Why do men feel they are entitled to sex after a first date?

Question

Like bro why even take someone out on a date? My dating app says Christian? Should I get off secular apps like Bumble? Just because YOU think you’re a Chad, you’re going to nail someone who has relationship and Christian in their bio…. Like I’m the average looking girl, a little bit past young and desirable but still dang.

Also I have a lot of past trauma because I was sexually assaulted in college and all these guys where hitting on me thinking I wanted it and one even called me an ugly whore to my face, I moved shortly afterward but jeeze.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Only a certain segment of men feel that way - it's not men's fault if you continue to choose those men over others.

And I could ask you why women feel entitled to be taken to expensive restaurants, to be able to order drinks, appetizers, a meal, and dessert on a first date - and even bring other people - all on the man's dime?

The same thing applies: only a certain segment of women feel that way, and it's the man's fault for choosing that type of woman.

What vetting are you doing before you accept a date with these men? What boundaries and expectations are you setting? What demands are YOU making?

If a woman wants to have a date with a man that is in high demand, and she expects an expensive date, in my opinion he has every reason to expect to get sex in return. She can't have high demands and not expect high demands of her in return. And the reverse is true: if she's not prepared to give much at the beginning, she shouldn't be expecting to receive much either. And there's nothing wrong with that - moving slowly is a better idea for everyone.

The other thing you need to understand is that "dating apps" - even "religious" ones - aren't dating apps, and they're definitely not "relationship apps" - they're hook-up apps. If you are expecting to find a relationship on an app, your expectations are WAY off base, and you're very likely to be disappointed.

Do you know who is on dating apps? From the male side, it's the men who are attractive enough that most women find them attractive, and thus are attractive enough to get lots of matches based solely on their looks. To put it another way, it's the men who are there to get casual sex easily from lots of women, and who do exactly that. Such men aren't interested in relationships, aren't interested in anything "long-term" - they're only interested in what they're going to get TONIGHT. But those are the only men who are successful on dating apps (because if a guy isn't at LEAST in the top 20% in looks, he'll be completely ignored in a dating app), so they're the only ones who stick around. There will always be some non-top-20% guys on the app, but they will never get matches, and so they won't stick around for very long.

Women do not give guys out of the top 20% in looks a chance - ever - so they have no idea what those men are like, and don't care to know. Instead, they continue to chase the handsome men who don't care about women except for the sex they can provide, and then wonder why it never works out the way they wanted. Most women never learn, because they don't want their fantasy of "having it all" to be shattered. But you aren't going to find a handsome, successful, high-status man who also has high morals and values and shares your life goals - and even if you COULD find a man like that, he'd be SO rare and SO universally attractive that he could have his choice of leading actresses or Victoria's Secret Angels - and that's likely who he would pick.

If you want a REAL relationship, then you need to meet men in the REAL world, not online, and you need to actually have conversations, and you need to set boundaries and expectations, and you need to understand that ALL relationships are a value exchange, and you should not expect to receive more than you give.

BobbieBoy666 · Accepted Answer

The perception that some men feel entitled to sex after a first date can stem from a combination of factors including societal expectations, gender stereotypes, power dynamics, and a lack of understanding of consent, which can lead to a misguided belief that a woman owes sexual intimacy after a date, particularly if the man has paid for the meal or initiated the date.

Key contributing factors:
Traditional gender roles:
Societal norms often portray men as the "initiator" in sexual relationships, leading some to believe they have the right to pursue sex readily, even on a first date.
Misinterpreting signals:
Some men might misinterpret friendly behavior or flirtation as an invitation for immediate sexual intimacy, not recognizing the need for clear communication about boundaries.
Pressure to perform:
A cultural expectation for men to be "successful" with women can lead to pressure to initiate sex quickly, even if the woman is not comfortable.
Lack of sexual education:
Inadequate understanding about consent and healthy sexual communication can contribute to men feeling entitled to sex without fully considering the partner's desires.

Important points to remember:
Consent is key: It's crucial to understand that sex should always be consensual, and no one is ever "owed" sex, regardless of the situation.
Communication is vital: Open and honest communication about sexual boundaries and expectations is essential before engaging in any sexual activity.
Individual differences: Not all men hold this belief, and it's important to avoid generalizations.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I am an older woman and back in my dating days - like the 1980s - 1990's if a guy took me out to dinner then expected sex from me I would just say something like "Oh, I wish you had told me if I had you bought me dinner that meant that I would have to have sex with you. Well, I am perfectly equipped to feed myself dinner - I mean, I do it every night".

