
Can you really be attracted to someone's personality alone or looks definitely have to be there too?

I once tried to force myself to date a woman who had a good personality but I wasn’t physically attracted to. She wasn’t ugly but I never really felt the spark. However I told myself to grow up and to look deeper.
It didn’t work out well. At all. I was constantly self flagellating myself to not be a shallow dbag. But it just didn’t work. The effort I had to put in it was finite.
I eventually broke up with her as respectfully as I could. Face to face and (tactfully) honest. But she was left devastated and went ballistic. Crazy ballistic.
I felt like shit for getting her hopes up But her reaction to it actually confirmed I made the right decision (she was more mentally instable then I realized).
I do believe women are more flexible then men when it comes their partner’s looks just as long they are exemplary with some other aspect (personality, humor, money, etc.). I’ve was lucky to have flings with very attractive women in the past. They were out of my league in that aspect but I impressed them in other ways.
But women do have standards on looks and I think those standards are getting higher in recent times. It’s a combination of our digital culture giving women unrealistic expectations along with fewer women seeking out men just for money/support (although plenty of these women still exist and will always exist)
Also I truly believe women take it much more personally when men reject them because of physical attraction reasons then vice versa.
Seriously how often do men get away with saying “oh she’s probably a lesbian” when they get rejected vs. women saying “oh he’s probably gay” when they get rejected (and lots of women say that bullsh*t). Many women have real ego problems on this one. It’s a bullsh*t double standard that needs to stop.
Rejection because of looks hurts guys just as much as it hurts women. However we have been conditioned to accept whether we like it or not. Told to move on. We also take a lot more romantic rejection then women when all else is equal too.
@red324 I’ve seen high value guys get married to average looking women because of their other positive attributes (personality, intelligence, etc). I have a ton of respect for those guys because they seemingly prioritize what matters most first in choosing a partner.
But I just can’t personally do it. That doesn’t mean I feel entitled to a woman who is out of my league. I don’t deserve anybody more attractive then myself when it’s all said and done.
But still I have to at least feel semi attracted to her.
To answer your question in it’s regards to myself If I can, the answer is probably. I see attraction on a deeper level then most people do because peoples physical appearance changes as well as most people can look good if they put the effort into themselves. But being with someone who you have some sort of genuine bond with such as people who marry their lifelong best friend has a lower chance of divorcing. Many people date as well as marry for the wrong reasons that ends in disaster.
With that all being said aside from me personally. Everyone is different so it depends if you’re not attracted to someone it’s best to upfront reject them in a respectful manner. Don’t string them along that hurts worse then just being honest. It’s also cowardly
I really tried to be attracted to my current boyfriend's personality and he's an asshole to everyone but me (a little but of an ass to me as well) that doesn't even want to take pictures 🙃 So I might be single really soon lol. So if you're going for personality fellow ladies don't be like me looking through rose tinted glasses. If his personality sucks and isn't at least average to you by your standards just save yourself the troubles.
For dating and relationships looks matter to me and many other people as well. Personality matters to me as well but there is no way I would consider dating a guy who has a good personality but a face I didn’t find attractive. I don’t think I could be satisfied in a relationship like that.
I would prefer the man to have both looks and a personality I find attractive
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While everyone enjoys good looks in a potential partner, it is foolish to put much emphasis on looks - though tons of people do so anyway.
Looks are part of infatuation - that excitement you feel early in a relationship - but infatuation NEVER lasts. Lots of people want and even expect those feelings of excitement - the butterflies in the stomach - to last indefinitely, but it rarely lasts 90 days. If that's what they think a relationship is supposed to be, they will never be happy and they will never stick around.
If you want to have any hope of a relationship being able to last, you need to choose your partner based on their morals, values, and life goals, and their past behavior is going to be a big indication of what you can look forward to in the future.
Morals, values, and life goals are the foundation of a long-term relationship. If those aren't compatible, there is no chance of long-term success for the relationship. It's that simple.
You also should realize that most really good-looking people have lousy morals and values, because people have always let them slide because of their looks. They've never needed to have good morals and values because no one ever held them accountable when they didn't. It's not hard to know who the people are who were never held accountable because of their looks, so if you choose to be with someone like that, you are almost always choosing looks and infatuation over morals and values and long-term stability.
@Twalli You really have to worry about HER, not so much you. Unfortunately, women tend to only be loyal to their feelings, so if she wakes up one day and decides she's bored and craves excitement, she will start looking elsewhere. If you are able to keep her excited (and for a lot of women, this usually means not always being especially nice to her), then you won't have that problem. If you're fortunate enough to have a woman who you can treat well and STILL keep her excited, you should be very thankful, because that's pretty rare these days.
