i got this long passage from a book and i will admit, i have deep strong hatred resentment towards it but unfortuneately there is no way around it, i have felt that way for years that guys have to do all or most of the work, but apparently a guy is not supposed to see it as a work, he is not supposed to see it as a burden:
“Normally, you are the one who has to begin the initial conversation; you are the one who starts touching her, who takes her number, who calls her up, who tells her where to meet you for a date, who initiates a hug the next time you see her, who takes her to a café, who touches her hand across the table, who goes in for the first kiss, who leads her home, who undresses her, and so on through the many small steps all the way into bed. You are responsible for making things happen since you are the male, so advancing is all on your shoulders. Whenever you feel you are not getting anywhere with a woman, or that things are moving slowly, it is because you are not advancing. If you ever catch yourself thinking something such as, “I am not getting anywhere with this girl,” or “I do not know if she likes me,” then it is time for you to make a move. She will not do it, not even if she wants you, and if she does make a move then she is seducing you, not the other way around. If you are thinking, “Well, but if she wants me, why doesn’t she make a move?” it means you do not understand women very well, what they want, or that you as a male are expected to act like a male — and that she is thinking the exact same thing. All over the world, females grow more frustrated by the day because males they know are interested in them are afraid or do not know how to show it by making a move. Many males lose women because they fail to make a move when they have the chance. When you do have the chance but do not take it, the woman is thinking “Why isn’t he doing anything?” because her mindset does not include the option of doing something herself. She will start thinking that you do not like her, or she will park you in her let’s-just-be-friends spot and look for a real man.” W. Anton
Traditionally they don't and this has become so ingrained into our culture that girls know they don't have to ask him out in most cases. In turn this means they don't learn to handle rejection as well as guys (learn that it's the norm even if you do everything "right"), so even if they try it once or twice they'll stop soon enough.
Since girls weren't traditionally expected to take initiative in relationships, there are a few reasons why making the first move can feel more complicated for us (not that it isn't hard for guys; I know it is).
One is that since guys are typically expected to make the first move, sometimes we'll assume that if he doesn't approach us, that in itself means he's not interested. So it can be extra confusing to try to figure out whether or not we have a chance with a guy.
Another aspect of this is just mindset. Girls aren't told to play the role of the pursuer, and they're not trained to go after what they want and to deal with rejection. Being turned down may sometimes be harder on us simply because we're not used to it and society doesn't prepare us for it, nor does it respect us in spite of it. For me at least, there is almost a shameful aspect to it. Girls can fear that they'll seem pathetic or desperate if they make the first move. And being rejected can be extremely can easily make a girl think "well, that's what I get for trying to make the first move".
But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't work together as a society to battle these complications and work for more equality in the dating game.
It's traditional that we don't. I'm personally a traditional type. But I've also personally noticed that I end up never getting the guy I want through that. I have had to tell my last two boyfriend's that I liked them. Only one guy has told me else wise. Granted I still didn't ask them out. More like I said it's okay for them to ask me. I grew up with the traditional thought. Personally I find it more romantic. And fyi, you ask her out not only puts you on her radar (because regardless she will pay attention to your more) but gives you more brownie points. Girls appreciate it a lot, at least women do. I love chivalry, I wish it wasn't dying. I wish people weren't killing romance. But, that's today's world. Regardless, kudos to guys that still practice chivalry and romance! Please never let it die!
It depends on the girl. Some girls just prefer the old fashion route when it comes to courting. Most times like anyone they are afraid to be vulnerable and be rejected. Sometimes a simple hi can make a girl open up and eventually with enough conversation ask the guy out.
I don't know, I personally think that if you want something so bad, you should go out and get it instead of pouting like a baby that it didn't fall in your lap.
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ya what bothers me and fills me with rage is whenever girls say "because guys are hunters" or "he's the hunter"
but very likely i probably grew up with a dominant mom and submissive father, i hate gender roles with a huge passion but sadly they are not going away, thats another thing that has bothered me for a couple of years now and i believe its true, it seems that a guys parental upbringing, childhood socializing, environment, impacts his dating life/sex life, interactions with the oppossite sex more than the other way around. These quotes make sense but that doesn't mean i enjoy being dominant, here it is:
“Becoming a man is a process, while a girl may mature into a women simply by biologically aging it is not the same with men. Many males die still boys, even if their biological age may be 100.”
