Guys, Is it absolutely necessary for guys to feel insane attraction on first date in order to pursue the woman further?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

Other opinion, please leave in comment

[MrOracle]

As always, you fail to define the key question: pursue for WHAT? Casual sex? A committed long-term relationship? Something in the middle? This absolutely matters, because the answer heavily depends on what the man is pursuing with the woman.

Since you probably mean "for a relationship", then the answer is definitely "no." There has to be SOME attraction, but it doesn't have to be overwhelming for the guy to pursue further. A guy who is looking for a relationship usually understands that his vetting process is going to take time, and he can't base the potential relationship on surface-level infatuation, because that won't last.

Now, if the guy is just looking for casual sex, then he probably needs to be pretty physically attracted to her, because if he's not, what's the point? Also, he's likely to be in more of a hurry - either to achieve his goal, or to learn it's never going to happen so he can move on to the next girl.

That said, the vetting process is designed to discover red flags as soon as possible, and if a guy discovers major red flags, he's usually going to lose interest in pursing things further. If the guy has any brains and any experience, he's not going to try to make a relationship work if he discovers she has major red flags - such women are not considered "relationship material."

[ohsheeT]

Insane no no no intense maybe LOL no what they need to feel is that that person has a very beautiful heart that person loves herself that person is happy that person can smile and I can see myself with her. When we talked she didn't talk about other people and put them down to make herself look good when we talked she was engaged she looked deep into the eyes she smiled a lot she's happy I could probably be with her that's what makes him have another day no drama just be yourself be real and just let it flow

[HawkPerception]

If you're talking about physical attraction, then not at all. They don't have to be drop-dead gorgeous, but I should at least be able to say I'm attracted to them. I personally think it would SUCK if my partner did not find me attractive and I'd assume it would be the same for my partner.

Personality matters much more to the majority of people. It doesn't matter how physically attractive a girl is. If her personality is shitty, then not many men would want to be with her, other than the guys that just want to fuck her.

[OlderAndWiser]

When I was younger, I either felt attracted as soon as I met you, or I never felt attracted. That changed when I got older and wiser.

[Asker]

What brought about the change? And around what age if you don’t mind me asking? Did you begin to value other attributes in a woman?

[OlderAndWiser]

I had the experience of being in a few relationships with women who were quite average in appearance, but were still good girlfriends and good lovers. I also dated a girl who did look like a movie star and she cheated on me. I realized that appearance isn't everything and average looking women can be great partners and quite satisfying in bed.

I dropped the idea that they needed to look like movie stars to be a decent partner, and I found myself getting more aroused around average women. I noticed this after my first wife and I divorced, and I was about 50 years old.

[Asker]

Got it! Thank you for helping me understand!

[D_Bone_Steak]

Fucking no. Women I wouldn't even jerk off too can make themselves way more attractive by just being a decent human being or at least interesting.

The Opposite happens too. I've ran into many women that I would just jerk off to, but then when they start talking... that lust goes from wanting to lick their butthole to hate... I want to cut their fingers off.

[Anonymous]

No. But it is kind important that she show at least some attraction to me. That's why a lot of women never get a call back from me is I'm not a dentist, I don't pull teeth. If i feel like she's showing little to know interest I'm just going to save us both the trouble.

[Asker]

That makes sense. Thanks!

[Opinion Owner]

👍👍👍

[CuriousMoonFox]

I'd say the opposite. Most guys would have to feel negatively about you to not try another date. Neutral on the first date is not negative yet. Also one big factor is whether or not sex has occured.

[Anonymous]

Generally, a guy wouldn't even think of asking a girl out on a date unless he's pretty attracted to her. You can be virtually guaranteed that a guy is attracted to you if he's asked you out. I realize it's not the same the other way around. But guys don't need the date to "decide" whether or not we're attracted to you in the same way women often do.

[Purpleronnie]

The answer is clearly NO!
Meaningful and worthwhile relationships could never be based on something so shallow and fragile.

[slatyb]

I have two requirements: I enjoyed the conversation, and I found her attractive enough to kiss. I'm not that picky about physical appearance.

[Anonymous]

No.

I'm a young man who is willing to take time to actually get to know someone's character. If they workout and work towards a healthy diet then looks are what they are.

[Asker]

That’s really the best to approach dating! Thank you for sharing your opinion

[Anonymous]

The more attractive a woman is the better the chance of keeping the guy around. But that's only the first step

[Asker]

What are the other steps?

[KrakenAttackin]

As you get older, you realize it's better if you don't feel that insane attraction.

[Asker]

Why so? I’m curious. Please explain

[KrakenAttackin]

Because a relationship will never work if the man lives the woman more than she loves him. She will quickly take him for granted and abuse him. He needs to be able to set boundaries, reject her shit testing, and be able to walk away the moment she crosses the line.

[ProbablyClueless]

@KrakenAttackin So true! The way I knew I was finally ready to get married was that I stopped finding "spicy and fun" women attractive; too much chaos. Now days, I'm more interested if I find out that the most extreme thing about her is that she takes her competitive macrame seriously.

[KrakenAttackin]

@ProbablyClueless Bingo. Drama laden women are a curse... ask me how I know...

[ProbablyClueless]

You wouldn't know this, based on my age, but I WAS actually born yesterday. Tell me more!

[Staximus]

No, it takes a while for some people to warm up to each other

[Anonymous]

No. We're still getting to know each other, but we do have to feel like there's potential.

[Asker]

What shows that the woman has potential?

[Opinion Owner]

We get along. She shows genuine interest in getting to know me, actively listens to my stories, shares about themselves openly, shows respect, has positive energy, etc. Normal stuff. I'm sure it can't be much different for women.

[Asker]

Makes sense. Thank you for explaining!

[Opinion Owner]

No problem!

[Danny_dan92]

Not “insane” just having attraction is enough.

[Asker]

How do you define you’re attracted? Like feeling attracted physically and/or to her personality? Enjoying conversation with her?

[Danny_dan92]

Everything

[Asker]

Got it. Thank you

[BarryLiverstone]

Not insane attraction. But at least some. Right?

[Asker]

As a woman, I am ok to feel some on first date and then explore if it grows with further dating. However, I’ve heard that for men, it’s either there or not on first date. Hence my question. So still wondering what it is that sort of seals the deal for men during first date.

[BarryLiverstone]

For me, it’s less about the first date but first meeting and impression. I prefer to meet irl and see if she’s attractive before asking her out on the date. If she is then I’ll ask her out and even if she’s not insanely beautiful on the date I’ll still have interest. What seals the deal on the date tho is if she genuinely had fun and if we vibed. So that’s beyond looks obv.

Have you ever agreed to a date when you didn’t feel an attraction?

[RingOfFire]

No but it makes it more likely.

[paledreams]

Lol. Yes.

[jahaims]

No lol