Why don’t more women ask men out?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The idea that is drilled into womens heads (I believe it is true too) is that if a man is actually interested into a woman he will ask her out first. Asking a man out as a woman feels like you're too ugly for him since he would have asked you out if he thought you were worth it. It feels desperate and shameful. It's like look at this woman, no man asks her out so she has to chase men herself, something is wrong with her/she's not attractive... How sad, how shameful. Then you have shy guys but even them will risk it if they are truly attracted to a woman and don't want to risk loosing her. If a guy is too shy to ask out it indicates low confidence and most women find it unattractive. It may be not consciously but they realize the behavior isn't good for a potential provider and protector of her future kids and herself. So they don't consider that there might be a shy guy who likes her. Those don't even matter. Personally I'm ugly and I have had to actively pursue and make the first moves on every guy I dated and I never felt truly cherished in a relationship. Not a good feeling at all and I think I will probably stay single if no guy actually wants me next time. Some women don't care about all this stuff but they are a minority that's why not many women ask men out

ShellyB · Accepted Answer

First let me say that sometimes women do ask men out and sometimes it works out fine so keep that in mind, what I say below this isn't meant to be universal or always the case.

But on average, there are several reasons for this in my opinion.

First is being too nervous to do it, afraid of looking bad or afraid of being rejected.

Second is that it actually does sometimes make you look bad, I have known girls who got negative reputations due to asking guys out twice. Once is more at the level where she might get teased a little but twice is where people will start saying mean things in some social settings.

Third is the guy may not like it or may even be offended by it although this is hard to predict and not always the case.

Fourth and most importantly, there is just not much need to do it since guys will prob. ask you out anyway.

It just overall seems like a lot of risk for not much reason. If there is a particular guy you like and maybe he's too shy to ask you out, you can find ways to encourage him that does not have the risks.

Don't shoot the messenger you asked I answered, this is not a situation anybody created or that anybody can easily change I think most of it is human nature. JMO!

JSmuve · Accepted Answer

For some women, dating economics means that they don't have to. There'll always be another sucker in the queue.

For other (most) women, they're too chicken shit to put themselves out there. They have to consider their reputation and what it says about them. If she's truly desirable then she shouldn't have an issue getting guys like other women. If she asks guys out, then she's pretty much conceding her undesirability, which other women will gossip and judge her for. It's like a guy paying for sex. No guy wants to do it because it communicates the wrong things; namely, lack of desirability and desperation. Their self-esteem would also be crushed and would reinforce their negative self-image.

Lots of women prefer to "ask out" a guy by dropping subtle, and quite frankly, useless hints. Most are so subtle or so inconsistent that they're indiscernible from being friendly or just viewed as a one-off statement or action. They think if a guy doesn't immediately jump like a lapdog at her vague hints then clearly he's not interested.

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

They are terrified of looking desperate or worse getting rejected. From my experiences women handle romantic rejection a lot worse in general then men do. They just aren’t as used to it vs what most guys experience.

Also some guys unfortunately see a woman approaching them as the green light to a quick easy lay. That’s a guy problem that men need to really improve on. But it really doesn’t help that women often approach men who are getting attention from other women just out of competition/jealousy. I notice women are usually more to give it up in those scenarios to spite other competing women.

However women could do a much better job of just saying hello to a guy, making eye contact and small talk. Most guys will get the hint when it comes to that. It’s not difficult. A man on the other hand runs the risk of being friendzoned if he only does that but not as much for women.

If he likes her too then he will take it from there. If he doesn’t he won’t. But no harm no foul.

Pinay_ako · Answer

I have no problem asking a man out. The worst answer is no.

AviatorTom · Answer

Good question... I'm looking to see how women answer that. TBH, we guys have no idea... clueless.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I believe that virtuous women rarely chase men. The ones that chase are usually gold diggers or sexually motivated.

Avicenna · Answer

Because most of the time they are able to flirt with or signal guys to talk to them and ask them out rather than doing it themselves.

