Why are so many women increasingly against the idea of coffee dates as a cheap way to interview a first date?

[ronaldo75]

I keep seeing post after post here of women complaining about men using coffee dates as 'interviews' before the real first date with all the bells and whistles. Why?

An after-work, weekday cup of coffee that only lasts a half hour or so is the perfect way to have a lowkey meetup where both people can ask each other the basic questions and gauge each other in a calm place is a great way to know if you want to really make the effort to spend crazy money and spend all night running around a city with someone.

I'd really like to know why women are so much more bothered by this than men.

This kills the hustle of having men spend $500 on drinks/food/entertainment on a random Friday night then not calling him again.

Because the idea of a man 'vetting' a woman is disrespectful and tacky. If you can't show a woman a good time and risk a few dollars on the very first date you're kind of lame.

[OpenClose]

I mean by all accounts they should be more in favor of it. It's standard practice in the most woman-friendly places in the world. There's a pretty clean correlation between a country where wining and dining is the norm, and a backwards mentality towards women. The more backwards the country is, the more flagrant displays of fortune and status are necessary. Meanwhile, there's a reason we have the term "going Dutch". And the whole "coffee date" thing is the expectation in Scandinavia, whereas taking her to some big expensive restaurant and paying for everything comes off as more intimidating or obsessive.

Honestly it's part of why I moved to the city and part of my interest in visiting Europe. My understanding is the sort of peacocking necessary in America is less necessary and if anything more annoying there. Sounds like my kind of place.

[zagor]

I don't know where you live in America but the only time I've dated a woman who wanted to go for a nice restaurant on a first date, she offered to pay her bill.

[hahahmm]

Well, you have to understand that the typical western woman today has more mileage than a walmart truck. That means lots of baggage and hang ups. The fact you won't buy her steak reminds of her of the 30+ ex boyfriends who refused to pay her tab and told her to go F herself and laughed in her face after she wronged them and they got fed up.

And beyond that, women are biologically wired to want a man to do things for her. I guess if she is too lazy/feminist to actually have any non-shallow feminine traits she needs men to jump through extra hoops to help herself feel slightly normal. You know, to feel as if she's in a serious relationship instead of the kind of woman no man will take seriously.

[LisaMariexoxo]

I don't have a problem with it, it let's me see if I even want to go out with him. I'd rather spend a half hour with someone and if I don't like him it's over than be stuck out on a date in a restaurant or wherever for hours just wishing I was somewhere else.

[ronaldo75]

You're Mexican?

[LisaMariexoxo]

Yes I'm Mexican

[Emilyis]

Because people can tell when you are on a first date in a coffee shop and they often try to ease drop on your conversations.

[ronaldo75]

So? Tell people to leave you alone or go outside on the benches.

[zagor]

Oh and they can't in an expensive restaurant?

[ArtemisSilver]

No idea, the number of women who who've told me "I don't drink coffee" is mind boggling. It's on par with the number of women who seem nice for five minutes and then pitch their onlyfans or worse

How about saying no thanks instead of lying.

Like if you don't drink coffee have something else, saying you don't drink coffee is just like telling me your either a liar or just dumb as a post.

Would be nice to have a coffee with s normal person though which is why I keep askin

[pass_the_celery98]

I’ve talked to girls about this and they told me it’s because we either don’t like the guy or we aren’t ready to date or we’re afraid based on past experience with guys being obsessive/creepy to them.

[ArtemisSilver]

Yeah exactly, it's just a lame cop out and it shows.

[ronaldo75]

@pass_the_celery98 Yeah they're lying. How does a date suddenly become creepy when you find out you're only getting a cup of coffee and 30 mins of conversation in a well-lit public place full of people?

[ArtemisSilver]

The real issue is that many women don't like guys who set boundaries and won't just spend money on them pointlessly

[pass_the_celery98]

You have to think like a girl in a sense. Girls are so heavily guarded that even a simple coffee date gives them anxiety. I’ve asked girls before to meet up for coffee and they dodge those questions. So I know how it feels. But one thing I can’t do is force something. I think girls are petrified with what they hear on tv getting raped. I understand a guy will read this and say wtf how she going to get raped at a coffee shop? I think what bothers girls is after the coffee date is done and she wants to leave, she doesn’t want a dude asking her “come back to my place”. Let’s be honest, we’re guys, we have horny thoughts especially with meeting up with girls we live physically and emotionally. I don’t act on those emotions because I know how to be a gentleman and wait for that opportunity until she’s ready but beyond that I can’t do anything.

[ronaldo75]

@pass_the_celery98 A coffee shop on a Tuesday afternoon for 30 mins is much safer than getting drunk, clubbing, eating random foods, getting into multiple cabs everywhere and running around a city with a guy you dont know until 3am and 4am in the morning.

[ArtemisSilver]

I'm not particularly interested in playing guess the psychological disorder. I'm just at the point where I'm taking an assembly line approach.

This one's defective? Alright next please..

If you let them women will waste a huge amount of your time and money sponging attention. Do not simp.

[pass_the_celery98]

Yeah I agree a coffee shop is much safer then girls going to the club being drunk and being a victim of some guy lurking behind the bar. But some girls today are about that party life and they don’t think properly. Can’t do anything. Just like guys and men go through frustration, girls/women have to fix their mistakes how and where they meet guys.

[sunflower00]

Some girls don’t actually drink coffee though 😭 I don’t drink hot drinks at all so ‘going out for a coffee’ would just be me drinking a glass of water. But, I do enjoy going to cafés for dates so can’t really help with this one

[ronaldo75]

@sunflower00 Then order juice and muffin, or tea, or a smoothie. The point is to sit and talk.

[ronaldo75]

@sunflower00 just order something! lol

[DarkWinterNights]

Coffee dates are great to test the waters. If they won’t even agree to it, that’s even better. At least you didn’t waste $100 on dinner with someone who just wanted a free meal.

[Slartybartfast]

My last date insisted on a new restaurant.. the bill was $800 not including a %20 tip..

The date total cost $1100..
That was 2001 and after that I closed my online dating account and never asked another women out.

[zagor]

Wow, I've had cars that cost less than that.

[Anonymous]

Coffee is a great way to get to know someone quickly without spending a lot of time and money on someone you might not like. If you like each other it can turn out better. If a women doesn't want to meet for coffee, forget about her, maybe she just likes to get free meals from guys.

[exitseven]

I go with B. Of course /i never met somebody through social media before.