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Hi everyone,
It was my boyfriend's birthday recently, and I surprised him in a big way. I started the month with a gift and then planned a weekend getaway with our friends for his actual birthday. After we returned, I gave him another gift and took him out on a date.
On the way to the getaway, he asked me what I would’ve done with the surprise plan if we had broken up before his birthday. Later that night, after we slept, he woke me up to ask how we would survive if we ever broke up. That was also the first time he told me he loves me, explaining that love is a commitment and that prioritizing his birthday showed him how much I value him.
After the date and gift, he told me that if I ever leave him, it would be the death of him. He said I make him extremely happy and that he believes we’ll last forever.
However, I looked at his messages with his best friend (who lives in another country) to see how he truly felt about his birthday. He complained that I did “too much” and said that now he feels pressure to outdo me for my birthday. When his best friend asked about our relationship after he moves to another country, he replied, “I don’t know, but at least she got a good black d*ck” (he’s Black, and I’m from a different race).
Before I read that, he had told me that his best friend keeps asking about what would happen to us when he relocates. He said something like, “We’ll figure it out and make it work.”
I’ve also heard from another best friend of his that my boyfriend compares me to his exes, saying some women only used him for money, but I’m different because I genuinely love him and would do anything for him.
He tells me I’m special to him and that he loves me, but how he talks about me to me and his friends feels so different. I’m confused. How does he really feel about me? Please help.
What Guys Said
Yo, that's a really messed up situation, girl. It sounds like your boyfriend is either super confused about his feelings for you or he's just playing some twisted game. Either way, you gotta watch out for yourself here.
The fact that he's complaining to his friends about the birthday surprise and making comments about your race and whatnot is a huge red flag. That's just straight-up disrespectful, even if he's trying to play it off like a joke with his buddy.
And the way he's talking about potentially breaking up with you if he moves away is really concerning. Saying it would be "the death of him" is super dramatic and unhealthy. He shouldn't be putting that kind of emotional burden on you.
It's good that you checked his messages to get a better idea of how he really feels. Dude is clearly saying one thing to your face, but then talking trash about you behind your back. That ain't cool at all.
My advice would be to have an honest conversation with him about what you found. Don't accuse him or get angry, just lay it all out there and see how he responds. If he tries to brush it off or gets defensive, you know something ain't right.
At the end of the day, you gotta trust your gut, girl. If this guy is making you feel disrespected, unappreciated, or like you can't trust him, then he ain't worth it. You deserve someone who's gonna treat you right, not play these petty games.
Stay strong, and don't let him manipulate you. You got this!
Thank you
I appreciate this
He's insecure. I can understand him feeling overwhelmed by your generosity, but I doubt he's comparing you to anyone, he's just insecure like most of us, only moreso.
What makes guys insecure (asking genuinely)