Are women really scared to ask men out?

[Bornnardmt]

I know men have to be "hunters" and all that. But usually I hear women want men to ask them out because women are too scared to do it. So they make men risk all the rejection. I wouldn't approach a woman who didn't show any interest in me (which is most women at my college lol). I have heard so many women at my college complain "Why don't men ask me out?" I think "Why don't you ask them out?!" Are women that terrified of rejection? In my opinion, if a woman asked a man out, he would say yes. Unless he wasn't attracted to the woman. Why don't more women ask men out? 9 times out of 10, he won't reject her.

[jwhit]

Hell I'd be flattered if a girl asked for my number. It shows she's got guts and it's afraid of rejection. If a girl I wasn't attracted to asked, I'd simply say no thank you. Not give them, oh no I'm taken(when their clearly single), or give them a fake number, or anything else misleading or f***ed up. Women she first hand the reaction on guys faces when their rejected and some are too emotional to handle rejection themselves. They see guys get rejected and think, Damn I'm lucky I'm a chick, I couldn't handle that. Women aren't required to go out their comfort zone a lot of the time, for us men its almost a requirement. The chances of you being forever alone is greater when you don't suck it up and ask a girl out, women will never have to face that problem. No one ever said only men should ask girls out so any women talking down on other men who aren't confident enough to do it are hypocrites. And that whole thing about looking desperate if girls ask guys out is one lame ass excuse. It doesn't make you seem like a hoe, it shows you aren't afraid to go after what you want which is a compatible partner and not some snobby chick who doesn't feel she needs to do it because she thinks men should do all the work. Times are changing, a lot of things that were gender specific aren't anymore.

[archer86]

Women these days are not afraid, they simply don't want to ask men out. The most common reasons is that either having a man in their life will ruin their careers or they are afraid of their image as looking desperate, slutty and needy. There's also another common belief that there are not enough quality men in the world. The few women that do have guts to ask a man out always approach the very best of the best: Tall, handsome, healthy, wealthy, athletic, age-specific, race-specific and rich. Personality? Ha! Confidence? Whatever. These things cannot be evaluated within the five-second time frame when a woman decides you MIGHT be the Chosen One.

Men in return shouldn't ask women out anymore. Just begging for sexual harassment charges. No defense, no early warning, just a complete ruination of your life or a good portion of it.

Would I reject a woman asking me out? It would take a lot for me to reject her, such as smoking, underaged, a welfare mommy and so on. Boobs, pretty face, ethnicity, income has no bearing on my expectations on a woman.

I can't pay enough for a woman to ask me out.

So, there it is. Feminism at it's fundamental core on dating. They have songs about women approaching men, but it rarely happens. Sad.

[GoodVibesAlissa]

Honestly, it's 2013 and us women should not feel scared to ask a man out. Times have changed. But, for me, I always think . . . if he had any interest me HE WOULD'VE MADE AN ATTEMPT to talk to me and ask me out lmao. Which is probably the worst way to think because it doesn't get you anywhere because he is probably thinking that exact same thing. There's just something about a man asking you . . . their confidence . . if they approach you. I don't know. But, it's a turn on for me lol. Guys might feel the same way if a girl asks them out, but I always think doing that might send off a desperate type vibe. & that is not guaranteed . . where did you get that statistic from? lol. I have a couple of guy friends and girls have asked for their number and they gave it to them . . but never picked up when they called. It honestly just depends on if he is attracted to you or not . . he's not going to be interested in you just because you have a vagina lol. Even though that is the case for some men. I've always been raised with the mentality that MEN HAVE TO CHASE YOU not the other way around . . so I guess it's stuck with me lol. Which is definitely not fair to the male gender...but hey in the end...does it really matter who does the asking?

[OpenClose]

A lot of girls view making a move as unfavorable, and that guys in general don't like it.

But they are comparing approaching to being approached. They aren't comparing a man's experience of approaching vs a woman's experience of approaching.