I think for me it depends on the person when I meet somebody the first thing I do is look deep into their eyes listen to their words because I want to know who they are on the inside before anything else
There have been times when I have met somebody and we're hanging out for 2 to 3 days and I'm still searching for that person on the inside getting to know them more and more and more and then like on the 3rd 4th 5th day whatever I will look at them and I will say well you're absolutely beautiful because I wasn't really paying attention to define detail of the person on the outside but it's who they are on the inside that creates that look of the outside depending on who's doing the looking I think for me that's the way it happens with me I don't know about anybody else
attraction is important as well, to a certain extent , usually someone’s heart will make them more attractive, by the way they present themselves and carry themselves someone can look beautiful or attractive on the outside , but if they aren’t beautiful in the inside , their looks mean shit , it actually makes that person ugly if they don’t have a genuine heart ,
20s me is looks matter 100%
30s me is like looks matter but what's in his mind and heart matters so much more
Give me the geek or nerd over the athlete any day of the week.
I have to be attracted to a partner based on both looks and personality
Whenever you ask a question like this the answer is almost always gonna be "looks don't matter at all to me, all I care about is personality" because they wanna seem like a good person and say what you'd want to hear from them, but reality is that in general human beings are shallow as fuck, and it's literally in our instinct. There was a study where even literal newborn babies showed more positive reaction to attractive faces.
Not to say people who learn to ignore that instinct don't exist. There certainly do exist people who don't care about looks at all. But they're not nearly as common as society might lead you to believe. The vast majority of people do care about looks whether they admit it or not.
For me on a personal level... eh... I'm not gonna give you the "I don't care about looks at all" cliche, especially since it'd be EXTREMELY hypocritical since I myself just wrote an entire post debunking it, so I'll give a response that's still generic and cliche but somewhat more nuanced: I care about looks and personality more or less equally. If I were to choose one over the either then personality gets an edge, but looks do matter quite a bit too.
Look, a pure bitch with a bad attitude, no hobbies, interests, or a brain... it don't matter how hot and sexy she looks.
Let's do a mind experiment. Think of the hottest guy you can. Now imagine he comes over, slaps you, farts in your mouth, and says "Pay my rent and I'll let you suck my dick... huh huh, oh and you're stupid looking... huh huh."
Is he still so hawt that you'll just do what he says? Do you still want him so bad or did he become this guy...
To put it another way... a great personality can make an ugly person very adaptable feeling.
Men lack a proper education on emotional intellect. It’s not entirely their fault, it’s just how a lot of them get brought up. For a good majority of men, especially those above 30, they need looks as part of the package or they won’t stay. It’s a requirement that their partner stays hot, and if she gains a healthy relationship weight then guess what? They’re gone. Men need looks in their partners a majority of the time. Women, not so much.
Men don't "lack proper education", women like you need to accept some responsibility and put in effort to stay in shape. If a man is sexually attracted to a body type, the problem is not in the man to change what he's attracted to (in the same way women aren't attracted to certain men AND they have no problem with that).
What do you mean "healthy"? You act as if just because weight gain comes as a result of a typical woman's lifestyle, that means the weight gain is healthy. That logic is ridiculous. Women like you need to accept the reality that the men you're referring to aren't sexually attracted to fat women. Then you can take steps to make sure you don't become a fat woman so these men will stay with you (and it isn't impossible so I don't want to hear complaints).
My mother divorced my father bc he was like you. She was much happier with husband number 2
My mother gained weight from being pregnant and that was it. When my father refused to touch her, she lost it by nearly starving herself, only to do it all over again when she got pregnant when my brother. It was a very unhappy time for all involved
He shouldn’t have married her
Alone? Like what? They have no arms, legs, they were disfigured horribly in a fire, they smell, have yellow crooked teeth and they weigh 500 lbs?
Because this question is far too black and white. Almost no one is drop dead gorgeous or butt ugly. And certainly not to everyone.
What I'm trying to say is when you meet someone. They may not have the attributes you find attractive. But over time you may develop an attraction to thier personality. But with most people there's some form of mild attraction to begin with. It can be a small thing and it doesn't even have to be something conventionally attractive, but is attractive to that person. And as you become more enamored with that person's personality your attraction grows from that.
Hope that helps.
I think its mostly looks as the initial interest. Then other characteristics confirm the interest or you decide they're not for you.
People that are unattractive can still find the right partner, but it comes from longer term interaction - work, friendship group that hangs out - then the person gets to know the personality and other character traits and is attracted to those other variables.