Alli39 · Answer

Lots of reasons. We aren't raised with the expectation men are. Some guys actually hate it (case in point below) and can get pretty rude. Sometimes it's just a matter of self-confidence, not all guys are great about asking women out either after all. And honestly? In my experience guys tend to make the jump friend friends/acquaintances to potential sexual/romantic partners before girls do. If he's interested, he'll usually beat you to the punch. Not necessarily the best attitude since guys fear rejection just as much as girls, but sociology is weird.

But plenty of women do and it's becoming more socially acceptable to do so in our culture. (Keep in mind that this is actually different in different cultures. Some places, like Japan for example, have different expectations for who asks out who and in what context.)

EricSummer · Answer

First of all, women have always signalled interest to encourage a guy they want. So they are not as passive as it seems and its mainly them making the choice.

As to the asking out itself, suggesting an activity and giving a time and place, it's clearly more the men doing that. The reason is ingrained in our biology. Pregnancy and childbirth are a huge investment for the woman and were dangerous in the ancestral environment. This makes women more reserved when seeking a partner.

Of course, there is contraception now, but our brains are still wired the same as ever.

I believe that women and men are equal in the worlplace and in fact in most areas, but not in dating, sex and procreation.

Quigly · Answer

Intelligent, strong and independent woman that understand the value in having a choice in the man they want to be with do ask men out.

It's too bad Many woman preach about being strong and independent when in reality they aren't.

There's nothing weaker than just letting whatever guy that comes along control your future. Just a life that gets blown around in the wind by the people around them instead of taking control themselves.

These are the same women that complain there is no good men out there.

Anonymous · Answer

It's always been that way and always will be. Women want a man who is confident enough to take the initiative and show he is interested enough in us to take the risk of being rejected.

And why would women take that risk if we don't have to? And that's the bottom line... we don't have to.

Dysney1023 · Answer

Only certain men deserve to be asked out I think. They must fit not one but all of these categories.

Respectful of the woman.
Show that he likes her.
Values her and her heart.

I bet you thought I’d be much more complicated. And sadly not a lot of men fit this category. Which is actually really sad. So if you fit this you are one of a kind.

alodgelady · Answer

I feel like for safety it's better if he asks first, because with some guys when I expressed interest they took advantage of me but didn't actually like me back. So I asked a guy on a date, I paid because I invited him and then he tried to get sex out of me because he'd decided in his head that that's what I was actually after because obviously I didn't just like him as a person. It's a sad example but it's happened all of the few times I've acted first... you never know if the guy you're asking out is planning to fuck you over really, same way I'm sure guys feel except I don't think I've ever intended to hurt or met a woman who intended to hurt a man with DRDs or violence if the date didn't end a certain way... in a backwards way I recognize it takes courage to ask a woman out and if he's prepared to look foolish then he is more likely genuine in his intentions

Rei13 · Answer

I’ve dated six men and I asked two of them out. One neither of us did, it just happened. The other three asked me. Honestly I think it’s better if the man asks the woman out. I feel more secure in those relationships and the overall feel is different.

BasedBaeBecca · Answer

We are typically raised to believe the man is the one who does the 'courting' and 'pursuit' while we sit back and wait for them to 'woo' us, as it were.
So many of us still haven't broken out of that traditional mindset or expectation.
Personally, I am not afraid to take action if I feel strongly enough about someone.
I would much rather try my shot and at least know for sure, then be left wondering 'what if' later on, you know?

petitedollbabee · Answer

I’m sure there’s hundreds of reasons, but someone on here will argue with any reason that I could give. Personally, almost all of my relationships have started with me asking them out, because I get tired of waiting for them to do it. I think I’ve only ever been asked out twice.

Spongebobssocks · Answer

Because as women most of us believe if a man doesn't ask us out he is not intressted. I will show clear signs if I like a man but i won't ask him out.

Sure there are a few women out there who would but most won't. Also most women like confident men.

Apple1996 · Answer

Not sure but more women should. I think I seen something saying that when women approach and ask out the man first that the relationship is 80% more successful in the long run.