This is problematic to both men's and women's experiences. Men, for instance, get little or no feedback from women, so we constantly try to prove how manly we are, and only get advice from each other.

[OpenClose]

For women, if they expect men to make the move, should also expect most of this attention to be physical and sexual in nature. It may be a bit of a guy thing, but it's mostly simple social physics:

If someone who barely knows you must approach you, the only characteristics they can go on are the physical characteristics. You can't go up to someone you barely know and say "you're amazingly brilliant".

[OpenClose]

Oh, I forgot to mention, the reason approaching looks so unfavorable is in the comparison between approaching and being approached: You never have to face rejection when being approached.

But in terms of the feedback men and women receive. Women are told to be vigilant against every guy, treating him as a potential rapist. Men are taught that we are potential rapists. So while a girl could get a harsh "no, you're too fat" which is rare, a guy could get maced or similar.

link

[toulouse]

no. nothing to do with hunting. men are baby cowards when it comes to women asking them out and its freaking annoying.

many men throw tantrums when women ask them out so many women just don't feel like bothering,

personally I don't want to g out with someone who can't respect me. including my willingness to act in my interest instead of preening and brooding like an idiot- untill he decides to shed his light my way.

my asking, so it doesn't deter me from asking. its if anything avery good source of character information. whether he handles himself with grace or not- regardless of his interest level.

i have NEVER complained about not being asked out. imo, if you think something needs to be dine, no better person than yourself todo it.

ive been asking guys out since I was 4.

[MikeK]

I'm rolling my eyes at this comment so much that I'm getting dizzy...

"Men throw tantrums when women ask them out..." What planet are you living on?

"Asking guys out since I was 4"... NO WAY

[toulouse]

well clearly you have never asked a guy out.

I suppose you're being defensive because you area guy who does not handle being asked out well at all. no grace. no respect.

[Bornnardmt]

Toulouse, Why do you sound so mean?

[toulouse]

i can't tell you why you think I sound mean. I'm relating my experiences and sharing my view.

incidentally. it gets old. seeing guys complain about women complaining about men not asking them out , then complaining about women not letting men be men because women are asking men out.

instead of assuming women are cowards, why not begin with the affect which they are received upon asking a guy out. if guys were respectful and honest instead of evasive and demeaning- a lot more would get asked out.

[MikeK]

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard... "I don't handle being asked out well?"... are you INSANE?

[Bornnardmt]

I never said women are cowards, some complain they never get asked out. But they won't ever ask a guy out. Those are women who deserve to stay single since they won't get out of their comfort zone.

[jacquesvol]

MikeK

toulouse is very sane, trust me.

[toulouse]

Thank You ;-)

[Janson]

I agree with toulouse on this. Actually toulouse, a recent question I made may interest you

link

I think if a girl likes a guy, she should approach him. But if she doesn't want to, then that's her personal choice. Guys shouldn't be whining about it

[kangaru]

toulouse is not being mean.

@QA and who says ladies don't ever ask a guy out?

[RedRain]

I know some girls might be afraid to ask a guy out because doing so might make them look desperate or needy. But I think it's a matter of attitude: if you ARE desperate or needy that will show and the other person might not like that, but if you're cool about it, and ask the guy out out of interest, not desperation, I don't see why guys would find that a turn-off.

Actually, girls don't like it when guys look needy either.

Nobody likes to be rejected, especially when we really like somebody, but I think the way rejection affects a person is directly related to the amount of expectations and the degree of desperation each person has.

[NewYorkCity]

In Russia and other European countries girls ask guys out more than you can imagine, because in those countries girls understand that they are GIRLS and they have all cards in their hands, but in US it I very uncommon and considers to be a self disrespectful thing or they think that in guys eyes they look extremely desperate if they gona ask them out, and that's a flawed US thinking and extreme misunderstanding, petty isn't it.

[MikeK]

This is true...

[toulouse]

@US it I very uncommon and considers to be a self disrespectful thing or they think that in guys eyes they look extremely desperate

________this isn't a fabrication from women. its how guys really act. not that its a good excuse imo to be passive. because really who the hell wants to date a guy whos afraid of women.