Interesting personality can compensate some deficits in appearance. There are types of men who look good for me but my friends tell me "are you crazy?" and sometimes I think men they feel attracted too the same. I think the preference for specific personal type that isn't the ultimate handsome boy type mixed with interesting personality can be attractive.
In my opinion you have to be attracted to both. That doesn’t mean they have to be perfect in either though.
Attracted to their personality isn’t generally enough to sustain the physical or sexual side to many relationships but in my opinion means more than attraction based solely on someone being objectively physically attractive. Which makes it quite perverse that physical attraction generally speaking trumps personality.
Attraction is complex and varies greatly from person to person. For some, a deep emotional connection and admiration for someone's personality are enough to spark strong attraction, even if physical looks don't initially stand out. This is often called demisexuality or just being personality-driven—where emotional or intellectual compatibility creates or enhances attraction.
For others, physical appearance plays a larger role, at least initially, in drawing them toward someone. This doesn’t mean personality isn’t important—it often becomes the sustaining factor in long-term connections.
In reality, both personality and looks can influence attraction, but the balance depends on individual values, preferences, and experiences. Have you noticed what weighs more for you personally?
I'm not gonna date a bitch no matter what she looks like.
That doesn't quite answer the question though. I don't care much about the face, but I do care about being a healthy weight. I'd rather date a facial 3/10 at a healthy weight than a facial 10/10 who is obese.
If I don't like her personality it's a deal breaker. If she's more than a little overweight it's a deal breaker. If her face is a 3/10 I don't care.
There’s personality but also character.
And character reflects on the physical look
Meaning Im not attracted to a girl that puts 0 effort in her image that’s a sign of weakness and laziness.
When a girl is attractive internally she will most definitely be physically attractive as well
As a guy who’s talked to plenty of attractive girls, women, I’ve learned looks only go so far. Do I want her to be some 300 pound whale, with acne and bad habits, no. Yes, I want her to be pretty in my eyes but her character, morals and respect to me means much more. Women and girls rely on their looks only it seems like nowadays because even basic motherly qualities or feminine qualities they lack. More girls nowadays are disrespectful and I don’t tolerate that she’s not worth it to pursue, I’ll block her and remove her from my life for good.
Looks and personality go together... they are not independent of each other.
Most of a woman's attractiveness is within her control and is an expression of her character and values. If it is truly just genetic or beyond her control, then it honestly does not matter as much to me.
for me personality wins out every time.
Looks change over time, who they are is what really doesn't change.
Example, some of my classmates that were hot when they were younger, but now you would have no clue, time was not their best friend.
So that smokin hot 20 something may not look like that after 2 kids and a number of years under her belt.
Then what are you left with?
Not everyone ages poorly, but life choices, heredity (look at her mom) can make a big difference.
For me, it depends. I’ve been attracted and have gotten chances with really good looking guys but came to find out that they were just rude assholes and very tool like and very much into themselves. However, I have met some guys who were average looking that I wouldn’t go for all the but I have fell in love with because they had such a good personality. And that has made me find them more attractive, Even sexually appearance. it depends on everyone though
An attractive physical appearance AND personality go hand in hand, in general.
No one wants a beautiful asshole, or a someone who lacks values and personality. Most folks want the whole package. That's reasonable.
Looks are the initial attractant, followed by body language, which expresses personality. But the conversations of the first few dates validate first impressions. That's why sexual intimacy on the first few dates stunts budding relationships.
Romantically, as long as she is not obese and not doing anything to change it, I do not care about looks. And that has more to do with how active I am that any aversion to her size.
Otherwise, purely personality. Looks fade. Inner beauty doesn't.
Well, as for me I believe looks or any physical features would fade at some time in life, what matters most is one's innermost heart, affection and genuine personality which would stand the test of time, and not necessarily a man's looks or physical appearance
To me, looks kinda has to be there but if you’re a horrible person, it doesn’t matter if you’re hot on the outside, you immediately become ugly on the outside too.
Looks definitely have to be there , I’ve tried dating people I wasn’t particularly attracted to and it doesn’t work no matter how great their personality is , I can’t look past the appearance. Some people are able to do this but not all
I don't care about looks at all, but that's just how I am. I always view beauty through personality, why I have never been able to look at someone and feel any attraction at all towards someone I don't know.
I think after 28 or 32 (I know some around 32) people mature themselves emotionally such that personality and character are worth more than looks
If you watch pop the balloon you will see that initial attraction has to be there. Thats something that is true for everyone not a specific gender
As long as the looks is not revolting but just meh, then yes, a great personality can make me attracted to them.