Girls naturally mature into women, they don’t have to do anything to do so. However with a man he must be initiated into manhood by other men. A woman cannot turn a boy into a man, ever. Doesn’t matter how good her intentions are or how loving, caring, or whatever a woman is. It is biologically impossible for a woman to raise a boy into a man", "Women are Born, Men are Made"
Amen. I would LOVE to have a woman come after me like I am expected to go after women. I decided to take a break from dating this past year and just do things that I want to do. But I left my profile online and decided if a woman sends me a message, I will pursue it. I have had 4 messages in the last year. Only 1 was worth answering. Never heard from her again. lol.. women want "equality" but not in many areas, and NOT in dating. They don't want to do the asking. They sure don't want to do the paying.
That's a good question. I wish girls were more forward with asking guys out. I'm not vevery good at picking up on flirting or telling if a girl likes me and I don't have a lot of confidence when it comes to approaching girls or even just talking to girls I like. Because of this I've never asked a girl out and my only relationship started because a girl told me she liked me. I know the confidence thing is my problem to get over, but I'm with you that I think more girls should approach guys. A lot great relationships have probably never happened because a girl didn't want to approach a guy.
If it's the guy who asks you out, you feel more secure and confident because you are more sure that he likes you.
However, asking a guy out also can give you a confidence boost, since you know you were brave enough to face rejection.
I've only asked 2 guys out, but mostly it's been the other way around. Don't know why. Maybe it's just more comfortable to be on the recieving end of it for me.
Times are changing, though.
I haven't asked a guy out but I gave a guy I've been talking to for months my number. He never called he said we talk all the time face to face. I think women don't ask guys out cuz that means the guy really isn't interested. If the guy was interested he make the first move.
It's always been a tradition for a Guy to ask a Girl out however I believe it is now not as uncommon as it's used to be. Girl likes Guys are scared of rejection and are quite conscious of themselves and potentially embarrassing themselves.
Girls do ask out Guys however it is still uncommon however it depends on the individual.
Women want equality on their part or when it suits them. It doesn't matter to them if it's unfair to men becuase its all part of feminism's sexual strategy.
This is why I quit dating and went mgtow. The dating paradigm is just soo unfair and unequal to men. Would you participate in something where the rules are unfair to you? Exactly my point.
It basically boils down to the fact that women would rather let laziness and/or fear make them miss out on something potentially great instead of letting themselves be vulnerable and risk getting what they want. In essence, they're weak.
I have, but guys just get way too big headed because of it. The guy could be your average Joe, rejected by most girls but still will get all cocky just because you asked him out and will milk it for what it's worth.
sometimes most girls just prefer the stereotypical way where the guy asks the girl out some girls feel more comfortable with that but it would depend on the girl i would know because I've been through the stage of myself waiting for a guy to ask me out when i could just do it myself but if any girl wants to ask a guy out go for it and if someone judges you so what it's just the person you are
Well I'm thinking of asking out my guy friend tomorrow, but I'm worried it'll make him less interested
It's society's conditions, sadly. But if you put Dan Howell in front of me I wouldn't hesitate to ask him out, actually I think I'd have an orgasm from just looking at him.
Fear of rejection, and the average guy would bang anything that moves, so there's really no reason for them to do anything.
Though if she likes me more than I like her, make a move and impress me or buzz off.
I don't do that because I can't cope with rejection. Also, I am too self conscious about my looks.
They do it in Nordic country / some west European country (Germany, netherland, Denmark, Sweden, etc...).
Girls don't do it because if they do the guys think she's easy and doesn't want to go out with her. They like to pursue the girl, etc...
Because of what society thinks is best and appropriate, which is quite annoying. I suppose... :\
All this time we've been wired that the men have to ask out the woman.
I don't because I'm shy and extremely afraid of being rejected. I think a lot of other girls don't because they aren't really expected to or feel the guy should approach.
its because girls don't give a damn about guys. so girls come up with all kinds of lame excuses to support it.
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