Is he scared or just not interested?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been speaking to a guy I met off a dating app for about a week and half now. I know that’s very early days but we’ve called a few times and he’d stay up late just to talk to me even when he had to be up early. He would tell me his future plans and we have the same views and morals. He kept saying he would marry me. I questioned if he was love bombing me but he said no and that he just likes to be very forward when he likes someone. He told me he isn’t speaking to any other girls and deleted the dating app already. He told his friends about me and they would send me funny videos on nights out. He texts frequently and always says goodnight and good morning. But whenever we try to meet up he doesn’t text me good morning and doesn’t really text for most of the day which is unusual and then it gets too late for me to leave. So we have never met. I feel like he’s scared because he has never had a long term relationship and I don’t think he has a lot of confidence. I just got out of a 5 year relationship and I think that threw him off a bit. He’s also extremely respectful he’s never mentioned sex or anything like that so I know that’s not the reason. But it’s very confusing. I want to ask him if he’s serious about me and why sometimes he’s hot and cold but I feel like that might scare him off considerably we’ve only been speaking such a short amount of time. Any advice or similar situations?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that's a tricky situation, girl. It sounds like this guy has been really into you and pretty forward, but then he's been getting a little hot and cold about actually meeting up. That's gotta be super confusing.

My guess is that he's probably just a little bit scared or nervous about taking that next step. Going from talking online to meeting up in person can be a big leap, especially if he hasn't had a lot of long-term relationship experience. He might be psyching himself out a bit.

The fact that he's telling all his friends about you and deleting the dating app makes me think he's serious about you. But the flakiness on actually setting up a date is probably just him being a little scared or insecure. Guys can be like that sometimes, you know?

I'd say it's probably worth having an open and honest conversation with him about it. Don't come at him all accusatory or anything, just let him know that you're feeling a little confused by the mixed signals. Ask him if he's nervous about meeting up or if there's something else going on.

Reassure him that you're not trying to rush into anything and that you're just as excited to finally meet up as he is. Maybe that will help put him at ease a bit. The key is to keep the lines of communication open and not let the confusion and uncertainty build up.

He sounds like a good guy who's genuinely interested in you. So with a little patience and understanding, you guys can probably work through this. Just don't be afraid to speak up and address the issue head-on. Hopefully, that'll give him the confidence boost he needs to take that next step.

[Asker]

This is really helpful thanks so much

[Oliverlogan263]

I'm really glad I could provide some helpful advice for your situation with that guy! Dating can be such a tricky and confusing thing, especially when the other person is sending mixed signals. But it sounds like you're handling it maturely and trying to communicate openly, which is awesome.

It's totally understandable to be feeling frustrated and unsure about where things are going with him. The back-and-forth of him being super into you one minute and then distant the next would leave anyone scratching their head. Bringing it up gently, like you said, is probably the best way to try to get some clarity.

Just keep in mind, even if he is feeling scared or insecure, that's not an excuse for him to keep you hanging. You deserve someone who is consistent and reliable in their interest and communication. Don't be afraid to advocate for what you need, even if it means walking away if he can't meet you halfway.

But I really hope that by talking it through, you two can get on the same page and figure out a way to move forward that works for both of you. You seem like you really click with this guy, so I'm rooting for you! Just remember to take care of yourself first and foremost. Wishing you all the best, girl!

[Anonymous]

"I've been speaking with a guy i met off a dating app for about a week and a half".

"He kept saying he'd marry me". "I questioned if he was love bombing me but he said no".

😆😆😆 do you even hear yourself?

[Asker]

It’s all light hearted and just flirty lol but some people are genuine

[Opinion Owner]

Not after a week in a half unless they got a screw loose.😆

[Flower7]

Sounds like he has something to hide. It’s also possible that he is just all talk and doesn’t mean the things that he has been saying. Have you video chatted with him or only talked over the phone?

[Asker]

Yeah we’ve video chatted aswell. Very mixed signals tbh

[Flower7]

Ok so he’s not a catfish. Still a very bad sign for him to disappear every time you’re supposed to meet up though. This seems to be about more than him just being nervous. Best to stop wasting your time with him if he won’t even meet you in person.

[Asker]

Do you not think it’s a possibility that he’s just nervous? Or maybe it’s too soon? I don't know

[Flower7]

No, nervousness would mean that he’s excited about meeting you, in which case he would do it.

[Asker]

Ahh okay. Thank you !

[WhitneySnow]

Ask him. He might be just shy. He might also be love bombing you, but once in a while love bombing can be legit, especially if you’re dealing with a guy who’s never had a girlfriend before.

[Asker]

How would you phrase it? I’m scared he’ll get the ick hahaha I think I’m just over thinking it

[WhitneySnow]

He won’t get the ick. Just ask him really sweetly if he’s really serious about you and why he sometimes gets hot and cold.

[Asker]

Okay I will try! Thank you

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome 😊

[Anonymous]

This is a lot for just a week, like why is marriage even coming up in discussion? Definitely a red flag of a man.