[NewYorkCity]

I think you missed my point and I do get you that girls don't want to date a guy who is afraid of girls lol, I completely agree with you on that. But back to our topic, I think it would be very appropriate and RIGHT if girl her self would come up to a guy that she found really attractive and wants to have something with him rather than waiting entire life for a guy that you really would like to have, but it's not happening because a guy that you personally like doesn't come up to you first.

[Bornnardmt]

Toulouse, point out these men who are afraid of women. I've never met a man like that.

[NewYorkCity]

sorry didn't really get what you said there.

[stillagoodgirl]

You mean ask a total stranger out or someone you know and have been talking to?

Id say I'm less afraid to hit on a total stranger because if he says no I wouldn't be too shocked and its not like id probably ever see him again.

But a guy I've been talking to is much worse because its usually a guy at school and I know from experience seeing that same face after a rejection is awful. Id start to walk a different route just to avoid the guy.

I never actually asked the guy out but the two times I tried to get to know a guy I first liked for his looks didn't turn out well. It made me give up on talking to guys beyond the friend level but I tried again after the first time and the second and last time resulted in a similar fashion. I'll probably try again but I'm better off letting the guy come to me first.

[Olivia9]

That's just not true. First off we aren't afraid of the 5 seconds of embarrassment from the rejection, women have much more at stake in this than guys. Women's reputations are on the line, first off not only do you seem desperate as a girl asking out a guy, but second, you look pretty skanky. I mean it is awesome for girls to do that if they want a casual hookup in a bar, but not for an actual relationship. If a guy can't gather the stones to ask a girl out maybe he has no business dating in the first place. The only thing guys have to be afraid of is being ignored for a minute by a stranger or 5 seconds of rejection, it boosts their reputation asking girls about and playing the field..women not so much. Just being realistic here.

[Bornnardmt]

Sounds like you're afraid to be told no, so you make guys risk rejection. Lol

[tyrantfuryre]

There's more at stake? Not really.

[Olivia9]

Yes really, and no I'm not afraid of rejection but apparently you cannot read. When a woman steps out of that role and approaches men what do guys think of her? Honestly, you think she wants to get laid or is desperate. Even if she does end up with him it ruins your reputation on so many levels. In theory no it should work but in actuality in this society as a woman HELL NO! It's like the argument that women that sleep around are seen in the same exact light as guys that do it. It's SOO NOT TRUE

[Bornnardmt]

My last girlfriend asked me out, I thought it was sexy!

[Olivia9]

Good for you, but she is your EX no? So it apparently didn't work out, maybe you two would have been better off. I'm not a slut, and I'm not desperate. I would rather be alone than stoop to that level. It's the ONLY thing a guy has to do in a relationship, aside from asking a girl to marry her, it isn't that difficult women do so much, you can't even do this ONE THING? It's so lazy why would any girl be attracted to a guy who put no effort in anything? Not my cup of tea.

[Bornnardmt]

Yeah we broke up, because we went to separate college's. Neither one of us cheated on one another.

[Olivia9]

So it didn't work out, it was causal. It is a really bad idea. Just like sleeping with one another on the first date, if you want to go for it. But does it generally garner respect or is a great foundation for a relationship no.

[Bornnardmt]

We were together for 2 years, it wasn't a casual relationship.

[Olivia9]

Some people get married to prostitutes, it's not unheard of it happens, but would I recommend it. Or would I say hey sweetie want to find a man just sell your body it will be great just like Julia Roberts! No, it's not realistic , if your one of those few guys that that has worked out for, but not really good for you. But most men in ACTUAL life are going to get the wrong idea, it's desperate and looks whorish. Women are their reputation, I don't think you get it.

[Bornnardmt]

Really? That's sad. I would never think a woman was desperate to ask a man out. It's called going after what you want.

[Olivia9]

Nope, and yeah it is sad, but that is life.

