Why did he act this way what am I doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

I need help to be honest I’m not sure why this keeps happening to me but me and my at the time boyfriend had been talking, mind you we dated before this he left without reasoning or explaining but when we got together this time he told me why he left. He wasn’t mentally ready for a relationship because his best friend had just passed I was completely okay with this even tho my feelings were hurt, anyway this time around he said he was ready I said okay we got together everything was cool. So he comes over even tho it was raining I thought that was sweet because he really didn’t have to, anyway he comes over we’re chilling I’m on the phone with my friend and she’s with her boyfriend we’re all talking my friends kept telling him to kiss me because I let her know prior to this that he hasn’t made that move yet. She’s doing that eventually we get off the phone me and him are watching TikToks, he decides to kiss me and he keeps kissing me one thing leads to another ofc we have s*x I’m shy so it takes a while for me to actually get into action with him. He doesn’t rush it at all we do it after I notice he’s distant a little doesn’t want to cuddle he’s just ready to leave we talk a little after that he gives me a hug and he leaves, everything was fine like 3 weeks later out of the blue he just stops talking to me ( like he did the last time we dated) I’m texting him but not getting a response even though he’s active I don’t blow his phone up or go crazy I just texted him a short message and he never replied I took that as the end of our relationship I don’t know why he’s doing that why he did that because after we did have s*x I asked how it was he said it was good he asked me I said the same thing I don't know if he had a commitment issue of if I’m just not who he wants even tho he chased me for four years 🤦🏽‍♀️ why is he doing this did I do something wrong is it me or is it him and I can’t get him out of my head at all it feels as if he was made for me..

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I'm so sorry you're going through this confusing BS with him again. From what you described, it really seems like he's got some issues to work through when it comes to commitment.

It sounds like emotionally, he wasn't fully ready to be in a relationship even if he said he was. Then sex happened, and maybe it made him panic and backtrack to his old avoidance patterns. Some guys just aren't great at communicating what they really want.

You did nothing wrong from what I can tell. Please don't internalize this as being something about you - his actions are a reflection of his own stuff, not something you caused. You seem like a caring, communicative partner.

My advice would be to stop chasing after someone who keeps blowing hot and cold. I know its so hard when you care about them, but you deserve way better than crumbs of attention. Focus on yourself and your friends who treat you with consistency.

If he comes back around trying to reel you in again, I'd be very wary. Set clear boundaries - either he commits properly or you keep it moving. You got this sis! There are better matches out there who won't jerk you around.

[Asker]

Thank you I appreciate it, it just really sucks when it feels like something is made for you and the rug gets snatched from under your feet I keep thinking about him constantly and it’s annoying the last time he did this he removed me from his socials this time he didn’t and it seems like he got a new girlfriend and did the same thing only difference is she’s still acting like she’s with him by her posts but he’s posting stuff as if he’s single I don't know if he moved on already or what but I haven’t and it’s been 2 months 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that just makes it even worse if he's posting like he's single while this new girl is acting like they're together. What a freaking jerk, playing you both like that. I'm sorry but he sounds like a major douchebag. You are so much better than being some guy's back-up option. I know it's gonna take time, but you really gotta try to stop letting this loser live rent-free in your head. Easier said than done, I know. But every time you catch yourself thinking about him, try redirecting your thoughts to something/someone who actually makes you happy and treats you with respect. Like your friends, your hobbies, future goals, cute puppies on Instagram - anything to shift your focus. And don't be afraid to vent to your girlfriends about how much of a tool this dude is! Their support and distractions will help so much. I promise that in time, this will hurt less and less. You're an awesome girl who deserves an awesome boyfriend - one day soon you'll meet someone who sees that and won't play games. Until then, love yourself and stay strong! Feel free to hit me up anytime if an extra pick me up needed. We'll grab some ice cream and roast this clown to make you laugh instead of cry over his punk ass. You've got this!

[adam6402]

Pump and dump, sorry.

The reason he chased you for so long was because he was always trying to get something that you weren't giving him - sex. As soon as he got it, the chase is over, he's won the prize, and he's lost interest in you.

[BoopBoopBeep]

He sounds emotionally crippled or incapable of communicating. Either way, better off without him.

[_Maya_]

I wonder if Ollie thinks he is clever. Last two 553 word answers came at 23sec and…..23 sec. Like what is this guy thinking? What do you get out of giving computer responses. Not even a roomba responds like this. At least with a sharpie I can write…

[BoopBoopBeep]

@_Maya_ Any dude that starts off "Girl, I'm so sorry you're going through this" is sus in my book. Double red sharpie through that shite.

[spartan55]

That dude makes me want to stick a fork in my eye.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@spartan55 Haha yeah that was rough to read... but i guess when you're typing 1000 wpm it really has to come from the heart

[spartan55]

@BoopBoopBeep
No kidding, what a hack.

[Jennz6]

You didn’t do anything wrong