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Men now a days just want everything from a woman without acutally having to put in real effort. They think paying for the date is equal to getting sex. A form of soft prostitution is what those men are searching for on dating apps

Summeroflove · Answer

They aren’t those are men who will never find a halfway decent woman. Not ever and they will wonder why all the women they are with are whores and sluts.

There are a lot of lukewarm Christian’s as well that claim to be Christian’s but are also having casual sex at the same time.

They are people that will never genuinely build a connection with someone else. I would say get off the dating app I’m not saying zero good people use them… But I am saying most people aren’t serious. They want hook ups. They are there to feed their ego. They’re there for shits and giggles. The list goes on. Thehre there because they aren’t the type people in real life want.

Joshua_H_1010011001 · Answer

We don't...

3 date rule. (except virgins / the lower your BC the more time you get before I leave)

Things need to be appearing to progress, that's all, towards intimacy of some kind.

If your not actively intrested in me, why am I taking you out? Simple.

Remember, we are not dating you to be your friend.

Anyone who claims to be your friend, but finds you attractive... Is not your friend.

We are either dating to find an intimate partner / special person.

Or just dating to bang.

Depends on the character of the man.

Both require intimacy, it's your job to know what you are looking for and also what they are. Then move accordingly.

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

Why do women? I was horny after my divorce but it was awkward after being with someone most of my young adult life suddenly in my late 20s with no sex. However, I literally couldn’t get it up on the first date…I looked the part of the Chad but inside my heart was broke and there was too much going on in my head.

I got viagra from the VA, female doctors wouldn’t prescribe it to me because I was way too healthy and they knew I even had kids already, I got a male doctor and I literally told the doctor why I wanted it,

“because my women these days are expecting sex on the first to third date, I have performance anxiety” I explained it to to him the exact way I’m explaining it to you now. Once I know a woman I’m dating well, the anxiety factor is non-existent. I have tons on the stuff laying around now.

Roldrake · Answer

SIGH. There are so many dumb ass men out there who don't get it seriously. Guys please let me teach you: GIVE HER respect, LISTEN to her, REMEMBER important things she tells you. Give it a few dates with this mentality (no more than 4 dates tho thats the max!) and I guarantee you'll be hot bangin' like 60-70% (my hit rate is more like 80% but I been at this for a while) of them gals after 3 dates. So do the math, date 40 woman over the course of a year, 3 dates each which is 120 dates, get laid MINIMUM 72 times during the year which is about 1.5 weekly plus you got ta bang a nice variety of muff and hone your skills! Also have some common sense and know which ones to use a fake name with some deez bitches be crazeee (wink)

Fireguy17 · Answer

Because they are idiots.
I've been on dates where we barely made it into the house without ripping each other's clothes off with our teeth, and I've been out with others and nothing sexual happened for a couple 2 3 months, but we enjoyed being together.
Everyone is different and I think some males just feel entitled to sex because they paiid for the date or that is all they are after in the first place.
sex if it happens should take place if and only when both parties are ready.
as far as the name calling they are just lashing out at you because you didn't consent to have sex with them.
Hopefully you will meet the right person tht will understand and honor your wishes, they are out there, sadly there seems to be less of them.

Anonymous · Answer

Christian doesn’t mean pure…

There was this “Conservative University”(I forgot the name), they ran ads on YouTube with a big influx in my feed so I immediately thought they must’ve had a scandal they wanted buried immediately…. A SEX scandal towards the female gender students going there attending classes at this ultra Conservative College….

Christian doesn’t mean pure because each person is different & their own person so, just say upfront that “I’m not interested in sex on the first date buddy boy” in your Bio or something since horny guys will be horny guys no matter how religious or whatever they try to portray themselves out to be (not all men, just saying all extra horny men who don’t respect / understand boundaries)

hahahmm · Answer

Because 90% of people on dating apps who say, "Just looking for friends" actually want all the sex. What they write doesn't matter. It's like you're going to Walmart expecting to find high end restaurant meals. Or going in a fast food joint expecting a home cooked meal. But hey, online apps are easy to use. So are fast food apps.

disappoint3d · Answer

Ok, so here's the flip side to this, and it boils down to you needing to be more realistic with yourself.