_SillyShoes_ · Answer

When a man asks a woman out he's being direct and brave, when a woman asks a man out she is being desperate and pathetic (and who would want a woman like that anyways).

*Speaking with the South-Eastern European point of view. No idea what it's actually like in the US for example, where, I would wager, this difference is much less noticeable.

DermalPunch · Answer

Because when a Ekman asks a man out most men automatically assume she is so horny for them or desperate and give her second, third and even just disrespectful treatment. They don't express even a quarter of the interest or exert even half of the effort they would in a girl they went after themselves.

Meropatrick · Answer

Because men might not value a woman who does that. They might see her as easy. Men like the Chase, they r hunters after all. Women do Chase men but in a covert way. Kate middleton in her Chase after William wore a very skimpy outfit for him to see her almost naked - A tad desprate move-but how can u attract a man who has it all. But its not the natural Thing for a woman do go after the man openly

Raaj4you · Answer

Because all girls / women have big  EGO . They have a mindset that they are all queens, angels, princesses, and only men should do the hard work of approaching, initiating a conversation, impressing, taking out, spending and falling in love. They'll just use you, reject you, laugh at you, sit back and relax. In the end, all heart broken men find their true love in alcohol. 😅😂🤣

LazerBean · Answer

Mostly because they don't want to and don't have to. Capitalism.  In some cases we just need to know a man can be a leader, and that is where it starts.

Anonymous · Answer

Ego mostly. Women will tell you it comes off as desperate. But the reality is most women simply have too big of ego's to put it in check. Most would rather complain about not getting what they want then actually put forth the effort to actually achieving that. It's always easier to complain than to make a effort.

Anonymous · Answer

Because then these sorry, cowardice men think we are the following: SL—T WH—RE CU—NT B—TCH SK—ANK 304 H-0E EASY LOW VALUE NO BOUNDARIES  just because they themselves can’t get any. Can’t get any action. They can’t get past the number 3. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

420Rachel · Answer

I asked my guy if he wanted to be my boyfriend 🤷‍♀️ He seemed to be delighted. As for the rest of society? I don't know, social norms and all I guess.

Anonymous · Answer

My main problem with asking a man out is not him saying no, but him saying yes just because I asked. Like, men do not get asked out a lot and I think that they tend to just accept whenever they have the opportunity to get with a girl. so it won't be as if he actually likes me it would just be the fact that I'm a girl

Anonymous · Answer

I’ve been asked out before 4 times in my life, and I said yes to almost all of them except one girl, but it’s because I just thought of her as a friend. I really wish some girls would ask me out more, because I didn’t realize some liked me till it was too late. And think of it this way too. If a guy gets a lot of attention from women, don’t you think he would be more interested in the girl that goes out of her way to ask him out on a date? I know I would

ericclayton · Answer

You guys gotta remember -- as scared and unconfident you think you are, women are even more scared and unconfident. Even if she's insanely beautiful, she's still going to be less confident than an average man. Observe the way she interacts, and as long as she's not an asshole, you can safely approach. That won't guarantee a date, but maybe a pleasant conversation.

Reem12345reem · Answer

they do it in an indirect way and they'll most likely try to be friends with u or get close to u (if they're not shy) but they won't directly ask u out bc they expect YOU to do the first move

asphaltrhymes · Answer

I agree, I wish they would too. Maybe too many easily get already taken up on date offers by guys lol too much competition for us single guys 😔 lol 😆

msc545 · Answer

Mostly beause they don't have to and know they don't, especially if they are even somewhat atttractive. Very attractive men don't do it because they too don't have to for the same reason.

Unattractive women, like unattractive men, don't do it because they know they will be turned down and don't want to experience rejection over and over again.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

When I was working NOT from home, I got asked out a couple times a month. Granted I work in a female-rich environment, but I think since at least 2009-ish women are a lot more active about doing the asking out.

annabananna · Answer

We should but a lot of us feel like if we ask him out maybe he is going out with us just because we asked but not necessarily because he is that into us.

