chase after William wore a very skimpy outfit for him to see her almost naked - A tad desprate move-but how can u attract a man who has it all. But its not the natural Thing for a woman do go after the man openly

[XXblack88]

@Meropatrick I agree.

[Raaj4you]

Because all girls / women have big EGO. They have a mindset that they are all queens, angels, princesses, and only men should do the hard work of approaching, initiating a conversation, impressing, taking out, spending and falling in love. They'll just use you, reject you, laugh at you, sit back and relax. In the end, all heart broken men find their true love in alcohol. 😅😂🤣

[TheSpaceGnome]

Women with egos/princess mentality aren't marriage material.

[Raaj4you]

@TheSpaceGnome No, it's not like that. They need some time to grow and mature.