These posts from women are just as common as men basically asking why women won't put out for them anymore. Psychologically, women are driven by desire for attention and validation, Men are driven primarily by need for sex. Of course there is crossover as both sides want attention and sex to some degree. But the sooner you understand that men are biologically hard wired to procreate as much as possible, the better.

Also, the vast majority of people are no longer religious. We do live in the age of science after all. Sure there are plenty of men that say they are christian but they all still want to get laid too. Going to church does not preclude a man from biology.

katiesmuff · Answer

First of all those aren't MEN, just immature boy's who have aged some.
How could you be so desperate as to be on any of those dumb ass dating apps which are nothing more than lets fuck for fun site where guys fish until they catch some unaware dummy.

236color · Answer

Anyone, man or woman who thinks they are entitled to sex, ever, is wrong. Now, that said if you think you're going to find a man that wants to cuddle you, protect you, support you emotionally and financially, and NEVER want to have sex with you, well maybe closeted Gay men.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Unfortunately other women with the same stuff in their bio ended up giving it up on the first date and that created the perception that if date 1 doesn’t lead to sex it means you probably don’t like the guy

Just like you don’t like having your standards ignored you shouldn’t ignore someone else’s

Meaning if he doesn’t have “Christian” and “looking for a relationship” in his own bio as well, don’t expect him to behave otherwise

nawtee_me · Answer

I am sorry that you went through the things you did. No one should have to go through that. I agree with you in that your bio should tell them all they need to know about what you are wanting and expecting from guys wanting a date with you. What I don’t agree with is that you are still young and desirable, and don’t you forget it…. I hope you have a wonderful day….

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Dating apps are just the cesspools of losers in your city. DO NOT USE THEM! Most guys join hoping for an easy lay. Men have way less confidence to be perverts and assholes in person.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Most men don't feel entitled to see per say.. They just hope you are in the same mood they are and get upset when they are rejected.. But, maybe you should try and find a guy that's also Christian, cause, while I could be very wrong, it seems you're going more for guys you're attracted to and everything else second..

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Is this one of those so called Christian dating sites cause if so it ruined like the rest of the dating sites and you just saved me time on ever trying it out, you don't have to give in to anyone you don't want to, no matter what they say that is the opposite of a whore, use this to your advantage and let it be a giveaway showing you who to break things off with.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

A lot of young men date exclusively for the access to sex because masculine culture deems it to be the most important aspect of manhood.

RHK36 · Answer

If all you come across are these men it's you. Get better preferences in men that don't lead you to toxic men. If it keeps occuring then it's you. This applies to men that keep running into toxic women. Chances are you're toxic too because of poor choices.

the29thhuman · Answer

That’s what dating is to men.
Find someone who’s willing to get into a relationship. The word dating itself is a red flag. Stay offline to find a solid guy. Take time and do some recovery for the sexual abuse, you deserve to not go through that.
Guys online will never care genuinely, ever no matter what they say.

LazerBean · Answer

I don't believe that most men are like that at all. If all of the ones you are dating are like that, then I would say that you are doing something wrong to make that happen.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

they can think whatever they want... you still are entitled to say  no  :D

Anonymous · Answer

We don’t. But honestly the way a lot of women are giving it out these days like it’s going out of style, I don’t blame them for trying. A lot of women feel they’re entitled to a lot of things as well when it comes to dating men. For instance a man needs to provide for her financially. I don’t know too many men who think they’re entitled to sex on the first date. Course I don’t hang around a lot of scumbags, so maybe it’s the men you’re going out w.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Same reason women feel entitled to be wined and dined on a first date.. if you don’t have that expectation of eating or having them show you they can provide on the first date.. and would be ok with just a walk in the park with no expectation of getting anything. Then we can talk about you not have to have expectations for the latter. by the way, most of my dates are always free. If you aren’t trying to get to know me for me. Why am I paying for anything for you.

Gwendoline · Answer

This is good because it reveals their intentions early on.