I mean if I like there personality I'm probably gonna like their appearance too. They are linked.
Mmm Flannery... I love Pokemon in general, but coincidentally or not I hyperfixated a lot on Flannery specifically a while back, lol. Like about a month or 2 or 3 ago (I'm really bad at telling time passage, lol)? It was a site about Pokemon and I customized my avatar and everything to look like her. Fire Types are awesome in general, and gen 3/Hoenn is pretty nostalgic to me, and Flannery has both a neat design and a neat personality.
@EzraIsShy76028 Yeah, I like her too! I Gen 3 is my fav XD
TL;DR At the bottom.
Glad to hear, haha. Always good to find another Pokemon fan, and even more specifically, a Flannery fan! ^_^
I don't know if I have a favorite gen per se, I love them all too much to decide, but in general I do have a preference for the leaning early gens than the leaning later gens. Probably because the earlier gens I had more time to get attached to and love. While the later gens... they just kind of flew right by, lol. Maybe it's because time goes faster when I'm older, but at first it was only gens 1 through 5, gen 5 being the brand new gen at the time that I was learning to love... then suddenly before I could blink gen 6 came out, then gen 7, 8, 9, probably gen 10 not too far in the future... all in quick succession.
There's also a visual difference since the first 5 gens used 2D sprites, while gen 6 and up has been using 3D models, and to me the 3D models look kind of boring/generic compared to the 2D sprites.
Also, just noticed your username too, literally "emeraldsaphire"... I should've already connected the dots right away that you love gen 3 the most. XD
TL;DR Glad to hear that, haha. Flannery and gen 3 are both awesome! I can't really decide what my favorite gen is since honestly I just love them all so much. xD
Of course! I've never seen 99% of the writers whose words I fell in love with!
I've never seen any of you but have come to admire respect empathize and while not love definitely like the people simply through the quality of their words.
You have to find them attractive physically, otherwise you’ll just be friends, but personality is he most important thing. I would choose an average looking guy with a great personality over a handsome jerk.
Well... I'm married to a guy because he was nice, smart, and made me laugh.
He's pretty average looking
nope. the vice-versa is more likely to happen. just look at Luigi Mangione
dude is a flat-out murderer and feminists are petitioning to have him pardoned and feminists claim they care the most about personality lmao
I wouldn't dates someone unless I found them physically attractive. But I wouldn't continue to date them if I didn't like their personality.
They generally have to be at least attractive to me, if we are going to at some point have a physical relationship. I'm not one of those who only wants the top 10% in looks, but I have to be able to get aroused.
Looks always matter for both men and women. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or trying to act extra nice
I like women with crazy personality re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft
A personality can do it and make a girls physical appearance attractive too. A girl still has to look like a girl though for that to happen.
Can't do without looks.
Lucky for girls, 50% +/- of them are attractive.
looks for sure lol. Fat women are just so nastyy.
Looks aren’t important to me and I’m usually attracted to a person for their personality. My friends always ask me how that’s possible and how do I differentiate friendships and relationships. For that it’s usually the chemistry, looks don’t matter for chemistry.
it doesn't have to be Zac Efron but looks somewhat
personality essential, looks have to have something but can flex more.
I think you have to be at least a little attracted to them physically to like them..
I don't expect a hot blonde model but a person should look appealing enough. Clean and good clothes and beautiful face 😄. Average but definitely not ugly please
Asking for more is just too much.
They both have to be there, I’ve tried to overlook it with some but it just doesn’t work, there has to be some type of attraction or it just doesn’t work
I need some physical attraction to be in a relationship
I can but there has to be some physical attraction.
Looks have to be there at first glance or she’s only a friend.
Of course. There is nothing more addictive than a magnetic personality.
I think girls all around want a guy who is good looking and has a great personality
I have seen ugly girls that are sexy as hell and pretty girls that are not. Sexy is not a look, it is an attitude…. So yes you can be attracted to someone personality…
Looks definitely have to be there too. They are all lies these things that they say about looks, and size, etc. They are just sweet lies for those whose reality is hard to swallow.
Sure, I can, but not for very long based on looks. Perhaps long enough to have sex. Much longer to be friends based on personality. A lot longer based on both.
There needs to be some attraction. But personality is much more important in the long run
Looks are what catch your attention and drag you in. Personality is what keeps you around
It depends on both. Looks can attract someone, but people stay for the personality.
Personality can also accentuate the person's appearance because there is substance behind the looks.
I've had it happen a few times, but generally the looks have to be there too.
I can't. I know I can't. I have to like his appearance as well.
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