Anonymous · Answer

Fear or maybe ego

They'll need to be a shape-up because since the MeToo statues came into law it's been a criminal offense for a man to approach a women but hey a skipped generation might be great for quelling the presently chronic planetary overpopulation issue

Jazzy54 · Answer

I can only speak for myself, but I want to be pursued. I’ll show interest, but I’d  never  ask a man out. 🙅🏾‍♀️

crystalline0909 · Answer

Because women are not sure about a man's ready for something serious or is he still in his sex craving phase looking for casual booty call. If a women wants anything casual, she'll ask straight away.

snowboarder720 · Answer

Because society teaches all men to do the approaching. It’s obviously wrong and everyone should do what they feel comfortable with regardless of their gender and what anybody really thinks.

Sour-rose · Answer

becaaaaause that's not how it goes? Men ask women out, women like to be approached. So why should we ask men out when eventually, a man will come our way. Eventually.

Nikki1989 · Answer

The good ones do get asked out. It is the average guys that miss the boat.

MissBoogus · Answer

I’d definitely want the guy to make the first move to show how interested he is, but from there I can handle the rest

Massageman · Answer

Yeah. AT my 50th HS reunion, there was one lady there who said she really liked me, but I never knew. Other than that I thought she was a nice, vibrant gal. Neither of us did anything about it back then. darn the luck.

Anonymous · Answer

We do. Men think it's them that initiates dates but really it's women

Rania05 · Answer

Because there's a believe that a man doesn't like a girl who makes the first move or will put down of her worth

exitseven · Answer

It is up to the guy to be the aggressor. He does the asking and does the paying. Things might be a little different today but I do not think it is all that different from when I was a kid

Anonymous · Answer

Well…”everyone’s different” but…

I suppose for many of the heterosexual women the biggest reason why they don’t ask men out might be “BECAUSE THEY DON’’T NEED TO” (because they are getting enough “asked out” invitations from men).

hahahmm · Answer

Because they don't have to. In places where women vastly out number men they do have to. Or at least, they think they do.

boggboss · Answer

Because its always been seen as a masculine trait or thing to do its starting to change but many are still against it male and female

LiamJHayden · Answer

At least where I live, supply and demand. An average woman will get approached multiple times per day if she is out and about. An average guy will be lucky to be approached multiple times per year.

Anonymous · Answer

Because we're the prize.  Why should we chase the man?

stepyo99 · Answer

Because despite what feminist propaganda has you believe, women are not "strong and independent".

WhitneySnow · Answer

Girls are used to playing the passive role. But that’s changing, especially in high school and college.

DextroShade · Answer

They could not handle rejection. Has anyone ever seen a woman handle being rejected by a man well?

dolemite58 · Answer

i just don’t think girls have to in general, they get attention just for existing 😂 I’ve heard some girls say they’d like to ask guys out but they’re too nervous to do it or don’t want to get rejected

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I don't know either. It's so much easier than waiting.

nolookingbackx · Answer

For the same reason some men don't do it I guess. Shyness, fear of rejection...

Koneko911 · Answer

Because I'm shy. Like deathly shy. Even with my boyfriend of 10 years I still get shy asf around him

AaronKrieger · Answer

I feel like a lot of them do, but just not enough to the point it stands out.

inhua · Answer

because if they did it would only prove the red-pill/black-pill correct

XXblack88 · Answer

Wouldn't a guy think something is fishy if the girl was asking him out or to be her boyfriend etc 🤔 I could be reading too much into it.

gothbxtch · Answer

there’s a weird social stigma around it for some reason!! not sure how it started but at this point that’s why some women don’t. plenty do, though.

Rangers · Answer

Cause they don't need to, men are constantly lining down the block trying to go out with them all the time

HippieVeganJewslim · Answer

Many women need to be more proactive. They just are used to have the men ask women out, but it’s weird all right. What kind of saying is: ‘art thou going to ask me out?’?

Why don’t more women ask men out?

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Why don’t more women ask men out?

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