FreyaRed · Answer

Telling them that most important skill of men is to differ expectation from reality might be confusing but a necessary lesson

CarolinaGirl5 · Answer

1. Why are you sharing that you were sexually assaulted? TMI , this is why you're subject to men like this because you talk too much. Stop talking to much

2. Why are you on dating apps instead of meeting people outside? What do you think dating apps are for? These people are just looking to hook up

3. Why aren't you meeting people at a church if Christian is who you are?

Jackblue · Answer

You sell yourself short looks and age wise. I am sorry guys have treated you like this all I can say is that they are bad guys, both the one who abused you and the ones who harassed and insulted you.

strateguy632 · Answer

Not me. I assume most men don't expect, more than a good night kiss, if the conversation was smooth.

Those who do ask and continue pressuring feel "i paid for a meal so should give back". No offense intended.

Uglyass · Answer

Better questions are... did he pay on the first date? Did you lead him on? Did you hint at anything? Were you just using him for a free meal? Because the majority of women these days do that...

There's too many things that aren't being said or explained... Unless you explain anything...

I'm taking this story with a grain of salt...

Bricealan · Answer

@myabe123 Because many men are just that stupid, and presumptuous

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Most of them think spending money equals to getting laid. That's why you go coffee date first, to avoid expectations.

dustybiker2 · Answer

The entire up and coming generation feels they are entitled in something or other.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Why do some men... some men are not looking for relationships just like some women aren't. I don't think most men expect things like that.

coolbreeze · Answer

Because some girls have sex on the first date. Not saying it's right but the ones that make is easy make it harder for girls who want something series and long term.

ClassicDropout · Answer

Men that date for sex are just dumb. I feel like you're less likely to get laid if you agree to go on a date. I wouldn't want to waste my time either if I knew I wasn't going on the date to enjoy it.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Some guys  and girls  are only looking for sex. At least this way you know early before wasting too much time.

bolverk · Answer

If you are dating men who feel they are entitled to sex after a first date, then you are dating from a very limited pool, as the vast majority of men would not even expect sex on the first date.

Kelley1 · Answer

Men may ask or try but never do they believe they are entitled to sex on the first or second date.

DJB72 · Answer

I don't understand those guys. Sex isn't something anyone is entitled to at any time from anyone. First date or after 20 years of marriage.  A swift kick in the nuts and move on...

Anonymous · Answer

when you're swiping right on Chads, you shouldn't be surprised by this happening

them asking for sex and trying their luck doesn't make them entitled, them insisting on having sex no matter what would them being entitled

grega239 · Answer

Get off dating apps. They are one if the worst things to have happened to society

Unit1 · Answer

These are the male equivalents of women, that use men for meals to be paid for. Ew, yuck!

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I have never encountered that… the guys I met are very respectful towards me.

Desi_Butcher · Answer

No there's a correction. Men feel they're entitled to sex even before meeting her 😂 Just how our brain is wired lol

art84 · Answer

Not all men want sex after a first date least the guys who respect taking out a women for dinner and not being feel entitled to sex as a payback or return.

TallAnon · Answer

They don't, there's just no negative to trying, so they do it anyway. Reward is worth the risk.

Darklydarkened · Answer

The main reason why men date is finding a sex partner.

Anonymous · Answer

I expect another converstation before I give her my dick after a first date. I don't like sleeping around with random women.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

A self centered person is going to find a way to justify their behavior, no matter what.

Anonymous · Answer

Dating apps are a cancer that I tried unsuccessfully for a year

Luopio27 · Answer

Take a nice guy on a date, then you won't have this problem! Those men you described sounds lile asshoöes!

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I don’t demand nor expect it. It just often happens. We’re both adults.

Surely · Answer

As long as some women keep giving it up. Lots of guys will cum to expect it!

Carried90 · Answer

seek help honestly seems like you have a lot of underlying issues and just hate men so you come on here seeking any kind of attention believe me nobody wants someone like you 😂

Graptemys79 · Answer

Most aren't like that. You are dating the wrong men.

DARKCLOUD1945X · Answer

Sorry to say most guys think with their LITTLE BRAIN

Vegasrunner · Answer

What other reason would someone invest time and resources in taking someone out?

Adel50 · Answer

The same reason women feel entitled to men paying for the meals on a first date.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

I don't think that's the norm. One date you don't even know that person yet.

Slim57 · Answer

Because you're on dating apps duh. Do you know how many hos put "christian" in their bios? All of them.

Anonymous · Answer

Because Women already entitled to have the Guy pay for them even before they decide to go on a date.

Why do men feel they are entitled to sex after a first date?

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