What did I do wrong here or is he the problem?

[Ar15improv]

I'm using talk-to-text, so bear with me. I need advice about a situation with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for six months, but he recently told me he felt pressured into asking me out, and it was too soon. Here’s the background:

We met on a dating app, clicked as friends, and hung out a few times. Shortly after, I had a housing issue, and he kindly let me stay with him.

We agreed to remain friends, but we were aware of mutual interest in dating. Over the next two months, we developed a solid friendship while occasionally going on small dates.

During that time, I asked him questions about relationships—like what he wanted in a partner—because I wanted to approach things the right way.

I’d had bad experiences in the past where I felt pushed into relationships, and I didn’t want to do that to him.

Two months in, he asked me out, and I made sure to check if he felt ready. He seemed confident, so we started dating. However, a few months later, he told me he felt I pressured him into the relationship by asking those questions.

I genuinely believed my questions were appropriate and were meant to help us understand if we were ready for a relationship. Friends I’ve spoken to think it’s normal to have those conversations when you’re getting to know someone.

Was I wrong to ask those questions? Could it have come across as pushy? How can I address this with him, and what can I do to avoid similar misunderstandings in the future? I want to apologize if I misstepped, but I also feel he could’ve told me earlier if he wasn’t ready.

[ohsheeT]

Yeah depending on what type of guy he is questions like that scare guys and they feel like they're boxed in and they have no place to go we know that's not true but their life is flashing before them LOL and they just get scared of that commitment so if you guys hang out some more just don't bring up any questions like that just let it all work its way to where it's headed or where it's going to go you'll both know if it's right just by the way you look into each other's eyes or hold each other's hands or kiss or whatever but yeah when you start talking like that you scare the hell out of guys because guys just are not ready for that that close in a relationship you know that short of period even longer periods they're not ready for it and that's because they don't know how to be honest anyway I mean he could have said anything to you to grab the hold of your hand instead of okay wait wait wait wait time out for a minute I need to talk to you about something I like you a lot and. I enjoy being with you but for right now it's just not go here that's just enjoy each other and let's see where it goes let's become best friends

[Ar15improv]

It would've been a great way of dealing with it maybe. Especially if he said something much earlier on, but I understand he doesn't really open up about EVERYTHING, although i will say, our biggest thing from the beginning is that communication is vital, so it became a catch 22 of respecting his needs or time. We did have a discussion though overall, and it wasn't bad when it happened, but in the end, I wonder if I'm at fault a lot. He says I'm not, but looking back, we could've honestly not agreed that it was okay now type deal when he brought it up. I'm the type to listen and do my best to be patient and understanding to my partner, and I'm very picky as well when I'm given the choice, so something just maybe fell under my radar. I still appreciate him nonetheless, just wish he let me be more in the loop so it doesn't get weird on accident since we do live together after all. I did my best to not let it be.

[ohsheeT]

Yeah see I mean actually it could have been a good thing because now if you guys are living together it's going to give you both time to think about certain things and I mean it could bring you much closer together

I would just relax and let it happen naturally
I mean down deep you could truly really like you and he's just scared of a lot of different things

Women kind of grow up as little girls dreaming and knowing or fantasizing about what they want in a guy and they kind of set up a blueprint

You guys don't have a clue they don't even go there so when things start getting serious they start panicking and first thing they want to do is run but after a while they think about it and it starts coming together for them

[Ar15improv]

Man I was raised like a son then sent to some weird camp and then was homeless from 15 to 19 on my own, so I'm sort of there with guys with not really knowing what I want sometimes but after a few bad incidences I do know what I want and I generally do want him, but sadly to say had the current moment with how life turned out for both of us I can't have them and I respect it but it hurts like hell.

[Ar15improv]

Beyond that we did try to let it flow naturally but there is a point where we both thought we should take a step back and we never really got to actually have a good conversation about it and everything turned upside down, I'm just hoping that maybe after he takes a sometime cuz it hasn't even been a week yet, he would be ready to talk to me about a better way of handling this essentially..

[ohsheeT]

Yeah I guess only time will tell

[Garud]

Yes, it seems you have put a little pressure on him. But it is not a big deal, nor is it a mistake, you thought you should move forward only after making sure everything is okay and safe.
You tell him there is no hurry, we will slowly see how things go with time. I mean take the pressure off him.

[Ar15improv]

It's way past that. This originally happened a few months ago, but I'm reposting questions from an old account, because either I got nasty comments about him, or was not really getting any. That said, when he did bring it up and I was surprised, I did let him know like "hey, that wasn't my intention and I'm sorry, would you like to take a step back? I was worried we were moving fast too" but we both sorta landed on a "let things come as they come" type attitude.

[Garud]

"let things come as they come"
That's great, everything is already resolved, now chill and enjoy your time with each other to understand each other better in depth.

[Ar15improv]

Not when he brings it up two more months later. It's why I'm saying something now again cause it's like. Tf

[Nikki1989]

I think it is possible that your questions, while well-intentioned, may have unintentionally put some pressure on him.

[Ar15improv]

I agree after listening to him and I would like to be able to apologize and see what we can do to come to an understanding with each other however I don't want to bring it up at the wrong time we're just stress him because we have a lot going on in our lives in general currently, would you perhaps have any advice on how I can clarify this to him?

[Avicenna]

He didn’t say what made him
Feel pressured, so he could have pressured himself.

[Ar15improv]

I didn't state that I didn't want to be too long-winded my bad but no he did actually tell me that when he felt pressured it was because I was asking those questions and stuff and it made him feel like I was trying to press the topic and Rush a relationship. With that understanding I hope it would be a different light.

[Iron_Man]

Next time say voice command instead of talk to text

[Ar15improv]

My bad

[Iron_Man]

It’s ok