How can I become girlfriend material?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

How do you know you’re already not? Because you’re single? That’s the case for even the best of the best candidates. The dating pool just sucks a lot right now, people are afraid of commitment or trying in general.

[Asker]

Men never want a relationship. They always want a friends with benefits arrangement, so I just assumed that I wasn’t girlfriend material.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly that’s just how a lot of men are. For all the years I was on the dating scene, it seemed like most men were afraid of commitment. Whether I was experiencing it first hand or watching my friends go through it, it’s always the same things you’re experiencing. I’m in my first serious relationship ever at 32, met him when I was 30. Prior to that, a lot of disappointments and situationships that didn’t pan out. It sucks but stay true to yourself no matter what. Don’t try and morph yourself into what you think a man will want, it just doesn’t matter and those things vary from person to person. Let the right guy receive you exactly as you are, your most authentic self.

[Asker]

But the thing is, men are committing to women. I just found out that a guy that I was involved with had girlfriend.

I of course, blocked him when I found out, but I’m constantly comparing myself to his girlfriend and trying to figure out what she has that he clearly didn’t see in me.

[Opinion Owner]

You call it a commitment when someone in the relationship is actively cheating or pursuing other people? Why compare yourself to a woman literally experiencing indiscretions? Comparison is the thief of joy — her situation is not meant for you and if it was then you would have it.
Personally I would be happy not to have the guy who’s so good at being sneaky he can live two separate lives with two different women, or more. I would not be happy to lose sleep or stress, I would not aspire to have no peace of mind. I know technically you aren’t saying you want those things, but that is part of her current experience whether you realize it or not.

Your viewpoint on this makes me wonder what you think girlfriend material entails, when women in situations like this are who you compare yourself to.

[Asker]

I guess, I bothered by the fact that she was the one the he calls his girlfriend (gets to meet his family and friends, goes on trips with her, parades her off in public) while I was a secret in the month that we were involved. Granted, he knew and committed to her long before he met me.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re worried too much about the girlfriend rather than thinking about the man she’s getting to call her boyfriend. What is so great about being paraded around, meeting family etc when behind the scenes her man is actively cheating? Once you saw his true nature, her title in his life should’ve completely lost its allure. When your views to this are “I’m only good enough for xyz”, ask yourself why a man like that is your standard. You should also ask yourself why on earth a man determines your value, rather than defining it for yourself, and I say that because whether you realize it or not, you equate your worth to being single or taken, chosen or not. If I were in your shoes (which I have been more than once), I would genuinely pity her and that’s because I value myself and don’t want her spot. I don’t want to be cheated on, I don’t want to deceived, you don’t either.

[Nikki1989]

Don't consider yourself to be material. You are a human-being.

[Asker]

💖💖

[UnusualWeirdo]

Just be yourself, and find a guy that accepts you, all guys are different and what I may like or want will be different from the next and different from your future boyfriend.

[RavVid]

Spot quiz. What are the feminine virtues and do men regard them as important in girlfriends?

[Billlewis]

Show off your feet (which means red polished toenails, obviously) become much more arrogant and always give the impression that numerous other guys are interested in you.

[ChicoFromThe305]

What do you think makes you not girlfriend material?

[Asker]

Me never want relationships with me. They just want a friends with benefits situation with me.

[ChicoFromThe305]

That doesn't necessarily mean you aren't girlfriend material unless you are giving them what they want, if so then I guess there's things you gotta work on

[Sonora]

Be yourself and be kind and supportive to a potential mate. That is girlfriend material.

[Anonymous]

Based on what you said to anon pink it's the "men" you're choosing. You might not still be girlfriend material. But if you choose men like that it ain't going to matter anyhow.

[Pterodon]

Make yourself loveable

[jahaims]

Be mature