[Bornnardmt]

Life sucks sometimes

[Olivia9]

It does suck sometimes, we agree on that. lol

[Prof_Don]

I feel women and men are just as uncomfortable / fearful of asking out each other.

The only difference is that males are PRESSURED to overcome this fear...while girls for the very vast majority of humankind have had zero pressure to overcome this fear.

[Olivia9]

Yes but at the same time it's this way for a reason. It's the ONLY thing a guy has to do, I don't see why it is that big of a deal it's not like romance or any kind of courtship is alive today. Most girls spread there legs if you buy them a popcorn at the movies..it isn't hard. And now guys are complaining that they even have to ask a girl to go out? It really makes me worry about what state manhood is in today tbh

[Bornnardmt]

Men don't have to do anything for you, they choose to do it.

[confugirl]

Yes. I'm not popular at all. If someone knows me, they know me as "the quiet girl". And I have a lot to improve physically. So asking someone out is absolutely terrifying. Especially since women don't often ask guys out, so I don't want to risk looking desperate if I don't have to. I'll wait for him to ask me out and if he doesn't, then I will have to ask him out.

[alltheabove1212]

Yes they're scared of rejection just like a lot of people. The thing is that it will NEVER change. Women find it attractive and overall, you gotta do what you gotta do to go out with them. You need 30 seconds of confidence and you can do it!

[LizTheWeirdKid]

I can't speak for all women but I sure am terrified of asking out guys. I'm just really shy and would cry if I got rejected. Its humiliating. I actually did ask out a guy recently for the first time in my life and got rejected. I was so embarrassed. Good thing I did it online. I don't think id do it ever again though. It was not a good experience.

[G-Daz]

aha we're not that scary :D

[Smilingpillsforlife]

Actually it depends on the guy, usually we're not comfortable with asking guys out because the moment we do, nothing can ever be the same, like his behavior towards her changes completely and usually we feel they get weirded out after they know that we are attracted to them.

[kangaru]

I believe many people are afraid of rejections regardless of gender. I do not think that a man would always say a yes to a woman who approach him, this is based on your own assumption and not fact. Like Anon user who commented if the guys are taken, he wouldn't say yes.

I'm not sure what makes you think that 9x out of 10x a man won't reject her. A guy won't simply say a yes to a woman if he isn't attracted to her. He can't be out with women he isn't attracted to. Same rule applies for women.

[jacquesvol]

Women are scared to get a bad reputation if they ask men out. A good reputation is easily lost and it's difficult to repair a damaged reputation: other women take care of that. To keep their (potential or not) boyfriends out of reach of the competition.

[Janson]

A lot of girls are quickly labelled as desperate and sluts (by guys of all people) for being that forward. So I definitely agree with what you're saying about getting a bad rep

[jacquesvol]

Janson, indeed,being 'desperate' is another label that's used on girls by both genders but it's also used on guys.

[Olivia9]

I think it is different for a guy to be labled desperate. Men are seen as inherently sexual beings or more "animalistic" if you will, compared to women. So if guys are known for only wanting sex and being desperate for sex it isn't a character flaw.But when a woman asks men to go out, not only are they putting themselves out sexually, but if they get rejected what does it say about them?If guys will have sex with everything..but not even you. It's worse as a girl,bc guys aren't known 4 pickiness

[Anonymous]

"9 times out of 10, he won't reject her." I disagree. A woman might ask out a guy that has a girlfriend, or simply doesn't have time to date at that point in his life. Also some guys are so afraid of women they will turn her down even if he likes her. Women would also be more likely to only ask out guys that are out of her league so they would get rejected more often than not.

[MikeK]

pphh... NO MAN is too busy to have time not to date...

But you're correct about guys being "so afraid of women"...

[Opinion Owner]

There have been times in my life were I was too busy. It isn't common for this to be the problem but it does happen.

[Bornnardmt]

I work and go to school fulltime, I have no time for a girlfriend.

[MikeK]

That's a copout excuse fellas...

If a gorgeous woman is into you, you'll make all the time in the world for her... no matter how rigorous your life or work is ;)

[Opinion Owner]

Normally it is a copout, but not always. A girlfriend takes up a lot of time. Sometimes a guy just can't make time for a girlfriend.

[Bornnardmt]

MikeK, It's not a copout for me. My daily life is extremely busy, being in a relationship would cause me to lose focus in my job and studies. I have to concentrate on myself...for now.

[MikeK]

I've never known any guy who wouldn't make time for a woman unless he was a complete a**hole...

Well, if you're "so damn busy," why are you constantly asking questions like this? ;)

[Bornnardmt]

This one was on my mind.

[Opinion Owner]

There is a difference between making time for a woman, and making time for a girlfriend.

[Bornnardmt]

And at this point in my life, I can't do neither.

[1995girl]

if I really like him and I know that he likes me, I would let him know some way.

[blackkid4]

Humans are scared sh*tless of asking other humans to engage in long-standing relationships knowing full well it's for mating. Because that's kind of a "big thing" in the species.

[luna1608]

Because a lot of women believe the lie of advice that men will find them less desirable if they asked the guy out.

[kangaru]

Yesi was advised not to do it by lady friend too because of that

[Anonymous]

Yes. I'm either:

A: "not their type"

B: " My ass is too big"

c: Not popular enough

[MikeK]

Oh yeah... most women really have no guts... they're petrified of taking risks (with EVERYTHING pretty much).

[toulouse]

says the guy who lies to women because he's afraid of their reaction.

[MikeK]

What are you talking about? I'm as honest as they come ;)

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'm scared. I did it once and I'm never going to do it again.

Most guys are not friendly enough. I probably won't even approach a guy much less ask one out. 9 times out of 10 he won't reject her? Yeah right.

Plus it looks kinda desperate when a girl asks a guy out. I don't recommend a girl ask a guy out unless she is about 99% sure that he really really likes her.

I don't care if a guy thinks I don't have guts. I'm sure girls don't care whether or not girls as a whole have guts.

[Bornnardmt]

Times have changed, you women can't expect for the man to do everything and you do nothing. Men will think you're not interested and will give up on you.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't expect anything. Plenty of men have no problem asking girls out. I am not attracted to men who are socially handicapped anyway so I don't care if they never ask me out. No one said girls should do nothing. I just don't think girls should ask men out. They can if they wish but I don't think recommend it nor do I think its necessary.

[Bornnardmt]

You're trolling aren't you?

[Opinion Owner]

yes because anyone who you disagree with is trolling...

[Bornnardmt]

Yeah you're a troll lol

[Anonymous]

Most guys don't like black girls so asking them out would be pointless. I'll wait until one asks me out, and that way I know they really like me.

[OpenClose]

I know I wouldn't particularly mind. I might not be interested, but I sure as hell wouldn't have a problem with it.

Has that been your experience? I'm sorry if so.

But also, guys need SOME sort of feedback that you like us. We can't just keep working to please and impress women, and women shouldn't be dependent on how many compliments they receive per day.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't want to ask guys who I know wouldn't be interested, and most aren't so that's why its better for me to let them ask me out. I'm not the one with the problem with race because I like all races.

Why can't guys keep working to impress and please women? Girls do things to please and impress men. You don't HAVE to do it, but if you want a girl it would be in your best interests to do so.

[Bornnardmt]

Trying to impress a woman constantly gets tiring. If I have no signs she is interested in me, I won't approach her at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay don't try to impress girls then. There are many other guys who will, so I'm sure no one will notice if you stop.

[Bornnardmt]

Fine by me

[Anonymous]

Because women and girls believe their too good to approach men but if he's really good looking, tall and smart she won't hesitate but even then she's waits for him. There's no law or rule that says its a guys job to do all the approaching.

[moviedude714]

when you mean hunters, you mean hunting in prehistoric times right? if we were in those times, I wouldn't have a problem with that